Molested children as adults

>>18698047

So I had a long time family member that was molested as a child.

I can't explain everything but what I can tell you is this: molested women are permanently broken. They will never be normal for as long as they live. Doesn't mean that can't be kind, or live a semi-normal life.

If you think you're gonna have a healthy and balanced relationship with a woman who was molested as a child, it is not possible.

>>18698047

Only silver lining I can think of is molested people tend to be very kind empathetic adults.

>>18698047
Personally, I was molested as a child and only know very few people (for sure) that also were molested.

I mean, I had my share of despair, but I just did drugs for like a year and a half at the peak of my molestation-related depression. I actually didn't have a crazy amount of partners because any kind of sexual contact was very traumatic for me for quite a long time. From ages like, 13 to 20, if a boy and I got sexual, I'd go catatonic and have flashbacks of the abuse. It was just terrible. As a teen, I kinda sexually flaunted at boys my age, but once it got too far, I'd freak out and become super prude then ignore them.

I am not defensive, but reserved and I guess that's why I don't make friends easily. I doubt this has to do with being molested, even before I was molested, I was quiet and selectively mute until about age 9.

I know of 4 people who were molested. Only one fits your post but she got therapy and changed her life around at around age 24. The other three are living rather normal lives.

My cousin was sexually assaulted as a toddler, which caused her to have a severely messed up bladder and incontinence for the rest of her life. She is doing well, romantically and in life in general. She's a bit of a fireball, but outgoing, lots of friends, no problems dating.

Other two are great. Athletes, just got into college. Pushed dating to the side and just indulge in their girl friendships.

As for me, I also got therapy. I was in it for like 7 years and it was very healing. But the thing is, you cannot make people confront their demons.

As for the commoness of pedos, I don't even know. It scares me to think about it. I was molested by my mom's boyfriend. My friend was 7 when she was molested and forced to give sexual acts to her older teenage cousins. My cousin and my close friend's daughters were molested by the same person, my aunt-by-marriage's step son who was 13-18 when he molested them. They were ages 2-7 years old when he did.

>>18698145 here
To add, a silver lining could be that survivors are just in the know and like another poster said, empathetic.

I mean, I am in my 30s now. I am a wife and a mother of a daughter. I am not all psycho feminist, this pain made me stronger. Made me cut off toxic people. Made me be the mom I needed when I was younger.

>>18698145
>As a teen, I kinda sexually flaunted at boys my age, but once it got too far, I'd freak out and become super prude then ignore them.

Wow. this explains several of my exes.

Sadly there are many pedos out there.

>>18698145
>>18698169
You're right, this is just a trend I noticed and not how all survivors are.

I just hope that these people do become more like you, or like your friend who has changed. It's no good to see someone I care about caught in a sick, viscous cycle.

I didn't think that things are all necessarily good or bad. I think it's about the intentent and the context. It would be nice to see at least one of these people find peace.

>>18698177
Every family I know has at least one member was molested. For people who know the victim, it starts out infuriating, and then just becomes sad.

>>18698047
My mom was molested as a child (by a family member) and I completely relate with this. She wasn't a horrible mom but she wasn't a good one, either. She was extremely over protective and strict and yet at the same time could be overly indulgent and neglectful. It's a hard thing for everybody involved, especially on my dad, and I can't find a silver lining in any part of it.

I think the girl I've loved since high school was the same way. She's never admitted it to me but she never wanted to date and she would have sex with everyone but me. She considered me her best friend and even today considers me about the only person she can rely on, but she doesn't want to have a relationship because "she's damaged from her past". I'm hoping in due time, whether she was molested or something else, that she'll just understand that I love her for her and she has nothing to be ashamed of.

She was very promiscuous when we were teenagers, but again, never with me. She knows how I feel about her, and I wonder if it's like a Forrest Gump / Jenny thing. Sometimes the boys at school would call her a whore or slut or laugh at me when I told them I liked her, and I even got in two fights about that shit, and punched a third guy in class once because she was crying and he called her a whore. About the only times I've ever been violent in my life.

She was "with" a man for four years, had a kid with him, she admits to me that he trapped her by getting her pregnant and that she never loved him. She doesn't talk about her other child's father at all. We lost touch for several years because i moved away but we reconnected and I'm just trying to show her that I'm not going to disappoint her like those other men, but I don't know if she's too far gone or not. But there were red flags when she was younger and I realize it now that I'm older, and whatever happened to her it just makes me sad and if she was molested, I hope she never tells me who did it and that they're still alive because I can tell you that I'd do something bad.

I have Asperger's and she was about the only person in school who never teased me. Was always polite to me, the only one that ever talked to me outside of school, we just connected but thinking about it nowadays I could just see the pain in her eyes sometimes. It really does make me depressed because I wasn't able to protect her.

>>18698203

Jeez bro.

You got friendzoned hard enough for your grandad to feel it.

Your post doesn't have much to do with molestation, and more that Slutty McSlut considered you her "pal" to hang around with and never fuck.

>>18698208

I've been friendzoned by 14 women. She acts completely different than all 14 of them and she is the only one that still talks to me.

We just went out the other week and she was very flirty and what not. She always initiates conversation if I haven't talked to her in a few days, etc. Of course I have loaned her about a thousand dollars this year since she was going through troubles, but everything that I remember from her in school suggests something happened. She's even told me stories before of when she was 14-15 and she was having sex with 25-30+ year old men. The father of her son is like 15 years older than her. I don't think it's just her being a slut.

>but even if it was, I don't have a problem with it and would be with her in a second if she'd let me.

I wonder how men and women differ in dealing with being molested.
>>18698213
dude, that's not healthy.

>>18698177
>Wow. this explains several of my exes.
I mean, that behavior is fairly normal for hormone-raging girls who don't know what they want.

However, I think I took it to a bit more of an extreme. Despite never having sex with all the boys I flirted and flaunted around, I was the girl that was "slut-shamed" for the way I acted around boys. And at the time, I didn't care. I hung out with similar girls who had probably suffered from severe abuse/family issues too. The girls that developed very early, girls in foster care, runaways, homeless teens. I mean, in a sense, misery loves company.

>>18698218

I know but I have an obligation to help her and fix her so she can live a happy life, the life I was unable to give her by not being adequate enough for her commitment.

>>18698218
>>18698145 here again

If you don't mind I share one more, I forgot to mention that my father was molested when he was 7. This was probably worst than most cases though. He was molested by his uncle. And when he attempted to tell my grandmother, she was so angry and in disbelief, that she abused and resented my dad even further.

My dad and I are really close, he says he feels like he has internally struggled with opening up about it because he fears that he'd be labeled homosexual by default or a secret pedo because of the myth that "if you were molested, you'll become a molester"

I love my dad, but he has so much unsettled resentment for his mother and she has already passed away, he has a lot of built up aggression, insecurities, and pain. She never believed him, never apologized, even on her deathbed.

Honestly, I think the larger pain with being molested is that families aren't always supportive. As in my case, my mom didn't fight for me either. She knew it was happening, but chose to live in denial. That fucked me up more than being molested itself. That kind of abandonment doesn't just get better on its own.

>>18698220

fuck your ignorant arrogance. you can't fix her. you can't fix anyone. You never could.

And thinking that somehow any effort that is less than 100% sacrifice of your self could ever be enough is not taking her problems seriously.

Do you have an obligation to help? Well, thats up to you to decide, and help you can. At least help more than hurt. But fix? That presumes that either of you know what she should be doing. And you don't. The best either of you in a combined effort can hope for is to identify what she should not be doing.

Believing yourself capable of fixing someone means you have grossly identified your own boundaries and limitations.

>>18698218
From what I have seen, not much differently. Men get to have more grace when they're fucking into the dozens, though, probably some shit to do with reproductive strategy and/or societal norms.

>>18698178
>>18698145
Where'd this person go? I'm interested in if people behaving like this can go back to normal, or at least find some sort of genuine peace.

>>18698203
Pathetic, scum like you makes me puke.

My younger sister was molested by our uncle. I found out years later, but thinking of it now, I can pinpoint the exact moment when it happened. She was a hyperactive kid, kinda annoying but sweet. Then her personality suddenly did a 180 and she got quiet, reserved and closed off. I kind of blame myself that I didn't notice back then. I did have my own problems back then and I thought it was just puberty, but it's blindingly obvious in hindsight.

It's heartbreaking because she just doesn't trust anyone. She has a boyfriend now, but she doesn't think for a second that it will last. She doesn't even believe that he loves her even though that much is obvious to anyone who sees them together. She won't see a psychologist no matter what I tell her and I have no idea what to do.

Being used like a cumrag by an adult at a formative age, especially if they're simultaneously deceiving you by pretending to love you or in charge of your well-being (parent or other caretaker), fucks with your head. It makes you distrustful and paranoid, it makes you identify some pretty weird shit as indicative of love, it makes you feel powerless and disgusting in the long term, not just while it's happening. You also have to stuff your own powerfully bad feelings without learning to deal with them, or feel horrified about having liked it, or might feel like the world is without justice or it's your own fault because other people didn't believe you or intervene...


People deal with that in all kinds of ways, by becoming really narcissistic to cover up for how worthless they feel, or becoming emotionally unstable/volatile, or choosing partners who abuse them because that's what they're used to or they now seem like people who are easy to abuse. The entire situation is indeed a fucking shame.

and yeah people do awful stuff to each other if they feel like they can get away with it

>>18698047
what's so evil about it op? Everyone needs love. If women put out more, maybe less rapes would happen all around.

>>18698145
>My cousin was sexually assaulted as a toddler, which caused her to have a severely messed up bladder and incontinence for the rest of her life.
>>18698145

LMAO. Did the other kids call her diaper girl?

>>18698177
>Sadly there are many pedos out there.

Less than 1% of the population is, numbnuts. Also 1 in 4 on campuses is a complete fabrication that has been repeated by circularly cited and anecdotal studies with no merit.

Also gays only account for 2-4% of the population.

Everything you think you know about sexuality is a lie.

>>18698203
Captain saveahoe only works to help other guys get laid.

When you're the safe one, she gets bored with you and fucks other guys.

So you would not have succeeded.

>>18698893
>>18698891
>>18698904

This is an adult thread big boys and girls only

>>18698912
Im a big boy i go potty all by myself in ur sister's twat.

I dunno man, if my daughter was hot enough I don't think I could stop from molesting her.

>>18698917
>>18698923
You're not offending anyone you're just shitposting the place up too bad.

>>18698912

>>18698928
Its for irony.

>>18698932
Hopefully you'd wait for your daughter to grow up to fuck her. Doinking kids is not cool

>>18698203
Holy cuckamole batman, we've got a grade-A cuckold right here boys!

>>18699103
heh

My girlfriend was molested but you'd honestly never know. Couldn't tell you how thankful I am to have met such an amazing woman.

>>18698047
I feel bad for the girls but they will ultimately project their abuser onto you. You get all the anger, hate, rage but what is fucked up, they know intellectually you aren't the abuser but anything can trigger them to lash out.

>>18699156
My ex got forced by her step father to suck his dick when she was like 5 or 6. She never leashed out on me but when her feeling uncomfortable went over a certain level she'd just close off. That could be because the weather was too hot, because she was too tired or because I had done something to upset her. Couldn't talk to her because she just went mute when that happened. I just had to wait it out. It became so hard to handle for me. Eventually when the relationship went into limbo because we weren't made for each other she did the same thing, she emotionally and verbally closed off to me but opened up to some other guy and then cheated. Of course she thought it was my fault for being jealous of her wanting to go on dates with that guy and writing with him non stop

>>18699203
Ive seen the mute thing more than lashing out. It looks like nobody is home for about five or ten minutes.

Ive seen a few of the lashing out type turn to the opposite sex because they can't even look at a man without getting angry.

And boys go through this shit too, they are predated upon as well

>>18699215
*same sex

>>18698134
>permanently broken
I can help but to think people believing this is a factor in these people having life long issues from these actions. That is to say mentality. Physical issues are a clear sign of abuse. I suppose I'm getting at the consent senerio. All rape is %100 wrong with a clear abuser and victim , but if compassion and care are there on both sides is laying with a youger individual wrong? Does that happen? Are we demonizing the "abuser" and telling a child they are broken for being sexual?

>>18699203
She projected onto you the step father abuser so she wanted to get away and why she found a guy. She will do the same to this guy and the next and the next.

Getting molested is no excuse to be a whore.
It has got to be the stupidest excuse.
Bitches like these like to say they were molested but really they just like to spew a bunch of crap and excuses for their cunt behavior.

>>18699805
This is me.
>>18699856
I could see this, but very insensitive m80

>>18699805
I'm in complete agreement. Though it's completely dependent and changes from situation to situation. When I was 12 my neighbor older girl introduced me to some things. When I later conversed with a friend about this who had also been molested, she said to me "didn't you feel weird, or hurt, or strange?" I told her I didn't, which goes in line with what you are saying. But that only occurs when, as you say, care is taken.

>>18699872
>but very insensitive m80
I have no patience for these kind of people anymore.
My friends ex used this same fucking excuse.
Every time she cheated:
>i got raped in the past it's not my fault
>i was molested
In reality she was just a huge whore that enjoyed fucking other guys behind his back.

If you ghost this girl i guarantee you will finally get the pussy.
It seems like you have more power than you know over her.

>>18699892
The idea that they could fine, but then use popular, possibly harmful narratives to their advantage does infuriate me.

>>18698047
>I had an intense fling with someone who turned out to be a cooky bobblehead
That God damn Churchill dog, how many lives will he ruin?

Freaking heartbreaking to hear so many got molested. But I was also one of those people. I didn't start a whore journey, quite the opposite. Was a natural bubbly and curious child, and turned reserved afterwards. Even now as an adult I feel uneasy being touched, hugs from friends feels like a choking. Although I trust them, I just can't stand being touched.

>>18699968
>can't stand being touched
That almost seems common in the general pubic. How old were you, and did the changes come on quickly?

>>18698047
i'm in a healthy relationship now after being treated bad as a kid...

i'm though in a very intense psychological treatment to help me
cause honestly that shit breaks you, it's not nice in any kind of way and desu i feel disgusting, slimy i want to puke because i find myself so unattractive in all kinds of ways

i had a periode of heavy self distruction where i slept with a ton of people, not because i enjoyed it, but somehow you think it's the only thing to do.

it's not clearly.. but often you need serious help to move past it..

i can't be touched soft, me and my bf (for 4 years now) have never cuddled and you know touched each other softly i panic when he do that to me and i feel groose when i do it to him

i trian it right now, so he at one point can touch my arm or cheek in a soft way.
but it's hard and it'll take time..

i live in a great relationship with understanding and support from my partner
and i get serious help..

not all are that lucky and i understand why they have a hard time!

it's not even like i'm able to explain how it feels, it's just stuck inside you, and you can't do anything about it..
it hurts like hell..

i'm almost crying now typing this..
it just sucks and you can get a little past it but it's something you have to live with and i guess thats fucking hard to accept!

>>18698213
What the fuck is wrong with you man jesus fucking christ

>>18699979
10, pretty much instantly. I've accepted it and talked it out, and it's not like I think about it often at all. By this point it's like a blur anyway, it's more of an instinct to shy away/flee as someone gets a bit touchy.

>>18700083
If you don't mind more questions, was it family and was it clearly done without you in mind (was straight up rape)?

>>18698047
>>18698145
Just asking... Molestation is when the weakest one don't want to do it, right?

>>18700015
>that shit breaks you
I could believe this; honestly would be easier/safer, but if it made you feel unattractive could it be something else?

I'd say at any point in ones life if they felt like "used goods," they'd feel unattractive. Maybe has more to do with repressing women's sexuality.

I suppose I have something to add of my own experience. I wasn't molested, but me and another boy did things together for over year when we were 11. The only struggle or pain that came from it at the time came from my crazy religious family. Its what caused me to say something to my parents because I didn't have the willpower to end it myself. I think it only really hurt him after that point.

and now here I am being pedophile/sympathizer, and he has gone through transitioning (at least hrt).

>>18699145
>My girlfriend was molested but you'd honestly never know. Couldn't tell you how thankful I am to have met such an amazing woman.


See, molesting makes girls amazing.

>>18699979
>general pubic
>PUBIC
Lel.

>>18700692
QED

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>>18698047
>I was molested as a child (I am male)
>My girlfriend was molest as well.
>it wasn't full on rape for both of us but molestation
>We both received therapy as children.
>We are both stable and normal adults.
I think a lot of the craziness that is associated with being molested has to do with people who don't receive therapy after.

>>18700704
that picture looks like something a stable adult would save on his computer

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>>18700696
fug
>>18700692
Ideally a "molested" child would just have a healthy grasp on their sexuality early on in life.
>>18700704
I would think of your therapy as a place holder for the "care" (>>18699805). In a perfect world your abuser should have had the answers therapy gave you.

>>18698047
>Why is this people's very specific reaction to being molested?
I think that's a coincidence. Most of the people I know who have been molested don't jump from partner to partner.

>And, are humans really evil enough that a common type of person could rape a fucking child?
Most child molestation is situational. Most people are stupid and selfish. Also, research suggests most molestation is between siblings or cousins.

>Is there any way to turn something like this into a positive?
Some successful people were molested. It can break you or make you.

>Is there any potential for a silver lining here?
No, but every human alive is the product of rape. Everyone of us has an ancient ancestor who was raped somewhere along history. Everyone of us has an ancestor created through infidelity. We all exist because mankind is flawed.

Got involved with a girl who had been molested. She had a victim mentality such that every failed relationship she had been was because the person abused her. She never took responsibility for her part nor she did take responsibility for any part of the failure of our relationship. I simply joined the list of victimizers. Taught me some lessons I'll never forget.

>>18700692
Hah. Believe you me I know it's not the norm, as unfortunately evidenced by this thread.

>>18701207
The opposite is so often true because its also incest and done as a selfish act. Is my guess.

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>>18700742

>Ideally a "molested" child would just have a healthy grasp on their sexuality early on in life.

Fucking what?

>>18701344
Like they had an older, caring partner and it wasn't rape committed by shitty family. Ideally the child just knows and is comfortable with their sexuality.

>>18701389

Please tell me you're not implying that being molested as at a young age aids children in being comfortable with their sexuality.

>>18701400
I'm saying it is possible in the case that it doesn't end up fucking them up. If that can happen.

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>>18698178
This is a very good remark to have. It's important to remember that every person's experience is their own personal one.

I was molested when I was a tween/young teen by my stepfather and it manifested itself (I believe) in me "romantically" pursuing people who didn't care about me (often due to their own abuse/experiences), because I equated care and emotional investment with the traumatic experiences. I had a number of sexual hangups too as well as an unhealthy mindset regarding sex, but I went through therapy and believe myself to be living much healthier now. I still suffer from anxiety and can be depressive, but I'm functional.

I truly believe that near everyone can benefit from therapy.

>>18698213
>>18698203
definitely seems like a forrest/jenny thing.

as long as you're happy and contented with your life and can accept things are the way they are then keep on living my man. but please be self-aware. she's probably not going to be with you at this point and I would consider having a serious talk with her about this.

>>18700742
your posts read like you're a groomer.

>>18701482
I'm throwing ideas around of how a relationship with age difference could work. If it can be healthy, then it would be hard to not come off as a groomer. They are a child taking in the world and learning from it.

>>18699805
>>18699892
>>18699979
>>18700352
>>18700742
>>18701619
All of these post were mine

>>18698047
I know two.
Ones well adjusted with a husband now. She was a sweet girl.
The other is super isolated. She has people at complete distance, doesn't engage emotionally and basically treats what happens to her as something she can't overcome and just treats every negative part of herself as "thats just me".

Its attitude.
its shit for anyone it happens to but after a certain point its not sympathetic. They're letting a terrible event run their lives out of self-pity.

>>18701627
>>18699872
This one not >>18699892

I feel like if you didn't get away with it younger, it just gets worse and worse. so I don't really care about victims. there are winners and losers.
How many chads do you think get off with "persuaded pleasure" and fuck little girls when they're both 12? The smart ones. That knew life and what it was, and didn't fucking believe in fairy tales. I'm fucking pissed I didn't fuck that shit. At least I know the truth. Tuck some away and go evil. And beat up people too. fucking torture them. beat the shit out of them. and scream

>>18700127
Not family, it was a summer camp and one of the leaders took advantage. I don't know if he did it too others but it wouldn't surprise me.

I don't think I was picked out, but I was a good-looking child and very likeable. I met my kindergarten teacher a week ago in the street and she legitimately began crying because of all years she was a teacher, I was still her favorite. So I suppose I was very charismatic? Even looking back at video tapes of me now, I always ran around, hugging, sitting in people's lap. Just being a bundle of joy to be around. If I had been a pedo/molester, I would probably go for someone who went for me, you know? I made it easy to take advantage of me because I was gullible, and slightly clingy. I'm not trying to put blame on myself here, but damn I was an easy target.

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>>18701721

I think the amount of responsibility it would take to have a life long relationship with someone starting with them at an early age goes far be on what most have.

>Is there any way to turn something like this into a positive?
Is it fairly clear no

>>18698192
You can relate to your mom being molested as a kid?

>>18698203
>I'm hoping in due time, whether she was molested or something else, that she'll just understand that I love her for her and she has nothing to be ashamed of.

I understand you have a mental imbalance but this gave me chills. You need to move the fuck on. If she hasn't already dated you, shes not ever going to. You are an idiot.

>live life
>go through life changing experience
You seriously think they'll ever be the same? Not saying they're "broken" or whatever, but they'll always carry that weight and it's help define who they are.

>>18700135
>Just asking... Molestation is when the weakest one don't want to do it, right?
Yes I think so. As a quite short women myself I got once pinned on the ground by a 15 year old when I was 19. He was just joking but hell it felt pretty fucked up and I started panicking but still couldn't push him off.

>>18700135
Molestation is to go against someone's will and force physical contact. Going by that and the context OP created, this thread wasn't a place to harbor ideas of an intimate relationship between an adult and child.

>rape a fucking child
>any way to turn something like this into a positive

Hell no. But you could take out, "child," and I'd say the same thing. Rape and molestation are interchangeable; rape just implies sexual contact more.

>>18698134
My sister was abused when she was little by a neighbour. She shut it off and went through a bad period in her teens.

She has a job, a husband, a lovely child and time to entertain or talk with family.
I am sure she deals with a lot of insecurities, but honestly: also people without this history are dealing with insecurities.
All in all, she does great, and i wouldnt call her broken for life.
Therapy and family support helped a lot.
If the predator is a family member, shit.

>>18699805
The antithesis of this suggestion is the fact that you can find children who are being abused sexually because they will have mental and emotional quirks. I bet you didnt know that lots of kids who are molested then smear their shit on the wall.
You are arguing that the child is giving knowing consent which is not the case a majority of the time. The could give consent but they dont know what they are giving consent to.

>>18698904

>300 million Americans
>lets assume .5% are pedos
>that's 1.5 million pedos

>disputes my claim that there are a lot of pedos out there

Get a load of this guy.

>>18702975
You should not introduce sex to a child (it should have little to do with your love felt), but I would say when they would develop to know about it that they could began to be able to give consent. There is something that is so unique about the responsibility, waiting for them to bring it up/be curious. But I do not doubt that being a thing before even age 16.

What I am suggesting is that some cases have gone misjudged, that we have two victims in some cases. There is no way to make something positive out of molestation, sexual abuse. Rape has a clear abuser and victim. Cases in this thread seem pretty clear.

Also if you have any sources I'd like to have them. It all seems believable.

>>18700158
It's not just unattractive i feel i feel disgusting, it's hard to describe
And english isn't my first language so i guess it's hard for me to come up with some other term

But it's like your whole life is ruined..
And you can't do anything about it
Well as i wrote i get special help now and have for a long time and i guess i can see a light

But it's stuck in you and you have no chance to remove it

It happend when i was a child and no matter what it can't be undone even though you wish for it every day and night

>>18703484
This thread has really presented to me the idea that a child's dependence on their caretaker makes these actions, intended rape or not, abysmal every. time.

I'm sorry to of stirred anything negative.