Clingy guys (?)

>>18695681
>Is it normal?

>The most extreme example would be a guy telling me he'd marry me after 4 dates,
No. Fucking run.

>one brought me flowers on our 2nd date,
No big deal. You're probably overreacting.

>one made me a playlist for our first date because I mentioned I was curious about a band
Sounds like hes a complete shutin and was trying to be nice. I'd be cautious.

>or telling me they want to be my boyfriend after just a couple of dates.
Sounds like you're interested in different things. You're just interested in a quick fuck, or using him as emotional support, and hes interested in an actual relationship. I'd probably make it clear what you're interested in so they don't get misled.

>it was overwhelming
Funny, usually the people who come into your life are a product of your actions and what you surround yourself with. I'm sure you're clingy and just giving the cold shoulder to look like you're hard to get.

>>18695796

>You're just interested in a quick fuck, or using him as emotional support, and hes interested in an actual relationship.
I want a relationship, too. But I can't take such a commitment with a person I've known for a week. I'm not a disney princess that marries every guy who talks to her. I want to know a person, see if we get along and have something in common beside surface level stuff.
After 2 or 3 dates I don't know them at all, I'm not entering a romantic relationship with a stranger.

>>18695681

Normal decent guys tend to find partners via other means than online dating. The ones who need to resort to dating sides are at least some level of desperate and that will unavoidable reflect in their behaviour towards you.

>>18695811
Okay then maybe you should stop internet dating and find someone irl so you can stop bitching? Just a thought. Literally have a catalogue of men throwing themselves at you and you have the gall and audacity to bitch about it here. Whores these days, can't just be happy with the cocks they get. They have to complain about them on the internet first!

lotsa men are confused, barely getting any dates, listen to women in dating advice or even worse their mom

i dont get your problem with flowers or making a playlist though

if an avarage guy wants to go on dates with you, he also wants to be your bf, because you know, they are hard to catch unless they are Chad Chaddington

>>18695811
>I want a relationship, too. But I can't take such a commitment with a person I've known for a week. I'm not a disney princess that marries every guy who talks to her.
when did i say anything about marrying?

he said he wanted to be your boyfriend, ie. start dating you. if you actually wanted a relationship, then this wouldnt be a deal breaker, itd be what you're looking for.

if it turns out hes not your type, whatever, you can bail, just say you dont see something happening. point is, starting a relationship doesnt mean immediately putting out or planning a marriage with him, it just means trying to see if something more could happen between you two.

>>18695807
I'm not particularly clingy.

>>18695819
I've been told on here a few months ago that I should try online dating.
It wasn't really terrible, but the emotional attachment made me feel a little weird.

>>18695823
I am not even bitching about it. Just wondering if it is normal, or if my thoughts on the topic are odd.

>>18695824
>i dont get your problem with flowers or making a playlist though
It isn't a problem. It was really sweet but maybe a little bit too much that early on. It made me feel like they put a lot of effort in something that for me was still rather casual, and made me feel a bit overwhelmed.

>>18695827
I don't want *a boyfriend*. I want to find a guy I like and I'm happy with, and make that guy my boyfriend.
I don't see the point of getting into a relationship with a guy that I don't know. What does it even mean? What's the point of committing and entering something serious with a person when I don't even know if I like them as a person?

>>18695681
There are a lot of thirsty guys out there. Half of those guys you were talking about were probably only trying to get sex and so they were trying to look like they were interested in more than sex so you would be willing. The other half dont care about you specifically and just want an attractive gf. Online dating is filled with thirsty guys. Nice guys are extremely thirsty and tend to be more desperate as they get older and come on way stronger because of it.

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>>18695681
Due to 'Le Feminazi's', it is hard for a lot of guys to find some one they deem reasonable enough and that has an interest in them, to peruse a relationship with. And thus when this happens, guys tend to just jump in.

It is a product of our society and a whole generation of men being brought up by Feminists.

Have a look at a utube channel called - 'beauty in the belly of the beast' she explains it better.

Have fun with the dating scene OP, it is only going to get worse.

>>18695839
>I don't want *a boyfriend*. I want to find a guy I like and I'm happy with, and make that guy my boyfriend.
>I don't see the point of getting into a relationship with a guy that I don't know. What does it even mean? What's the point of committing and entering something serious with a person when I don't even know if I like them as a person?
on one hand, i see your point. on the other hand, youre trying to get to know guys, hoping that theyre boyfriend material, and if youre doing it with multiple guys at the same time, theyre going to get the wrong impression if they find out.

>>18695839
>Just wondering if my thoughts on the topic are odd.
Simply put, yes they are.
>I don't see the point of getting into a relationship with a guy that I don't know
How do you think relationships start to begin with exactly? I've had girls after 3-6 dates want to "start a relationship" and, no, it doesn't mean sex. It's just a mutual agreement to remain exclusive while you check out where things are going between the two of you. A polite agreement between each other. Sounds like you just want fuckbuddies around that you can bounce from one to the next and that's cool and fine and all but don't pretend you're also looking for a relationship when you're not is all.
>"Like, it's so totally weird that guys would bring me flowers or something or a playlist, like, OMG."
You need some perspective. The "marry me after a 2nd date" is weird as fuck, sure, but you ever stop to think how many guys actually get "taken out to dinner" or a movie, or have flowers (bad example but you see where I'm going) given to them on a whim just because they tolerate someone's presence like yours? It almost never happens. I'm not saying you owe them anything, just learn to appreciate small shit people do for you instead of shitting on them and you'll probably be a lot happier. In another 5-10 years you won't have anybody looking at you twice.

>>18695855
***Blonde in the belly of the beast***

>>18695846
So what is a good alternative, if online dating isn't?
I'm going to join a club at my university in a month. Would it be okay?

>>18695858
I do get to know multiple guys at the same time, but I was under the impression that most people do that as well and it was kind of expected.
I don't feel the need of getting exclusive till we meet in real life and go on a first date. If I want to go on a 2nd date with a guy, I usually already drop everyone else.

>>18695862
>How do you think relationships start to begin with exactly?
I've been in two relationships before, and in both cases we had known each other for months before even starting to date. I also dated them for about 2-3 weeks before getting officially together.
It seems very rushed to me to get in a relationship with a person I know so superficially.

>Sounds like you just want fuckbuddies around that you can bounce from one to the next and that's cool and fine and all but don't pretend you're also looking for a relationship when you're not is all.
I am not. I haven't had sex with any of these people, I didn't even kiss most of them.

To me being someone's girlfriend means more than "not fucking anyone else". Shows you have feelings for someone and you want to be with them in the long run. With them specifically.

>learn to appreciate small shit people do for you instead of shitting on them and you'll probably be a lot happier.
I do appreciate the gesture, it made me feel a little uncomfortable.

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>>18695681
>flowers is an extremely nice gesture

>not, you know, likely paying for everything,being the driver and overall facilitating the plans for the two of you to spend time together

But no OP you aren't doing anything wrong. You're just trying to find a guy who has the mental fortitude to stand strong and let you be the one to see the value in rather than him trying to parade it around to you.

Also sate my curiosity,how are the 2 who haven't become clingy fairing with you? Have you had sex with any of them?

>>18695882
>I don't feel the need of getting exclusive till we meet in real life and go on a first date.
woah, if you havent even met, then yeah, exclusiveness is a bit over the top

>If I want to go on a 2nd date with a guy, I usually already drop everyone else.
that sounds perfectly reasonable. it sounded like you were going on dates with multiple people at a time

>>18695885
Flowers is a very nice gesture, yes! I never got flowers before. It was very sweet.

I usually drive to the place where we agreed to meet, go for very simple first dates (coffee or a beer) and always offer to split the bill. It's just to talk a little and see if we have chemistry in real life, I don't need it to be a super romantic dinner with violins and candles.

>how are the 2 who haven't become clingy fairing with you? Have you had sex with any of them?
I haven't had sex with any of the guy I met through online dating. Had zero chemistry with one of them, the other gave me a bad first impression and after a couple of dates I stopped seeing him.

>>18695889
No, I don't. Usually talk to people for 5-6 days online, then go on the date. If I like them in real life, I go on a second date but at that point I already pause online stuff.

>>18695681
>is this normal
Not really.
>inb4 what do i do?
You either learn how to COMMUNICATE and simply tell them to chill out or dump them and keep looking for normal boys (which are rare and already married btw).

And thanks for confirming that boys arent allowed to express their feelings / emotions / love to girls ever. The general rule is to treat girls as whatever and only keep going on dates with them and never ever do favors for them nor talking about love and or relationship because then you consider them as something bad.

Good luck with dating game. It is luck based!

>>18695948
>And thanks for confirming that boys arent allowed to express their feelings / emotions / love to girls ever.
I haven't said anything like that. It felt very odd to do it this early on, but I otherwise like when guys show interest in me or have feelings for me.

>>18695681
then date progressively more attractive people until you get to the equilibrium point where they are disinterested enough to satisfy you.

>>18695975
>then date progressively more attractive people until you get to the equilibrium point where they are disinterested enough to satisfy you.
So it's just the looks? Really?

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>>18695963
If you really liked it, you would never made this thread in the first place. Admit to yourself the moment they showed you their soft side, their attraction level lowered for you.

You want stoic manly man who doesnt need any gf for his own self validation. Tldr you want quality confident man. Nothing wrong with that, but they are all married already and the few ones which are too young to be married are probably already in long term relationships. Good luck in finding one.

And to be honest, there is probably a reason why you havent met one as that. Maybe you arent as big catch as you think you are.

>>18695980
attractive can mean more than looks, but its mostly looks (and money).

>>18695908
>I usually drive to the place where we agreed to meet
jesus

absolutely
disgusting

Do yourself a favor and reject anyone who makes YOU drive to a place that is anywhere but their house to meet them. It really ruins a lot of romantic opportunities when the two of you have different vehicles to lug around.
Personally speaking i'd rather get ghosted than tell some chick to meet me at say, Dennies. Same goes for if she wanted me to meet her at Dennies.

>>18696001
I am not bothered by the fact that they have a soft side. I felt overwhelmed because I didn't feel anything for them and they seemed extremely invested in me.
I don't want a stoic manly man.

I don't think I'm a big catch. I think I'm pretty average. My standards aren't that high either.
And while your pic is funny it doesn't have anything to do with me, to be honest.

>>18696006
They were around my level of attractiveness, and similar financially I guess. I don't know.

>>18696026
>They were around my level of attractiveness, and similar financially I guess. I don't know.

their clinginess is your bodies way of telling you that you can do better.

>>18696025
I would never give my home address to a guy I haven't even met in real life.
If we have already met, then I have no problem with them picking me up.

>>18696025
Let me guess, you are baby boomer? 35+?

Thanks for this thread, OP.
I thought I was starting to get too soft on the bitches I'm talking, now I can continue the manipulation with no remorse.

>>18696045
You're welcome, I guess?

>>18696032
Then do the ultimatum. You aren't going to get far with a lot of guys when you try to leash them. But even that said when you find the guy you want,you won't be trying to leash him. He'll ask and you'll give so consider that too.

>>18696038
In about 10 more years that'll be me

>>18696054
I genuinely don't understand what you are talking about.

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>>18696006
Kek this is actually what women believe in their heads and why millennials are turning 30-35 and wondering why they're not married. Keep your head up your ass like this anon and you'll be wondering why you never settled down and had children.

>>18696061
>t. ugly beta

>>18696061
You managed to type lots of words but still 0 meaning and or explanation why is that. Keep good job i guess?
>stupid frog poster

>>18696063
I'm not an ugly beta, I fuck all the time but there are provably facts out there that show what I said is true. I'm 24, I've got plenty of time, some of you hobags don't and you're leading other girls down the path to be a cat lady just like yourselves and I think your jealousy of younger girls is funny as fuck. At least you'll have your fbook selfies to look at when you're alone.

>>18696070
You forget to post another frog.
>>18696064

>>18696057
>Forget about guys who have you meet them places that isn't their home

>Point is to have one vehicle that the two of you share

>As for how you'd never do it,you'd fork that shit over if you were really interested in the guy even if you hadn't met him in RL

>>18696070
obviously the OP chick doesn't have a problem attracting the dick. The problem is that she is getting flocked by low quality guys who are trying to tie her down and she isn't feeling it sufficiently with any of them to reciprocate. The obvious correct advice for her is to date progressively more attractive guys until she reaches the level of guy attractiveness where the ratio of his attractiveness to her attractiveness is such that his interest in her is low enough to make her feel the level of score she achieved by getting his time is high enough to buy into a longer term relationship.

t. 34M married

>>18696075
Are you triggered by frogs or are you triggered by the facts I stated? I can't tell which ass-blasts you more. I'm in a 6-figure corporate position, tell me why facebook and other tech companies in silicon valley are covering the cost of women freezing their eggs now? Why would they need to do that? Use your brain, you vapid dolt.

>>18696093
I'm not saying your wrong, I'm saying if you drag that out long enough you end up alone just like any married women who gets a divorce from Chad to go hang with a Chad 2.0 she had an affair with and then he dumps her because she's a fling and goes back to her own wife. Pursue what makes you happy but be realistic about your standards, a LOT of women (and men) make the mistake of thinking they deserve or are entitled to more than they are.

If you're going to assess the situation and dig down to the facts, why not ask OP what she's bringing to the table aside from a vagina? That would kind of make sense. I've fucked plenty of vapid but cute chicks that I toss out of my condo the next morning and never answer their calls again because they just have no substance to them.

>>18696100
your point is valid, in my case I deliberately married down, to an attractive, but beneath my max achievable, to secure my dominance and long term stability in the relationship dynamic.

>>18696076
Yes, I understand that it is romantic and convenient to get picked up and go somewhere on the same vehicle, but I value my safety more than romanticism and convenience.

It takes zero effort to pretend to be someone you are not online. It is dangerous to give away personal details to someone you don't know.

If I meet someone in real life for the first time, I want it to happen in public, during the day, and with an easy way to fuck off.

>>18696094
We are on /adv, not /b or /s4s if you havent noticed. Stop falling for ad hominem arguments and either explain yourself or get lost.

>attractive can mean more than looks, but its mostly looks (and money)
>kek
>keep this and you will never settle down nor have children

So HOW or WHAT do you suggest to evade such fate?

>tech companies are covering cost of freezing their eggs
Source?

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>>18696107
I've explained myself pretty well, you're the one rambling about fucking frogs like a loon. I'm not falling for any ad hominem, I made my points very clear and provided facts to back up my assertions. The egg freezing thing has been huge news in the tech sector for the past year, Google and Facebook have both jumped on board with Twitter and Tumblr coming right behind.

I don't disagree that a women's perception of "marriage material" is looks+money. The problem is their scale of reference is out of whack. There's provable differences in males and females and the expectations on the female side are so far off the right side of the scale it's laughable.

>How or WHAT do you suggest to avoid that
Again, if OP were to explain what she's bringing to the table aside from what's between her legs then we could probably give her/you better advice. What does she do? What kind of education does she have? What kind of career does she have? Can she cook? Does she know how to take care of children? Would you rather work while a future husband takes care of your kids? Can she talk about any recent books she's read? Does she have any actual hobbies? Unfortunately, a lot of women today don't have an answer for that and in all honesty I've stopped asking any of the women I sleep with who are under 23-25 because it's almost a 100% chance they don't have a legit answer to any of that stuff. Pump and dump, you're welcome for the dinner.

>>18696123
I didnt actually think you are capable of posting anything useful. Next time skip the meme insults and post directly something like this or dont even bother in the first place.

Have a nice day.

>recent books she's read?
You require your future wife to be able to read? Isnt that like 10% of female population? Or was this just to show that they have 0 interests apart social media?

>>18695882

>I do get to know multiple guys at the same time, but I was under the impression that most people do that as well and it was kind of expected.

Whore. Seriously, don't do this. One at a time. Don't multitask. It's rude.

>and yes, for a matter of fact, I do go one girl at a time, online dating or in person. If it doesn't work, then and only then do I move on. I don't send 50 messages out, do 5 dates in two days, etc. It's just rude because what happens if you have two really good connections? Then you have to pick and choose, conversely you can just favorite the least desirable of the two profiles and if option A doesn't work, then go to option B.

>>18696123
You just needed to ask.

>What does she do?
I work part time in my family's business, and when I finish my education I'm going to work there full time. Mildly successful, about 15 employees other than close family.
>What kind of education does she have?
I have a bachelor, am working on my masters.
>Can she cook?
Yes, pretty well.
>Does she know how to take care of children?
I am very good with children. I worked as an au pair for a couple of summers when I was in high school.
>Would you rather work while a future husband takes care of your kids?
No. Luckily I can take a few years off work to raise my children and get back when they're old enough to go to preschool. My mother did the same when I was a child.
>Can she talk about any recent books she's read?
I read about 2 books a week, so yes.
>Does she have any actual hobbies?
A few.

>>18696134
Cool snarky bullshit I get it blahblahblah.
>Anon, why would you want your potential girlfriend to know how to read books?
If a woman can talk about a book she's read, it's a simple topic to gauge a) how well she can actually communicate about something verbally b) shows something that she's genuinely interested in because she voluntarily read a book that wasn't assigned by some college course or something and c) shows where her head's at based on the topic of said book. That's a 5-10 minute conversation and in that tiny amount of time you can find out an incredible amount about a person. That's not the kind of 1st date conversation I usually have but a 2nd or 3rd date? Of course. I don't want to feel like I'm hanging with an empty-headed nobody.

>>18696143
>Whore.
How am I a whore? I am literally just talking to people.

> you can just favorite the least desirable of the two profiles and if option A doesn't work, then go to option B.
It is different for men and women. You are actively pursuing while I am passively receiving attentions.

Which means that you can choose when you initiate contact, but I can't choose when I get messaged. You can choose to message one interesting girl at a time, but I can't choose to get messaged by an interesting dude at a time.
Obviously I can choose when I reply, but I guess you can see how I don't have an option to leave a message on hold for a week while I'm seeing someone else and then be like "Hey! Sorry I ignored you, was trying to see if I actually wanted to fuck this dude who seemed better than you on the paper. What do you like to do in your free time?".

>>18696150
Do you want an honest assessment?
>Work part time
Red flag for most guys. But you're in school so it almost balances out. Your family's business being successful isn't an extension of you yourself being successful or independent in any way unless you have a trust fund or something in which case I guess that adds a little value to you.
>I have a bachelor's working on my master's
Good on you for graduating, points for that but what was the degree in and what Master's are you going for?
>Can cook pretty well
That's big points, I've dated plenty of women who don't have the first fucking clue and their idea of "cooking" is finding the phone number to order. It's not even a thing of "keeping women in the kitchen" but men will put up with a lot of your other bullshit if you do actually know how to cook.
>Very good with children
Cool, sounds good.
>Luckily I can take a few years off
So you want a man who's ok with you having a part time job, then transitioning within maybe a year or two of graduating into a "baby situation" where you just hang out and raise kids while he's busting his ass. Who pays your school loans during this period? Who pays the bills? When you go back to work can he just take a few years off for himself and take care of the kids?
>I read about 2 books a week
You're way ahead of the curve on that one, definite plus.
>A few hobbies
Such as?
Overall you sound cool even though your financial situation seems kind of vague. I'd assume some guy would have to take care of you money-wise but yeah it's kind of far-fetched to expect anyone over a 4-5/10 to do that for nothing when there are other prospects out there that don't have the same metrics. Unless you've got like 200k stashed away at the moment, I'd say your being pretty picky about guys giving you flowers and shit. That could be the guy that's willing to put up with whatever you bring along with you.

OP, I think it's a matter of just tempering your idea of "clingy." The marriage thing is over the top, and god knows there's guys like my roommate who treat the third date like a wedding proposal and then want to be together 7 days a week, but THAT'S clingy.

Some flowers or a playlist are probably just some misguided shit someone told them to do once. Hell, I was talking to my now-ex on OkCupid for about two weeks, and I brought her a flower on our first date just because it seemed like the thing to do and I was excited about the potential of someone I liked. She held onto that thing for the duration of our relationship, and maybe still has it, I don't know.

Same basic thing with the playlist - she told me her favorite song while we were on our date, and I realized I had that very CD in my car. When I picked her up for the next date, I had it playing in my car, just to say "hey, I was listening, I like you so far."

Take this stuff as nice gestures instead of clingy... Because clingy really does exist and eventually you just have to accept someone is being a little romantic for the sake of it.

>>18696219
I can't work more than part time because I have classes. I have about 30 hours/week of class + 20 hours/week for work.

>Good on you for graduating, points for that but what was the degree in and what Master's are you going for?
Agricultural science.

>So you want a man who's ok with you having a part time job, then transitioning within maybe a year or two of graduating into a "baby situation" where you just hang out and raise kids while he's busting his ass.
I will start working full time as soon as I graduate.
I'd be fine with him staying home with the kids, but it would be silly and unpractical. It clearly is more convenient if the mother stays at home with the kids when they're very young, and I get the chance to get back to work when they are 3 or 4 without any trouble.
Clearly you can't abandon a 2 year old kid to himself while going to work, someone has to stay at home till they go to pre-school.

>Who pays your school loans during this period?
I don't have any. I had a scholarship through all university, and worked to pay my own expenses.

>Who pays the bills?
If I have to stay at home to raise the kids, possibly him.

>When you go back to work can he just take a few years off for himself and take care of the kids?
If it is convenient and sustainable, yes.

>Such as?
Other than basic stuff (travelling, cooking, working out, shitposting) - I really enjoy reading, I play piano, I like painting. I've been getting into kayaking this summer, and I go hiking twice a month when the weather is decent.

>I'd assume some guy would have to take care of you money-wise
Not really. I have a little passive income, that and my job make it pretty comfy for me.

>>18696238
I guess clingy isn't the best word. It just made me feel overwhelmed, I felt like they were so invested in me while I'm... here sitting around and not even knowing if I like their voice.

It was really nice, I loved the niceness. It just felt a little too much.

Stop being a stupid stuck up whore christ die alone

>>18695681
Pretty normal. For context you should know im married and never had a huge issue with women (though i failed and have been friendzoned many times) so this is an unbias opinion for your consideration.

Understand something. Women are extremely choosey, and some men just fail one after another. Especially now with tinder and Facebook and instagram. Its extremely difficult to get a good woman and maintain her interest. Men despite what you may have heard do very much want love, and they want a stable healthy relationship. They also want their best friend in a girl and not some 10/10 moron when it comes to long term.

You might be a good woman. But understand before they met you, these men likely dealt with a slew of dumb bitches, cheating sluts and crazies, or found their perfect girl and were told they were like a brother or were just seen as a friend. (i believe assholes and shitty people exist in all races genders and cultures so im not singling out women here. Just context). Its extremely frustrating. Even a good man who is attractive and distinguished can have extreme difficulty finding a woman he wants where feelings are shared.

So because you are perceived as a good woman, and these men are romantically and emotionally frustrated, they see you and panick. You gave them the time of day, you went on a date and now you look like their chance at love.

Sorry its just reality. If they dont work for you by all means find something you want. But its not likely you wont break the souls of a few good men in your own process of finding what you want.

>>18695681
You should probably be clear about whatever it is you're looking for on your profile. If you listed what your last experiences were like, some guys could pick up on what kinda guy you don't want to deal with. I said I'm into drugs and short term relationships just to weed out certain guys.
>>18695882
>but I was under the impression that most people do that as well and it was kind of expected.

It's not actually expected for any good reason, but it is common among women to keep people on the side. They have a larger dating pool to choose from than most guys. A lot of guys view it negatively to have someone on the side.
>>18696190
Yeah don't say that. Most anons just want to know where you stand on loyalty and if you're going to lead a guy on, or fuck around after you've agreed to be exclusive. Happens a lot.

>>18696616
>into drugs and short term relationships just to weed out certain drugs
I request more information. Why did you do this, what type of guys and how exactly does it work and have it worked out?

>>18696698
Like anyone looking for le "Serious commitment" meme. Generally more experienced, older men who know what they want. Don't get offended over everything. No pasty Elliot Rodger/school shooter type guys. Yuck.

I fucked over 30 guys I met online. Cybered with some of them. If I like a guy enough I'll talk to them for a few days before deciding if I want to meet. If a guy gives me bad vibes I'll just blank him.

>>18696730
>I fucked over 30 guys I met online.

Unless you had a strap-on and fucked all of them in the ass, no you haven't fucked 30 guys you met online. What you did was getting fucked by 30 guys that you met online, like the classless, low-value cunt that you are.

>>18695796
I agree, run. My ex told me he loved me the day we met... I married him a few years later and it was a disaster.

>>18696730
So you actually had problems with boys wanting more than cum and dump before?

Wew.

>>18695681
Bringing you a small gift that didn't require a ton of effort or money is just someone trying to be sweet. How is a small gesture of interest overwhelming for you?

>>18696323

I get it, I'm the same way with girls that really like me, especially because I dumped that girl I was talking about and ripped her heart out at the end of the day. Your levels of interest should balance.

But I agree with the others who say you should probably be more specific about what you want, or talk to guys longer to see if you REALLY like them before going on dates.

A simple "I'm interested in relationships but I'm currently just getting to know people" should work. That's my caveat when girls message me now... that it's going to be a while before we actually get past the "I'm feeling this out" stage.

>>18696616
>You should probably be clear about whatever it is you're looking for on your profile
I am looking for a serious relationship and a long term commitment. Just not with a fucking stranger.
Maybe the other anon worded it right.

>Most anons just want to know where you stand on loyalty and if you're going to lead a guy on, or fuck around after you've agreed to be exclusive. Happens a lot.
I don't fuck around in general, and I try to be as transparent as reasonably possible. I've never had guys "on the side" if there was any significant form of commitment.
I didn't see it as a big deal, but maybe it is?

>>18696777
I know they are trying to be sweet. I just think it's too much for a first or second date. My ex didn't do it in years we were together, it weirded me out when this guy did it on a second date.

>>18696863
I thought you should meet up fairly early. Am I wrong in this?

>"I'm interested in relationships but I'm currently just getting to know people"
This sounds right.

>>18695681
The marriage part was weird. You are overreacting about everything else though.

My friend met a guy who was far too clingy and needy for someone who had only known her a few days. It's shame, because she really liked him otherwise.

>>18697131
>You are overreacting about everything else though.
Isn't the girlfriend/boyfriend thing weird? I mean, after like 2-3 dates it seems a little rushed.

Maybe the flowers thing was mostly because my ex never bought them for me so I see it as something super nice you do only for your wife or something. I probably did overreact on that.

>>18697122
>My ex didn't do it in years we were together

You also broke up with your ex, so maybe that shouldn't be the barometer for what a relationship should be.

>>18695681
>Literally made a marriage joke to a girl from tinder that I slept with a couple times over the summer
>She blocked me from all social media
>See this thread


Wheeeeeeeeeew

My autist humor will do me no favors in this life.

>>18696751
>my ex is at fault, he was a disaster but I wasn't

I'd kill you myself.

>>18697686
No lol we both were a disaster, you're right.

>>18696106
If you value your safety so much you wouldn't even be going out and meeting people. Meeting new people is always a gamble,even when you think you're safe by just going out to a coffee place or whatever they can just tail you back to your house,break in and rape the shit out of you. I don't want to turn into an armchair psychiatrist but I wouldn't be surprised if you've had a bad experience in the past with a guy like that and that creates this fearful mentality. Or maybe it's something else and you don't live alone?, I really imagine there's something behind that. It's not normal.

But still like I said: Instead of trying to get coffee or something for the first meet, just stop contacting them. There's phone calls,video calls,texting all of which you can use to ascertain how going 1on1 with them is like. If that's not good enough in the context of getting dates online... I don't know what you're expecting when you go out with people beyond a chatting buddy.

>>18698163
>Instead of trying to get coffee or something for the first meet, just stop contacting them.

Rather I mean

>If you don't feel like you can trust them in your car or with your address, just stop contacting them.

I mean hell,the both of you are there for a date and here you are trying to get guys going for some sort of formal face to face interview during the daytime. If you can shittest a guy to either agree to that or it be his idea then of course you'll keep getting these overwhelming "too serious" feelings. You're conditioning yourself to respectable friendship not funfilled shittalks where you can casually drop you're not wearing a bra or him pulling on your hair because he wants to.

>>18698163
>>18698338
I don't think I am 100% safe, but I think it is much safer to meet people for the first time in a public setting, during the day, and when I can easily get back home safely than doing things like: giving them my home address, being out in their car without a way to get back home if things go south, going somewhere where there aren't people around, etc.


>If you don't feel like you can trust them in your car or with your address, just stop contacting them.
It's not like I can't trust them in particular, I don't trust anybody I don't know.

It's not a shit test or anything. A lot of first dates are getting a coffee or getting a beer. I just tell them where I want to meet, and tell them I will drive there myself because I will be at work/uni/my parents before.

I *want* a serious relationship. I just want to get to know people before having it, while they don't give me time for that because they rush into serious dating after a date or two.
I don't want to get very sexual on our first date. I don't want to drop I don't have a bra, and holy shit I don't want him to pull my hair because he wants to.

>>18695681

If women keep ending up with assholes, the common denominator isn't the men. Its you.

>>18698537
I never ended up with "assholes".

>>18697122

I do think you're wrong in meeting up too early. Like I said, I get this with girls... They're assuming that if I want to meet up so soon, I MUST be interested and have really loved something on their profiles or in our conversations.

But everyone has different approaches. Personally, if a girl can't articulate her interests and what's interesting about her via messages, then I'm not going to waste my time.

For what it's worth, I think meeting someone in a neutral place is both safe and smart for both of you. But I still maintain that you should soften on this "these things show me guys are clingy" thing. If your ex boyfriend didn't bother showing you he gave a shit until later on, it shouldn't reflect on the other guys. Be more accepting of minor gestures of goodwill.

God I only just got the confidence to try online dating after getting dumped by my ex. I thought it was finally my time to actually hoe around but the first date I went on from tinder ended up being such a hit that we're exclusive.

Can't tell if I'm missing out or got lucky. He's only the second person I've slept with so I don't have that much experience: My last relationship was nearly 4 years, and I didn't understand my exes insecurity about whether or not they were good in bed until I fucked someone else. Turns out they were right to be insecure cause they were bad. Wouldn't have known that if we stayed together. Now I realize the only sex I've known up until two months ago was actually awful and I'm infinitely more happy now that we split even though my ex royally fucked me over on the whole thing.

Anyways point is ....Just fuck someone.

>>18698581
Not the kind of person.
I want to have sex just with a long term partner. I don't want to fuck around.

>>18698571
So if I text with them for a couple of weeks, it should be fine?
I don't mind texting for prolonged periods of time, and probably I am better at texting than talking. But I was told that if you chat too long you built a lot of expectations on the first date.

>But I still maintain that you should soften on this "these things show me guys are clingy" thing.
You're right. Thanks.