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Anonymous
When the world calls you a psychopath...? 2017-09-03 03:59:25 Post No. 18683855
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When the world calls you a psychopath...? 2017-09-03 03:59:25 Post No. 18683855
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A professionally recognized personality test, one that is 500+ questions, still updated and used today, stated that my empathy levels indicate a pathological, potentially criminal personality. My criminal record is clean, but I have hospitalized myself several times for feeling out of control. I have also done things that are very regrettable, some of which are illegal, and all without encouragement. My family line has a lot of misbehaved, frankly evil people in it. I was abused, and yet my cousins are jealous of me, as if I had it good. Many of them were molested, among other terrible things.
Some people say that I'm a good person, but I think they really mean well-intended and self-principled, which is not the same as good. Other people have accused me of being psychopathic, over seemingly minor things such as my flat expression and/or odd way of relating to the world. Many have said things like, "Anon, you seem like the type of person who would mass murder, rape, etc." What a horrible thing to tell someone, actually. Do these people have any sense? It's really sickening to be misunderstood like that.
Most of the time, I am suppressing an intense rage, and I have threatened people for their "malfunctions." I also break things, and make inappropriate advances (hypothetical example: congregation member flirts with nun, doc. flirts with patient, shit like that).
I don't want to be like this anymore, honestly. It's only good for maximizing situations and taking advantage of people, basically being fundamentally lazy and opportunistic. At this rate, I won't have a wife that loves me, or (more importantly) children who grow up to be relatively happy and good. Philosophy types (lawyers, phi majors, psychologists) often tell me, "Use your powers for good, not evil." What is that cryptic stuff? It's not fair to treat someone like a demon for their disposition, is it? People should be judged by their impact?
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So, how does someone become good? Or, how does someone use their powers for good rather than evil? Being an asshole is too popular now. The world has way too many assholes around. The truth is, I really hate evil people, even common, everyday evil. Is there a way to start being good? It's not as easy as simply going to church, not for someone without a herd mentality.
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>>18683859
You have to look inside yourself, and truly settle with who you want to be. When you know the answer, focus on it. Make sure you're following the right path, and always resist urges. I assume you to be very intelligent, so you will know what is right, and what is wrong, and how to act on things. But remember. In the long run, only you can help yourself. Because you will constantly need to be thinking about yourself and your choices, if you actually want to change yourself.
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>>18683879
Maybe it's best to judge people by their actions, and to not call them good or evil, but I feel guilty for having this disposition at all. The condemnation I have received hasn't helped, and neither have my encounters with other...special personalities. In fact, encounters with other troubled people have been the absolute worst influence on my self-image.
It's like I am in the sicko club and don't know the way out. Sometimes I feel that guilt is preventing me. I feel guilty when children are interested in me, or when someone compliments me, like they wouldn't be so friendly if they knew what I was really like. I have been forced by circumstance to befriend people who's actions I don't approve of at all. I want to burst out of this old skin.
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