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My grandmother's may be narcissist, she consistently hurts me and my younger brother emotionally (sometimes physically if we put our emotions before hers).
After our single mother, her daughter, died of cancer in 2009, our grandmother took us under her care. Since then its been 8 years of commands, snarky pity, and outright dismissal on her behalf nearly everyday.
She doesn't have conversations, expressing your point of view with her is a futile effort. I even expressed my thoughts of suicide to her and she replied that I should probably go for it by jumping into the East River, then chuckled.
Now I'm 20 years old and my younger brother's 15. I currently have a job and attend college, along with a slew of hobbies to keep myself driven and alive. I just feel like I don't matter around this woman, there's no closeness, just survival. She took us in when we were helpless and she's felt that we owe her our lives since then. Strange dynamic, I know. She even choked me the other day for attempting to defend myself from her berating.
I just don't know what to do. Imagine living with someone that doesn't listen to a word you say, throws insults at you, belittles you and your achievements, yet triples down on every mistake you make. It's beyond frustrating, and the part that distresses me the most is that she somehow convinces a part of me that she's right. Maybe I am worthless, maybe I am lazy and unbecoming...
What the fuck should I do? I don't have a relationship with her, she just insists on paying bills, despite my offers to help out.
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>>18699147
anyone?
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>>18699147
dont move out unless you can afford to take your brother with you; if she really is that bad then you can't leave him with her
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>>18699147
>raise beautiful child
>exhausting but now i get to watch them live life
>they die
>i'm raising their kids
The last line makes me think your grandma's heart is in the right place at least.
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>>18699176
Figures. I agree, it'd be almost selfish to leave him with her.
>>18699182
Of course her heart's in the right place, but her execution is fucked. She's pretty much a bully most of the time, and it's duly exhausting to be around her.
Or maybe I'm wrong
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>>18699182
If her heart's in the right place, is there something wrong with me that I'm not aware of?
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>>18699207
No man, I didn't mean she isn't mean to you, she is, she is obviously.
I just feel like if I were in her shoes I'd feel quite resentful of life. Also, if I felt like I fucked up my first kids at all I'd probably go tough love af too.
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>>18699220
Alright. The part that confuses me is, why go tough love?
Wouldn't it make more sense to become more sensitive? She definitely lived a long and difficult life and I still empathize with her. It's hard to do that when she has that strong front a bullet couldn't penetrate
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>>18699224
Firstly, I sympathize OP, tough situation.
She's not more sensitive because she's resentful. No offense but she's in her twilight years where her kids should be taking care of her, not her taking care of the kids of her kids. It's not you or your brother, she feels like she got a bum wrap from life, she's disenfranchised. You are the latest bump in the road. She doesn't see you and your brother, that is clouded by the situation. She can't move beyond her own feelings. She feels obligated to provide a roof over your head because that's what society expects, but she hates the fact- even subconsciously, that she has to provide when she should be the one being taken care of. I'm sure she loves you (or maybe she doesn't as is doing it out of social expectation idk, that's dark though), because you and your brother wouldn't be in the house otherwise but her anger and resentment is stronger.
I don't know what kind of person she is, how selfish or self-centred. You can try and ease her life, do more chores, pay the bills whatever and it may never be enough. But it also just may be enough. Rather than tell her, just do it, be kind, be charitable she will complain because that's her go-to, she will do it without thinking but if you keep at it, make it a part of everyday life, you may be able to change her mind without her realizing it, bravo. Again I sympathize, but look out for your brother, he is more important that your grandma.
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>>18699339
Thank you anon, I've been losing my mind over this situation for the last couple of years and you actually proposed a sensible solution to this issue.
I understand that I can't undo the ills of life but it makes sense to me that family should help ease the harshness of reality.
Thanks again
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