Break-up Thread

Unless she's a turboslut with no shame she'll try to cover it up, and hopefully have some decency to not slander your name/reputation with it.

Move forward, and try to not care about what others think about your break-up. Don't try to spread that you're breaking-up since she;s cheating on you. Even if it's a fact and you were the one that hurt, it'd risk you a negative opinion from others.

Best to keep silent, and just tell it's not working out when you got asked. Only uncover the fact about your break-up when you got accused of something you didn't do or slandered.

>>18668828
At least you have a reason not to like her.

>>18668845
Pardon the autism, but as long as I'm not running around calling her a slut and a cheater, and simply responding to questions in a normal, non salty way, why would it garner a negative opinion? Especially when I don't accuse her character or refer to the word cheating. I ask because I've told people already. Otherwise thank you Anon.

>>18668874
Have a story to share?

Sorry about what happened to you OP. But if she was really that amazing girl from your fairytale story, she wouldn't hook up with someone else, right?

Not to mention that's the only incident you know about. If she was willing to cheat on you once you have no idea how many times in past it's happened.

Point being don't fantasize on how amazing your relationship was because it was likely an illusion the whole time. Save those dreams for someone who isn't going to screw around on you.

>>18668901
I guess I'd like to believe that it was a one time drunken hookup kind of thing, but who knows. Maybe she started to get feelings for him before too. You're right about the fantasies. I just don't want to paranoidly think about what else went on. I don't know where to focus my thinking, whether to ignore it altogether or think through it all

>>18668899
Based on my own experience, people of this times often have this weird views when the girl is looking for another man, it's because her current man is not capable on handling her, or just plain not good enough. Who knows what thing they talk behind you, but most of times it won't be sympathy or understanding, it'll be questioning about yourself as a man.

Thus I think it'd be safer to offer them an answer with some plausible deniability on your part like "it's just not working out between us" without revealing anything, even tiniest hint of truth. That's my two cents.

>>18668919
Well that depends on the person. The thing is, when you downplay what happened as a 'drunken mistake' you start downplaying other shit. You'll start thinking stuff like 'maybe the sex wasn't even good' or 'maybe he didn't even fully penetrate her' in an attempt to make yourself feel better. But your brain knows that's bullshit and you torture yourself trying to battle those feelings. You start thinking about it every time you watch porn or see a sex thing and it kills your mood.

Accept what happened. They fucked, she did some kinky shit and they cuddled in bed after he came on her face. Possibly 2 or 3 times in one night. Does that idea hurt? Of course it does. But you need to face it until you stop having a strong emotional response to it.

>>18668949
Your post is gonna stay with me for some time Anon. thank you but also fuck you.

>>18668937
Best I become a better man then, huh.

Hey, man. Ass is ass.

my gf just broke up with me yesterday, and it's incredibly painful right now as well. What sucks the most is that I have no reason to resent her or anything. She never cheated on me, was nothing but loyal if perhaps a little distant and depressed at times. I was always able to deal with it and I tried to be as supportive as possible, but the increasing amount of distance made me concerned and so I confronted her about it (not the first time I'd done it, but this was certainly the first time we'd had a direct conversation about it). I asked her if she still loved me and if she still saw a future for us since, in the past, we had discussed such serious things as marriage and moving in together openly and happily. She told me that she didn't know because she hadn't thought about it in a long time and that she would think about and then we'd talk about it the next day. Well, the next day we meet up and she tells me that she doesn't see a future anymore and that she doesn't think she can be in a relationship anymore because of health issues which have been making her life increasingly more difficult and painful (health issues I've known about since the beginning of the relationship but I had no idea that they had gotten so bad at this point, things like ulcerative colitis). (1/2)

>>18669301
I understand her reasoning and I could see this coming honestly since the beginning of the relationship, but right now I have no idea what I'm going to do with myself now that she's decided that she'd rather suffer alone than suffer with me by her side. She used to be so eager to talk to me, and she was always the one to bring up our future plans. She wanted to travel the country with me. And now to see that she's given up on all of those dreams, it just hurts me so much. I've been working on a computer engineering degree because I wanted our future to be financially stable and I wanted us to live well, but now I don't know what the fuck to do, she was the reason I did everything. I know I need to move on and if I just continue forward I eventually will but goddamn if it doesn't hurt right now. She introduced me to so many things that I came to enjoy and is probably the first girl I can say without a doubt that I loved, and I still love her. I almost couldn't go to class today, I felt nauseous, but I did anyway because I've told myself that if I just keep up my work and go through the motions, the pain will eventually go away. I don't think it will go away for a long time, though, and she really broke my heart. I know I sound whiny and at this point I'm just venting because there are still so many things I wish I could say to her. Anyway, my advice to you, anon, is to just keep up a routine, go through the motions and hold on to the fact that she has cheated on you, because nostalgia can be awful after a breakup, and you need to just remind yourself that you deserve better whenever you think about the good times. You can have good times with someone else, good times that are still ahead of you and with someone who won't cheat on you, good times that you can think back to when you're old and remember fondly, overshadowing all the others who broke your heart. (2/2)

>>18668845
Fuck that. He obviously shouldn't go around telling everyone she's a cheating slut but there's nothing wrong with telling those who ask him why it didn't work out.

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>>18668828
>I'm not sure how to feel right now

Be glad that you are emotionally not retarded enough to fall into depression because of this.
Try to be more careful about your partners the next time if possible and you're good to go.

Read pic, it could explain why she did what she did.

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>met girlfriend online from X country in 2014
>Met her in 2015 in real life
>Fell inlove for real
>Made plans for the 20 next years
>Cheated on me in summer 2016 sexually (she still virgin)
>Her parents couldnt stand the dude because of his orgins so she decided to be with me also because she loved me
>Went to a huge depression with bad consequences
>Decided to forgive her
>Met her in christmass 2016 and spent the whole holiday and even christmas with her family in her X country
>I was sure that she was the one , i was the first one to be introduced to her family
> i Decide to study in her country (x country) in september 2017
>She started telling me since mid august that she don't feel same as before with me
>she Decided to break up but she was okay to stay friend with me because i couldn't go back to my country bcz i paid the unrefundable tuiton fees
>She admitted that she was with the dude that she cheated on me last summer 2016 and she spent doing shits the whole summer and she was hiding me it and she did more sexual things with him (she still virgin)
>They do not date but they are friends with benzfits because of his origins so she has no futurz with him , she said its temporary with him
>She said there is maybe a possibility that we will return together if she feel something in real life with me , she study in the capital of her country and return each week in her hometown where the dude lives
>I am destroyed

What can i do , any advices please? , I am totally lost .
I fucked my life and i just need anything that could change that i am lost , help please

>>18669516
Well now you know she's not waifu material. Cut your losses and move on.

>>18669311
>>18669301

If I could give you any advice,that would be not to base your life around girls too much. That's the lesson I learned from another relationship. I was willing to follow what was essentially a glorified fuck-buddy to another country so that we could be together. Find your own reasons for being in your engineering program. I'll try to look forward for myself. It's been hard to keep a routine, but i'll prevent myself from reminiscing.

>>18669324
Yeah, she definitely was more upset in the last few months, but she kept chalking it up to work-related stress. I guess work related stress means she wanted to fuck some guy but felt guilty about it


>>18669516
>>18669516
my ex-gf tried to offer for us to get back together but I declined knowing how shit it would be.

Try to put yourself together first. focus on you as hard as you can. Spend time with your friends, practice your hobby, study hard, idk. Do whatever else, i think. I know you had feelings for her, but she obviously didn't give a single fuck about that

>date girl with mental issues from daddy abusing her
>she cheats on me and i feel really bad about it
>we try to stay together, she was really dependent on me emotionally
>my life sucks, don't love her anymore, sex declined dramatically, this, that, the other
>tough it out for another year or so
>be subtly building her up, making sure she's on her pill regularly, seeing her therapist (she would always skip), and got her way more independent
>build myself up enough alongside that to dump her
>it's devastating for both sides
>but we knew it was coming
>she stays in touch with my mom, and my mom pretty much begs me to get back with her
>ex and I still haven't spoke in over a year
>she's been dating some guy for the past 6 months
>he seems like the typical 'nice guy'
>feel pretty glad for her to settle down, hope it goes okay
>i went back to how i used to be, a lot of drinking, drugs, fast computers, and faster cars

Glad she's happy, I'm better off alone, too self-destructive.

>>18669608
thanks for the advice man, that's probably what I'll take out of this, not focusing so much of my life around girls. I ended up putting so much energy in because she was the first person that ever really cared about me/took our relationship seriously, at least at first she did. I'm still kinda off and on right now because it happened just yesterday but I know that for past breakups, just going through the motions, cleaning up a bit, dwelling on the ugly whenever the past starts to look too appealing, etc. all helped me out so that's why I give that advice and I've been trying to do follow it as well.