Did I fuck up the break up?

You don't owe anyone shit. You have your right to exit and enter a relationship at anytime.

You're good in my opinion.

>>18662920

Maybe, but at the same time I understand why you did it this way. It's not like you had her life on hold for months and months.

>>18662957
I know, but my concern are the feelings of a loved one. Despite how bad the relationship was for me at times I still care and wanted to be good to her.

The most painful thing was that after 3 years of dating, at the time of the break up there was no way for me to comfort her. I haven't felt so powerless in a long time

Personally yes I would feel betrayed to realize that my loved one was essentially keeping me in the dark, and humiliated that e.g. we had sex while you were already saying goodbye in your head. I feel like you are taking away their agency by deciding all by yourself what's best for them. It's not like she will have good memories of that vacation now anyway, she will just wonder what she missed. Plus there's a risk that it hurts her trust that she can read people and trust that people are upfront with her in general.

Having said that there is no flawless way to break up with someone and opinions are going to differ. A friend of mine did the same thing, I argued fiercely that I found it disrespectful and crossing boundaries, turns out the guy himself was actually grateful that she still let the vacation continue as planned.

Either way if there is any universal standards it's putting care in trying to diminish your hurt and you did do that, in your own way. Over time she will probably see that whether or not she's hurt right now. But yes it would infuriate me. In my opinion you should have told her beforehand, at least that you had doubts about the relationship.

>>18662990
Then get back with her or find a way to wrap your brain around it.

My girlfriend just broke up with me exactly one week ago in 45 minutes (we had to at some point so it was mutual in a way).

I know how you feel but you have to look forward from now on. Im assuming you were happy before her, and you were fine then? Do shit to take your mind off of it. I've been playing pubg and messaging cuties on Tinder. I suggest you do the same.

I read an article that when you get sad after a break up, stop what your doing and close your eyes. Feel the ground beneath your feet. Your in the moment now, not the past. It's supposed to remind you not to think about the past.

>>18663026
>you are taking away their agency
This is what I was afraid of. And its precisely part of why the break up was needed. Every time we had an issue or an argument she would find a way to be shocked / offended and start to cry. I never got used to being around people who cry, so my paternal instincts would kick in and I would start instantly comforting her. Leaving me without any way to express myself or get any emotional closure. So I would start treating her in my mind like a child. I would not bring up my grievances to her and instead try to think what would benefit her by myself. I guess despite loving her alot, Its been a long time since I saw her as an equal parter.

>In my opinion you should have told her beforehand, at least that you had doubts about the relationship
I guess at this point I saw the situation to be so severe that even trying to talk about it (because of the problems i stated above) felt, ironically, non honest

Then again even if I knew what was right and wrong I'm not sure if I would've been strong enough of a person to do it earlier. I guess I'm trying to abolish my guilt over my indecisiveness

>>18663039
It's not really about getting over it or being happy, its about me wanting to be a good person. I'm only trying to find out if I did the right thing by waiting to tell her.

>>18663069
Yes.

There is never a good time to break up.

>she had a bad day at work, and I broke up with her, did I fuck up?
>she failed her math test, and I broke up, did I fuck up?
>she sucked my dick last week and I broke up.

>>18663081
So you are saying every break up is fucked up, or that I fucked up specifically but its okay because there is never a good time to break up?

Really there's no way to "let someone down easy" when they love you enough to commit to a 3 year relationship.

Three weeks ago the person who I thought I was going to marry broke it off with me after she had us take a week apart to "work on ourselves". I really wish she would have just made a clean break because all that time was for me was agony.

You did her right. My advice is that if you care about her wellbeing still, do her a favor and stay away from her. No contact, don't let her get her hopes up, because it's over and the sooner she sees that the sooner she can move on.

>>18663107
>do her a favor and stay away from her
I plan to. It's going to be hard though. It feels so twisted that I had to leave her behind while shes misereable after trying to make her happy for 3 years.

>>18663096
Every breakup is bad