Are relationships really that worth it? I kinda feel like I'm

>>18695554
Assuming you mean romantic relationships.
They're not the end of all live.
They're a fun to have, a nice addition to you living your own life and having someone that shares traits with you.

I thought I was a bitch when I was younger, until I met my bf, we moved away together and he made me realize I'm not the biggest piece of shit that everyone told me I am. And being difficult is a thing here and there, but you can work on it. Self-improvement and whatnot.

Not the end all of life, but totally worth a try,

>>18695563
So it's more like a nice plus then.

Everybody tells me I'm missing out and that having a SO is so worth it but I just don't quite see it. I can barely stand my friends for more than a day without needing a rest.

Finding someone would take most likely acting like an entirely different person than I am, which is a lot of work for just a nice plus.

>>18695654

It's different things to different people. I think the majority of people like a romantic bond with someone that also has practical benefits like sharing expenses and duties. But some are fine without it and a few people I'm sure are happier alone.

>>18695673
I see. I came to realize that feeling like I was missing out made me feel worse than actually missing out on stuff and stopped obsessing over it, but I still wondered if it was the correct thing to do. I think I am just one of those people that are content by themselves.

>>18695554
They arent the end all be all but its nice having another person. You dont have to do every mundane thing alone. Its even better if you dont have to change your lifestyle. You can take turns cooking and cooking for 2 is easier than cooking for one person. Its easier to move a couch.
On the other side. My gf has a higher sex drive than I do and thats a pain. Its hard to keep my own commitments like going to the gym or dnd groups. Its harder to fall asleep but that will change with time. Different financial habits means that I have to be involved with her finances since they would ultimately effect me. We have different opinions on things and she is a larper and makes up experiences to win arguments.
I could go either way on being single or being in a relationship but im also getting older and am financially secure.

Might be worth it but dating is a horrible pain in the ass.

>>18695554
If you're a difficult person like you say it's not worth it. Just get a dog or a garden if you want a living thing to keep you busy.

You are missing out, in the sense that there are a whole set of experiences involved with being in a relationship that you have not experienced.

Whether that is a bad thing or not is a judgment call. There are bad experiences - bad fights that last days, cheating, sadness, anger, jealousy, divorce, loss from a breakup - that you won't have to go through. Some people might say those are part of the experience and some look back on even the bad times with a bit of wistfulness. Of course there's the good stuff - mind-blowing sex, love, happiness, comfort, etc.

By the same token, there might be things that people in relationships will not be able to experience - for example, being completely free to do whatever the fuck you want as an established adult with a career, saving a ton of money from not having to pay for dates or kids, etc.

In the grand scheme of things it's probably better to have at least gone through the experience and then make a conscious choice but the important thing is to not beat yourself down to the point depression over it.

This depends on you but I'll give you my personal story...

Went through life thinking I'm not really missing out on much, never really felt attracted to anyone, don't enjoy doing typical stuff that was popular at the time. I'm now 27, met this girl. Nothing stupid like love at first sight, but she wouldn't leave me alone. Eventually grew fond of her, maybe just a sense of familiarity, I don't really know why. Started first real relationship, feels so damn good. Just being around her elevates my mood so much, something I thought was stupid and impossible and over-exaggerated but holy shit for me it is not. When I think of her I get giddy and retarded but I don't care because it just feels so damn nice.

All that said, I am also worried. In my previous state of mind I never really felt this great, so the lows were never so bad. Now having experienced this, all the faggots I used to laugh at in thread about how "she broke my heart," well.. now I have some empathy for them because I know its going to hurt a lot if this ends up not working out.

Take this for what you will.

>>18695654
You say this, but what if you found someone who for whatever reason you felt like you could be around forever and accepted and loved you 100% for who you are or will be?

I'm not saying its likely but that person could very well be out there and you'd never know it if you never looked.

>>18695554
thats a difficult question. the biggest pro: a relationship can carry you through tough times. if you get backup from your gf/bf it can really change your abilities to handle difficult situations. also your psyche can get boosted. i got over a obsessive-compulsive disorder for example. it really changes stuff in your mind. the power of love some might say.

but of course it also can go into a complete other direction. if you fight all the time and you can't live together without permanent arguments maybe it isn't worth it and it destroys you.

relationships are a important part of life. but as long as you don't even have a possible partner the question is not relevant. you dont start a relationship just to see how relationships are. that can only go wrong. love has to be the basis.

>>18697391
Well I think the comparison is a bit loaded here. On one side you have bad things like fights and breakup and on the other generic things like happiness and comfort. These are achievable without a relationship, so the relationship at best just amplifies them. A relationship won't make you happy on its own.

>>18697452
I'm glad to hear you're doing well. That risk seems real and it's one of the bad things that seem to be understated too. Relationships more often than not do not work out in the end which makes the pain all the greater.

>>18697462
It seems extremely unlikely that I would find such a person without basically dedicating my entire life to finding it. On the other hand I could also focus on things that give me joy (even if not as much) but are sure to work out.

I think relationships are great for people who are naturally good at socializing and are good people nice to be around. For people like me for whom social skills are something to be practiced they seem like they're just more work than they're worth, since you have to 1) attract someone, 2) escalate into intimacy, 3) get committed and 4) keep her interested and not fuck up. That seems exhausting.

>>18697507
maybe those social skills are not a stressful anymore if you found the right person. like i said: love can change you and help you realize your abilities.

but i wouldn't search for relationships... it is not the first priority. search for love not for a relationship. a relationship comes much later and then you can think more specific about it.

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>>18695554

So your problem isn't that you aren't sure if relationships are worth it; your problem is you know you have a lot of personal issues that stand in the way to deal with and you're wondering if dealing with those issues is worth the benefits of a relationship.

You're already said yourself you feel like missing out. Instead of spending your energy finding justifications for why your misery is actually normal spend energy taking steps towards actually fixing it.

>>18695554

I've never had a girlfriend, and frankly I've never felt the need for one beyond thinking that I should. It's not that I haven't had the chance because I have had plenty, Actually, I can think of at least two women that I could be an item with, one of which give already gone on a date. Frankly though, the idea of having someone constantly requiring attention be a part of my life sounds horrible. To make that sounds less /r9k/, I mean that relationships require attention, not that all women need constant attention; you can't just have a boy/girlfriend and ignore them for days at a time like you could with a normal friend because it is a more intimate relationship. You have to at least talk to them daily, usually multiple times a day, you have to do things with and for each other, and you have to want to be with each other.

I used to get all upset and flustered thinking that I needed to have a girlfriend because everyone kept pestering me about it, and it really upset me to even /r9k/ levels of butthurt, but then I realized that I wasn't putting any effort into finding one. Once I stepped back and asked myself why, I realized it was because I didn't want one, and I was upset because I felt like I should have one.

Anyway, my point is, worth is in the eye of the beholder. Is a relationship important? That depends on YOU. Do you really want a relationship? If you want something, then it's worth the chase. If you want a relationship, then go get one.

>>18697565
The thing is that I am not sure where to draw the line between quirks/personality and "issues". I'm not unhappy now, i was miserable before when I actually cared a lot about a relationship and kept beating myself up over it.
This anon explains it nicely
>>18698174

>>18697526
My social skills are fine for virtually everything society asks of me. They just fail at attracting someone of the opposite sex.

>>18695563
>he made me realize I'm not the biggest piece of shit that everyone told me I am

My friends tell me I'm garbage. A lot of times I feel like I want a gf just so that I'd know someone who respects me. But I'm also wise enough to know that's a terrible motivation for a relationship.

Anyway all I wanted to say is that I'm glad your BF made you see the value of yourself. Life's too short to hate oneself.

>>18698586
this is the catch 22 of relationships. you get a relationship when you're happy and self assured, but when you're happy and self assured why bother?

as a male, I mean. Guys love the insecure girl to make happy, girls prefer confident off the bat men

>>18698586
Cheers, I appreciate it.

>>18698641
I don't speak for a general population of girls, but my bf wasn't/isn't super confident he's actually quite anxious in social circles. He's just had a better upbringing and a loving family, so he values people for who they are and what they do.
I realize it's easy to think the way you do, but I don't think it's necessarily correct.

>>18699080
Well I rarely see anxious males having gfs. Anxious females yes, but males almost never.

>>18695554
I'm in my first relationship right now and it's remarkable how not different I feel when I'm not around her. Spending time with her is awesome and I love waking up next to her, but overall my life is pretty much the same. I was totally happy being single though so that might be why

name of the girl in op's pic

>>18699798
That's because women are approached far far more often than men, and if they're anxious/shy they will probably say yes to a date, especially if the guy makes her feel comfortable with sweet talk. Meanwhile if a woman approaches an anxious man, he's more likely to sperg out than feel comfortable because in his mind he's not talking to another human but some fairytale creature.

>>18699994
Katya Lischina.

>>18700528
I mean I'm not going to deny the stereotype doesn't go both ways and men find it odd to be the ones approached, just saying that it's easier as an anxious girl to get a SO because you will get approached regardless. As a dude you won't get a girl to approach you, show interest and try to make you comfortable.

>>18700794
Exactly my point. Stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason. Furthermore, dating apps favor the average woman more than average man, so an anxious woman doesn't even have to leave her comfort zone to have a decent shot at someone digitally approaching her. An anxious man statistically has almost no chance at the same thing.

Regardless, the best thing for both is to meet people through people, which is true for far more than finding a relationship.

>>18695554
Its because when they go right, they go RIGHT.

I wasn't too jazzed. Every girl I'd had an interest in turned out to have some flaws we couldn't make work or made it feel like work to maintain it.

My current GF tho. From starting chatting on tinder to actually meeting up I could already tell we were super in tune. It feels so much better than anyone else I've been with. She's admittedly not the best at sex I've been with either but I don't care because everything else is perfect.

BUT thats when you get lucky. If you force yourself into romance with people you hate (like my friend did) because you're missing out its gonna fucking suck. Hard.

In short; dating is great when you find someone who matches you in a good way. It can be fucking awful if you do it out of obligation or fear.

>>18701543
This. My friend who's super anxious and can't even build lasting friendships/relationships (she was abused heavily as a kid and doesn't try to get past it) still gets laid alot on tinder just by waiting about. She just doesn't want to see the guy after.

That said I met my GF on tinder suprisingly, and she turned out to still be a virgin at 22. So you never know, and we've been happily going out for about a year.

A relationship won't fix your life or satisfy all of your needs. It's also not an item you have to tick on a checklist of life achievements.

A relationship can vastly contribute to your happiness, as study after study has shown, but it can also make you miserable depending on the quality. Maintaining a relationship is work--constantly, often boring work--and not everyone is ready to commit to that.

It's not something you should desperately seek in order to feel like you're not a loser or whatever. However, if you start off with the belief that there is no one out there for you, it's easy for that to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Open yourself up to the possibility and allow it to happen if it does. If it doesn't, don't sweat it.

>>18695554
Depends on the person.

Im 30 and in my second very long term.relationship and ive spent a lot of time single.

The truth is the grass is always greener.

Life with a partner is not objectively better than life alone. Its just different. Different joys ups and bonuses, different downs, bullshit and irritations.

So which do you prefer.

Guaranteed sex, companionship, and someone who knows everything about you, your dark secrets, your worst qualities, and still loves you and wants to be around you, but shes annoying af sometimes, gets mad over stupid shit you didnt even know people even talked about, and constantly having to tell someone where you are?

Or absolute freedom to do anything any time ever with no one whos going to shit all over your parade when you didnt even know you were doing anything wrong, the ability to hide and be left alone if you want, but lonely, never really sure if youre worth anything to anyone, and having to put in and maintain effort for sex?

Its really.up to you and the life you want.

My wife cooks like a baus, shes hot, she loves me absolutely unconditionally, drinking buddy, gaming buddy, adventure pal, and is ultra useful in paying bills.

I also went out once to buy her a present which turned into an argument because she was 100% sure i went to a rub and tug (i hate strip clubs and anyone who knows me for 5 and a half minutes knows i do not have any interest in places like.that. I still dont know where in fucking christ she got the idea. Probably her dumbass friends.)

>>18701699
Oh that reminds me. One more downside to a partner. They hsve friends. Their friends alll hate your entire gender and tell your partner all about what a piece of shit you Probably are because they dont know how to date.

But thats just my experience maybe.

In my opinion, no. There's always something. Some power play, some cruelty, some idiotic reason. People are naturally abusive these days and it's better if you learn to take care of yourself. Before, "you're a virgin" I've had six relationships and shave bedded eight women in total. Modern society has pretty much killed romance.

>>18701743
How old are you?

Im 29 and my gf is 26. Weve been together like 4 years. Thing is, i didnt have cellphones ir facebook in highschool, and her fucking high school life revolved around it.

There are problems with her i never experienced with women my own age, and sometimes its frustrating af how little she understands about closed quarters social interaction.

Wonder if you might have experienced the same shit.

>>18695554
They are not the most important thing in your life. The most important thing is yourself, feeling good with what you have donde in your life and with what you do. But love helps a lot in feeling better, more confidence and so on..

They can be amazing or pure hell depending on who you're with. No matter what they do have benefits a drawbacks however. To be honest, most have been more of a liability to me than something beneficial, but here I am again, in a relationship.

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>>18695554
I feel similarly. On one hand I am crazy about a particular girl and would do anything to date her because the idea of it seems to nice. On the other hand I see people (men) get fucked backwards by divorce and see my friends in shitty relationships. Not to mention I'm (we) am so far removed from normie culture I wouldn't even know how to conversate with a gf if I had one.

This subject makes Gravy sad...

>>18701846
Also to add, relationships (ones that produce offspring) are our biological meaning in life. People can say that the meaning in life is what you want it to be, and I agree with that to a certain extent because every species before us has one purpose in life, and that is to breed. With a qt3.14 Aryan gf...

>>18701807(You)
Most girls are sluts desu, they just don't know it. Eventually, they'll just find someone better and leave you. No loyalty. Sad!

>>18701786
>There are problems with her i never experienced with women my own age, and sometimes its frustrating af how little she understands about closed quarters social interaction.
Elaborate on this.

>>18701864
not him, but I think he gave a very good example with the cellphones/fb thing...

>>18701656
>However, if you start off with the belief that there is no one out there for you, it's easy for that to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Open yourself up to the possibility and allow it to happen if it does. If it doesn't, don't sweat i
I know myself better than anyone else. besides, as a male you don't "open yourself" to the possibility, you have to actively chase, and honestly fuck chasing

>>18701950
More like chasing fuck amirite?

>>18695773
>My gf has a higher sex drive than I do and thats a pain.
High probability of this not ending well.
>>18701708
People in relationships(mainly married ones) shouldn't hang out with single people, they can be extremely toxic to your relationship.
>>18701860
>Most girls are sluts desu, they just don't know it.
Most people actually, it does not have to do with gender, the difference is that girls can afford slutness way easier.

>>18695554
Relationships are pretty cool man. Pussy is great and women smell like apples and peaches a lot of times too so that's a plus. If they know how to cook it's even better.

>>18701786
I'm 27, why does that matter?

>>18701786
Ah, yeah, I can't deal with how everybody has to be connected all the time. I don't watch television or movies and don't even keep track of pop culture. I only access the internet via my computer. Quite literally, my phone is a flip phone.

There is someone for everyone is bullshit.

There is someone for everyone if you're willing to act a certain way (assuming you aren't that way already). So if you're like that what you have to decide is if you value not being lonely more than being true to yourself

>>18702263
You understand me.

>>18702133
I have plenty of single friends. Theyre fine. Heres the secret.

Keep your relationship bullshit between you and your spouse. Solve it your damn self.

Your friends are an echo chamber and if you bitch to them about your bf or gf theyre going to tell you youre wonderful and fantastic abd your partner is obviously wrong and retarded.

That shit never helped anyone solve anything.

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>>18695554
Hard to say, I've so far been in one relationship that lasted ~3 months. Things fell flat because of my pride: gf couldn't understand my reasoning of how I couldn't be in debt with anyone, not even with her. For example back in high school I was without a meal for 4 days because I was totally broke and my dignity prevent me to take loan from anyone. Fast forward to present day, I've learned to overcome that way of thinking, but not through relationship, only with my self-consciousness and urge to make myself a better person.

It's pretty clear that back then I wasn't ready for a relationship, but now I fear that there's still some major flaws in me that would end up killing the bond between me and that one person as fast as it did last time. Plus, the older I get, the harder is to think that there's a person out there who wouldn't care less about my weaknesses and accept me as who I am.

26 and still virgin by the way.

>>18697452

Good to hear you've found your waifu and I relate totally. I had a whole bunch of short term girlfriends during school but then didn't date at university. Didn't date for a year after either and then I got into a two year relationship with a girl. Broke up with her and immediately got into another relationship. It finished about two months ago and now I feel lost, like my mindset is attuned to being in a relationship and I find the idea of not being in one is difficult (I like the focus it brings).

It's hard to go back to those halcyon days of being alone when I'd happily go study French in the library for an hour before work or sit reading and find it peaceful in its excessive tranquillity.

People change I guess. Enjoy the present and don't worry about the future.

>>18702690
You dated her for 3 months and nothing happened during this time?! Are you sure you guys were actually dating?

>>18695554

Not worthy if you feel like you have to take care of yourself first. You'd probably feel resentment all the time for the attention you are giving her/him, attention that you could actually invest on yourself.

>>18702745
If you mean that "nothing" is sex or even sleeping next to her, then no. I don't know if that was slow progression or not, but I didn't feel that it was actually the problem in our relationship since both of us were a bit spregs.