what do i do to keep myself going in the mean-time

File: tumblr_ny75dredXm1tqkfeko1_540.jpg (36KB, 540x400px) Image search: [Google]

36KB, 540x400px

as of my life so far (i'm 18, so not that much life so far lol), i've been doing my best.

i lost 20 pounds over the summer, got a full-time job with plenty of disposable income, and i'm save up for a trip to japan in january with the help of my family.

despite these positive or at least ok things,i can't help but feel like shit most of the time.

i smoke weed occasionally and started getting into smoking again until i had a really bad panic attack a couple weeks ago. i felt like i was going to die, i was being depersonalized, and i felt like i was going to trip forever. it could've just been way too much strong weed or maybe laced, but since then, i've had more problems with anxiety since then. most of the anxiety ive had in my life has just been a result of not getting my shit together in certain aspects of my life, but i've been more anxious than usual and sometimes feel i could have another attack.

i don't have that many friends. luckily, i know how i can make more (going to music shows with what friends i have, going out for drinks, etc.), but in the meantime it's not going so well. other than my discord friends, i have 1 friend that i keep in contact with regularly and spend time with. i have one friend that is too busy and too flaky to spend time with, and i have another friend who i've really had a falling out with, or at least it's beginning to happen.

while i generally like her (and even used to have a crush on her), she's essentially a fair-weather friend. when she's not with her band of cucks at school or her unfaithful boyfriend and they're not around, she comes to me. mind you she's a nice person and i think she likes me as a human being, being a back-up friend is a shitty feeling. i was starting get a sour taste from her after her exceptional behaviour (opening her journal of pornographic self-portraits in front my friends i only see once a year, being mad at my when i wanted to spend time with said friends and not her ) and shit like that.