Numb as fuck

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Something is wrong with me.

I love my wife and kids, but it doesn't motivate me enough to go out and work hard. I want to, but I procrastinate and lose focus so easily. I'm so awful with time management and organizational tasks that it is beyond overwhelming. I just can't bring myself to do anything in life that is productive or positive. I've lucked my way into a great career that I'm barely able to manage and I'm faking it successfully due to fake charm and a high IQ. The problem is that it doesn't give me any noticeable anxiety. I kind of bury it. I can dig up the anxiety a little if I dwell on uncomfortable thoughts, but normally it's suppressed. I make about 150k per year, but could easily make double that. Not to mention that if my employer started investigating me, I'd probably be in danger of losing my job.

I used to waste my life away on games and entertainment. Now even those things barely register for me. I get bored of everything easily. I have pissed away all my friendships and can't seem to make friends easily anymore beyond the most superficial acquaintenances. No activities really bring me actual joy. I don't even remember what that feels like.

With all that said, I'm not sad really. I'm just so fucking numb. I don't really feel emotions anymore. Not really. I feel love sometimes, but it's still like I can't truly experience it. It's like seeing it through a fog.

I'm just so lost. It'd be easier if I really felt depressed or something. I don't feel like ending it all. I don't have highs and lows. It's just this BLEH life all the time.

What the fuck is wrong with me and what can I do to fix it?