What keeps you from ending it? What do you have to look forward to?

used to be video games, tv/movies, food and my dog
used to have 100mbit fiber, but was forced to move and now live in an area where there's no internet access so i'm using mobile broadband which really limits how much i can entertain myself

honestly didn't think it could possibly get any worse after 10 years of chronic depression, but now it feels like i'm alone on a different planet

i think i'm still here because i'm more pissed than sad at the fact that suicide seems like the logical decision, and how my family can't afford to care about me for some reason

nothing to look forward to, but my dog is getting old and i don't want her to be alone

>>18710593
the respect I have for my family and the people who have helped me. also, the beliefs that:
- all problems have solutions.. these solutions can be easy or practically impossible, but that doesn't mean you shouldn't try. which means, you shouldn't give a shit about stupid problems
otherwise I'd have killed myself a long time ago

I promised not to kms

>>18710593
Moksha, liberation from suffering and transcendental bliss. Suicide doesn't end suffering nor your existence. Only in the rare human form of life can we understand the truth and attain moksha. By way of suicide, you throw away a very rare opportunity. So in all accounts suicide is the most illogical choice a man can make. Existence is primordial and ever-blissful, so one certainly should not seek to end his existence but instead cease his suffering through processes of yoga, or restraint of the senses and of the mind.

>>18710691
Verily the soul is existence itself, and never would the soul seek to terminate itself, as it is part and parcel of God. Not having been born, the soul can never be destroyed; it is unborn. Suffering is a conditioned phenomena arising from ignorance, and thus can be ended.

>>18710593
>What keeps you from ending it?
>
>What do you have to look forward to?
I like playing my Saxophone

Nothing but everything. I basically go through the same problems every semester in college. It's been 3 years with a midset of quitting and gaining motivation again and losing it. It's probably killing me slowly, but I'm hanging in there.

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>>18710691

>cease suffering through yoga

Nigga you dumb af

I guess your commune must have pretty good wifi

But at least you believe in something

I get to work with my friend on Thursday. Those are always good days. Enough to keep me going another week.

I'm waiting to end it until I pay off all my personal debts and for the people who care about me to pass. I don't want to leave behind my mess for someone else to have to clean up. I just don't like living, its something I'd like to be done with.

>>18710593
My partner

>>18710593
For my father. I was in a near death accident and seeing him cry over my body as I was fading out I promised I wouldn't die before him.

Straight fear

>>18710593
Survival instinct and love for my family.

Death.

>>18710593
My religion.

Honestly, probably my mother.

It'll absolutely crush her harder than anything in the world.

In the meantime, I've just got my career that's just starting to look forward to. If nothing else really changes, then I'll probably start getting serious around 30

>>18710593
We all end up there anyway, so why rush it?

Sometimes I like to think the world has a plan for me, and thus why it hasn't taken me away yet.

Just the hope of finding someone who i can actually care about.

>>18711499
why not? I'll do it one of these days

I would rather wait for death and not avoid it than jump right in. Really depends on how long I have to wait though.

>>18712085
this &
>>18713110
this

so many delusional people itt.

my cats. I dont trust anybody else to care for them other than myself.

cant say I have anything to look forward to at this point in life, but their purrs and cuddles help me make it through each day.

I really don't even know anymore. The gun I'd do it with is loaded with just one round so I guess I'm pretty close to doing it. I don't look forward to anything really. I think I'm just scared and that's why I haven't done it yet.

I don't want to let my friends down. Also I'm and only child so my parent's, who have been separated since I was 2, lives would effectively end. My mother has depression as well, so she would probably suicide as well.

At this point its more about my friends though. If I'm dead what do I care how my parents react. I recently came very close to killing myself and started to write notes to my friends. I started with my best friend who was suicidal a couple years back but got better. I couldn't even get past the first sentence without crying. That's whats keeping me from killing myself. Even though, like I said before, ill be dead so what do I care. Just thinking of how my friends would react and how it would effect them just breaks me up and pulls me back.

>>18710593
Nothing. Literally. I am chronically ill and the only reason I have not saved myself yet is that I do not have a car to transport a shotgun with. I am working, going to school and paying rent as I slowly lose all functionality. Every day is a struggle in the smallest ways, and every doctor's office says they are full.

I don't care if I spend eternity in Hell. At least there'll be nothing to worry about.

Although this is an anonymous confession, I;m still struggling to type in what is making me hold back. I don't have friends, only one. Honestly I'm a good-for-nothing and I'm not saying this because of my low self-esteem. I'm still young, 16 years old , and ive been feeling like this for two-three years. I guess a reason that is making me hold back is because I want to see if i succeed later on in life and perhaps form a happy life. I found my passion and that is whats giving me life a bit,as cringy as it sounds. My hope of having a place in society with my hope is slowly burning out, but I'm trying , really i am.

>>18710593
I honestly am a miserable failure of a human being. Outside of extreme circumstances I feel very little, yet when helping people and such I feel a small spark of something, a ball of energy that shoots out from my stomach and makes me feel warmth the rest of the day. The desire for death and actually imagining it sometimes feels similar but not at that same intensity.

I've rescued animals on the verge of death, nursed them back and found homes. I've helped people in bad situations, hopefully making their lives better, and even talked a few troubled friends out of committing suicide during intense encounters. One even had a blade right to their throat as they told me.

I guess once that spark the thought of death brings is greater than the other I'll do it.

>>18710593
I don't. All I had to look forward to was her and now she's gone.

>>18710593
People say life is full of surprises and I intend my last surprise to be death.

I don't judge people who kill themselves because their reality will never be mine and I haven't been through traumatic experiences so I wouldn't know

But what I do now is that life is worth living, not because of what we receive but because of what we can give

>>18710593
I don't really know. I'm stubborn I guess.
My life is directionless, I've been depressed for 10 years now, and I've never felt more lonely and afraid.
But I'm very stubborn. I don't want suicide on every level, so I don't do it.

in it for my parents and 15 year old brother

>>18713446
The world is so, so different after you leave school. You have no idea. Just hang on until then and you'll have so many more options and ways to explore life.

>>18710593

" ending it" for me would involve a high profile event that would result in far more deaths than my own. I look forward to a making a day in my life where my reputation is observed in a similar magnitude, but in a positive light.

>>18713244
In what way?

I live day to day convincing myself that I can always do it tomorrow, and I'm running out of excuses.

>>18710593
Razors pain you;
Rivers are damp;
Acids stain you;
And drugs cause cramp.
Guns aren't lawful;
Nooses give;
Gas smells awful;
You might as well live.
- Dorothy Parker

Maybe someday I'll manage to find a gf. I think.

>>18710593
puss. learning. food. games. friends. animals.

I promised someone I care about I wouldn't, and I have always kept my word to them. However if I had access to a gun it would be the first and last promise I break to them, honestly I am probably going to try in the next few weeks because some bad shit is going down then I would prefer to not talk about. Odds are though I will fuck it up or puss out and hide it occurred.

>>18710593
Every time I think of it, I think of the crying faces of my parents, my siblings, my friends. I think of how they would blame themselves for the rest of their lives and the guilt they would carry. My parents are already aging and growing frailer by the day. The grief would probably outright kill my mom and my dad would follow soon after if he didn't kill himself too.

I was driving down a road in Texas the other day. The temperature was perfect, high 70s F and the sun was setting. I had all the windows down and the sunroof open. I was listening to some smooth jazz and for that moment life felt right. I felt free. I don't want to cut off my ability to experience these things. Life is depressingly short as it is. Though it can be agonizing at times, those "good" moments make it all worth it.

This is a weird reason but food. I have no reason to believe in the afterlife but I like cooking and it's pretty much the only thing I'm good at besides lifting weights.

>>18710593
I want to write a novel and show my father I'm not the shit he thinks I am. Then die.

>>18710593

Vodka and tobacco keep me going. Caffeine too. I know if I die I won't get to enjoy those things.

>What keeps you from ending it?

Nothing


>What do you have to look forward to?

Not a whole lot at the moment. That can tend to be a way to have more failure in your life if it's not too eventful. If you're concerned with death, you might want to serve the negative aspects of your life at a steady pace. You'll later find your values in life and as those intense feelings leaving can serve as a vacation. After that, life has new depth of loving to it and you slowly become more aware that you can continue with being content living to your own way. It's a matter of how you change things over the course of time.

>>18710593
>What keeps you from ending it?
I found someone that actually understands me and I understand back. They tell me I mean something to them and that enough for me to stay around.
>What do you have to look forward to?
Video games, I might move to be closer to this person. Fuck knows.

>>18710593
-Still believe that life CAN be very enjoyable, that I will find some way to make it enjoyable, that life's purpose is happiness and not sufferring (just my personal opinion)
-We're born in a very interesting period of humanity, a massive shift of conscience is happening arround the world and very big changes are ahead, people just don't buy the government/elites' lies anymore ("work hard and it will pay", "don't worry about environment", "life is competition")
I know some people have horrible lives so it's kinda cynical, but hopefully it will change, or so I hope. If it doesn't Nature will wipe us out anyway
-Don't want to give credit to the motherfuckers who make live miserable for everyone else (billionaires, dictators, religious retards...).
-Don't know what's after death, might be worse.

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>>18710593
I don't want to make my parents sad, also I like plants and videogames so I guess that's enough for the moment

>>18710593
Alot of things. I have no desire to die yet.

>>18711211
>I'm waiting to end it until I pay off all my personal debts

I hope you realize that your debts die with you.

I don't really have anything to look forward, but if I offed myself now, it would emotionally devastate my younger sister, who's just finishing High School.

And I can't do something like that. It'd probably make me hesitate and I'd end up paralyzed instead of dead.

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>>18710593
I honestly don't know anymore. I haven't looked forward to things in years. I no longer get any enjoyment from my hobbies. I suffer from dysthymia and chronic pain.

I guess my family and cats keep me going, but I just wake up each morning to go through the motions until I can embrace oblivion in sleep again. Sleep is the only time I am at peace. Most days I honestly feel like a shell without a ghost.

>>18710593
LSD, MDMA, coke, psilocybin, ketamine and clubbing.
Take LSD/psilocybin, half an E, a good dose of K to actually start losing sense of self and then coke to keep me up and going. Drink enough water to not keel over, then party all night long and enjoy time at some strangers house.

At least twice a week, sometimes more mellow than others. If it weren't for these experiences I would ended self by now. In fact nearly ending myself is what made me decide to go "fuck it" and self destruct in an infinitely more fun way.

>>18710593
>What do you have to look forward to?
saving pictures and watching videos of kpop idols

>>18715933
If you are going to end self you might as well go full fear and loathing in Las Vegas beforehand.

Muh cat

I bet there is someone who wants me to kill myself - so I stay alive to give that person a heartly "Fuck you!". Yes, I am a petty motherfucker, thanks for asking.

I must admit I'm a piece of shit. It's so hard to make friends for me cuz I'm quiet and have hobbies people find weird. At the same time I'm depressed because of it. I have had friends and knowing how happy I felt at that time makes me not want to die