What I cannot have

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I dont know what to do, I cant just get a fucking grip on reality. What am I supposed to do when I let myself want something so much, more and more, until it becomes a craving. I need it, but in this day & age its impossible to have. I want to look how I want, I want to stay young and I want to be immortal. These are all regular things normal people may want? I dont know, all the roleplaying of a singular character of who I want to be helps me but then I put the phone down. I realize again and again that nothing in real life is going to happen to help me get it.

I see so much media, giving a narrative of the fun youth's have. Sneaking out to hang out with friends at a party or go swimming I dont fucking know. If I restarted my life how I still am nothing would change, Im still the socially awkward fucking sociopath. I have never crushed on any specific person. I have had friends yes. But nothing romantic. If I looked how I wanted I wouldnt need anything, I'd be able to love myself. Thats all I want.