Maybe some of you can help me out. Dated a girl for two years

define toxic. wtf happened.

>>18673479
I don't know, it was a lot of stuff. I suffer from extreme social anxiety and paranoia so it's hard to say how much of it was in my head, while she was very depressed and her medication made her had fits of rage where she would lash out at me for absolutely no reason and then try to convince me she was right to do so, which is one thing I absolutely cannot tolerate (one of these bouts was the catalyst for our break-up).

For my part, I probably used her for sex and as a result it kind of turned into the basis of our relationship. I no longer felt an emotional/romantic connection with her (couple of reasons for this) and I'm not sure I ever did, so the sex and other material favors were the only thing I felt I stood to gain from being in a relationship with her. Her medication also killed her libido so she was no longer interested in having sex, which I took as a sign of not being interested romantically in me because of my fixation on the sex in our relationship. As such I became very jealous and anxious, perhaps controlling to a degree. She flipped back and forth between being okay with me having sex with other women and getting very jealous as well (I did have sex with other women but I never told her). This anxiety made it so that we were no longer comfortable around each other the way we used to be, we would snap at each other more, little transgressions had the potential to become big fights. We had a talk about our relationship, she said she wasn't interested in taking it any further than it was already which made me angry. The ironic thing is that I agreed with her that our relationship didn't have much of a future, and it's something I had known since the beginning. But to hear her say it made me angry. Eventually she said she wanted to take a break from our relationship, later on we got into a big fight

I guess, in the end, I was a bit of a hypocrite. I wanted her to take our relationship seriously and not have to do that myself.

>>18673527>>18673479
I guess nothing too crazy, it seems like a pretty normal way for a relationship to end. You get too comfortable with each other, you start caring less and less whether you hurt the other person, eventually that environment gets worse and worse.

I know that I wasn't happy in the relationship and I know that it was necessary for us to break up for me to be able to move forward in life. She was a very negative person, just in the ways that she thought and interacted with people, and I feel like that affected me to become a worse person. I think I used to be a brighter, more interesting, happier person before I met her, and I feel myself slowly going back to the way I used to be, which makes me happy. But I also gained a lot of perspective being in that sort of long-term close relationship and I'm grateful to her for that, and the truth is I probably shouldn't have treated her as poorly as I did at times. I should have just been mature enough to end it on good terms, but I wasn't and I didn't. I just pushed and pushed until there was no going back, as I tend to do. Usually I am very good at discarding people from my life, but I've been having trouble with her. I do miss her, but truthfully I don't know if it's just the sex or the feeling of intimacy I miss, and not really her. I dont know. I also feel strangely competitive about it, I feel like we've become enemies and by asking for forgiveness I am somehow conceding defeat. I think this might be an unhealthy way of looking at the situation.

>>18673247
Anyway, an idea for my text would be something like -

"Hey X, how are you doing? I just wanted to say that I've been thinking about how our relationship ended and certain aspects make me. I think regardless of anything you were one of my best friends, and I don't think it's right to hurt your friends. So for all the times that I hurt you and treated you unfairly, I apologize. I don't like feeling an ugly gap between us, and I hope we can be okay with each other. I wish you the best."

My fear - I think indifference would hurt me more than anything else. If she responded with something like "k." or anything along those lines it would signify that a) she didn't care about my apology (understandable, she doesn't have to take it) b) she didn't care enough about our relationship (i.e. me) to attempt to put in the effort to make things okay between us. The logical response is, "Who cares? Why worry about what she thinks about your or your relationship?" I guess I still put some stock into her opinions and what she thinks about things. I know I shouldn't but it's hard not to care.

Any response she gives though would at least give me something to work off of though right? If she responds positively then mission accomplished, if not then at least I know for sure that's where she stands, and there's some relief in that. And at least I will have tried to extend the olive branch. I think the social consequences of doing so could go either way - I could be seen as being magnanimous/conciliatoy, or as weak, depending on how you spin it.

you're preety much thinking to yourself and taking your own conclusions while having a place to vent and share your thoughts. go do what you're probably already determined to do and just sort of seek approval from someone. sort your mind out, sort your thoughts of eachother out, clear it off to eachother. if she gets bitchy, than get your stubborn mind to follow your own way and move on

>>18673620
Lmao, you're absolutely right. I do appreciate outside input though and if someone thinks it's a good/bad idea I'd definitely be interested in hearing it. I have a very hard time removing myself from my own situation and it helps to get the reality check of an outside perspective. Maybe I'm just overthinking it.

Nice blog faggot