Literally kill me

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>I scoured every resource on the internet, everywhere from this subreddit to therapy sites to self-help. Read entire books on polyamory
>Eventually she expressed to me “maybe if I’m allowed to explore THAT side of my sexuality, we can have sex again”
>Desperate, I literally drive a guy she had history with back to our apartment
>They fuck on our couch while I’m at work the next day, and they kiss in front of me that night
>Of course, can’t go back on it now because “you told both of us you were okay with it, I’m not your mother I can’t be responsible for your decisions, etc.”
>I broke up with her about one also-sexless month later when she said she “wouldn’t be home that night after work, had a hot date” while I was driving to an important training session
>Considered killing myself with drugs from work (landed a decent job as a pharmacy technician), nearly lost my job twice for breaking down on the clock
>Went on a few desperate dates on OKCupid because lonely
>Somehow attracted a girl
>She was sweet and good, and loved me
>We had sex constantly for the ~2 months we were together
>Meanwhile still secretly still living with Kaila, separate beds but unbeknownst to the new girl
>Kaila “open relationships, I don’t ever get jealous” suddenly becomes deeply depressed
>Literally does not get off couch, does not go to class, eats almost nothing for a full month
>Starts talking to me about possibly hurting herself
>I was weak and caved
>I cried with her. We kissed and more and she gave me all the passion for a night that I’d missed for months.
>I went to the new girl and broke up with her. Told her the whole truth and that she deserved far far better than me. She told me, begged me, to see reason. That the relationship I was in was not normal or good. The last text she ever sent me I’ll post here, because I read it every day.

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“I want you to know that nothing she has done is your fault. Not sleeping with other people, not pretending to hurt herself, not ignoring your needs, nothing. I love you and that's proof you won't be forever alone. You're not an unlovable monster. You're handsome and strong and funny and great. I believe in you. This relationship isn't typical or normal. No matter what you did, you deserve better. I'll be here for you any way that I can. I hope you'll call me later but it's 100% ok if you don't feel like it. TL;DR : I love you. Have a good day <3"

>>18698435
emotionnal blackmail
I'd break up + no contact

Dude, leave kaila, she is obviously not good for you.

>>18698598
^ stay with new girl

>>18698435
What do you need "advice" on, bro? Get ahold of yourself. You already know what you need to do, but somehow you haven't been shit on hard enough to sack up and do it. I'd offer you sympathy, but this didn't happen to you - you did it to yourself. And you continue to do it to yourself every day. Leave this girl, move out of her parent's house, rebuild your life and yourself as a man, then reapproach dating. Sucks you had to shit on the new girl, but at least she showed you that there are actually good people out there. Don't make what you did to her all for nothing.

>>18698435
>dump hoe
>get own place
>keep in contact with new girl, because she seems to genuinely care
>learn from your mistakes
Shit happens to everyone man, and you got it pretty rough. What's important is you stick with people who are really there for you, and cut off all shit with this kalia whore

>Captcha related: Pick the punching bags
Something you don't wanna be

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>>18698616
Seems to make sense. Here's the kicker though: when we got back together Kaila agreed to only date other girls. It isn't what I want, but it's better than there being other guys in her life.

She still "doesn't like sex except with new people". She'll let me use her body to get off or give me a 10 second blow job, but the end reaction is always "ew, gross". She just kinda lays there on her phone and allows me to go down on her or whatever. We still barely have sex more than once or twice a month.

If you stay with Kaila you're pathetic.

>>18699078
Lmao you fucking KEK
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Burn all bridges or you're pathetic

>>18698435
Men wreck their lives everyday over pussy and you are one of them. Most of us fuck up crawling around trying to lock pussy down for us alone but realize it is futile.

You gotta let it go, that pussy is hers and she'll hand it out to whomever she chooses no matter what you say, think or do. Always will.

>>18698435
>>18699078
What the actual fuck is wrong with you? How did you become so fucked up? How can anyone stand what's happened to you?

Dude find a therapist. I mean that in the most caring way possible. You have some serious shit you need to sort out. I'll be honest you might have to shop around a bit until you find one that works for you but it will be worth it