Am I living life wrong?

At least you're realizing that now. Trying being middle aged and realizing that. I am not ok.

Fuck dude :(

Well, I've been doing everything the other way around and I'm pretty miserable as well.

The good thing is that it's easy to know when you've found someone likeminded, the bad thing is that they're hard to find and that there aren't many of them.

It's kinda like quality over quantity, you either get along with a lot of people or you have a few close friends.
There's no right or wrong, the whole thing is subjective. There's times where I wish I was more 'normal' and had many friends instead of the few I have.

And of course the world isnt black/white, you can always try and find some middle ground, express yourself without going over the top.

I didn't do that as a teenager and people liked me more. As a young adult, I did that and I had a lot of friends but no respect for me.

The problem is this; how do you know what is you and what is you trying to be something you aren't? Isn't it preferable to be something you aren't and succeed if that is better than what you are? Isn't identity just a construct we use make relating to one another easier? Do I even have free will? Am I not just a product of my environment?

Then I fap and i realise it doesn't matter.

>>18691864
Things are far from being that simple though don't feel as if you have wasted your time

Clothes for example
It's purely an appearance thing
Communicates your image of yourself, so OF COURSE you are going to choose them in function of what others will think about it
I mean are you telling me you actually like certain clothes ? How ? Which ones ? According to what criteria ?


Music and art is completely different but if it reassures you most people aren't anywhere close to questioning whether they genuinely like what they listen to or not, don't feel bad it's actually a good thing that you ask those things
I mean i totally understand the feeling of looking at your playlist like "i hate all this shit" it's normal, just delete it all and start over man

>>18691914
And i mean both those things are tied to your identity : who do you see yourself as and how do you want others to see you ?

So it's normal
Sociologically all those things are defined by your social group belonging, and self-distanciation from that same group
Your identity is not to throw away because it is influenced by other human beings, you are always influenced by other human beings. Your clothes and art are also man-made ultimately.

Cobsider this : if you were 100% pure and un-influenced by others, well you'd go out naked and have never listened to music in your life

>>18691864
with this realization, you begin your enlightenment

you may becone fully woke one day, it starts here. you're first thought beyond the sociol norm, anon. how does it feel?