my parents make fun of me a lot while im there its because i

>>18688985
One important detail as to my QUESTION:

I just want some advice on how to take this all in. I've been looking the other way, see? Almost developed some martyr syndrome. I don't know if I should be angry, productive, listless, suicidal, there's something bubbling underneath. I have always had anger problems. I feel it coming back.

"Now that I think about it, I had all these problems like ________ and if they were to be all the cause of my parents, well I'll fucking..." etc etc.
^ I don't want to go that route.

But I do want to understand who I am better. What does being silenced mean for me?

>>18688985
Toughen up and bant right back at them.

Case 1.
They stop talking to you
>oh no what will you eeeeeever do
Case 2.
They keep abusing you
>more proof you need to fuck off
Case 3.
They confront you about it, you tell them they're treating you way worse, they reject that so you keep making your point, they see it and slowly make efforts to change
>good times
Case 4.
They tell you to pay attention and they're not bantin, you're doing something wrong
>oh shit, take responsability and fix it

They might just not like you which I'm sure happens and it will hurt but the good news is you'll

Bonus 1.
Be familiar with abuse and will recognize it from now on thus not build any kind of relationship (familiar, amical, romantic) with these people
>yay quality
Bonus 2.
Build new relationships where you're loved and supported
>yay more quality

Where you from originally btw? I'm eastern european and over here abuse is love (so the soviets taught us when their empire raped pillaged and enslaved). So it might just be cultural.

>>18689038
korean here. totally agree with the abuse is love, I am not against believing that either. It's just... Idk I think I was lacking something as a kid. The abuse is love, I see it in many families, but I think it was somewhat out of place for my situation, because I was walking on eggshells all the time. My parents had many periods of extreme hatefulness, they are very individual people and do not see the harm in unleashing their hatred on the other with whomever watching. They are quick to give up, depressive people, think people are constantly against them. I don't know how the two of them met to be fucking honest

Ok... now that I have vented in FULL digression,

I very much like your case studies. I agree, there is no real harm in talking back. They are adults and probably expect their own medicine all the time, or so I'm choosing to believe.

The most important thing you said to me was becoming familiar with abuse. In my adolescece I made a couple of close bonds with other girls, and I hurt them unknowingly in many subtle ways. The most painful thing is all of them, for whatever reason, telling me at the end (breakup) that they never could relax around me. It fucking destroyed me, because I realized I couldn't ever relax around my parents. I just copied their behavior and expected to build a castle out of it. Shame on me.

>>18689056
To be honest I think you're already dishing it out too

> They are quick to give up, depressive people, think people are constantly against them. I don't know how the two of them met to be fucking honest

That is some mean shit to say about your parents.

Learn to love mate. You're not abuse you're just unloved. Relax, breath, stop thinking and just love. And if they don't love back its their issue so limit time together but dont disown or leave.

Poor thing, i wish you the absolute best in life anon, <3

>>18689056
You don't vent emotions you express them. Venting is supression in that it implies them piling up and you 'spending' the hormones that created those emotions so that you don't deal with the emotion.

Deal with your emotions. Don't vent them or vomit them on people. Express them. Let your actions reflect them until you learn to express them in a healthy and controlled fashion.

>>18689070
Yeah... I am not the nicest son, that's for sure. I do help them out but I feel I communciate a secret language of spite in my body language and in everything, I include a lot of pauses. I don't know. When they ask me a simple question, even, some part of my brain flares up, and I become very cold.

I have been in a rut lately, and was about to blame them for it.
It is funny you say I am unloved. Because all of my close friends tell me the same thing. I guess I am transparent enough in real life, I was worried I could only be open on this anonymous website.

>>18689073
Then in that case, I feel like I am trapped inside their house. I question myself now - I think blaming them for making fun of me was nothing but a sidetrack for my sense of being trapped. I want to be too many things, and yet I am nothing. The nervousness forces me to look to point fingers at things that may be stifling my success. Wise people tell me time will tell all, and yet the passing of time seems to be torment to me. I must be too young. I am also without motivation, and underneath the surface, I was looking to use hatred of my parents as a new motivation towards success. I wanted to materialize that hate, believe in it, and propel me into a new world, but I think that is confusion at best.

I believe in love, really. I feel better now.

>>18689126
Good boy, take it easy buddy!