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So I dated a girl for nine-ish months a couple years back. Broke up with her after months of slowly getting more and more disgusted with her and her family. Was only really in it for the sex, towards the end.
Anyhow, never once in that nine month period did I tell her that I loved her. She told me all the fucking time, fishing for me to say it. But I never did, because I wasn't ever sure if I did or not. Looking back now, I can see that no, I didn't love her, but that's not the question here.
Should I have said it to her anyway? Not at the end, obviously, but earlier when I was still interested. Is it autistic/cruel/whatever to date and fuck a girl for nine months and never tell her that you love her?
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No, you did the right thing. It no doubt hurt her that you never said it back, but at least now she can reflect on the relationship and probably realize that you never did. If you had told her that you loved her but she sensed that deep down you did not really care for her, or you gave away some of that disgust, then that would've screwed up her expectations for what it means to love someone.
Lots of people develop baggage that way: the first person who says they love them teaching them that it's normal to shit over the boundaries of someone you love, normal to humiliate them in public, normal to discourage them from self-development, normal to not want to be seen with them, you name it. And because they want to accept that love they run with it and downplay it to themselves as not a big deal. Then after the break up it takes a long time to rebuild that self-respect and ask more of the next partner and not get a douchebag/bitch again.
So you did the right thing by not letting someone you did not love believe you loved her.
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>>18699536
>So you did the right thing by not letting someone you did not love believe you loved her
That's the thing. I don't know (nor do I really care) how she feels about it now, but at the time she was desperately trying to convince herself that I secretly did and just felt too embarrassed to say it. She kept going on and on about how I "said it without words" and shit like that.
Maybe she's moved on. For what it's worth, she tried getting me to stick around just as a booty call, but I've gone close to a year without sex now and I have no desire to hook up with her again.
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>>18699557
Why are you reflecting on these experiences if they were years back anon?
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>>18699571
'Cause I'm chasing a new girl.
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