Any advice for me?

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I am young and I still do not totally control my emotions, starting the year my life was ruined ...
I lost my career for decisions that I thought were correct, my job as a doctor was lost as a result, I went to work very hard abroad to get a car (which I lost in a serious accident that had nothing to do with lives) Who were then my in-laws that no matter what happened, I would never give up and do my best to be someone in life and have something to offer your daughter ...
After having lost the aforementioned, my ex-girlfriend deceived me with someone in her career ... there was a lot of evidence in front of me to realize, too much ... however I ignored it because she was the only thing that I remained and was inspired to continue fighting to rebuild my life.
The day came when things went out of control, the deception was so much that I reached my limit and out of despair, anger, sadness, impotence, frustration and other mixed feelings; I took revenge on my own ... And that's when I released our intimacies online ...
I thought of nothing but revenge ..
Given the consequences of my actions and for obvious reasons, I lost any contact with her; Losing her was losing the only thing left in me.
Now with the weight of all my losses, I am trapped in my own head, I have rebuilt much of the lost, but for some reason the great emptiness that she left, overwhelms me, makes me miss her, hate her for treason, apologize for doing something to her That perhaps I did not deserve and accept that everything was part of my life only; But ... why then do I still feel sad about his absence? Why even though I go out with more people I do not forget it? Why do I keep thinking about such things?