I don't know how to feel

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>Be me at age 5
>parents divorce, like anyone else
>mom spends the years telling me that my dad left, ran away from his problems, etc. etc.
>Says he has a new family now, even though he's on a traveling gig, and that's why he doesn't visit.
>get pissed, tell him at 10 to never talk to me again
>over the years, grow up, but stop thinking about it so much
>whole family turns on my mom, without warning
>talk with them, get redpilled.
>my mom has problems that nobody can help her with, because she refuses to acknowledge them
>says she's the reason the family is so busted
>ff to now
>19, just turned 20, joined the militiary
>go to see my dad before i leave
>he tells me about everything, how she's fucking crazy and he had to leave
>this lines up with everything, and i realize that no matter how painful, it has to be true
>takes me to a baseball game later, for my birthday when i get leave
>realize i missed out on a whole 12-13 years of my dad because of lies
>in basic, leave all of my life insurance payouts to him
>don't tell my mom, it isn't her fucking business
>quickly losing ties with mom, obviously
>love my dad more than i ever have
>will still never make up lost time, and now i'm in the militiary.
>he tells me he's so proud of me, no matter what.
>I missed out on the better parent.

How do i cope with this? I'll never make up for lost time, but all i want is to make up for my guilt. what do?