suicide

>>18663487
It's good that you are opening up and talking about your issues. It's okay to have depression and bad thoughts, just don't act on them.
You have a job and are trying to improve you self. Those are good steps.

>>18663487
If you have a good relationship with your family, why would you want to inflict emotional distress and trauma on them?
Transcend your past and destroy the pedestals you place this girl on. You'll save yourself the pain of even more emotional sabotage if you just look to the future and set goals- maybe set personal targets for your career path, or physical milestones. Cultivate personal growth and more importantly recognise this change. Witnessing yourself evolve physically and emotionally will no doubt help towards your anxiety and depression. Maybe also dabble in other activities such as reading- my wellbeing has increased tremendously from reading, especially philosophy.
"It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since you always kill yourself too late."
-Cioran

>>18663556
This. You're on a good path here, please don't give it all up and cause your family grief. It's not worth it, OP. Trust me on that "causing your family grief" part.

First of all, stop telling yourself you HAVE to be happy. Nobody is happy all the time. Step two: get yourself a good Psychologist.