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Posted this in another thread but got no response so here goes:
I know that I have a pretty good life, much better than most. I go to a good college, have a loving family, and have a fair amount of friends. Yet on the inside I feel fucking miserable. Like I legitimately hate myself. Pretty much my whole day I feel a constant mixture of sadness and anger and contempt. I am paranoid that other people especially my friends despise me, and the only time where I feel any semblance of happiness is when I'm drinking or doing drugs. In the worst of times I think about either harming myself or others. Like mercilessly beating the shit out of random people at my school. Of course I would never actually do that, but I think that thinking about it all the time is really fucked up. I do a pretty good job at appearing normal and acting fine, but the more I do that, the worse I feel. On top of that I feel that I'm not close enough to any of my friends to open up to them about this. Has anyone else ever experienced this before or knows what I'm talking about? If so, how did you get through it?
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>>18707295
See a mental healthcare professional. Many colleges and universities offer counseling at no cost through Student Health Services.
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>>18707305
Has that worked for you or do you know someone that it has worked for?
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>>18707313
Yes, it has been very helpful to me to get outside perspective on my thought processes from a professional. Mental healthcare is only as useful to you as much as you put work into your end of the process however, so you have to actually want to have intervention in your thoughts or behavior.
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You're pretty close to where I am honestly. I've had those thoughts too but i've learned to deal with them after a while. I can't really explain how I did it but I basically just kept telling myself i'm a good person and that I would never do those things. I still have bad days, but it's getting better. Honestly I feel for you Op and hope you get better soon.
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>>18707407
Thanks that's really helpful for me to hear
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>>18707389
I do, I want to stop having these thoughts and want to like myself so yeah I'll try it out
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>>18707434
>>18707435
Look up intrusive thoughts. A lot of people have had to think those things to. It doesn't mean you're a bad person.
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