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I have always been weird. Bullied in school. Never had many friends. My single mother has psychosis. She used to yell and scream and beat me for minor things. Fast forward to april this year. I move into this one bedroom apartment because my roommate kicked me out of his house. He says he wants more space for his family but they all think im an asshole even though they are my closest friends. Ive been working the overnight shift at mcdonalds for years and years. Im making a whole dollar above minimum wage. My work is full of over-privileged children who stand around doing nothing for the most part or playing on their phones which means i have to pick up the slack. I hate my bosses. My bosses hate me. It wasnt long before i started noticing mice and cockroaches in my apartment. Since living here i got scabies which whenever treated always seems to come back. Even with me cleaning everything with bleach to the point of me having to go for a walk while the place airs out. I have found 2 bed bugs which means theyre everywhere. My mom who lives a 3 hour drive away is having a breakdown and screaming at me over the phone that she is going to kill people. I had to call the police but they cant seem to find her and i dont know her address. Today she tried messaging me. She doesnt believe im me that im some kind of imposter. I said some things to her that I deeply regret. Things that hurt her. I made her cry. Its all i can think of. Shes never held a job for long because people are always conspiring against her. One of my earliest memories is when her and i lived at my uncles house briefly and my aint beat my mom right in front of me. I had to have been 3 or less. All my life is tragedy after tragedy. Why am i such an asshole?why do i sabotage every relationship i have?
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I guess im on my own here. My life seems dismal. There is no hope. Im just a burden to anyone unlucky enough to get close to me.
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>>18693653
I'd say just hang in there, but I don't know if you have anything to cling to. I hope you do, or that you find something.
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>>18693512
How can anyone read that wall of text?
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>>18693512
I would recommend therapy, but it can be expensive. Find some way to start fixing yourself and your life. Start thinking positively. Create positivity where there is none. Sometimes it's best to just forget everything for the moment, and focus on what's important. Forget all that other stuff. Focus on yourself for a bit. Learn to appreciate who you are: a hard worker, a caring person. Most of all, don't be your own worst enemy. There's not much I can do for you besides tell you that things aren't hopeless. You can be happy with your current life, but you've got to pull out of the nose-dive you're currently in.
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Dog it ain't your fault, but there are parts of your life you can control. Tell your landlord about the pests. Or, save up to get an exterminator. Cockroaches are gross, but bedbugs are first priority, then mice. Get that shit clean. It'll give you peace of mind.
Also, get your mind clean. Try meditation, or if you have health insurance, seek out a psychologist. You've had a rough hand dealt to you, and those people have perspective about situations like this to show you what you do have control over in your life. They can point out strategies to make your life better that you might not have thought of.
Keep going, man. You're working hard to make your life better, and even though you can't tell now, it's adding up.
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>single mother
it's not your fault m8
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