Why the urge to chase after someone who's hurt you so much?

>>18669898
You spent 2 years of your life with this person. She became apart of your routine. It takes time.

>>18669904
So is it just the change? Is it some sort of separation anxiety?

>>18669945
Yes, that's what it is.

>>18669898
Instead of advice, maybe we'll help each other through our shit... I'll just give you a little of my shit and tell you my advice at the end.

Moved 12 hours away to a new state, I was just happy to have a new friend, let alone a love interest. Fucking gorgeous as hell, funny, cute southern accent. Started dating - couldn't get enough of each other. 6 months in she starts acting weird, taking my car out, my money starts going missing... She wasn't cheating on me... she got into pills. She tells me about her history of it... I begin to find needles in my house. Being a fucking idiot, so she doesn't have to sneak around, I condone it - I start being okay with it, going with her to pick up. Sitting in the car while she does it, paranoid as fuck sitting near a drug deal... I get even paranoid as to how I'm supposed to act while I interact with a drug dealer... fast forward 6 months - she's used up all of our money. I've had to move back in with my parents. She's stolen from them so she's not allowed here, she's checked herself into rehab...

and that's where I sit. I've basically become an alcoholic because of this... I was a functioning one before this. But the non-stop dealing with drug addicts increased it 10-fold. I've dried out, been sober for 6 days, she's been in rehab for 5. I've had no contact with her. My life is 100% better without her - but it still hurts. The TV shows that we would watch together come across the guide and I skip across them quickly. Things like a thunderstorm or a song remind me of her quickly and I immediately fumble to change it asap so as not to wallow.

My advice is - 1. Wallow in it - Think of how many people have not had this connection with someone. While yes you feel that you have betrayed yourself for letting somebody in, and it not working out? Better to have loved and lost blah (1/2)

>>18670245
(2/2)
blah blah... but think about it... When you were in love, the colors were brighter, music meant more, you were all smiles. You were better off to have had it - and you will get back there. You will. Why? Because of...

#2 - The best revenge is a life well lived. Wallow in the sorrow now, for people define themselves through reinvention. Work on yourself and build confidence in the process. I guarantee it you will meet the next cutie and you will forget this one. Make this bitch an afterthought. Make great strides in your life so that when your mates ask you what's going on, you bombard them with positives and they don't bring up some slag from your past.

and if they do, you will simply say...

"who?"

>>18670257
Thanks man, I dont know what to tell ya,but I hope for the best for you

>>18670257
This.
This is the kind of advice that i wish i saw or heard months ago.
>>18669898
OP, i know exactly how you feel, like down to every word that you said in this post, and i still feel this way, and i broke up with her last November. i feel for you in every way possible.

>>18670363
Last November, almost a year, how are you doing now?

>>18670478
I'm at peace with it.
Her and i aren't friends but know how to be civil in a public setting and occasionally have a conversation over a cigarette.
The one piece of advice i can give you, is don't try to rush it. You'll end up hating yourself for not being able to get over it and instead wallowing in denial

>>18670730
I'm starting to accept that I'll feel sad about everything she did and everything that's happened, I dont really have much other choice,its more pain to feel all that AND fight myself for feeling it while it's happening

>>18669898
only her social media? go join the circle jerk fb messagin group

do yourself a favour and block her

>>18670299
I'll land on my feet brother. It helps being older. But that is kind of what sucks. When people tell you "time heals all wounds"... that's really what it means. You'll get over it with time, and only time. So until then, it'll be shit. You'll be awash with memories of her, smells. You'll cry. You'll hate yourself for it - but man it was worth it

>>18670257
solid advice. i hope you're doing better friend.

similar coping on my end, i thought i found "the one" at one point. our ups were incredible, but our downs were unbearable. it helps to remember that unreliable people will only hurt you.

>>18669898
I'm in a similar situation at the moment, I don't want to get together with her again. Dated for two years and by the end we both hurt each other pretty bad, it was getting toxic so immediately the first thing I felt when it was over was relief. After a while though I started noticing her absence, and about two months after the fact I still think about her a lot, and I'm sad that one of my best friends is gone from my life. I made the ill-advised decision to check her Twitter account and it looks like she's miserable, which made me feel a weird mix of vindictiveness and pity.

I've been thinking about texting her (we've had absolutely no contact except for an awkward and brief encounter on the street - makes sense since we live close to each other). Not to get back together or even be friends but at least friend-ly with each other. Try to clear some of the bad air between us, I guess, give a general apology for the ways I've hurt her, etc. There are a couple of relevant factors that come into my thinking here.

One is that we have many mutual friends, some of which seem to have "sided" with her (at least judging from the few times I've attempted to contact them).

Another, more tentative justification is that I would like to feel some closure regarding our relationship. I'm not sure if this is something silly to hope for, but I can't say I'm entirely happy with the way things have turned out between us. I don't like knowing that my actions have hurt someone that used to be very close to me, and I hope that apologizing will help me move on. The risk is that she doesn't react well, doesn't take my apology, uses it somehow to hurt me, etc., in which case could I live with that? Has anyone gone through something similar? How did it turn out?