How to date not shitty people?

>>18680071
What do you mean when you say "go full thot-patrol?"

Less attractive people aren't necessarily better than attractive people. If everyone around you is shit, then you need to change where you hang out so you can meet better people.

>>18680075
I start realizing all the ways they're sluts and manipulative, and I go from being very patient to having seriously limited patience. Not 100% of the time, but the more tricks these women play, the more my bad disposition cements. I'd prefer a surrogate and an egg donor to ever having to experience the absurd fucking thots I've had the misfortune of dating.

>>18680079
I think this is a problem with me, not my surroundings. Maybe I don't know how to interact with people who are okay.

>>18680079
And I don't think less attractive people are better. I'm just thinking of the situation economically. A benevolent attractive person has a higher theoretical market value than a benevolent "ugly" person.

>>18680071

You attract shitty people. Those are the kinds of girls your subconscious has decided to date. Find out why and stop using your handful of individual experiences as justification for being emotionally unavailable. This has nothing to do with the attractiveness of the women you date and everything to do with the mindset you've created to explain the patterns in your life.

People don't suck, really, you've just decided to believe that because its the best justification your mind could come up with for being defensive and emotionally cut off. You see what you want to see, OP. You believe what you want to believe. You do these things to protect yourself, not because they're true. You need an objective third party like a therapist to really get to the bottom of this.

>>18680139
this thread is asking for help dating nice people. do you have any advice with that?

>>18680139
and yeah many people are shitty they let other people die in the street and may even kill in defense of their ego

>>18680118

>A benevolent attractive person has a higher theoretical market value than a benevolent "ugly" person.

Stop. Stop this robot bullshit. You're never going to to be able to have an honest conversation with yourself about this issue if you insist on boiling complex ideas like relationships into over simplified /r9k/ metrics. Stop thinking of the situation economically. People are more complicated than that.

If you don't believe me then ask yourself if the way you've been thinking and approaching this situation has been working out for you. If the answer is no then maybe its time to contemplate the possibility that you're wrong.

>>18680151
okay maybe I'm wrong. these women just came to me. I played a roll but it seems passive. how do I get nice women to come to me?

for the past year I've just been stewing and nobody has been interested...maybe one was interested, but I'm pretty sure she just teases guys she works with, typical shitty female behavior.

If the female is actively trying to attract me she's usually shit. I don't know what to do help.

>>18680142

>this thread is asking for help dating nice people. do you have any advice with that?

Yes. Start accepting the truth of your situation so you can start tackling the actual problem, not the fake problem you've manufactured to avoid dealing with the real one.

You don't date nice people because you either don't attract them or you aren't attracted to them. You need an objective third party like a therapist to find out why. Any step in any other direction is just yet another distraction from your real problem.

Our mind is built to create justifications for nearly everything we do. Your mind in particular has attributed blame to the behavior of these women instead of the common denominator in every single one of your interactions; you. Instead of going along with that thought pattern you need to backtrack and challenge it.

Please read this post thoroughly so I don't have to repeat myself again. Not giving any advice and not giving any advice that you liked isn't the same thing.


>>18680147

>and yeah many people are shitty they let other people die in the street and may even kill in defense of their ego

I have no idea what you're talking about. I don't know what this is supposed to do with anything.

>>18680187
I'd prefer not being talked down to

>you need an objective third party like a therapist to find out why you aren't attracted to or attracting nice women
I'm on /adv/ because I haven't found a therapist who does more than swear everything is fair and peachy and will work itself out if I am a good boy. I can't afford the really critical and well-trained ones. I'm asking you guys for help!

>your mind blames these women instead of the common denominator
okay so when a girl turns to fuck everyone in the town she can in a major spree because you moved 15 minutes away I guess that's fine. when a girl pretends that she has a sugar daddy when it's really a second boyfriend who doesn't pay her anything I guess that's fine. when a girl hides you from everyone because she's embarrassed of your socioeconomic background I guess that's just fucking fine.

>
so instead of all this arguing and posturing this can be boiled down to exactly what I asked for help with (although maybe not very clearly) in my OP:

>I attract shitty women. I don't know what to do to attract nice ones. I would like help with that.

-


>I have no idea what you're talking about [with the stuff about killing and people dying in the street]
every time someone dies in the street it's either because dope or because the world was indifferent. every time a child is being starved by their negligent parents it's because the world has no real effective system to feed starving and neglected children. people kill each other for stupid egotistical reasons, so wanting your feels not to be stepped on almost seems like a petty request.

people are shitty. you and I are maybe shitty. you know exactly what I'm talking about.

>>18680207
>>18680187
many psychotherapists are just focused more on arguing than providing solutions. many think they're philosophers and aren't even interested in methods to prove their effectiveness

>>18680207
>okay so when a girl
Not the person you replied to, but he wasn't justifying the women's shitty actions. He's not trying to say no woman is shitty. He's saying that something within you might be attracting women who aren't great. It's not really your fault either, you aren't interested in this type so it's obviously not a conscious decision you're making.

>>18680223
I'm asking for help with that, my man. I think I might have to remake the thread with less of my complaining and more emphasis on the desire for help.

>>18680207

>I'd prefer not being talked down to

Well, if feeling justified in being irritated with the manner in which someone is telling you the truth is more important than accepting the truth itself then there isn't anything I can do. If I were your mother or your therapist I would give more of a shit but I'm a stranger over the internet. I'm not going to retype my post in a "nicer" way so you'll listen.

>I'm on /adv/ because I haven't found a therapist who does more than swear everything is fair and peachy and will work itself out if I am a good boy. I can't afford the really critical and well-trained ones. I'm asking you guys for help!

We can't help. We aren't therapists. We don't know you.

>okay so when a girl turns to fuck everyone in the town she can in a major spree because you moved 15 minutes away I guess that's fine.

You're acting like a child. We're talking about you, not the various dalliances of random. Their shitty behavior has nothing to do with the topic at hand and you and I both know nothing I said was even remotely close to condoning it. Don't be daft. You can't control other people's behavior, you can only control yourself and the people you allow in your life.

>you know exactly what I'm talking about.

No, I don't know what you're talking about because again you're trying to distract from the main topic with this strange existential rant about the implications of good and evil in the world when that has literally nothing to do with what we're talking about. You asked us to help YOU with a problem yet you want to talk about starving children and some girl who doesn't like you because you're poor.

>>18680235
>you asked us to help YOU with a problem
yeah and I don't seem to be getting any help, just a little bit of feedback from anons and a hefty load of sass from this one person

now you're gonna be like "oh enjoy your misery" because you're that type. I'll just remake the thread so nobody spams it up with this stuff that looks helpful at first glance.

It seems to me like the key to improving your success in relationships is improving yourself, including your attitude about relationships

>>18680256
Have you always had the blinders on?

>>18680262
I don't success in a relationship with someone who would pull terrible moves and tricks.

I want to be able to have a relationship who isn't likely to be a malignant trickster. I made this thread as a request for advice on how to do that.

>>18680256

>yeah and I don't seem to be getting any help

You were getting help, you just gleaned over all of the analysis I made of your problem and the reasons for it and focused solely on the parts of my post that made you feel attacked.

>now you're gonna be like "oh enjoy your misery" because you're that type

My first post was a genuine attempt at providing a different perspective of your problem but, like I said, you focused on the parts that made you feel attacked and ignored the rest. Then you threw a childish hissy fit when I didn't portray the information nicely enough.

>I'll just remake this thread until I get advice that I want to hear and not people telling me things I don't want to hear

Go for it. You have a lot of growing up to do, OP.

>>18680270
you're so full of yourself piss off

>>18680267
anon is here restating the problem. you guys know the problem because I described it to you. I'm asking for ideas on what to do.

>>18680268
Well let's take an example. You say that you're friendly towards most women until you find out they're trying to get close to you. Then you emotionally distance yourself and shut down, because in your mind they're probably a trickster thot.

When you keep yourself distant from people, a lot of the times they can feel that. And a lot of the times, that pushes the good, non-trickster people away, leaving only the ones who are also emotionally distant, also likely to be manipulative.

It also seems like you're quick to judge people negatively, and then all productive conversation ends there. It can make you seem mean or judgmental. This can also chase away people, leaving behind the women who are more likely to be bitches.

If you want good women, you have to be good. I'm not saying you're a piece of shit, I'm not saying it's your fault for letting this happen, I'm just saying that you can't be this ornery, negative person and expect to get the partner of your dreams. I get that experience has hardened your heart, but you have to change that if you want to change the results you're getting

>>18680293
>>18680293
Maybe the good kind don't feel empty inside, so they have better dating options and wouldn't be with someone who is late to college and doesn't have a car. Is that cynical?

If there ever was a really nice girl with some kind of standard for what behavior is okay, she was probably too shy. Have you ever dated someone who was too self-conscious to initiate?

>>18680311
>wouldn't be with someone who is late to college and doesn't have a car
I don't think the good kind would base their partners on shallow things like this. I'd also suggest coming up with your idea of a good partner that goes beyond shallow things. Like, it might not be the best idea to have this idea of "isn't a bitch" as a requirement, but instead focus on more positive things, like how you want her to make you feel. It also might help to ask yourself why you want a relationship.

My boyfriend's pretty shy, but he was the one who talked to me because I'm even quieter. We've both agreed that I'm way more socially awkward than him, so I can't give too many tips for approaching people lol. But I certainly didn't pick him for his college status, or his car. I picked him because of the kind of person he is, and how he treats me, and how he makes me feel. If he was quick to judge others negatively, or if he held his emotions back because he thought I might be a thot, that would've scared me off for sure. When I want a relationship, I want someone I can be vulnerable and open with, and if they're closed off and emotionally unreachable, I don't want to be with them

>>18680324
>>18680324
>>18680324
I'm relatively reachable. Maybe I have a tendency to be ornery and unkind, as someone here put it. My idea of romance doesn't involve being unsuccessful, although I see plenty of people happy together in spite of their difficulties and failures in life. It also doesn't involve being with a delicate person either, although I'm sure being with an unscathed, gentle sort of person is good in many ways.

You've probably heard people talk about the idea of finding someone who went through the same things in life as them but then succeeded and came out the other side as a wholesome and successful person. Two people who made it out of hell intact, so to speak.

Maybe it's better to move on and stop being edgy. I would like to be that nice person with a warm exterior who invites all sorts of good people. Maybe I'm as bad as these people I'm complaining about it, and I just postpone the cruelty until there is some sort of justification. It would be good to be a nice person again. The odds of being with a nice person would probably go up.

>>18680277

Again, another example of you failing to acknowledge any of the things of substance I said and make the entire argument about me, my problems and the danger my opinions pose to your sense of perpetual victimhood. This definitely fits with your pattern of manufacturing problems with the people around you to avoid dealing with the problem inside of yourself.

>>18680347
>>18680324
Oh, and that's a nice story. It sounds like you're very happy with your boyfriend.

>>18680071
Don't be a shitty person.
You just proved you are one by dismissing a person who gave you a in detailed solution to your problem. You realise that no one is obligated to solve your problem, they do it out of their own generosity. The way you respond to others I almost think you are trolling.

It's very simple - you attract people similar to who you are, so if you attract shitty people, then something about you must be shitty.

>>18680347
>I'm relatively reachable
You feel that way, but other people might have a different perception of you. I was the one who said you seemed a bit ornery and unkind lol, just from how quickly you seemed to jump down other people's throats and told them to piss off. Also, I get the impression that you're kind of just waiting for the woman to do something that pisses you off so you can cut her out of your life. Sometimes we get stuck in patterns of behavior, even ones we don't like, because we don't really know what else to do. Maybe some part of you is clinging to the pattern of attracting the wrong women, them showing their shitty colors, and you cutting them out of your life and becoming more jaded, because that's the experience you know, and to some part of you, even if you don't like it it might feel safe, something you know, versus taking the risk of changing your perspective and leaving yourself vulnerable to the results. Like now, when you're expecting women to be manipulative bitches, you're guarded, you've got your armor up because you think you know what to expect. And that's probably hurting your chances of getting with somebody who could really be special. It might even be that there's already been someone like that, but they did a behavior that was a red flag and bam, your emotional armor goes up, you label them a thot, and you cut them out of your life.

Everyone's been through some shit in their life. It would be hard to find someone who went through the same shit as you, but you can still relate to people who've had different struggles from you. It just takes time to understand people, empathize with them, learn what makes them tick and decide if you like what's underneath. People are gonna have their flaws, and you can't always immediately write people off just because your amygdala is screaming "WAIT SHE MIGHT BE THOT RUN"

>>18680350
That's funny because I don't think you're comprehending or accepting much of what I'm saying. You've spent more text being condescending and dismissive than offering things that actually change my perception and plan to deal with this situation. You can blame that on whoever you want.

>>18680358
Well I'm somewhat sick. I'm paranoid. I don't feel like anything is real, ever. I used to be a very sensitive person but now I don't feel anything for others. This is all not to mention the stuff that is fucked up about me I don't realize.

The things listed above are top priority to address, way over getting a nice girlfriend. I made this thread because I'm legitimately scared of what will happen if my dick (after a year or two of abstinence) draws me to get another problematic gf who makes me even shittier.

>>18680351
Thanks lol, and I am! Though it's pretty funny, I was very jaded and very anti-relationship when I met him. I thought it was pointless and stupid to get emotionally close to guys because all they did was hurt you, so I kept them at arm's length. I was very used to a pattern of behavior, guys who acted a certain way and so I knew how to act back. But then this guy showed up and kinda caught me off guard with how kind, gentle, and understanding he was. I was very much like "I hate relationships because relationships always go a certain way and I don't like it" but here was something that was different. He'd probably describe it as coaxing a deer out of the woods to eat from your hand or something! But he's never judged me, he's never scolded me or yelled at me. Our fights can't even really be called fights.

It's crazy to think of how if I'd stuck to my guns (my preconceptions about relationships and guys), I would've missed out on a literally life-changing relationship that's been going on for over 6 years now.

>>18680377
Write down what you want in a woman. Write down what the woman you want would want in a man. Acquire the skills needed to get your woman.

>>18680377

>You've spent more text being condescending and dismissive than offering things that actually change my perception and plan to deal with this situation. You can blame that on whoever you want.

Well, I blame it on you. I gave you a very detailed solution to your problem with several explanations why and you've ignored every single post, not just my own, that tells you anything you don't want to hear but then again this is a part of your mode of operation; wildly distract from the problem at hand and manufacture conflicts so you don't have to sit down and have an honest look at yourself.

This is the truth about yourself yet, seemingly, you're more concerned with making sure you don't feel condescended to then putting your pride down for two moments to contemplate the possibility that constructive advice often can and will hurt your feelings.

You admit yourself to being paranoid and sensitive yet you insist that I am the condescending and dismissive one. Your problem is that you're one gigantic walking contradiction. You want answers to your problem but you don't want to feel bad when you hear them. You want validation and affection but you act like an asshole. You want to feel good about your relationships but you don't want to sacrifice any or your existing world views to achieve it. You ask for advice but when that advice is critical of you you flop on the ground like a child and act like a victim.

I, personally, have run out of energy to go around in circles for you but my advice to you would be to not come to /adv/ if you don't want advice. Criticism hurts. If you insist on spending your life with skin this then then this interaction we've had will be among the least piercing of them.

>>18680394
my housemate found a stranded baby deer, and took it in his garage. (illegal.) i fell in love with it instantly. it was super harmless. it was female, so it wouldn't even grow up to be a buck. I guess it could grow up to bite if it was uncomfortable or scared. all it wanted was company, proper food, clean water, fresh air, and peace. what a nice creature.

>>18680418
no idea what I'd write. they say people work on negative criteria, but maybe thinking about something positive for a change would be good. maybe that exercise would be positive in a good way, help get a person in the right mindset.

>what the women would want in a man
they might not want damaged goods. they'd be statistically increasing their chances of failure and even being harmed.

>>18680423
you seem to have an issue or two yourself.

>I don't have energy to do this running around in circles
alright

>>18680151
>implying he's wrong
Nigga good looking people straight up have more potential partners to date at any time than ugly people, how exactly is that /r9k/ bullshit?

Of fucking course it ain't the only factor btw, but it is one of the more prevalents.