How to stop falling in love with every girl I see?

I have this same problem my dude. I get obsessed with a girl if I am attracted to her and I can't get the thought out of my head that I need to be with her. It's hard not to obsess but I think you just gotta realize that you don't "need" to be with every cute girl you see. If you have an opportunity to talk to one of them you can, but don't approach them with the thought that "she better like me, if she dislikes me I'm a failure" blah blah blah. Cause you aren't a failure or unattractive if a single girl is not attracted to you

>>18703876
>It's hard not to obsess but I think you just gotta realize that you don't "need" to be with every cute girl you see.
Yeah, that's true. I've tried to tell myself that, but my brain just keeps fucking with me no matter what I guess.
A part of the anxiety also comes from the fact that I've never had a girlfriend and I have a huge fear that the time where most people meet their wife's/husbands is passing me by. I go to a commuter college (I'm in NYC) so dorming and parties are already not in the books. I'm also a compsci major so once I get the pre-requisites everyone takes (english, history, one or two science classes, and basic math) out of the way my opportunity to meet someone will pretty much be 0 since compsci classes are pretty much all male.

>>18703850
it's because you think you're worthless that you are longing for all of these women. you want to justify yourself in them, which is actually a way of using them and a good way to get into a dysfunction relationship.

so I think that getting laid would help your confidence, but what will really help your confidence is changing the thoughts that matter and improving the things about yourself that need improving

>>18703850
The reason people shit talk girls is because that's how they deal with realizing it won't work. It's ok. We all have this brother.

>>18704028
>so I think that getting laid would help your confidence
problem is I don't really like the idea one night stands or the whole tinder thing, I think I'm more of a relationship guy. Would getting laid like that really help my confidence?

>but what will really help your confidence is changing the thoughts that matter and improving the things about yourself that need improving
How do I change my though processes and things like that though? Anytime I try to think positive for even a second my brain jumps on it and I tell myself that positive thoughts are all fake

>>18704053
>Would a one night stand really help?
I didn't say anything about the quality of the relationship. You're the one saying one night stand.

>>18704053
>How do I change my thought processes?
Some thought processes aren't going to change, but I imagine you can beat up on yourself less. For me, it involved caring about things outside of myself more, and ignoring certain stuff like looking in the mirror to judge my attractiveness.

I'm not saying you're self-centered or anything. Maybe your world is smaller than it needs to be, so all you think about is marriage, mating, and your immediate circumstances.

>Every time I tell myself something positive, I jump on it and tell myself that it's fake.
This is a good start. Self-awareness. 'Metacognition'.

You and those around you are going to come up with feelgood bullshit. If you're analytical type, the bullshit isn't going to work. That's why, if you ask an optimistic person who is analytical, they'll admit that their positivity is just a matter of faith.

What people usually mean by "their faith" is not only faith in God, but faith that "He" is good and not an asshole. People have blind belief that the ultimate reality is *positive* and that *good things* are going to happen. You can't argue with faith.

If you have faith in the positive, you'll start looking for things to reinforce it. Sorry for the petty example but, someone being self critical might say "Man I have a big ugly nose. No girl is going to love me." Someone with faith would say, "I saw a man with an ugly nose who seemed happy with his wife. Maybe that will be me one day."

>>18704082
>>18704053
also talking from a material success perspective, it helps to be optimistic about some things and pessimistic about others.

I'm just talking about being a little bit more optimistic when it comes to yourself

>>18704082
>Some thought processes aren't going to change
I don't know, as time has gone on I've been surprised how much my thought processes have changed. Things that I thought were ingrained in me have come and gone. What kind of thought processes do you mean? Not OP by the way.

>>18704127
core beliefs and things like that aren't going to change, how someone truly sees themselves and the world.

I don't think le virgin thoughts and stuff like that classify as core beliefs. An example of a core belief would be

I need to help people, or, I don't need to help people
I am good enough, or, I am not good enough

whether one core belief is better than the other is really just a matter of preference and opinion

>>18704143
>>18704127
or at least they aren't likely to change. I guess they could change, but I see that more as a person acting against their core belief rather than absolutely changing it.

whatever though I'm not trying to sound like I know everything. sorry.

>>18704082
>I didn't say anything about the quality of the relationship. You're the one saying one night stand.
That's true, I just misinterpreted what you said. When you said get laid I assumed you mean one night stand.

>I'm not saying you're self-centered or anything. Maybe your world is smaller than it needs to be, so all you think about is marriage, mating, and your immediate circumstances.
I guess I could attribute a little bit of it to self-centered-ness honestly. it's not necessarily that I think everything is about me because I think I'm important, its cause I'm paranoid. For example, if two girls that are near me and laughing I assume they're laughing at me or something.

>People have blind belief that the ultimate reality is *positive* and that *good things* are going to happen. You can't argue with faith.
I think my problem is that I think the exact opposite. I always think that bad things are going to happen and that the "ultimate reality" is negative.

>>18703850
lovin is a choice

>>18704173
>im self-conscious, I'm paranoid, it might be self-centered
focus outside of yourself. focus on things larger than if people in class like you. take the heat off yourself and get interested in things other than your predicament. maybe just appreciate how the girls look, instead of wondering what they think of you. maybe get into something that doesn't involve sex or social acceptance.

of course it makes sense to be concerned with what people think of you, but just not all the time. maybe think of that when you are introducing yourself to people or buying clothes. try not to think of it when you're taking a class or trying to enjoy yourself.

>I'm the opposite I think that the ultimate reality is always negative.
There's plenty of arguments for the ultimate reality being good and being bad.

Reality is ultimately bad
>the pain of the devoured outweighs the pain of the devourer
>all things will be lost into the void and ultimately it won't matter what happened here
>we are all going to lose everything we love, suffer, and then die
>we will never meet all of our expectations and we're just positively illisuoned

arguments for good
>our brains are basically wired to feel rewarded 24/7 and if we aren't feeling the reward that's an easily treatable condition
>we are in a time and location where we sometimes have to go to work but mostly we can have a big food sex party that lasts until death, and that death is going to be an insignificant speck in the shadow of the life we lived
>people can worry about things like the fact that there is evil in the world and that existence is too absurd and that they are ugly, but really this is all a complete waste of time and we should be grateful for what we do have

I have the opposite problem. I message all these girls at my new college... even been on a few dates.
They are all so incredibly boring.
I don't even know why I'm asking girls out and whatnot. I guess because I feel I should.
I keep messaging and talking to them because I dislike being a handholdless virgin but christ it feels like work

>>18704287
>i'm a virgin because other people aren't good enough
haha right

>>18704287
How do you even approach them to ask for their numbers or something? I feel like if I did that I would just be bothering them and they'd think I was a creep

>>18704332
make friends with girls. that's the first not PUA step.

>>18704360
>Make friends with girls
Hao