GIOYC - Get It Off Your Chest

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I happened to see your posts awhile back here and on /lgbt/ about thinking I was sexually frustrated and wondering what to do. I didn't say anything because I figured you'd either bring it up to me or stop worrying about it, but instead you've just slowly become more distant and completely stopped having sexual conversations. I have no idea how to approach you on this or really if it was even you. I enjoyed those conversations a lot, you shouldn't have overthought things so much if it was. Maybe I'm just crazy though. I'm definitely crazy about you, trying to see you in every post and constantly having you on my mind, yet barely being able to think of anything to say when we chat. Sometimes I almost wish you'd break up with me just so I could stop constantly freaking out about how you probably dislike me for some reason or that I'm not good enough or things won't work out. But I want things to work out, and I want to feel like I can ask you things directly

The only thing I want from you now is closure. Not through a website like 4chan, not through texts but in person. I want to see your stupid ass face one last time as you finally liberate me from my, what'd you call them, hallucinations? I want to be done with you so bad. Don't you want the same?

>>18708461
Of course I want closure... And I tried days ago.

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You broke up with me, okay, why'd you block me after 4 days then?
I asked what i should do with your stuff, you told me you'd get back at me for it and now you've blocked me??
I don't want to cut you out entirely out of my life, the last 2 years have been special for me and i can not or rather don't want to think that you can get over this so fast.

Why did you tell me you had time to think during your vacation with your friends, told me that everything was alright and you were busy?
I can't take your "realized i have no feelings for you anymore don't want the relationship, i think we don't match that good etc." bullshit serious, this came way too suddenly. What the flying FUCK was the real reason?

I hope you unblock me to get your books back, i want to know the real truth.
Ffs i wanted to tell you that i love, i couldn't muster up the strength but you were all cute and supporting to me and then you break up!?

Fucking hell

>>18707947 Thanks for responding, Yea ive had zero success with tinder, but me being unattractive also effects that.

I'm 28 years old, unnactractive, scarred, overweight virgin that lives alone. And there is not a single day without me thinking about ending myself.

>>18708594
Was thinking of giving it a go, given the luck i had on 4chan, but tinder still sounds to me like there's no way a girl down for an actual relationship uses it

>>18708341
I'm scared. I'm afraid all the work I've done to get myself in a better place will all be for nothing. Scared of falling back into the grey mass in the back of my mind. I build up these ideas of how things should be, and reality always breaks them apart. When it does, it hits hard, and I can feel it coming back.
I don't want to be that person again.

Everyone always say "Do your best", but what if my best isn't enough? Everyone always say "Just do it" but do what? Everyone always say "Just follow your dream", but how the hell can I pursue my dream when I lack the means, the time and the talent to do it?
Enough, please. I've had enough. All I wanted was a job so I can have enough money to rent a small apartment to sleep in and feed myself 3 times a day and maybe some extra saved up to be able to buy vidya every now and then.

>>18708633
A simple life is ok but be careful not to end up in a shit job that will ruin you for the next 20 years. It might get boring and painful.
You have to choose when to suffer, usually the sooner the better.

>>18708608
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BbWBRnDK_AE

I seriously think there's something wrong with me
>barely passed high school
>fucked up first job I had
>fucked up college 3 seperate times
>fucked up another job
all because I refuse to do anything but play video games or lurk 4chan or something on my computer instead of take care of shit

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>>18708702
lol you sound like me except that I never got a job because I fuck up at job interviews (I guess). And I'm doing okay in college because I switched to a college that's super easy (but costs money, my parents pay for it since I'm jobless anyway).
It's okay, I wouldn't change that if it meant I can't frogpost anymore.

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I have begun wallowing in self pity and sadness for a few months now, things go up and down with me and one day I'm happy to be alive and the next I'm worried about 10 different things.

I'm alone, I'm really alone

I have lived for the past year on 4chan, and it is sad that this is my only escape. I stopped hanging out with people and stopped having hobbies

I don't even workout anymore, and I believe that is contributing to my depression in very bad ways

>>18708728
I sort of noticed a relation between going on 4chan and dropping my hobbies as well. It's a bit scary. But I'm extremely thankful for 4chan, especially /adv/, I have received a lot of great advice here that helped me in life.
Imo, what you should do is register at some forum or site or whatever that's dedicated to your hobbies, it might help with your motivation. Especially if it's a creative hobby that you can post online and get feedback from.

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>>18708726
>because I fuck up at job interviews (I guess)
I share your pain, anon. I've been desperately looking for a job for more than half a year already but have found jack shit. What's worst is that I only able to make 3 interviews despite sending out almost a hundred applications.
If I fuck up something in the interviews or in the CVs then at least tell me something, damnit.
My visa is going to be overdue soon so I'm literally out of time and out of options

>>18708737
Oh shit, I wish you luck. Yeah I don't get it. There's probably a lot of luck involved, like it's more about good timing than a good CV maybe. You gotta keep trying.
Some of my friends got jobs really fast but I think it was mostly because they knew someone inside the company.

guys if you feel like 4chan is consuming your life you feel depressed something that helped me is to just start talking NOT about depression or that stuff but simple shit like the shit you did to day. it will help with connecting with people 4chan can be a great place to be 100% open or what ever but humans are social creatures and its harder to empithize with people on the internet with out face to face contact. building relations with people can give you a live long friend to be honest with. yes you might get judged so start with family, a college or even something like a suicide hotline(they can't hang up on you).

>>18708604
Give it a try man, maybe you will have better luck then i have.

Jesus christ, Im only 18 so why do I have such anxiety over the future. I need to sleep

Ok I need to say something because it has fucked me up mentally. So I saw the most beautiful girl ever 2 days ago. I did a delivery and she opened the door for me but she was honest to god the most beautiful girl ever. Exactly my type. I dont know why I write this but it was like the world around me stopped. I have never felt this before. It felt like she was also liking me because she was extremely shy. There was just something about her. Everything about her was perfect eventhough I dont know a single fucking thing about her. It's so weird. I am probably never gonna see her again though. I just wish we could be together. This doesnt make sense i know but had to write something. I'm so fucked up mentally now.

>>18708771
>>18708771
That's normal. You are well aware that you're going to start a new chapter in life on your own, but still anxious to take action. Think about your options but remember to take action or else the anxiety won't go away.

>>18708552
Same thing happened to me recently. All I got was the standard 'we can still be friends' and I never heard anything again. Not understanding why she ended it really did my head in for months because nothing even seemed to be wrong. Night after night just going through the possibilities over and over again hoping she would eventually answer. In the end I just had to accept that I would never know the truth and she was gone from my life. I don't know your situation but I wouldn't hold out on her and just try to move on. The most hurtful thing was that she didn't even care enough to tell me why.

I have no talents, I have no skills. I have focus, or patience. I am clumsy and forgetful, and barely any social skills. I have no future. I feel like I was born to do nothing.

>>18708796
I don't or don't want to believe that the good times were so few for her that she's getting over this so quickly.

I texted her on whatsapp, even though i'mblocked, that i wanted to talk again and that she should tell me when she's going to get her stuff. No response of course, thinking about just texting her the same stuff via sms

You're stealing my heart.
Stop it.

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I wish I could have an opportunity to give you an apology. The only problem is my memory, it's very shy most of the time. I remember, then it slips away, then I remember; and, again it slips away.

I am a man of integrity and nobility I would've never done such a thing.

Why am I so afraid to fall in love? Why is everything happening so quickly?

I feel very awkward when I flirt or do flirty stuff with girls. Some react positively, some don't, but I still always feel like this is something only "chads" can do, and that I'm an awkward creep.

I'm leaving home for a new job chance and I'm freaking out, wish me luck

>>18709105
Good luck!!

>>18709131

Thank you, anon <3

>>18709105
My nigga

I did this a few years ago, success waits for you my man. Work hard and become a successful man at your age. Its a path of life many take, congrats, you've made it

I can't live anymore. Life just sucks. My skin on my back is basically all fucked up, I can't even stay without a shirt in public. I tried NoFap for my brain. Nothing works.

Hopefully I will kill myself in the upcoming months.

MT, your future is bleak. Your gf will break up with you if she hasn't already, your friends will begin to distance themselves or you'll push them away from you because of your narcissism and hate, and you will be alone by the end of the year because of your actions. You have a chance to fix things but there's not much time left. The clock is ticking and you will either head to begin to redeem yourself in 2018 or end up somewhere very, very dark and no one will help you.

These words have already been set into motion. Regards.

>>18708341
Recently got offered a new position at work after being their for a year along with getting a raise, took the offer but I'm slightly regretting it now because I don't know what my new supervisor is like and I have a good picture of what my responsibilities are but I'm afraid I'm going I'm going to screw up big time and get canned, also my last position was boring but it was brain dead simple stuff like filling in stock, I felt like I'm taking a risk, probably should have just stayed a retail assistant, it's comfy

>>18708341
Crying is acceptable.
Failure is acceptable.
Crawling is acceptable.
Puking is acceptable.
Blood is acceptable.
Exhaustion is acceptable.

Quitting is not.

I will not let my anxiety rule me. I will follow my dreams, and should I fail and die in a gutter I will smile knowing I never gave up. I will be happy in spite of my surroundings. I will be happy, because I owe that and much more to my family. I will graduate, I will succeed and I will help others succeed too.

i haven't been able to feel love since i left my ex over a year ago. we dated two years and i left because he kissed someone else and said he was getting bored, among other things

it hurt so fucking bad

i've been trying to date since then, and only ever have fleeting feelings for someone and then they dissipate

some months i'll be okay and other months i'll feel extremely depressed over the situation

i've given up dating, and don't want a relationship until i'm out of college


i don't want to "get back out there"

all i want is him, and it hurts even worse knowing that he's completely moved on now and doesn't really want anything to do with me

when will this stop? when will i stop caring about you?

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Man why are my thoughts all over the place and am I not capable of setting them straight. I should quit weed. Although its hard for me because I'm probably suffering from depression or ADD or both I should NOT use it as an excuse to not quit. Why is it so hard for me to stay determined when it comes to things like practise and learning. Those are things I really want to do, but why do I not like doing them? It begins to seem like I don't have any true interests. Then again everytime I do drugs I become truly fascinated by my interest and I just feel more alive. I can't be doing drugs all the time, because they also make me feel like im not myself anymore. Some ego death kind of shit. Also everytime I smoke Dank I get angry at myself for not doing more with my life. How can I transfer my druggy selve's ambitions to the sober me?!

Just some things that are going through my head. It felt nice to write everything down.
But maybe I shouldn't have typed this all while high. Or maybe it's the opposite.

I don't have a hobby and I don't know how to know that I like doing things. Out of touch.

I've been talking to a guy, who lives very far from me for about a month now. He wanted to keep this between us, however I let something slip and I had to make up a lie about him being a girl. Now my entire family believes me, and I have no fucking clue what to do. I don't want them to 1. Find out about us and 2. Find out he is a guy. What should I do?

>>18709461
Take responsibility for your actions for once, I know that it's hard since you're a woman, but you should try it.

>>18709478
Not a woman

>>18709482
So you're a fudge packer?

>>18709488
Sure for brevity's sake

>>18709360
I feel you anon. Also struggling with a kinda similar dependence on weed to feel anything.

It's also ruining my relationship with my bf; he just wants me to be myself but I don't know who I am without weed. I also tend to speak bluntly when I'm high and when he's high he gets very strung up, violent, and angry. Anything from saying something mean to telling a bad joke will have him arguing with me and being violent.

>>18709488
It's called gay anon, it's the Internet so you can use fag too.
Don't worry Jesus doesn't care about the Internet.

>>18709495
Either way is fine for me

Life is mundane
Everything is subjective

"You have been living a lie."
I mean, yeah, I figured that one out. Did I not graduate highschool, you just gave me the diploma so I could go on? I was so fucking bored in school.

And then there is all the other shit.

"We want to see your temper."
And what if I don't give you that? What if I'm too tired to give a shit anymore?

There was a girl I was trying to get with but she just wanted to stay friends, not even a pity fuck
then I tried to get with her sister a year or 2 later but she also rejected me and wanted to stay friends
I very occasionally visited them or spoke to them when I ran into them but my general plan was to slowly let that friendship die
Now suddenly they want to fucking hang out again
theyre persistent even

I fills me with anger because I know Im not getting anything out of it and it just pains me that they think Ill be okay with that while they have no issue fucking a chad they barely know but no I get the privilege of friendship
Slowly starting to hate all women my age, I know its cliche and beta or whatever but these constant rejections and offers of "friendship" are starting to anger me
I dont want your friendship I have needs

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My life has gone to shit. My self-esteem's shot...my past just keeps on haunting me.

>i.e., have mom who complained about how my best friend's mom never seemed to compliment her
Let me illustrate just how ironic and hypocrticial this is.
>those two have a loving, open relationship--they actually joke around with one another and always say they love one another
>my mom only complimented me twice when she was drunk "you have beauitful eyes you know" and how when she was sober "you better not fuckin gain the weight back, your legs must make guys speechless" or how my one appeal is that I'm a good cook and that my mom's is her nice credit score...what in the heck??
>me in my head: rationalizing that I have only three good traits that are complete BS and would only attract the wrong attention
>feelsbadman.jpg. The only option is forever alone I guess. Can I just be friendship married to my best friend? :/
>my best friend is softer/chubbier and naturally feminine - sometimes called adorable by random people - while I'm taller and stouter, both the same weight. I lowkey envy her
>best friend: claims she envious of my body and hair, but then finally said when I felt bad about my appearance and she snapped "you look as bad as Oprah does in the morning without makeup on--your undereyes are awful. You NEED to wear make-up..." and this was coming from a girl who never wore make-up in her life+was nothing but kind and loving to me since we were 6..this was sheer honesty
>fun fact: the cherry on top of the shit cake how we met again in middle school is that she didn't recognize me and literally thought I was a hot guy and had a crush on me. I had long hair too :/

Now in college I have a huge complex and social anxiety--that I must look terrible and not like I care about my appearance, that the weight loss was for nothing. On some days I avoid going to class because, hey, even though I love what I do, everything pales in comparison to my fear.

I'm a fuck up who burdens the family, annoys friends, and scares off people I walk past. I know suicide is ""bad"" because there's so much to life and all that crap, but at the same time, there are people who have had much more going well in their lives and they still ended it all.

So, I don't see why a half-retard like me can't be allowed to go through with it, after all my family would be upset, but they had enough trouble just putting up with me for the past 21 years.

Being alive makes me sick.

>>18708341
My cleaning lady stole 5 grams of good weed and I'm incredibly pissed.

Since school I've suffered with existential issues and depression but I've gotten worse lately.
The nice little distraction I've built for myself isn't cutting it anymore due to my roommate moving some fucking whore in without so much as a heads up and complete loss of motivation at work.
Due to the changes I've stopped smoking weed entirely, which isn't helping, in an effort to get a more stable, well-paying job and have started talking to women. But still, I can't help but feel it's all pointless

I want to die but I'm afraid to kill myself.

I never expected you to move back here. I wouldn't have gotten married if I had known you were planning to. I keep thinking this will fade but it hasn't. I think you might have feelings for me as well, as much as you can for anyone at least. I think the attraction is still there. Not that any of that matters.

I've been thinking of leaving him. Not to date you, I don't want to fuck up our friendship. Plus you'd hurt me in the end. But this is unfulfilling. And he deserves someone who can give him the world, a good wife. I'm fucked up, better to burn alone than take people down with me. I want to vent about it to you but idk.

It's better for both of us, you're tired of me too

I feel like I will fail in life. I have no skills, i'm not smart or interesting and I somehow manage to fuck up everything. I am most likley extremely autistic and I haven't been diagnosed, I can't function properly on my own. I don't want to kill myself but I just hope that one day I wont wake up.

>>18709712
Girl, no. Fuck them. You probably don't NEED to wear make up. People (esp women) criticize others because they feel like shit. Find people in life who are supportive. Don't waste time on the opinions of these cunts. I know it's hard not to be insecure and to deal with anxiety. You are not alone.

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This one class is pushing me into depression, I swear to god. My work load is way too heavy and I feel like I have to do homework all day everyday to keep up and understand everything because of this class, and I can't understand anything. I'm terrified of failing or getting a shitty grade and ruining my GPA.

I want to withdraw, but it feels like quitting. Everything has came so naturally to me and even in classes where I struggled I managed to get an A-, but this class is too much for me.

>>18709847
Withdraw. No sense in ruining your GPA over your own pride.

>>18709847
what do you study?

i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home i want to go home

or just fucking kill me

please

>>18709873
I'm a math major, and its a intro to probability math elective with calculus.

>>18709864
I most likely will if it doesn't let up. Trying to wait till the first exam and seeing how it goes.

>>18709494
Dump him

Thinking about you all day, everyday, is making my heart hurt.

>>18709712
You should probably try therapy.

what?

You want me to have an orgy with a bunch of underage girls? Like, how underage? 13? 17?

Or is it just going to be "teen" girls, as in "18-19".

One of those I would be totally down for.

The others sound like trouble and you're trying to trap me.

I super have no desire to fuck a bunch of little girls. For fucks sake, I don't have any desire to fuck ANYONE.

I'm super fucking tired.

I want to be a pretty lady.

I want to go home.

I'm tired of just being a substitute, a replacement. Why do i end up being the substitute, the entertainment? What must i be played by girls, children, compared to what i've been through?
Why am i such a failure?

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Weak.

Very weak.

I'd spend all my Time with you if I could. <3

>>18710007
I wish I could help you. You always sound so desperate and sad.

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You put me down constantly.
Comparing me to you, how you did things "right" and I did things "wrong". Despite how you treat me and the hurtful things you've done to me in an attempt to make yourself feel better about yourself, I always helped you akd forgave you because I thought that deep down you were a good person going through a rough patch.

I know now no matter what you'll never give me any of the support I've given you. And even if it makes me petty or childish, I'm glad my life which I did "wrong" is going better than your life that you did "right". I'm glad things are falling apart for you after the way you've treated me.

>>18708603
Get on adult friend finder

>>18710132
What did they do

I'm telling you, if I see Renee, Iris Aly, Vicki, or Tarcile (for some fucking reason) I will walk away without saying a fucking word.

Does Iris still think I want anything to do with her? Is it because I used that cube logo? Well she's retarded. I just liked the way it looked. It wasn't meant to be a sign that I still liked her.

They all fucking think everything I do is for them. Cassie thought I was obsessed with her for YEARS because I had a crush on her for a couple months and made her a picture. She told everyone that ALL of my paintings were about her for years after that when I couldn't stand the bitch.

Jordie made the claim that all my paintings were of her because she modeled for me once. She said "Oh I just keep seeing girls with red hair and they are all of me." and its like no... they aren't. I haven't used any of those photos since I took them.

Hayley thinks every picture of a girl that I paint with a half shaved hairstyle is of her... when I have been doing that shit for a decade before I knew her.

Iris thinks everything I say is about her. Any songs we once listened to together that I post are about her apparently. Even when I fucking discovered those songs/movies/poems wellllll before I met her.

Why the fuck do they all think I'm obsessed with them? Do they just want to be famous? To make claims that they were my long lost lover?

PROTIP: None of you are going to make it into the history books. No one fucking cares who Alexander was fucking. No one fucking cares who Warhol was fucking. The only reason people know who you are now is because you existed near me and that's it.

Now please fuck off. (except Jordie she's still cool).

And I know the child isn't mine so don't even bother.

Avoiding interactions with you is a bit difficult. I wish I could just sort this out and be your buddy.

>>18710167
I just want to fucking go home.

I want to be a pretty lady but it seems as if that is never going to fucking happen. You just told me it was possible in order to fuck with me some more.

I want to be left alone. Just tell me what the fuck is going on, drop me off in some secluded cabin in the middle of fucking no where with all the things I need (which isn't another person to fucking hurt me) and fuck off.

Just fucking end this shit already. Stop arguing over what is best with me and just do what I fucking say.

>>18708702
Man I fucking wish I had a family like yours who, while they pity you, they support and love you anyway.
Check this shit out:
>Passed highschool with honors out of desperation
>fucked up college once and might never attempt it again unless luck's in my favor (which it rarely is)
>did well with my first job, but it's currently my only job and it makes me want to KMS
>can't get another job unless I miraculously plan to live with someone else for a while
>most of my grandma's side of the family fucking hates my guts because of some old beef years ago and they have high standards for people
>they almost left me for dead a few times as they didn't give me meds or anything to treat most of my illnesses
>my actual, genuine family is either dead, drugged, or moved away to somewhere safer
>I am all alone as the only man of the house
>I hold all the burdens and condemnations life can and will give me
>no one is here to love me, not even friends nor even really distant family
>I am basically isolated into my own shadow, dealing with past events while trying to reside in the current ones.

All I want in life is to not only be a man, but a man with love and people in his life to treat him like he's cool. I never get these things, so hey, fuck myself for wanting nice things.

LOL
You're so delusional it's honestly hilarious. The fact that you still have a god complex past high school makes me embarrassed for you. If you don't want to think you're incapable of doing anything wrong, go for it. It's cute in a sad adolescent kinda way which is pretty pathetic considering you're almost like 25 now. Why don't you get a real job with your great life? Or you can keep making pizzas for me bitch hahaha

>>18709914
In the process of dumping him actually - maybe ghosting him instead because I don't want to hurt him.

There are a bunch of things wrong with him beyond the aggression and control factor.

>>18709929
Oof, same here.

I heard that song you always tried to sing to me on my way to work today. It filled me with nostalgia and I had a genuine huge smile on my face. Even though your gone from my life, off doing your own thing, I'll be loving you always. Bon chance

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Even though we've been over for a few months now, you treated me like shit for the last part of our relationship and you do stuff to try and upset me and keep me away from you. I can never hate you like you want me to, you're the only person who put up with my shit and tried to patch me up, make me a better person. But i messed up, didn't put enough effort in like i should have and now you want nothing to do with me, not even speak to me. Even though i tried to move on and meet other people and be happy it just isn't the same, when i get rejected or hurt by someone i just go back to the nice cute and sweet things you said and did for me like the nerdy programming flirt you did or the stuff you tried teaching me. You thought i didn't carry on with anything you tried teaching me but that isn't true, i still draw, 3D model and program, I never showed what i drew because i wanted to draw something that when you saw it would blow you away and realize i took in what you taught me. I miss talking to you but you've moved on and want nothing to do with me and i just wish i could make you know how sorry i am. I really did love you and just wish we could talk again sometime.

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>>18709799
Hm, I know that "bitch narrative", but it doesn't exactly fit in this situation. What was said might have not been the truth, but I don't think they were lies. This was genuinely the only time my friend had something bad and would at all costs avoid saying it in another context. It was during a small argument (where she accidentally misconstrued what I said as being mean). So, it could have been reactive hyperbole...but what stings is how specific what she said was. It's like she already had that image in her head.

And as for my mom, yeah, well, she never said anything bad outside of apologizing when I was a teen for giving me "bad genes" because I had acne (which is funny because only my aunts had skin problems), also apologizing for my short legs when I was younger (which made me think I was stunted until here at age 20 I learned that people think I have long, sexy legs), and how I looked like a "wreck" after waking up with bad dark circles, and...yeah. No other pseudo-insults. In general it's the fact that she values the concept of mothers complimenting their daughters and making them feel secure, while she hasn't done the same for me, just gets me down. I sometimes think "I don't mind being plain but the way my mom's acting it certainly makes me feel less than plain."

Please someone tell me why you don't want me. I'm so tired of being just given silence or being ignored. I feel like I'm just fumbling in the dark. I can't ask anyone for help because I'm supposed to be a man and stand up on my own. If you would at least tell me what I did or am doing wrong, I'd have some direction to work off of! Tell me to my face I'm ugly, boring, annoying, whatever! Just FUCKING TELL ME!

>>18710642
iktf

>>18710132
I see through you

>>18709363
Watch anime. That's what retards without hobbies like myself do.

>>18710385
It's a good hurt though

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Part 1:

Last year I made a friend online, when I didn't really have any online or IRL friends at all. She was the first person ever I could talk to openly and about my feelings and things I hadn't ever talked about with any other person before. And I forged a friendship so deep and we have a level of understanding I just haven't ever found in another person nor know if it even is possible with someone else.

She lied saying she was a guy for over half a year since we met, though I was always in doubt due to a bunch of things, but was always too afraid to ask whether she was actually a guy for some reason.

During the beginning of this year she confessed she was actually a girl, and probably the very next day I fell in love. Before this I had never ever felt love or affection or even empathy for another human being, not even my parents (and I still don't). Someone that had been fairly close to me even got cancer last year and I barely felt anything (and she died last month and still felt nothing). Yet this girl just makes me want to meet her IRL and live with her and hug her and shit.

When I'm not talking with her or watching anime together (something we do very often) or doing whatever other activity together I get very lonely and just stop feeling like doing anything else most of the time, and especially if we argued or for some reason like that cut off abruptly, I get so fucking, I don't know, sad? depressed?. I keep thinking about her and fantasizing about love confessions and shit all the fucking time.

>>18710672
Part 2:

I can't even tell her I love her because it wouldn't just be rejection, I'm 99% sure she would just cut me off completely on the spot, considering stories she's told me of people that have confessed to her and just how she is in generally. She would probably think I just suddenly became insane (well I mean haven't I), especially considering that she knows I haven't ever loved or felt anything at all for anybody, so in her eyes this would be a complete 180º of who I am I imagine.

A few days ago I realized all this might be the cause of something that's been happening to me during this entire year. Last year I started learning Japanese (actually part of the reason of how I met her) and I was going into it pretty hard and learned a lot. But during this year I've barely studied anything at all (by study I mean read games/VNs in Japanese), and I realized it's probably because I spend all my time either being with her or wishing to be with her while doing nothing productive (or studying for school which isn't much).

Is this depression or something? Should I go to a therapist? I was considering doing it but I would have to tell my dad because he would pay (also randomly going out for like 3 hours, he would ask) but I'm afraid. He probably wouldn't ask anything and accept it while I'm being paranoid.

Another thing is that, I've been somewhat considering trying to actually get a girlfriend using Tinder after lurking here for a few days and everyone recommending that. But if I got a girlfriend I don't think I could get to love her as much as I love my friend, or even love her at all, and I would sort of be cheating on her by using her as a replacement for the person I actually love, and I would never be able to tell her "hey there's this girl I know online that I think about every day and I just wanted to be with you to calm down those feelings temporarily". idk i think that's it.

>>18710680
Part 3 and final:

If I just could confess to her everything would be so much better and easier: I feel if we were close IRL even if I didn't confess everything would be just better overall by being able to be close to her physically, seeing her smile, laugh, being able to touch her, hug her, you know? Maybe I would be able to confess since it would be different from being through the internet, being able to measure the other's emotions and stuff. Then again even if I could meet her I'm not sure if she would even agree because of her crippling social anxiety. Also told me she doesn't really wish for or need any friends, that she could be just fine by herself.

God I hope she never finds this post or im done for.

M,

A

Finally got rid of shitty friends that are toxic drug addicts and image-obsessed to the point of disgust and I've never been better. Feels fucking great to not have deadbeats holding you back anymore. Enjoy the shitstorm headed your way

You want to know what's pissing me off right now. Telling lolicons they're pedophiles because they're masturbating to the images of children, but no one takes my side. I know, it sounds childish, but how is lolicon not child pornography? How can they say they're not pedophiles when they're literally jacking off to a child being fucked. Are my arguments invalid because I believe lolicons would actually rape a child fi they could, and it's proven multiple times that pedophiles that have been caught have both real child porn and lolishit. Maybe I shouldn't of used the example of violent people playing violent video games so they could live out their fantasies, similar to the lolicons. Thinking about it, I'm less pissed and more depressed with myself. Not only could I not argue correctly, but I get called /pol/ and then have someone say I have a feminist view because somehow I was arguing that "large breasted women make men in misogynists". Are lolicons that popular on this site? Is my generation fucking filled with pedophiles? Fucking hell, maybe it would of been better if I actually did shoot up that school when I was a edgy teen. Shouldn't of been a fucking pussy, since now child fuckers are becoming popular and one day they'll get rights. Fuck this shit, I'm done if this world. It can burn all I fucking care, go rape children because freedoms are better then the fucking law. I'm only going to care for myself now, none of this trying to make the world a better place. I'm fucking done.

i've had eye problems all my life. they make it very hard for me to function day-to-day. i might go blind at some point.

I can't seem to lose my virginity and every person makes it out to be like it's my fault.
I accept some responsibility sure, but can it never just be circumstancial?
Why is it all my fault women don't jump all over me, because I don't pretend to be someone I'm not?

>>18710789
i dont think lolicons actually exist out in the real world. and besides lolis dont really look like real children (well as far as i know they are generally teenagers or weird little women, dont consume it though so idk).

Thinking of you, I know what I want, I want you, why do things have to be so complicated?? Time is short and constantly changing, I should have said something years ago, you don't leave my thoughts. I don't want to hurt you, I love you....

>>18710945
also to further add, i mean that the world isnt literally full of pedophiles or whatever delusion youre having, its just weird autists on this site, and the regular pedophiles that exist and have always existed; just because there might be more people now on the internet saying "lol i fap to lolis" doesnt mean there has been an exponential growth in pedophile numbers, nor that it is somehow more acceptable in normal society.

>>18710963
Why is it complicated?

I fell in love with a girl who doesn't even care for my existence. I have a girlfriend. Fuck me.

Im not a KHV, I just never been in a relationship. However, after exposing my feelings to the last girl liked, I realized the harsh truth that she and her friend are sleeping with one of mutual friends because he has money. Lot's if money. So much money he had enough to move out of his lease when he had ALL his shit stolen from his room, and buy his own
Mobile home, and a new car. He blames the blacks.That's when it hit me all at once today..

I never been rich or well educated. These are the people that statistical get the most sex. It makes sense that I'm a nigger too. I should be a KHV, but because some leftist feminist needed to add a variety of color to the men she whored herself out to, I got lucky. Met a few girls after that too. A tranny, a fat chick, a pansexual. I never even came either. I was the "safe black guy", and a nice guy with an African American decent. I guess that makes a inferior person in a inferior race.

Having emotions towards women was my number one weakness. When I was 8, ran away scared from the"girl next door" because I was terrfied of her kissing. She had found out she liked me and tries to make a move. I ran with the utmosr fear. Ever since Ive always had timid nature, to the point of whiting out when girls would look at my boner. It truly makes me a beta at heart. I never desvred a girlfriend because I was just a weak inferior creature, just learning how to drive at 24 years of age, bearly making enough money to feed myself and pay rent. My friends used to make fun of me for being a bike, saying"I stole it" and the only girls I would ever get are 14 year old Highschoolers. Ive had to bikes stolen from me and never fucked a girl underage.

Life is a bitch, anons. Get some fucking money so you can dress her

Please, say something. It's been almost a week since your last text and I can't go like that anymore. You're always saying how you're sorry and how you don't want me to worry, but every time, every fucking time, you just do the same thing. You forget about me. You promised you won't ever abandon me, you told me you want to be there for me when I need you, you told me you've never met anyone like me and there are so many other things you said. I trusted you and I ruined it all. I'm sorry I fell for you. Or should it be 'I'm sorry I told you I fell for you'? I just want to hold your hand and watch movies together and be with you again sometime in this lifetime.

>>18710973
I can't say what I want to say to you, I'm already in a relationship, we both have baggage, Why do I run from you? I'm scared, I guess.

>>18711035
Why can't you just be honest about that? So they at least know how you feel.

Do you remember when I was going to make you tacos for your birthday? I bought the ingredients and when it was time to come over you wouldn't pick up the phone. It crushed me. I really liked you. It made me feel so unwanted. Why did you go along with it if you didn't want me to do it only to cut me off like that?

>>18711090
Here here to being overly awkward, I hope anon you can read social cues better than I can, I fail miserably.

I saw your comment before you deleted it. Nobody is playing a joke on you. :/

Really want to make friends, but I keep failing. I make pathetic small talk and beat myself up afterwards for being such a bore. Yes, I keep trying to make the conversation revolve around them, but it fails because they just ask me the same question back. I try to make intriguing comments to keep the fire burning and that sizzles out as well. Trying to reach out to old friends has been failing too. I'm sick of only having myself. I miss having fun and going out with friends, but it seems like my only option is to go alone now. I'm only getting older.

>>18711035
Initial

>>18711120
Does it matter, let's say I'll match 3 names with your 3 names.

>>18711134
Hold up, I want to know too. Just give me your surname initial.

>>18710789
You have a sound argument, it just has "abc logic" and isnt rooted in any hard evidence. I wouldn't give up if I were you.

You sound like a sound intellectual that actually thinks things out. If we ever meet, I would buy you a drink.

I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to get over her but I think she finally got tired my shit. I want to be with her now more than ever once I realized I might actually lose her this time for good because she doesn't feel like she can trust me anymore. I want to let her know she can but my actions don't align with what I'm feeling. I'm going crazy over here. I'm losing sleep because I can't stop thinking of her. I'm seeing her in almost every post I read on this site. I really hurt her this time and now I think she's done with me. Just what the FUCK is wrong with me? Why am I such a fucking pussy to actually be with someone for once? Why am I scared of being hurt or hurting someone still? Why can't I just be happy that someone wanted to be with me. I don't want to live like this anymore. I hate pushing people away and doing this too people.
And why am I still having these stupid thoughts where I still think they're playing this one big joke on me still? Why? Did she even saw me in that way in the first place? I mean she has a bf but... I'm too autistic to even know at this point.
I know I hurt her and it's killing me inside that I did that to someone I genuinely care about. Fuck! My feelings are still the same but it's killing me inside not knowing how she feels about me now.
I wish I had some drugs right now to numb me from this pain.

>>18711138
They would know, I can't seem to utter their name, and they can't seem to utter mine, it just becomes some weird awkward dance and I have no rhythm so I keep failing miserably,

>>18711147
Okay, calm down.

If you're on here a lot you absolutely will see posts in the voices of who you're thinking about. They may be or may not be that person. For instance, I am reading your post as if you are my person. But I've learned to accept that is probably not the case...

Here is some advice.
Initiate some kind of contact. Anything, within the next 24 hours.

If she 'saw you that way' it's a good thing - don't be scared. If you did something in the past to hurt her, apologize. She clearly cared about you based on how you write - so she'll probably really appreciate it.

Even if she has a boyfriend or if you are attached clearing the air will feel really good. Besides, relationships come and go.

Don't run this time, take action. Meet for coffee or something that isn't sexual. Maybe you'll just be good friends for awhile. Maybe more. Figure it out.

>>18711157
RP?

>>18711170
Sorry to disappoint anon, we are all in a sinking boat I'd presume.

>>18711147
If your around come find me, We like company.

>>18711174
These threads used to be FULL of initials. It was weirder because you'd see your initials and be like 'wait, maybe that REALLY IS FOR ME'. and even then - it wasn't.

>>18711166
And if they don't respond then what? Should I cut my losses?

>>18711181
initial?

>>18711197
L

>>18711197
Yeah cut your losses. But at least try.

Like I said.. just coffee. If you can't handle the possibility of embarrassment then don't pour your heart out just yet.

He's cheating on you with prostitutes.
I don't know how to tell you. I don't even think you'd believe me if I told you, you seem to want to keep him no matter what so it probably doesn't matter to you at all.

I still feel bad that you are blissfully unaware, and I don't want to get in the middle of the two of your's mess.

>>18711209
OMG PLEASE TELL THEM. This is my fear.

>>18710320
Ghosting is much worse than a proper breakup you dumb bitch

I'm actually getting ready to kill myself. It might take a few months/years to get everything where I want it to be, but thinking of the shotgun going off.
Just sucks that the last thing to be in my mouth won't be a dick.

>>18711226
Please don't use a gun. Anti-gun nut-jobs include suicide in the gun violence statistics they cite in their propaganda.

gib cuddles nao!!!

>>18711243
But if I cuddle you, my body feels funny.

>>18711237
Yeah, let me just use another method that has a lower success rate because I'm afraid of upsetting people.
Fuck off.

>>18711215
It's just a weird situation. I don't know the girl personally, but the guy is my coworker. I don't really know if there's away I could tell her anonymously especially since it's not like I can really provide hard evidence. I saw it, he was bragging to us and showing us pics, but I don't have copies or anything.

Their whole relationship is a nightmare.

>>18711252
Oh my god, just tell her. What a shitbag. Why is he doing that?

>>18711209
How do you know for sure he is?

>>18711257
She cheated on him a while ago, I'm not sure how many times or how long ago but not recent. It was at least a year or two ago. He resents her and for some reason won't just leave. I guess they've gotten close to breaking up but then they stay together.

How do I go about asking my friend/co-workers to set me up with someone? I have spent so much time and energy pretending I'm not so lonely that I want to kill myself that I just don't know how to word it. Also all my friends and co-workers are either shut ins like me or 20+ years older than me and I am also in love with one of them (a shut in not an older lady (but she has a boyfriend already so fuck my life)).

>>18711270
You know 100% she cheated on him? Or he just makes an assumption?

>>18708603
Instead of ending it you can also improve yourself by wearing nice clothes, changing your haircut, going to the gym, eating less and visiting a hooker.

Seriously man, you can still improve shit

>>18711276
Just ask them. Most people like setting up couples.

>>18711277
From the way he talks it was an 100% thing, but desu we aren't close friends just coworkers and what I know is him just getting pissy and work and airing dirty laundry so I couldn't say for certain if it's true-true or not. I do know what ever it was it took place before I got the job so it had to be over a year ago.

>>18708726
What major?

>>18711298
What's the guys first name?

>>18708921
*tips fedora*

>>18711301
Michael, why?

>>18711249
Holy shit I hope you survive your shotgun to the face. You deserve it you fucking cunt.

It's annoying that because I'm white, half of the things I do and am will 100% be attributed to my race in some way, down to how I'm treated by others. Being aware of it makes my existing social anxiety and avoidant behaviors even worse. I started noticing it from a young age, too. People would act a certain way toward me, and then be much nicer to colored kids even though I never caused any trouble, kept to myself and wasn't loud or rude. I didn't know how to put it into words, but I could tell. It's even more annoying that people don't even seem to recognize themselves doing it. Or, maybe they secretly do, and just make excuses in their mind for it. I don't know.

>>18711324
>I want my boomstick anon, pls don't use your boomstick to commit suicide :(
>I'll kill myself however I want
>FUCK YOU I HOPE YOU SURVIVE CUNT

>>18711324
Kek, I hope this isn't samefagging for attention

>>18711345
Move to Russia

>>18711345
I feel this way sometimes as well. Except when it's extreme in the other direction and people are being god awful to colored people. I hate that too. People should judge others by their actions and not by their skin tone - positively or negatively.

>>18709929
You want to know what makes my heart hurt? Cholesterol.

I wish I could just slit my wrists

Would lick up some of the blood and just revel in it before drifting off forever

but i have things to live for

I'm tired but I have things to live for. So I can't do it. Just have to keep making it through these days hoping for those ones where this all seems worth it and not totally pointless and joyless.

I've been in love with a girl for 6 years and no one will ever know

Yeah ok, I am an asshole ,I can't win can't I can never win I know I'm not perfect but what else do you guys want me to do, I know I may seem weak willed and shitty but believe me man I'm trying to do my best here, you guys are all I have ever had and I can't even begin to think how devastating it would be to lose you guys, you guys are my friends and I would do anything for you guys, I'm sorry I haven't been the best lately, I'm sorry I can't do everything or anything on my my own, I'm sorry I'm a waste of space, an asshole, selfish, a liar, incapable of having empathy, a leech , and everything else that is a quality of a terrible person, I was never a good person to begin with, I was always a scumbag who was out for himself, I don't deserve awesome friends like you guys if I don't ever anything to keep them, all I do is complain and bitch about everything while I think I'm actually improving where as in all actuality , I am not, I am just getting worse and worse as time goes by. You guys are such great guys that I can't even see how toxic and idiotic I am, it's stupid that you guys even have me as a friend in the first place, I'm so terrible I'm tearing apart our entire group solely by being there, I have always brought problems to you guys and now all I'm doing is making it worse by being there. You guys are just too amazing to be torn apart in any way and form. im sorry for everything, I really am you guys are the best friends anyone could have ever asked for. Thank you guys for everything and I'm sorry for ruining everything , especially for you my brother, especially you.

>>18711276
Wouldn't"
My
Wouldn't it be comical if the other person had the same feelings and after effects, couldn't sleep well or function properly because of their being haunted by your ghost. Don't beat yourself up, I bet your person doesn't like to see your face curled up in anguish. It prolly pains them to see you hurt.

>>18710506
How does your mom behave now?

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sorry for blocking you but it's the only way i can forget everything that was between me and you

>>18711451
Please call them.

>>18709360
I've been dealing with the same kind of dependance. I think the easiest way I've found is to restrict it little by little. And to keep trying no matter how much you fall back. I started by restricting it to only evenings. If I can make it through the day without smoking, I can reward myself with as much weed as I want. The amount I would be wasting during the day anyway. Then after a while I make it to every other evening. If I can make it one whole day without weed. I can get as high as I want the next evening.Then I decided to go cold turkey and only smoke if I'm out with friends. I think the easiest way to quit it, is to not really "quit it". I'm a stoner at heart. I'm probably never gonna quit it but I'll let fate decide the next time I can smoke. Sure I've fallen back to old habits time and time again but don't sweat it. Keep going and you'll have longer and longer streaks until you're completely confidant you don't need it.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJNJ35LSLsk

Had a dream last night that you kissed me. You sat next to me, turned towards me to kiss my cheek and missed. I turned towards you and you kissed my lips. I said, "Awfully pushy, aren't you?" and you replied, "I am with the boys I like".
It was kind of nice.

Then it turns out I was actually Sam from Supernatural and you were a demon of some sort and you were just trying to get close to me to kill me so that Dean and I wouldn't kill any more of your demon brethren and somehow we got into a tron-style motorcycle race with Mario Kart items.
That was weird.

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>>18711581
Kek'd

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I hate calling out. The reason why is even worse. I have some nasty jock itch, and I need to take care of it. So I used a sick day to take care of it.
I hate calling out for stupid reason but I guess I should watch my health.
I really hate summer.

I USED MINI SENTRYS ON HIGHTOWER IM SORRY ;-;

I'll get a blonde gf today.

You will always be dead to me

G,
I'm trying. I'm really trying to do everything I can to help. But every day there's a little less of you in there. You don't always recognize me anymore. I take your curses and abuse because I know you don't remember me; think I'm a stranger in your house. It's not your fault. It's just careless fate. I'm overjoyed when you seem to snap back to your old self even if it's just for a minute. For just a moment I forget that we aren't headed for the hell yet to come. When that last bit of you disappears and stays gone what will I do? Please hold on for every second you can get.
-A.

i'm a gullible fucktard and everybody thinks im dumb and sad. Don't want to go over other people to get what i want and then other people fuck me over all the time and i dont even know how to defend myself bcause im so afraid of karma

Gf is pretty regularly rude to me, to the point of emotional abuse. Feels bad man.

>>18711783
Why are you even with her

>>18711786
I loved her dearly, but the constant bitterness wore me down. But she pretty much threatens to an hero if I leave.

>>18711787
Emotional blackmail and abuse, she won't actually do it, this is literally about making you her bitch.
Leave her, the sooner the better because it will happen anyway

Ghostboy got a crush on some pretty looking demon

Didn't feel like going through this again but a nigga can dream

>>18711517
Thanks for your insight anon. Any tips on how to fill the void afterwards? That's mainly the thing that prevents me from quitting. I don't want to be bored with everything I do in life.

I've been dating a girl for two years. I started to fall out of love and now I'm about to end things. The emotional pain I am putting them through is making me feel worse than if I got dumped.

I don't know what I'm doing in life. I feel so out of place. I just want to be alone and then I feel terrible for wanting to be alone. So I start some relationships and that are doomed to fail. I don't want to do this to people.

My relationships never last longer than a year and it is my fault. Seems more and more possible that I am some kind of toxic narcissist who only bangs girls so he can look into the mirror without shame

god damn it. I feel so fucking alone here. my partner of 4 years just left for that same backwards ass country town my best friend and her partner left for almost two years ago. so now I'm alone.
I have two friends here but I have no sense of belonging.
shit fucking sucks. and now he wants me to go there as well. I'm considering it. just running away from everything and starting fresh. throwing away all of my life here just to feel like I matter.

or perhaps in a few months, I'll stop being sad about him leaving. perhaps that's what I ought to mourn instead, not for his absence, but for the day that I do not miss his presence.

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I have a crush on my girlfriends sister :(

this weekend was my best friend's wedding.

i was the best man. i've never felt so very alone, even though i was surrounded by friends and loved ones. i just wish i could find someone to fucking hold me. i'm not prowling for sex or hookups or anything,

i'm 25 and i've only had a singular relationship. it lasted around four years and was good for most of it and then she left me. the only reason i bring it up is that in my entire time asking out girls, i've gotten 0 positive replies. the only girl i was ever in a relationship with ASKED me to go out with her. surely thats a sign?

either way, there was this bridesmaid named Amanda that i've been crushing on hard for about two months. long story short i got the secondhand version of the "you're a nice guy but...." talk when i tried making my feelings obvious

i'm just horrified that i get more rusty and out of touch with every passing year. as it is right now, i've been single for going on 5 years. in that time i've had a singular date and a singular kiss, but the girl said she wasn't feeling it and never texted me again. at this point i genuinely don't even know how a relationship works. i honestly just don't remember what to do.

i just hate feeling so alone. i'm haunted by the memories of my ex, not because i have any feelings for her, but rather because thats ALL i have to reminisce about when i think about dating/love. i don't wanna die, and i don't wanna die alone, but at the moment i sure do feel like killing myself.

please help me.

>>18709178
Just keep your shirt on. No one decent even takes off his shirt in public, only narcissistic gym people and white trash. And don't fall for the NoFap meme, but focus on other more useful ways to improve yourself. You don't sound like a lost cause like many who visit this shit place.

>>18711422
Maybe she loves you too...

>>18711831
Its different for everyone but you just have to find something that can replace the activity of smoking with something else. I've noticed that there are certain times in the day that I will more likely smoke. And if I smoke, there are activities I'm prone to do as I smoke, like playing video games and listening to music. To combat this, I put the PS4 in the living room for everyone to use instead of me, and everytime I want to smoke. I'll either:
Meditate, exercise, go outside to take a walk[helps a lot], practice my guitar and practice drawing. I find that going outside will help the most. Once you're outside, away from your everyday triggers and household habits, you realize you're completely fine without it. A moment of fresh air does wonders.

i really really want to break up with my gf of 1 year but cant. I treat her like shit and use her for money but shes still in love with me. Im a fucking asshole to her but she wont break up with me. I tried everything but cant leave this relationsip help.

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i wonder if your heart starts beating fast when you see me

>>18708341
I think I love you. But I hate you. I hate the person you've become yet I still love the idea of who you used to be. Of what we used to be. I miss my best friend, my care free, sentimental, empathetic, loving best friend; But you don't know what you want. You don't want 'us' so I backed off, but then you get upset that I'm not giving you that sort of special attention I'd only give a girlfriend.. So I give you that attention but you say it's 'too much'. I can't control the pace, I can't do anything here. You NEED control and I hate that. I'm like your toy at this point, whether you know it or not, no matter how much you tell me you love me, care about me, and only want the best for me... It's all bullshit. You used me for attention and the sad part is I've realized this for months. And now here we are, your ex is back in your life and you're giving me the cold shoulder... As expected.

Fuck you, S.
Also, learn how to use 'their' correctly dumb ass. Using it in place of 'they're' isn't correct. Fuck you.

>>18709886
Elaborate anon

>>18709888
>I'm a math major
I'd like a Diet Coke with that, please

>>18712335
I'd give you the same cold shoulder you give me if I could but I care about you too much. Working with you makes things that much harder for me. Maybe you'll realize what you lost. Or maybe you won't but either way I still hope the best for you.

I wish you'd figure out what you want because I know I do.

>>18712355
Its only a stepping stone for grad school for me since my local college doesn't offer physics outside of a minor.
Also
>drinking diet

>>18712264
Why don't you love her

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Been reading Paranormal stuff for weeks now and part of me thinks I'm going insane, not the ghost bs it's mainly concerning the occult gnosticism religions meditation chakra qabalah etc

I ask myself daily, is getting into this really practical and I still can't find an answer.

>>18708728
You need to work out again, I made progress today on 3 exercises and I feel great, there are still so many shity things in the back of my mind, but this counters it a bit, I just need to find more activities to counter the negative

>>18711422
Why won't you tell her?

>>18710672
>>18710680
>>18710687
You're just a sheltered autist. You'll love someone else. She doesn't sound that cool or special anyway

>>18708702
>>18708726
Both of you should get on the spot hiring jobs like warehouse jobs, amazon lowes etc..

>>18711411
Do keto

>>18712398
Sounds like youre avoiding the negatives instead of facing it. tell me, what are they?

>>18709551
Put yourself in there shoes and read your post

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>>18712399
Seconded

I am not good at a single thing I do. Every single thing I do I either do it mediocre or completely fuck it up. I'm not good at a single thing i do. Not even shitposting. And not mention how fucking stupid I am. I am borderline retarded.I fucking hate everything about this existence. I want to just disappear

>>18712437
Give anything you want to be good at more than just a few tries. Everything takes practice my friend, you won't be good at something from the get-go and that's just how life is. Put some effort in! You can do anything you set your mind to my friend.

>>18711422
Do you know her well?

>>18712264
Holy shit anon, you're retarded

>parents always told me to never talk to a counselor
>that they are bad people and that they will take me away from home
>parents were crazy drug addicts
>never let me out of my room
>never got to play outside
>didn't care when I dropped out
>never cared if I did my homework or not
>we rarely had water for bathing
>always moving from shithole to shithole
>now as an adult reconnecting with parents
>since I moved out when I was 17 and pretty much had no contact for the next 7 years
>dad and I drinking on his porch
>he tells me about some of his meth binges
>really got me curious about doing meth myself
>turns out he still uses
>invited me to come to a party with him next week

So, I guess I'm gonna be a junkie. Life is shit right now anyway.

>>18712541
You're control of your life, not your father, your friends, or your family.

Live life for you, not for anybody else.

It feels like I'm falling apart once again.
I'm so fucking tired of this. Fuck.

I wish you'd talk to me. Why show me a photo and leave?

new semester at college, best friend moved away. now im feeling shitty and depressed, cuz almost no one likes me. i think i will commit suicide in the next few days, because i dont want to go on living like this.

I finally had a gf for a few months. She was overweight (not even the main problem for me) and had a masculine body. I fell in love with her online and was put off in person but still cared for her. I tried so hard to overcome that and love her regardless because I know how much of a hypocrite I would be otherwise. But in the end I essentially friendzoned her because I couldn't take the guilt of having to lie to myself about finding her attractive. And dispite all that I still feel empty now that she's gone because she cared for me so much.

>>18712812
Hang in there anon! Once you're through college it will get better!

>>18712121
work on yourself man, focus on nothing but the betterment of your career, health, and happiness. Join clubs, go on vacation, shit, join the army if nothing else works, but just distract yourself from romanticism, and eventually love will find you

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I lied!!

I do still like you and I don't just want to be friends.
If you changed your mind and told me you liked me back I would waifu you in the morning.
The reason I lied is because you're the only person I feel close to in my life and I don't want to be alone again.

I hope things with Shane turns out ok, I want you to be happy but it does not look good and I am sorry.

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>>18712121
dude what the fuck??

come on man, you dont need this at your side man.

you need to cope with being with yourself first and foremost. confront the part of you that scares you about being alone. its hard man. but trust me its doable.

work towards your dreams. if you dont have them then find new ones. become interesting to yourself.
buy some good clothes and pick a up a book or two and loose yourself in somethingg that you love doing. a hobby. all of this will make you a well rounded person who the girls will pay attention to.


and dont take this the wrong way, relationships are not all they are cut out to be. please dont put yourself together piece by piece and then find some girl who will noly defragment you back into a thousand pieces and leave you all alone. be patient with yourself and dont rush this.
you will do just fine. man

have you dumbfucks ever thought that maybe I was right?

Just... you're too full of yourselves to see it.

Holy shit I love you so much.

I feel alone

>>18712393
She's cool and special to me.

>sheltered autist
Yeah well I guess it's sort of true, I don't really have a social life but at least I go to university and got a couple of irl friends. I barely ever talked to a girl irl that I thought was cool or something. Maybe I should seek them out I don't know.

I guess my main questions are how do I stop being a fucking demotivated retard and actually get to do what I like and want to do (thinking that just by writing that giant wall of text I got a bit more motivation already)? Can I return to normal feelings of friendship? Fuck this sounds edgy but sometimes I wish I could be an emotionless husk again.

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I want to drink wine right now, I fucking hate spending the nights sober.

>>18713192
SO TELL ME.

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>>18711463
My mom behaves just about the same. Of course not making much of a point to tear me down and she seems to be just saying what she sees. Like the stupid leg thing. When I hadn't fully grown up yet she "apologized" for how stunted my legs for and now she warns me not to gain the weight back because my legs must make guys speechless. And here I am, shellshocked at the double-edged "compliment". Why the fuck does it matter that it's so appealing to guys? Especially my body. There's just something so distressing about that and I don't know why.

The "wreck" and the leg comment was pretty recent. I guess I'd ignore it (most of my life I lived a tomboyish life not giving a duck about my looks) if not for the fact that she chastises other moms for not making their daughters feel beautiful...but never does the same for me.

I want to go home.

What else do I have to do? What else do I have to prove?

Am I not worthy?

>Live in LA
>Best friend out here moved back home over a year ago
>spends the whole year telling me about all the work he's doing to help him move back to LA
>Spends whole summer telling me that he's coming back September 10
>Text him on saturday asking what time he's getting in.
>Tells me he's not getting in until next week
>yesterday texts me asking if I want to hang out this tuesday
>Tells me he's actually been back for a week now.
>Doesn't want to meet up until Tuesday, specifically in an area 45 minutes from where he's supposedly living


I have no idea why he lied to me or what's going on. The suspicious part of my brain can't help but notice that he specifically wants to meet up in my ex's neighborhood. This ex was always throwing herself at him in front of me, and after we broke up made several attempts to date him, bitching me out for not being ok with it.

Maybe I'm crazy, but I think they're trying to cuck me.

>>18711830
The pretty demon has had plenty of time to perfect the art of fusing souls, some unknown entity sold her a spine. The worst you could do is swat her away.

>>18711469
Ditto

You're a fucking dick, dude. People make mistakes. You should be grateful I dropped everything I was doing to go down and fix mine. You collected nine other rent checks today, pretty sure you didn't need mine to make it through the rest of the week. And it's your own fault you didn't answer the phone when I couldn't find your bank and needed directions. Kiss my ass and fix my shower you cocksucker.

I'M ALL ABOUT CRUSHIN THAT UNDERAGE PUUSSSSSSSS

seriously I can't believe people actually thought I had a 2inch dick.

Like seriously. Do they edit out the bits where I have sex or other sexy times?

Who is the person that is 6'5" with 4"?

I really want to know what the fuck is going on and why everyone knows everything but me.

>>18711013
Forget him

I should explore career options if I for some reason don't get into grad school. I'm always terrified that I'm going to get shit grades and not get into grad school (which is unlikely) and I feel like having a solid back up plan that I'm interested in pursuing will make me worry about it less.

Like maybe I should pick up some programming classes and program robots or some shit. That'd be pretty cool.

I'm slowly turning into a emotionless monster. I can't feel anything, only anger, sadness and/or desperation.

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Should I learn how to program on my own and make more of a living from that? I'm 23.

I'm going to come clean and say I'm an artist for a living and make enough to get by in my own place. Someday I'll start my own comic too and hopefully find a good friend to live with. Getting a bf just ain't in the stars for me.

Yes, there are many opportunities for me to expand my business, but there seems to be only so much I can do in my profession. I've been aware of that for years. And my family - mom and older brothers - are all people that may need to be taken care of. I don't believe I have the money to do so... :/

One of the sacrifices I had to make in order to live otherwise comfortably is having a car so even my own living situation, despite having a nice place with all the amenities, food, and internet I could want, is questionable. I don't know if this is a good life--I feel good, but it seems rather...looked down upon to not have a car and I don't know if somewhere down the line I'll want for something more.

Gotta be honest and say that I only want to work from home, so programming seemed like the only other option.

I keep seeing "you need to remember." or "you will be made to remember."

Remember what? There were two times I was black out drunk. The first time at the party but what the fuck could I have done? I was soooo drunk I was unable to even walk. I'm 100% sure I was drugged.

Was I raped? Did people do shit to me?

The second time was after watching shrek 2. That one wasn't so bad, I just rolled on the floor yelling "THERE ARE ALIENS IN MY TUMMMYYYY" and then throwing up. Again, I highly doubt I was mobile enough to do anything bad.

I have a few strange memories. The first being the light coming from my window and "people" coming into my room. As they stood above me I put the covers over my head and that's all I can really remember.

Another strange, seemingly real memory or more likely a dream was having sex with Cassie.Did that really happen? Did I rape her? Because the memory doesn't feel rapey. Did I have sleepwalking sex? Was I drugged again?

I have all kinds of strange dreams. Like, some really embarrassing ones about sex with my mom or having a supppeeerrrrrrr long dick that I could give myself a blowjob. I also have weird dreams where I'm having sex with someone and they turn super small so I'm like... having sex with them while they are basically just a condom.

I know you people know I have those dreams. They are so fucking weird and random I just laugh at them. I see people here making comments about "dick sleeves" and the like which I am 100% certain are about those weird dreams.

I question the authenticity of these dreams now. You people have shown the ability to alter or completely make up dreams in order to send me messages. So odds are, the mom ones, the highschool ones (where I completely miss a class for a year) and the dick sleeve ones were implanted.

So again, what memories are you wanting me to remember? What happened to me that I don't remember?

I guess I'm finally gonna give up on you. It's not fun anymore.

Its been almost a year since you have broken up with me. Jesus, I just want to hug you again.Those few months we spent together were the best things to ever happen to me. I know I pretend to be confined but I can't help it. The more I think about your pretty blue eyes, the more I end up staying awake thinking about what I did wrong. The only way I can stop myself from drowning in this emotional guilt is by completely shutting off its source.

All my friends say I didn't do anything wrong and its what they all would have done and it was the right thing to do. But I didn't want to do the right thing, I just wanted you to be mine. I don't care even if you degraded me and insulted me frequently. I could take it; I'm 6ft tall and all round healthy, you'd even make jokes about how old I always looked, even though we're only a few months difference. I didn't mind it, really. The only thing that concerned me was that you were happy. I just want you back. Even though I don't deserve you.

I've been thinking a lot about my ex recently, and it was like an all of a sudden thing. He broke up with me 4 years ago and it was a nasty breakup, took me months to recover. Now I'm with my actual bf and happily been with him for 2 years, but I see myself thinking about my ex sometimes, not in a romantic way, but more like wondering what he's up to and guilt tripping myself for being sort of bitchy and possessive in the relationship (it was my first relationship ever but it was the reason he dumped me). We don't have each other on any social media except skype, and I've been wanting to send him a simple "I'm sorry," but then I remember that he also did pretty nasty shit and never apologized. He pretty much hated me afterwards, but I'm curious to know how he feels now, and if he would accept my apology or just be a bitch. It doesn't help that he goes to my same uni and I see him there sometimes.

>>18713608
I have other weird memories. Renee told me (I think it was her) that her boyfriend went on a mass killing spree in 2014. Which I'm assuming would be elliot rogers. There are photos of her and him in bed in mexico.

If she was intersex, that would explain why he got sooooooo fucking mad at mexicans and the like. She is also half chinese.

I wouldn't really care if she was intersex. She was a super pretty lady, that was very feminine so... whatever.

What would piss me the fuck off is how much of her life was a completely lie. Which, I guess I'm already over being pissed the fuck off. I don't care anymore. It was all a complete fucking lie.

I can't believe you people though. You do awful fucking shit to people and then act all surprised when those people lose their minds. You fucking tortured me, you hacked my computer, you had EVERYONE lie to me for not only my entire life but especially for that scenario. You did everything you could to try to get me to lose my mind. You took advantage of my weaknesses, you triggered my PTSD over and over again. You wanted me to kill myself, you were trying your fucking hardest to get me to kill myself. And then you treat me like I was the bad guy for what ended up happening. I regret what I said but in the context of it all... what the fuck is your peoples problem?

She also told me that she had been to Chicago just recently. And she clearly had been there before that time as well...

I forgot these things until recently because Iris had just cheated on me and dragged me through hell. She would do the whole "I love you! I want to be with you! I miss you and love you so much I want to see you!" and when she would come over she would be a cold hearted bitch and completely 180 over the whole thing. Then she would say she hated me and lie to me again and again and again.

Basically, I hadn't slept for almost two weeks straight. Things become a bit hazy when you've been crying for 12 days.

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>>18708341
I've been dating a girl who has all her shit together for a little while now and I honestly feel like I'm not good enough for her.

Honestly, I've never felt this way as I am very self reflective and confident in myself but she has a house and a successful business of her own. Granted, we are both in our 30s, and I'm not jealous of her success at all, I just sometimes think she deserves better. I know I am a great listener, empathetic, confident without having a huge ego, and care about everyone, but even after months of dating her, I still feel like I might not be good enough for her. I know, I know, she probably doesn't see me as that because I can tell I mean a lot to her, but sometimes, I just feel that way. I've even been in a 7 year relationship and always felt perfectly fine in what I have to offer in a relationship, but with this girl its just different. Maybe I'm broken or something after a couple failed serious relationships?

>>18713627
As well, my brother had recently been to Chicago right before I left. So... yeah. Same time she was there.

I was talking to Rezwanna a lot then in 2014. However, I remember reading a post on here that sounded a whole lot like her where she was ragging on me for being racist and how it was a joke that I thought she actually was my friend. Basically saying I was a horrible loser and a bunch of other shit.

I don't really care. You all got together to give me shit, to cover your own asses for atrocious behavior that you did behind your partners backs. You all hate me for things I said in private to others, things that you weren't meant to hear because you were fucking spying on me.

I just want to go home. I don't really want to see anyone I have known in the past ever again. Or even people that talk to m recently online. You all have lied to me. You all have used me. You all have stabbed me in the back.

I don't trust anyone now and I'll never be able to trust again. You all fucked with my head and then fucking broke me. For entertainment.

I just want to go home and I'm starting to realize I have no home. I have no friends. I have no family. I have no one and I'll never have anyone.

Just fucking kill me. At the very fucking least give me a gun so I can do it myself. You won't end the game, you won't tell me the truth, you won't give me my freedom, you won't let me be who I want to be... so at least let me fucking die. Let me die painless. Just let me fucking die.

What's going on between us? After that day, you wanted us stay friends and forget about what happened. Said there was another guy. Yet we can't seem to help acting all cuddly at work as if we should be going out already. Its been months since, and I have yet to have seen this other guy. Whatever, just hurry up and come back. With everything that happened and you being away for the week, I've been getting my thoughts together. When you come back, we need to have a one-on-one and talk about where the fuck we are.

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I wanted to stay on 4chan but man, is it shit compared to 10 years ago.

Time to permanently block the website so I don't haunt it like a specter through halls of ages' past...good bye.

I typed out this whole rant about everything that's bothering me and it didn't post. I guess I'll go fuck myself.

>>18713614
pls don't be me

pls don't be me

pls don't be me

can you please just give me a suicide pill?

I don't want to do this. the world will be fine without me. it'll more than likely be a better place without me. I'm the world's biggest mistake. No one else can actually say that and have it be true but me. My existence was a failure, a mistake. Because of me so many people have been hurt and killed.

I'm a bad person. I hurt people. I don't help them. They get sucked into my void of darkness and they never escape. I suck the life out of everyone I meet and I'm a massive burden to my family.

So just fucking let me die. just let me die for the love of fucking god. I'm not looking for pity, I'm not looking to be forgiven on whatever the fuck. I just want to die and I have no means to do so.

All you have to do is give me the gun. Or give me the pill and I'll take care of the rest. I'll even make the cleanup easy. I'll go lay on a tarp or just let me die.

No amount of money, women, sex, or change of appearance is going to make me happy. I'm just a miserable person that makes the world worse. No amount of art is going to make my life worth anything.

Please just let me die. You won't help me with anything but at least help me with this.

I fucking hate how you played me. Not once. Twice. I hate how you are actually scared of commitment. I hate how you can't make up your mind. You need to grow up. I liked you and I still do. You need to learn that your actions and what you say have meaning behind them. Stop fucking romanticizing what a relationship should be. Not every time we're together is it supposed to be some movie magic moment. People are human. I think that's what you misunderstood this entire time. My feelings are important here and I cannot have you hurting me again. I want to tell you off, but I can't. Time heals all wounds but God fucking damnit why do you have to go and make it worse for me? Why couldn't you just leave me alone after the first time? Why did you kiss me when we first met? Why are you the way you are? You're everything I love and hate. You crushed me. Even your best friend knows you fucked up. Why do you have to be like this? Why can't you fucking grow up? It costs you nothing to just be mature about dating. How could you have done this to me? I'm trying to wrap my head around this but I just don't understand why you're unsure about commitment. Do you just need to an excuse to hoe out? Is this fucking it? I absolutely detest your indecisiveness. Next time I see you, just fucking drop dead

>>18713680
It's a bullet you stupid fuck. Medicine isn't supposed to taste good, take it.

>all my current hobbies are solitary, so I never meet new people or make any friends
>keep telling myself I need to start going out of my comfort zone and start doing social activities
>the more I think about this, the more I feel hopeless and depressed
>end up doing the same things I do every day
How the fuck do I get out of this endless circle?
I know I should "just do it", but I can't find any activities I'd enjoy or the motivation to do the first step.

I am super disappointed in my birthday. My mom asked what kind of cake I wanted so I told her. She didn't get it/make it. My boyfriend and my mom asked what I wanted and neither of them got anything remotely close to what I wanted. My boyfriend literally went out at 9PM to buy me something I specifically told him I didn't want for my birthday. Like... what the actual fuck. Why even bother???? What is the point of any of this???

>>18713678
It's not lol don't worry, he doesn't care...

Hey friend,

I'm not going to write you another fucking letter. I'm very much dead tired of this stupid fucking pattern of making up a dream boyfriend in my head and fruitlessly waiting around for him to show up in the flesh, yet here you are and here I am. It's pathetic. That's not to say I'm disappointed in you for some arbitrary reason but moreso I'm very much disappointed in myself for always crumbling when I'm presented with the fact that the world is just too alien for me to bear with and that I will never find another that I'd consider love. I have a very intense, lucid fear of being exploited and being betrayed and it might not even seem that way considering how social I appear to be at times. Maybe one day you will fully understand.

There are two club meets on campus you might be interested in. First one's Wednesday is a fucking LGBTQ club which I thought I'd like to just peek in and see if there's anyone fucking decent there at all. Second one's the day after on Thursday and it's the computer club, which costs $10 to join. I wouldn't put it past you if you're too afraid to go to either of them, but I expect you to be. We're both cowards at heart. But I promise you I won't let anyone hurt you when we get there. You just have to actually go.

Yours to schizophrenic obsession,
-P

>>18708341
I hate the fact that we broke up. It sucks. I miss you, but I don't miss how much you relied on your family, and maybe that makes me an asshole. Like...why couldn't it just have been me & you?

______ if you touch her I swear, with god as my witness, I will beat you to within an inch of your life. I treated you like a brother for over a fucking decade and you pull this shit on me? Right after we break up you decide to become best fuckin' friends? Fuck that and fuck you. You couldn't even man up and talk to me about the god damn break up you pusswhipped piece of shit.

>>18713691
what fucking medicine have you given me?

Nothing. You people have fucking done nothing. You continue to do nothing. I have learned nothing.

I just want to fucking die. Nothing has changed.

>>18713705
There is no point. There has been
My parents don't even remember my birthday half the time.
And I don't care.

Birthdays aren't supposed to be "I AM YOUR GOD, SERVICE ME"
It's supposed to be a reminder of how many fewer years you have left to live.

I really need to stop being so afraid to talk with people

the whole "Save the world" bullshit isn't real. You were just trying to give me a reason to live, a purpose, but I don't care about the world. It could die and I really wouldn't fucking care.

I don't know what any of this is about and I'm at the point of not fucking caring. Just kill me. Just fucking kill me. What's so fucking hard about that?

Fucking
kill
me.

Or give me a way to do it myself.

>>18713738
>hurrr i'm motivated but not enough to do something about it

fuck off you dumb fuck, go jerk off and sleep it off.

woe is me, boo-hoo, shut the fuck up, the sun is rising again tomorrow unless -YOU- do something about it, not me. If you're not creative enough to get a gun tonight, it's no wonder you're dumb enough to kill yourself.

God speed, retard.

I'm feeling real shitty now..
I've been losing touch with my friends.
I haven't had a reliable job in months.
The career I wanted to follow isn't calling back.
I'm living with my sister.
I'm nearly 30.

I feel like such a waste. When I was a kid, people always told me I was going to be someone. I had really good grades. Graduated top of my class. Even in college.
But now it's just been rejection after rejection after rejection. And I don't know why.

I'm drunk and am a drunk. Nothing fucking goes the way I want. I just want to go away.

>>18713745
Get a job in the service industry
You learn very fast how not to give a shit and smile and talk politely to everyone

So I just had some one give me the "we all have problems" line. Hunans are selfish and self serving by nature but I guess it is relieving to hear that no one really cares

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I was diagnosed with psychotic depression and now am on meds that make me numb as shit... Most of my days I simply "exist" and don't give a fuck about anything and then, outa the fucking blue, massive tsunamis of emotion... Fuck man. Fuck this. Fuck meds. Fuck everything.
And now, after college, I'm looking for a job with no drive or passion for anything...

>>18713761
I think hearing that "we all have problems" is important to hear from time to time
It reminds us not to be shitty to others who might be feeling as bad as we are.

ok but like
Black girls with white/gray/purplish hair is kinda my new favorite thing.

>>18713790
Speaking honestly, I don't like the briarpatch that black hair looks at the scalp
It looks dirty. Like it needs cleaning.
Of course that's not true, but that's the reaction it invokes in me.

"Let's work without theorizing, it's the only way to make life bearable."

The more I think about it the more I realize how little my ex cared about me. At least now I know to trust my gut.

>>18713808
I touched a black guy's hair and it was greasy feeling

my roommates are a bunch of stoners and whatever they smoke smells like weed mixed with ass and I wanna die.

>>18713814
He had hair product in it, duh..

>>18713814
I've never touched black hair before.
I know they care a lot about it. It's like a cultural hangup about the racial inferiority complex with regards to whites. Or something.

>>18711676
why

I'm 20 years old and can't trust people anymore. I'm trying to stay positive, but I just look at how people are and it just FUCKS with me. Everybody's dishonest, and for the most part, a lot of people just don't care if they hurt others.

My ex cheated on me with another man when I left for college. We were together for 4 years. Didn't tell me for months, and I didn't actually find out until practically 2 months ago when one of my best friends admitted he knew and chose not to tell me.

I don't open up to people anymore

All of these girls know I have HIV right? They aren't going to want to be with me... you haven't told them yet have you?

I have all kinds of STDs. I was born with HIV though. From the start I was cursed.

And I was lied to. All of my doctors told me I was fine. No indications of any diseases or cause for concern. Once I thought I had a bump on my bits but I thought it was from using an old kitchen towel.

It went away and later on my ex told me that she had taken STD tests and she was clean. If she was the one that gave me the stds or if I gave any to her... How the fuck would I know? She was the only one I had ever had sex with.

I asked doctors to test me for STDs and they straight up refused to do the tests. Twice.

What else is wrong with me? I have HIV, cool. And syphilis. Herpes too? on my mouth? I never, EVER have any symptoms if I do.

Do the people know? Would these girls be throwing themselves at me if they knew?

I'm not having sex again, not until someone tells me what the fuck is wrong with me. I don't want to hurt anyone.

I'm fucking angry at you people for giving me these fucking diseases, not telling me, and then later lying to me when I ask.

I've only had sex with 3 girls and they all cheated on me. Well, I guess technically I have never had sex with a girl before. They were all trans. I still consider them women but you know what I mean.

Why though? Why do all of this to me? Why give me a fucking grocery list of diseases, illnesses, birth defects, everything.

meanwhile you give me super human senses. I'm 31 and I can still hear the same frequencies that an 18 year old can hear. My reflexes are twice as fast as a regular person. I have retarded good sense of smell and my eyes are quick (but blurry). I have no fear of danger or death but I feel every other fucking emotion without any kind of filter or coping mechanisms.

So what the fuck.

Just fucking kill me.

>>18713851
You're 20 years old
I have clothes older than you.

You got fucked, no doubts about it. But shit negro, you let a highschool girlfriend to go to college? That's a fucking meme. Of course she's fucking college-Jodie. It happens every time. It was never going to last.

Get over yourself and get back to being the best imitation of your dad. You're a grown ass career having man now.

So I've been teaching my friend how to drive and shes reaally fucking hot as fuck but she has a bf. But me and her have been going driving together almost everyday and I've been snapping photos of her ass once in a while because I cant control myself. I care about her but my sexual desires have been getting out of control. And I recently got a bunny and she likes to do a bunny voice when I talk about it and she just says shit like "Look at me daddy" and it made me really hard when she does that cuz its like shes calling me daddy and her expressions are really fucking hot.

I feel like I'm sexual deviant for sexualizing her this much in my mind.

>>18713902
>I've been snapping photos of her ass once in a while because I cant control myself
Newsflash, you are a sexual deviant already

W
Stop telling me you've changed every time. You haven't. Maybe on the surface, but at your core you're still the same.
I'm done with it.

A,
Are you into me? I doubt things will work between us honestly. Look, you're a cute delicate little lady and I'm just a beast. It's not that I don't like you, because I fucking love you, but it's that I'm not the catch of the century.

I feel you would want someone better than me, honestly. Even if you feel the way you do, I still can't get with you for obvious reasons.

Sorry. We'll see in a year how things go.

I want to fucking fill my room with helium and kill myself
Why can't I just have someone to snuggle and hold, someone who won't leave me for no reason other than I'm "too good" for them?
He won't even message me back anymore. He is ignoring me and rfusing to talk to me. I thought we were doing so well too, he always seemed so happy to talk to me...
He was everything I wanted. So much in common, an amazing personality, and he was super attractive to top it off.
Noone wants to stick with me or learn about me and my problems.
I want to fucking die.

>>18714101
I am literally in the situation of A right now and why??
Why would you do this?
Do you know how much she cares about you too?
It doesn't matter that you don't think you're the "catch of the century", A wants to be with *you*.
Noone ever thinks they are good enough for a girl like A. When everyone turns her away because they think they're "not good enough" and she has noone to love and hold, where will she be?
Not with some catch of the century I can tell you that. She will either be with some dickhead who takes advantage of her kindness or sad and alone wishing that people like you weren't turning her away.
Go get A anon. Tell her you want to see her, let her in and just know that you are a lucky man and try your best to treat her like the special person she is to you.
You can do it anon, have confidence in yourself.

>>18714118
>Noone wants to stick with me or learn about me and my problems.
Nice memeing incel

Yesterday I said good night and today I didn't say good morning. You know what that means.

I really don't know what to say. I'm sad and very disappointed but not the least bit surprised. This was exactly what I knew was gonna happen when I bought those tickets. I foresaw this entire situation in my head while I was online ordering them. Still, I wrote it off. I didn't think you'd fallen off that hard. I figured you had it under control, which is laughable in retrospect because I didn't even have my drinking under control. How could I have seen through your bullshit when I couldn't even face down my own?

I just have to get rid of all of the bullshit in my life, dude. That's the whole reason I went back to school. The whole reason I quit drinking and drugging daily. The reason I quit hanging out with shitty, toxic people like you that manipulate me and try to make me feel like I'm a bad person when YOU are the one that is consciously taking advantage of ME.

We had a great run, dude. It was nine awesome years. You were with me during some of the craziest times of my life over the last near-decade. I'll value the memories of the good times we had, but it really breaks my heart. I'm losing yet another one of my best friends to this bullshit wannabe-thug, wannabe-drug-dealer lifestyle. Have fun getting kicked out of your mom's house next week when I send her all of the screenshots and transcripts of our texts over the last fifteen months. THUG LIYEEEF, MY NIGGUH.

I hope you get murdered out there. Don't ever talk to me again.

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I've just lost a friend. Last several months were the best in my life thanks to her. Then I've told her some disturbing shit about her other friends, and now she says she won't confide in me anymore because I'm paranoid and introduce fear and anxiety into her life. "Just go out and meet people", my ass. My normal, shitty life is all I deserve for basically being pure fucking poison.

>>18714134
>Do you know how much she cares about you too?
Heh, no. I can't read people, but she keeps acting a little flirty around me. It feels weird.
>It doesn't matter that you don't think you're the "catch of the century", A wants to be with *you*.
I don't know about that fully. I'm just letting this play out until something happens.
>Noone ever thinks they're good enough for a girl like A
I wouldn't say that, as 7 other guys are chasing after her. Each of them are way beyond older than her and have traits I don't (yet). Even I'm 5 years older than her, which is playing with fire in my world. I'm preferably gonna wait until she's a year older so everything's cool.

for now, I'm just playing everything off and treating her like an acquaintance. Anything farther and it'll seem like orbiting her. I don't ever want to look like an orbiter again.

I dunno, I would like to have her, but I'd like things to not blow the fuck up in my face one way or another. She's so fucking sweet, it's diabetic and she needs someone worthwhile to share it with. I'm just clinical depression case number 180,000. (I'm joking, but I'm a bit doom and gloom.)

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God damn it, I can't believe how much of a fuck up I am. I fucking hate myself. I was crazy in love with you for like a decade, and I never told you. How did I fuck up this hard? Because I made it happen. I had so long to do something with you, I had so long to get myself in a place o do something with you and anything - anything at all, was too much for me. I fucked up for an unforgivable amount of time, and I'm afraid I'll never get another chance with you, and that sucks because I'm finally getting my shit together and I don't know who I'm doing it for. I can't do it for you any more, at least not for what looks like a long time, and I don't deserve to do it for myself. I can't stop thinking about you all the fucking time, and I definitely need to get help and I miss you so god damn much it hurts.

I have no friends and no debts
The only thing I want in life is to be a rich motherfucker
I have no idea how to make big money
I at least want to be an architect or some kind of structural designer but everyone tells me it's a terrible career to get into

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>>18708341
Hey adv I'm not sure if this is going to be seen but idk what to do as I just really want to off myself atm as for some context I lost my memory about 2 years ago when I was 16 or a large majority of it anyway and for the first time In my life I was happy in my life got my life sorted got fit, became fairly religious looked after friends when they were in dire straights to an insanely platonic degree to make sure they were okay and all that was of the past was the knowledge I had some guilt bothering me and I used to be depressed because of it for what reason I didn't know as the best way I described it was I knew who I was and I knew who my friends were but my past was just a fuzzy blur and this had been the case until I recently got into a fight and took a few hits to the head and it's all come back and idk what to do with myself

I remembered when I was 12 I abused my cousin who was 6 as she was fingering herself in front of me and my other cousin idk how it got to this I really don't all of know is when my other cousin (same age) left the Room I asked if I could finger her she said yes although I did it for a few seconds I can't help but think now what a fucked up I did, what a fucked up environment she must have been in to know that was a thing at her age, and what I must have added to that and if it's caused any trauma

I just feel nothing but guilt for it, I can't make amends for as she herself isn't on social media and the rest of her family went off the grid for "reasons" and then there is the conflict of having a side I didn't know about of who I was then and who I am now I just know I'm not coping as I'm drinking a lot and have started cutting and all I want is another out desu

>>18714281
See a psychotherapist

Sometimes I hear voices pop up and it wrecks my focus. I think I know why it's there only for part. I would like peace.
So please consider killing me,, good one.

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Some day I'm going to cage you up just to make sure you never have to be alone again. I don't care how many times you ask me if I really am yours. I don't care because I am, and I'll always tell you so. I can see where this all comes from, that fear you have that I may leave, I been there. As long as you continue to be yourself, as long you continue to be open with me and honest, I will listen. As long you continue to be mine, I will be yours. So ask me all you want, I will not change my answer. You apologize for being insecure, and a bit needy, it's okay. When I told you it was fine, I meant it. Your beautiful strenghts and you tender flaws, I will accept them all. They are a part of you and to love you, is to love each of those parts.
Someday I hope to show you the beautiful that I see in you, while helping you to cover those weaknesses. You can't get rid of them for they are like colors upon the painting of your soul. I love you for you, and someday I hope you to understand that.

>>18713705
Ungrateful.
>>18713744
>It's supposed to be a reminder of how many fewer years you have left to live.

That's a little pessimistic. Birthdays celebrate the fact you made it through a whole year and you're still alive. With modern medicine it's not as big of a feat as it was back in the olden days of hoop rolling when you'd be lucky to have a child survive into adulthood.

>>18714404
they sound very lucky.

>>18714162
No. What does it mean?

>>18713902
why are guys like this? the girl just wants to drive man and she trusted u

Every day it just keeps getting worse and worse. Ever since we broke up, even though it's only been a month and a half, I feel like I'm just waiting for the lucky day I get to die. What's the point? Before you I had no drive, and when I was with you it made me want to improve, not even for myself but for you. Now that that's gone, I have entered an endless recursion of trying to make myself happy but eventually coming to the same conclusion. I want to die.

And the worst part of it all? I can't force myself to kill myself. It isn't even out of fear, I just can't do it because I want to live, but at the same time I just want to die.

Oh my sheet is so thin
So I say I can't sleep because
It's so very cold

Oh but I know what I need
if you were just near to me

>Took this girl out tonight
>weve been close for awhile
>we havent been on good terms for months though
>we go out tonight to see a concert and drink a lot before going in
>were making out and shes allover me and shit
>not even half way through the show she gets too drunk so i gotta carry her of there
>on the way home while shes passed out i decide to go thru her phone
>found recent texts of her just talking to her man(theyre not bf/gf)
>her sending him nudes and shit like that
>she was also calling me a piece of shit and mocking me for being a virgin
>i was pissed off for the remainder of the night
>i know i should have never done that
>when i go to drop her off she starts kissing my neck and lips, that ends the night
>leaving me feeling confused and kinda upset

The night was bittersweet and had its moments but it ending up being shitty overall.

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The older I get, the more real this joke gets for me.

>>18714493
Mm, if it's any consolation it doesn't mean she's not into you, just maybe that she isn't very valuable.

>>18714527
What do u mean by "she isnt very valuable."

>>18708341

I feel regret. I should have never gone out drinking with normies. I got too drunk and let out my 4chan side. I think they all frowned upon me. I feel ashamed, I never wanted it to happen.

Well I know I can't turn back time, so I simply will have to learn to live with the shame. At least I should pull out a lesson.

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Yeah, I've fallen for you. It's a shame that we're across the country from each other, but maybe we could make it work. We're both lonely as fuck, and I'm sure we both imagine we're together while we're talking each other to sleep.
I don't want to turn this into a ldr and ruin things, but I don't think there's anybody in this shitty region that compares to you.

I get high every day to avoid thinking of her while I'm trying to sleep. To avoid thinking of how much I miss her.

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You people have really fucked with my head. Things that shouldn't be possible have happened. Telepathy is real. You can read my mind, place thoughts, images, or even video in my head. You have altered my dreams to send me messages. These things... should not be possible. They aren't possible but here we are, doing the impossible.

and yet... my mind is not blown.

If you could do pic related though... Yeah, then my mind would go supernova.

>>18714404
This melted my heart. I wish you good luck with them.

Nothing means anything. Let's burn the whole world to ashes and start over.

god this life doesn't make sense
the worst insult I've overheard is being called I pariah otherwise people are never cruel to me beyond choosing to ignore me. just let me be something. I spend my entire life deliberating how to improve myself just so I can make friends with stoners? hell. stoners don't even like me.

im a pedophile and i hate myself for it.

So I hear that you're getting married.

Congratulations.

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Why the FUCK do people tell me I am good looking? What is their fucking problem? Really- I have grown entirely sick of having people shove this ridiculous idea that I am handsome down my throat.

I can't just take their word for it, because I have always associated being handsome with having power.

I feel powerless.

>>18714534
I did this not too long ago with a group of friends. I won't get into details, but I went batshit insane and caused a serious mess. Interestingly enough, I've done this about 100 times before with them, but they still invite out and expect me to come hang out with them.

I don't really know what the lesson there is, anon. One thing is for sure though- I hate myself for it far more than they ever will. I guess that's why they will always be my friends no matter what.

It's funny. After 3 years, 4 years, whichever one, that this is how it's going to end. it wasn't because of some massive dispute, or anything dramatic. İt was because you moved on with your life, and I guess that's what I'm going to do now as well.
I loved you, and when I said I did, the words tasted sweet on my lips.

here's to the future, everything is looking up for you now, everything is as it ought to be.

I can't stand your guts but I wanna fuck the shit out of you so damn bad. You're a crazy bitch with a totally unwarranted chip on your shoulder but goddammit, the things I'd do to you. I've never been with someone older than me before. We might change that.

>>18714972
I tried to elevate your experience and to show you there's a better way than dear, hate and shallowness. You chose the dark side, you're going gently into the night.

You're a sweet friend but if you want to lose weight, stop eating junk food!! I just can't believe the things americans eat, no wonder they're all fat

I need advice.

What is considered cheating? What is the line? Is flirting with someone else cheating? Or is it something more extreme such as kissing or even having sex?
And now with the advent of technology, with sexting and sending nudes becoming a common thing, it makes the line so much blurrier.
Personally I consider anything you have to hide from your partner cheating. Unless it's something harmless, like planning a surprise.

I got drunk and started getting all existential again

>>18715292
It depends on both parties. Sometimes people are a bit more loose with these boundaries, sometimes less.
Like for me anything you are doing behind a partner's back is cheating.

Really just depends.

>>18715362
>Like for me anything you are doing behind a partner's back is cheating.
This goes for me aswell.

>>18714549
What leads you to conclude that you're receiving implanted visuals? Also, care to provide an example of one?

>>18714976
Initials?