7 Year Heartbreak

I am heartbroken obviously at what had transpired but also was also worried about my sisters wedding being ruined such last minute. Dealing with both was truly challenging. We could the wedding squared away and I did not hear from my ex for a month. April 2016 was one of the worst months of my life. Everyday was a struggle and I felt so lost.

One day, in May 2016, I was cleaning my room and found shoes she had left in my room. I called her cousin to pick up the phone and asked her to pick them up so she can give it to my ex. She tells me that my ex had been trying to get a hold of me for months but I had changed my phone number. She was contemplating suicide and that she was trying to work things out with me but I was unavailable.

I call her, and I tell her much I've been hurt for the last month. She apologizes but finally forks up the truth behind her break up: She started talking to some other guy. She had been with me since she was 19 years and she is now 26. She had to see if she can be with someone else other than me which was her excuse for leaving. It was all a big bowl of bullshit and I distrusted her almost immediately.

Unfortunately for me, I loved her so much, I decided to take her back. I couldn't feel but feel attached to this woman after all we been through and all that I had done. So I told her she had to work in order to earn the trust back. 2016 until early 2017 was all her working on trust and I was beginning to be happy again and trying my best to trust her. She had promised me that she would be with me forever, have my children, and marry me.

Early 2017 I started to feel that the trust was back in our relationship and that I had learned to move on and forgive. The ball was set in motion for me to propose to her again as she gave me hints with her planner. She drew a ring on our anniversary date implementing that she hoped we would get engaged.

Valentines Day of 2017 me, her, and another couple whose mutual friends go to an expensive Brazilian steakhouse. We eat and have a great time. She spends the night and gives me this letter expressing her love for me and how she wants to continue spending more experiences for the rest of her life with me. The letter meant so much to me and I said to myself I was ready to marry this woman. She leaves and that was literally the last time I had ever seen her.

A month goes by, and she goes quiet and distant again very familiarly. I get concerned but at the time she was dealing with a lot of school stuff so I let it slide.

March 4th 2017, I enter the ER because I freak out over losing hearing on my right ear. I have a panic attack. I call my ex and tell her where I am at. I soon realize that she never showed up and continued to be distant. This made me furious.

I called her the next day and asked wth was going on. I asked her why she was doing what she did last year again and she had no answer for me. I asked "do I even have a girlfriend still?" and she replied with "I dont know."

I lost it. I ended it with her right there. I felt forced.

The next day I call her, and told her how forced I was to do it. I never wanted to leave her and that I wanted to work things out. She fed me the same bullshit she said last year. "I love you but I am not in love with you anymore." In a matter of a month you change your feelings?

She also expresses to me that she has an internship coming up and that she needed to focus on that for school. And also something going on with her Dad which she never disclosed or talked about with me. She said she could not be with me anymore, and that maybe down the line we can be together again. and when those words were uttered I went off the deep end. I wanted to kill myself hearing those words. She calls the cops and told her that my heart belonged to her. All she can tell me was "I'll never forget how strong we made me and how you made me feel." I told her numerous times to say goodbye to me but she refused. She hung up the phone and I havent heard from her since March 16th 2017.

The aftermath of the break up lead me to the cops taking me away and into psychiatric care. I was diagnosed with clinical depression. I took the break up hard, a break up I never wanted. The last 6 months have been brutal torture for me. I've been trying to find a reason to hang on but to no avail. These last 6 months Ive had numerous anxiety attacks and been in the ER a total of 4 times. I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder and currently on medication.

The hardest week was this past week. I realized how much I truly miss and love my ex and that I was in denial for 6 months out of anger.

I reached out to her cousin who was the original matchmaker in our relationship existing. She told me that my ex still cared for me, but talking to her is not the right time. Shes not sure when well talk or even if well get back together.

This week has been extremely rough for me and I've been contemplating bad thoughts. I've given the world and back to this woman and sacrificed so much. I never lied, cheated, and always supported everything she ever wanted or needed.

I truly am at the bitter end of my rope. I am hoping venting here can possibly help me.

Jesus Bro I don't know what to say, I kinda had the same experience but I'd say like 1/5 of the length of time you're relationship lasted. It took me like two years to finally move on comfortably (during this time I had good and better spells would would dip down in sadness) . I'm saying this because you might not ever truly get over her for years upon years and you need to remember that it's not a quick process, and if it was a quick process, you wouldn't be the stand up dude that you appear to be.
What really helps is just writing it out and talking about it, even if it's just on /adv/ it'll do your mental health wonders. Post here updates every so often just for your own sake because getting it out is the best thing I can recommend.

X

In addition to my comment, I always had to tell my friend who suffers horrible anxiety and depression. Who's gf fucked him over too, that at the end of it, she didn't deserve him. And by the sounds of it mate, your girl didn't deserve you. In your head you're definitely gonna romanticize everything about her, we all do that, and that will make it harder for you. You have to measure up all the love you gave to her, and think about how happy you can make someone else because there's definitely someone out there who can give you it back. With break ups you're gonna hear a lot of the cliché stuff, but the cliche stuff is generally true with this type of thing so don't brush the quotes "plenty more fish in the sea" off.

Just move on, and learn from this.
Don't make yourself this vulnerable again. I've been with my girlfriend for 7 years but if she left me tomorrow I'd be fine.

>>18667390
I'm sorry bro, had to go through some shit because or my ex but it wasn't as difficult as your story since she cheated. But I've had to go through the worst pain I've ever had and the breakdown of my life. Treat the heart ache like you would treat any sickness, that means do whatever it takes to get better and most of all give it time and be patient with yourself. Try to hammer into your head that you're gonna come out of this again and that you'll be yourself again. This right now, this sad small person who's mind goes insane from pain is not you.

So many people have been there, that's why there are tons of stories and poems and posts on the internet about this madness. You're not alone brother

Thanks guys

In a somewhat similar boat anon,I dont have any substantial advice, but just know that you're not alone in this, and you can come out tougher and stronger, may peace find you again.

I understand you. I thought I forgot Evelyn after nearly an year, but then I got dreams. I started going insane, I had ignored it for an year and suddenly this burst happened to me. I forgot that I was happy then, no longer am I now. I forgot that I was ontop of the world, she gave me a reason to do my best, and courage. Now I don't have a regard for anything, I don't understand how this could even happen. I started feeling physical pain from just thinking about it.

I guess in the end it was my fault, but at least she is happy now.

I'm no longer the same, what's left of my heart only is the physical aspect.

My friend, you still have a chance. What I learned isn't that it's just a romance, but it is also everything in between, the friendship, the time, the small details that make it special. What you have is special with her, it is so abundantly clear. We all have our problems, and not everything has to be perfect- what I am saying is you have to stick by her with whatever problems she had. Accept her imperfections, and accept your own. Do not make the mistake of false justice, in love there is none.

I'm not sure of the solution, it's always different, and its never always the same. Try to find her, see her in person as often as you can. Perhaps that is your way, I wish you luck, happiness is all we have in a cruel and unforgiving world like ours.

There's no reason to love somebody who has demonstrated multiple times she doesn't love you back.

>>18667477
OK. fuck you for going to the er, it's busy as fuck there without fucktards like you turning up with bullshit anxiety and panic attacks.

I don't know what kind of advice you're expecting. In case you're still not sure of it she's a horrible person to love, she will make you miserable. When she comes back to you (she most likely will) tell her to go fuck herself. No explanation, no dialogue, no anything. Tell her to fuck off or this shit you've been going through will keep repeating.

And as a sidenote, stop being so attached to people. It's not healthy, it really isn't. Never focus on one single thing. It can ruin you completely. I'm not telling you to never have relationships or never open up again. But don't make it your only priority, don't give it so much information. Find some other things to pour your energy into. I don't care what, hobbies, career, sports, fiction, whatever. Try to make sure than when you lose something important to you you will have other things to fall back onto. If you think there's something you can't live without you should try to detach yourself from it.

Move on.

Do you want the cycle to continue? Take her back when she unavoidably comes back to you.

Do you want to give yourself a chance to move on? Tell her to fuck off when she unavoidably comes back to you.