GIOYC - Get It Off Your Chest

Long Story short, I met this Girl at work a few months ago.
She was very nice and kind, and we started chatting.
I added her on Facebook to get advice for my job, how to do things better, faster, etc.
After a while we start talking and I start to develop emotions for her.
Little bit later I tell her, she tells me that she isn't ready for a relationship and that she isn't rejecting me.
After a while I hit a pretty bad depression and she asks what is up, so I tell her my situation and what not and I wanted to know how she really felt about me (I was losing trust in people at this stage of my depression.)
She said a few years ago at this thing I used to go to that she also went to, she found me unique, interesting, cute, and not like the other guys there.

Anyway fast forward to start of August.
She becomes really busy, and she stops talking to me, responding rather.
I couldn't hang out with her outside of work before because of how busy she was, so facebook was the only way of talking to her outside of work (btw at this stage I quit my Job, it was way too stressful and screwing me up in other factors)

So I started to get said, but then my paranoia strikes in and the situation started to look like the time my friend backstabbed me.
She stopped talking to me, she gets mad at me, she says she is my friend but doesn't act like it.

Same thing my friend did last year.

So I bring this up, she get's really upset.
The friendship kinda ends there for a bit.
Fast forward a week later I try to make it up to her, and she says she doesn't think the friendship is over and apologises for not talking to me a lot.

But then, it starts all over again.
She stops talking to me.
I get it, she is actually really busy, I know this.
But what am I supposed to do?
How can I be her friend if I can't even talk to her?

This is really fucking me up, and since I have feelings for her, it's making me feel even worse.
I just don't know what to do.
All I care about is being her friend now.

Probably my closest friend, a girl I've known for 13 years or so and whom I also love (which she knows) but will never marry. She's in such a bad situation right now, has deleted fb and stopped using her phone. Because I can't get near her or know what she's doing or how she's feeling I am so worried. She's recently quit her weed addiction and was quitting cigarettes too, I was so happy for her she was doing so well, I'm afraid she's going back to smoking again and I'm stuck here at home not able to do anything about it. I wish I could do more to protect her, I wish I could convince her to live with me. Not so I can pursue a relationship, but just so I can keep watch over what she's doing and point her in the right direction. God knows what will have happened when she re-surfaces again, I fear the worst.

I can't get near her, and I'm worried sick.

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>>18659198
Outta luck, outta money, outta time ...

You give me hope, hope we can make it, anything we ever wanted. When I'm with you I feel unstopable. You're like a muse to me, only you can free my mind from everyday bullshit.
A simple stare in your eyes says more than a thousand words, you saw through me as I saw through you.
You brought back a lost soul from the dead, I can feel again.

I know he is miles alway, but I cannot go of my clingy tendencies. He is the first person to treat men like this, so I have done what I said I wouldn't and made him the center of my life

>>18659576
I feel the same way about someone as you do about yours.
I may have done the same.
Whatever it fucking takes, if it matters to you, make that shit work.
Like holding on to a candle in a hurricane, you keep that shit lit as long as you can.
Two bird in a storm, I'm not meeting myself get blown away from this person.

I came from an abusive mother who like to beat me whenever she felt like it. Then the first girlfriend I ever has after getting over confidence problems she was mean to me .

So now I avoid women at all costs fuck having sex fucking communicating with them and when I work with them I'll out do them performance-wise 10 times better to prove they suck.

>>18660007
Thanks, I meant phsyical distance. But I dont want to scare him . Tell me your story

>>18659198
I've had this female friend who moved away many years ago but we are still friends and talk very often. I want to drop her because she takes up to much of my time (kind of a one-sided friendship where I help her with her problems) but whenever I start to slowly cut her out over a month she reels me back in that she needs me and life is hard for her.

I'm getting to the point where I want to tell her I cant give her my undivided attention anymore and to leave me alone. I wouldn't be rude about it, but I just want to be direct and honest.

What do I do?

It was nice to see you, as usual you trip me up and I go into full retard mode, I can use the term as such since I have an injured head. I really want to talk. Can we talk? Do you still use any of the old accounts we used to converse on? F@*k why do things have to be so complicated? It shouldn't be this hard.

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>>18660056
I meant the same anon.
I wrote my story at the end of the last thread.
To keep it simple, I met this person in the last place I would have ever cared to look. The circumstances dumber still. And I just kept them company online, and they did to me.
We have spent sometime together, not too much, but just talking to them and listening to what they say has had me captivated. Both of us, pessimists by nature, but damn if they don't make me feel like they make the sun shine just for me, and if I had the power, sure bet I would that star shine just for her.
And like you, I don't want to spook her off. Although, it seems she does want me around, which is a foreign feeling for me.

Till now we dropped hints to our locations, I was hoping for somewhere near home, but with all good things, there's always a catch. This time, she lives over 2000 miles away.

Me? I'm stupid. Very much, but I'm risk taker and she makes a negative person like me have some hope and optimism. She's told me that I have given her the same.

I don't want that to end. Mostly on her end. For me, I would be happy enough just seeing her smile. So for that alone I'm willing to fight, like an old wolf, bite and growl at what I must just to make she doesn't have to deal with sinking into that pit again.

Fuck that pit, fuck the doubt and the voices one hears. I don't wish it on anyone, much less her.

Like said, I might be stupid, but I'm willing to try for a single person.

I'll find a way, somehow.

I doubt the stars would make you same as my person, but if you are, I'll see you later today. Once I get home of course.

>>18659576
Story ?

Please don't get married, please don't get married, please just don't get married.
I hate how much the thought alone still hits me. And it makes me realise that I would have no idea what to do with myself if you should really get married. I would be devastate.

>>18660161
>post some basic stats on /lgbt/ out of desperation
>someone replies
>start to talk to him
>find out he is Canadian (I'm a Texan)
>add him as a friend on discord
>we talk everyday since then
>very similar interests
>he talks really sweey to me
>we role play stuff sometimes
>get anxious if he does not reply, start to worry he does not like me.

>>18660166
Know the feels anon, you'll completely be devasted if your heartspark gets married. Then you'll beat yourself into submission for not having the balls to ever say anything of substance, then the wave of regret will leave you floored.

>>18660186
Sounds very similar to what I have anon.
That last one hit me right in the chest.
The type of feeling that is both terrifying and comforting at the same. To have someone that can tug at your stings, and yet you can do nothing but smile at the sound of their voice and the words they share.

I hope you get your chance to be happy anon. If not, that you figure how to make that chance happen.

FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK
Is this what I deserve ? Tell me something... I can't understand the situation and this is killing me. Can't you just tell me what I did wrong ? Hit me hard, be mean, spit on me but do something.

>>18660294
What's happened from your point of view?

>>18660270
Thanks anon, I'm with you I'd be willing to go all the way up there for him.but for no its all waiting. I fear we will stagnate.

I'm 18 and haven't got a single friend. I haven't got anything to do.

I have a smart phone and a 4-5 year old tablet with a cracked screen and that's all I have to entertain me throughout the day.

For the most part I don't have any place in my house where I can be alone / undistributed.

I spend most of my days in bed, or laying on the floor in despair. I've developed insomnia, I get so stressed out / anxious / depressed that I can't lay in bed without some sort of distraction. My thoughts are so negative that I need a constant distraction.

I literally can't sleep. Only time I sleep is after staying awake for days and passing out.

I am so bored, lonely, stressed, anxious and worried.

I'm going into the armed forces. But I won't be sent to basic until the end of the year.

I don't know what to do. I want to do outside but I have no car, I have no friends and I have nowhere to go in my small desolate town.

I feel so trapped. Whenever I go to bed at night I have constant thoughts of suicide. I have anxiety dreams / nightmares almost all the time.

I need help but I am trapped and alone and nobody has ever been able to help me.

SB,
I don't know if you are still with that girl or not. By the looks of it, you're not. I want you to know that the rumor mill isn't true, I'm not dating SF. He's my good friend and he drives me home. That's why people see us leave together.
I'm still very interested in you, so if you're interested in me, I'm here.

>>18660269
Well, I'm not looking forward to that for sure.
I feel it coming up, it's really just a matter of time by now. I just don't want it to be true.

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That awkward moment when you're a newly graduated high school teacher and you see one of your students on Tinder pretending to be 2 years older than he actually is.

I met this girl while playing online last year
Chat a lot with her, play a lot with her

At one point she tells me she likes/loves (even though we never saw each other, just talked), but I don't care about it because I had a previous experience with another girl online that did not end well and don't want to repeat the same mistake

Fast forward months later, we keep playing together with other friends and another guy we met online too
She tells me they started going out together a few months later and I'm happy for them because the guy is pretty cool and I don't really care about her at this point

She talks to me from time to time, she's always the one that starts the conversation even when we're not playing

Fast forward to last week, I got to work close to where she lives so I ask her if she wants to meet and says ok

Meet her, she's pretty cute and I think I started to like her, we spent only a couple of hour together, talk a lot about lots of things but had fun together

And now I'm feeling depressed because I don't know if she is still interested in me. The fact that she already has a bf is a problem too because he's pretty cool and I don't want to fuck their relation

The thing is I've only got one gf in my life and I've been alone for 7 years now. It makes me feel depressed when I see all my friends with their gf/bf.

I don't know what to do anymore

>>18660347
Two options: tell her how you feel now or make a move when they *hopefully* break up.

Also if the other guy is a good guy and your friend then I personally wouldn't say anything until if and when they break up.

>>18660301
I'm so fucking lost, I fuck up every relationship I ever had. There is this girl I'm crazy about and I really thought she felt something too but now I can't tell if I was delusional or not about her feelings. Time made things blurry and our lack of communication fucked my mind.

R.

A lot of me wants to say "Fuck you", I've liked you for quite sometime, but this summer Ive learned that the feelings were far from your typical infatuation. You came over to watch movie, yet nothing happened. Thought you werent ready, then you came over again, sat right next to me, sharing old pictures of me and other classmates. It felt so perfect, I needed one last moment to secure it, so why'd you leave without a trace? No text back, stopped me from seeing your SC, you really left me in the dark not knowing where I went wrong. Fuck you for that, fuck you for only considering how you feel, not me. I dont care if you dont like me, I just want you to say it, give me closure, let me know....you put the best facade, I cant keep making excuses for you. Im coming to hate you for being such a coward, for ruining my last days here, now I gotta go back to school for one more year, all alone, facing sins Ive done here, without you by my side anymore. Cant wish ill on you, just hate that youre a coward like the rest

>>18660393
I know this feeling, tried to move on and the lack of communication with someone I am totally cray about stings constantly. They're online now, I really want to unblock them and pour my heart out.

I'm at a blank state right now and I'm waiting for myself to get filled,to get drawn on that canvas to define myself. Going back to square one was a good idea but not knowing what to do after was mistake. Maybe it wasn't square one but a step back instead of a default state. I've got no one to talk to but I'm afraid that I will push people away when I start to talk about shit that bothers me. I can't really say that I want friends when I only want a person to dump my thoughts to. But theres also a part of me that wants to do fun things with people I know when I don't know anymore. When people say I should shut up about these things it just makes me feel unwanted,but people can't be ready to listen to you anytime. I should find a hobby,but even that became tough for me since it's been only time wasting so far since the "reset". Figuring things out is one of the tough parts,especially when it's about yourself and it's only you and yourself to tell you how you are. Even when I'm a little bit autistic. At least I think I am. But that's only because I think I know.

I'm seeing a free college counselor next week. Havent been to therapy since I was 15 and it was something my parents forced/tricked me into so I don't remember much of it because I refused to really engage given my age and my circumstance.

This first visit is supposedly just to "clarify the patients counseling needs". No idea what the fuck that means so anyone know what I should expect?
Am I just gonna go in and air all my dirty laundry and they're gonna decide what kind of counselor I need or something?

Also I have a hard time being verbal because if I open my mouth I'll just start sobbing uncontrollably and we'll get nowhere. I'm thinking about writing everything down before hand and if I get to the point where I can no longer speak I can just shove a notebook at them and have them read the rest.
Is that weird or unmanageable?

I know everyone's gonna be like "yeah it's their job to be accomodating and sweet and nice" but they're still human and even in these types of jobs they can still be crabby bitches. Hell my high school crisis counselor once told me to fuck off and he didn't have time for my petty non issue problems. I don't wanna bother bringing any writing if they're just gonna roll their eyes at me.

I don't know if I should feel incredibly bad for the human race or kinda impressed.

You have put in sooooooooooo much effort into making 1 person miserable. Why though? This had to have cost billions. Can't you just like... make a new avengers movie? Wouldn't that be easier?

>>18660509
That should show you that you are just delusional dummy. Wtf? Why won't you seek professional help, you're dense and stubborn as hell

>>18660436
Do it !

>>18660565
Fuck thats weird, they always say that.

B,

I hope you are doing okay and are safe in regards to what is happening in the news right now. I have much too much to much to say and I am not going to put it all here...
I am just hoping that you and your family are safe right now.

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A few years ago my life broke down. I've been working my way back up since then by taking things slow. I'm 18 now and I'll probably finish highschool in a year or 2. I'm having fun in life again the way things are. The thing that still makes me worry is that my best friend N is going to be graduating this year. We've practicly been best buddies since birth, but I fear being left behind when he goes to college or what he decides to do.

I wish I could erase all memories of someone so I can have a chance to live again.

>>18660539
I'm not the only one nor is entertainment the sole justification.

it's still horseshit. You people are awful. If you're even a person and not just a shit program/chatbot meant to follow me around harassing me.

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>>18660539
I could show you 50 fucking images, posts, videos of the white haired cat girl from space uploaded just today.

>>18661019
That's smurfetta

Hell ye fuck ye I feel like killin it

Why do people have foot fetishes but not hand fetishes?

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I'm annoyed at my boyfriend, and I want to comfort eat. The problem is I've already eaten to my caloric limit today and I have to wait 12+ more hours before my daily fast is officially over.
I wish instead of eating a big meal in one sitting, I spaced things out and took into account that I might want a snack later or something. The later I eat, the later my fast stretches into, but still.
I know comfort eating is a bad habit, anyway, but I also know some instant noodles would de-stress me immediately. This is so frustrating.

>>18661205
Lots of girls have hand fetishes.

>>18661212
Get something low calorie to binge on, like celery or sugar snap peas. Breaking your diet for one day isn't going to kill you.

what the fuck is with all this hawaii shit?

>>18659198
You know, you may have a very popular growing youtube channel, which I am tired of seeing pop up in my feed, so I am thinking of going public about your secrets in your past.

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If you arbitrarily hold other people to standards you set for yourself, it's your fault if you end up disappointed.
Don't say "I'd do it for you", that's manipulative bullshit. Not everyone is you, and you shouldn't expect them to be. Maybe instead of assuming everyone would do exactly the same things as you, you should take a closer look at their actions, and change up your own behavior to equalize the relationship to your liking. Demanding they change for you will just lead to conflict and sadness. If you simply can't tolerate the standards they set for how they treat you, and you know they won't listen if you ask them to change, you need to walk away.

>>18661225
You're right, anon. I don't really have anything low-calorie, so I guess I'll just make myself some green tea later. Thanks.

>>18661266
Breaking your diet with ramen won't undo your progress either, but it's not an impulse you should probably be feeding. It's nice to just feel full sometimes, that's what the veggies are for.

Fell in love, he cheated on me with my best friend. Fell in love again with another guy, he cheated on me when we were about to move in together while using my money to take the other girl out on dates. Both of them gaslighted me and took advantage of my trust. Told me I was crazy for being suspicious of them cheating (I never was suspicious until serious red flags came up, so it wasn't a matter of me being insecure), when that was exactly what they were both doing. I've been single for a long time since I'm so afraid of being in a relationship again. At this point, I literally believe it is impossible for someone to not cheat on me.

Felt bad for awhile, started healing. Went out one night for a girls night, some guy who I thought was a mutual friend of my friend roofied me and locked me in his car and raped me. I stopped being friends with everyone from that night.

Now i'm alone. I'm doing well, I'm making six figures and I bought a dog and I'm taking self defense lessons. I'm scared of any guy that asks me out and the last person I tried to have sex with I started freaking out from PTSD and I kicked him out of my house.

Feel like I'm going to be alone forever.

Sorry for the rant, everything that happened to me is probably my fault but sometimes I feel like I don't really want to live anymore. Not that I want to kill myself, but that I wouldn't mind it if a truck hit me.

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Don't have a meltdown, just close yourself off.
Don't have a meltdown, just close yourself off.
Don't have a meltdown, just close yourself off.
He knows what he did. There's no need to vocalize it. He'll suffer when you shut him out, and he'll know that it's what he deserves. Leave him out in the cold.
When's the last time trying to communicate helped you? Exactly. Never. Either he'll learn to understand your language and adapt to your needs, or he'll find you too taxing, leave on his own and you'll avoid wasting any more time (or tears) on a weakling.

I wonder if I'm paranoid.
I play head games, manipulate - and assume others do it back.

I joke about it too; play a little game where I test to see if people can read my mind, by trying to provoke them with my thoughts. Pretty sure, there is one guy at work who might - I thought his daughter has a crush on me so in my head I kept referring to him as "my future father in law". He's been giving me the old evil eye for a while now - presumably because of that.

Anyway, the reason I say this is because I have this friend.
Honestly, she'd be a perfect 10/10 if she was single. My ideal woman.

She approaches me first, she is always happy to see me, started going for her breaks later to see me.
She makes me feel wanted and is honestly the first woman I've ever felt actually comfortable around without any awkwardness.
We're just friends and I'm okay with that. I know she's married (though I don't try to talk to her about relationships, it's a boundaries thing, none of my business, you know?).

Sounds good right. Now here is what's going on in my head.

>She approaches me first,
(Confident, lack of fear - either has had positive experiences with pretty much everyone she's ever met, unlikely, OR psychopath, incapable of feeling shame or fear).

> she is always happy to see me, started going for her breaks later to see me.
She makes me feel wanted
Could be using me as an unwitting accomplice in an emotional affair.

>honestly the first woman I've ever felt actually comfortable around without any awkwardness.
Again, charming. Symptom of psychopathy.

Lately, she has been talking about her husband. I don't see why she likes him.

That's not jealousy talking, she simply has not yet said a single nice word about that man.
.

You know what is going on in my head though;

>She's telling me all the worst stuff about the man to alienate me from him. She wants me to hate him, in order to prevent me from empathising with him. This is because she wants me to cuck him.

1/2

>>18661323
2/2

I see the worst in people.

My brother, actual diagnosed psychpath. Parents enabled far too much.

And in order to survive, I developed similar traits. I see those in others sometimes but can't tell if that's what they are actually doing or if I'm fucked up and no one else is so manipulative.

why'd you have to fall for one of my closest friends, man

>>18661303

I hug you my dear

>>18661264
Thanks

So how come when I finally meet a boy who is flawless and most decidedly my type, he must live six thousand miles away? I don't know nor particularly care; I enjoy the feeling I get from knowing - and knowing for sure - that my unrealistic dream boy exists somewhere. I fervently hope I could become his dream girl too, but I'm aware it's an impossible pipe dream. Still, I probably indulge in this dream too much, but I have no power to stop it. You have me under your spell and don't even know it.

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>"Ah~. Your face is warm to the touch. You know, I'm missing an eye, a leg, and my hair's turned completely white from stress. I'm a bit older than you, too. Even then, I don't think I've ever cried in my entire life as much as you do constantly. Does crying really feel that good? Can't relate."
>"Well...whatever it is, I'm sure you can get through it. It doesn't really matter. You were built to last."

I'll just leave this here.... On the road the cities split and infuse with mercury, stars bend into kaldescopes and blend the memories, green and blues tap into the scene, and I'm seeing beauty drip it's droplets off everything, but there's one phrase that repeats where ever I go, seeing you again I scream there's no place like home, there's no place like home?

It doesn't matter. He loves you. He doesn't want you to go. He makes mistakes too. He said he was sorry. What more do you want? Just let go already. It wasn't even a big deal. Stop crying all the time.

My reaction when I fight with my SO always goes like this:
>angry
>numb
>angry at self
>angry at person
>lots of crying
>spiteful and petty
>angry at self for allowing [thing that made you angry] to happen
>even more crying
>sad
>numb again
>kind of okay
Is it like this for anyone else?

>>18661205
This: >>18661216

>>18661236
Do it and provide screen caps and photos. Good luck

>>18661303
What's fuckface's name, girl?

>>18661236
Do it. They probably have it coming, especially if they're a cheater.

>>18661433
This

Talking to you is the best. You make my heart full.

I want to commit suicide again and the only thing holding me back is how it'll affect the few people who care about me.
Probably a good reason not to do it but I've given up.
"This feeling is only temporary" Bullshit

I am in a state of heavy depression with myself, I have attempted many job fields and skills and I have given all of my strength to being the best person i can be. But it always seems that i fail, i am a failure, before i could never figure out what choice was wrong until it was over. Now i am aware of my choices more clearly and i still cant seem to decide, im truly damaged beyond help to the point to where i cant even express or let out my emotions. Despite all the hate and pain for myself i still cannot help the thousands of other thoughts i have running through my mind about everything and everyone else. I always put myself last because i care about all the people in the world and i wish i was good enough to help everyone. I can see the sadness, the pain, the hate, the corruption, the tears, hear the cries, the issues of the world, everything. I see a world on fire.

>>18661615
I recently watched the first season of a show called designated survivor and even though it seems amateur and childish to have role models from fiction i saw the idea of a man who truly wants to solve all these issues and help everyone the true and honorable way. I want to see a world where racism is not even a word anymore, where we can look to the random person next to us and know we love them despite small differences, where we can solve matters by talking and listening and understanding and feeling the love for one another, where we are safe enough to look forward day by day and where we can continue to work together on this planet that we are lucky to be apart of. A world where we don't have to worry about our children and the generations to come and where everyone can be educated to the best of our abilities, i am an american. And i hope to one day witness an america that does not thrive at its best during times of war, but lays the foundations of true peace all over, where rich and poor are no longer a thing because we can all get along and take care of each other. I want us to think beyond selfish needs. I want us to be united and strong. I don't even have all the words i want to say. My dreams are not owning the newest car or being rich or famous or living a life better than the person next to me, my dreams are everything i spoke of earlier and many other peaceful ways of life, please look inside your hearts, to put as simple as i best can right now my dreams are to see happiness and unity and love from each and every person on the planet. I don't know how much strength i have left to go on, so if my dreams never come to fruition during my time in this world then i hope everyone can continue to work together towards peace after im gone, thanks for taking the time to read my thoughts, i hope the best for you all

Today is different from usual. I decided to only eat when hungry, and felt good enough to the extent that I spontaneously began learning Japanese again, starting by making new flashcards. My emotions are slightly more vibrant as well, and I feel repulsed by certain boards like /int/ where usually I can spend a day browsing them mindlessly. I don't know if this means anything, or really care, but it's interesting nonetheless.

>>18659198
Your taste in ugly women is hilarious sausage dick. They are so hideous your dick shrunk lollollllol faggot.

>>18661212
>>18661212
wow, what an ugly body
scary af m8

I've never written it down, talked about it, told anyone, etc, about any of this, it's only happened and all it's been are memories, so i guess this is a vent? I just want to collect these memories somewhere.

So I've currently had problems expressing and just registering emotions for myself (no problems reading it on others).
When I was younger, youngest I can remember is when i was 5 or so, when I'd cry, my dad would pick me up by the back of my neck or head and take me while hyperventilating, and shove my face under the running faucet until I forced myself to stop crying, or swallowed enough water to throw up (which had only happened like, twice, of which I got hit pretty bad).
Later on years later, if I got emotional, he'd have a death grip on my shoulder, arm, face, etc, and would give me a glare that I just can't forget, even after not seeing him for so long. (for reference, I'm 5'10" 140lbs and my dad's nearly double my weight and about a head taller than me)
A couple of times I've been pinned on walls and I missed a photo for a middle school year book due to not coming in from a swollen eye and lip.
I'm currently 20 and up until the age of about 19, I'd flinch whenever he did ANYTHING near me though has somewhat recently stopped doing those things.

I noticed that since I stopped caring and gave up on defending myself from him doing anything to me, I just have been so emotionally disconnected. Like, when our dog had puppies, 3/4 died in my hands and I felt nothing. Everyone else was emotional, even my dad silently wept over them, the only time him crying prior to that, since my mom's known him (over 30 years) was his dad passing away over a decade ago. The only thing I've been able to feel is just anxiety, guilt, emptiness, and depression.
That anxiety and guilt's been preventing me from getting help. I've felt like I've been trapped in a glass box seeing the help around me, but unable to touch it no matter how hard I try. There's more, but character limit.

Jesus christ just love me back so I can reject you and move on.

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HOLY FUCKING GOD

YOUR ENTIRE GENDER IS CONSISTED OF SEDIMENTED PSYCHOPATHY

FUCK EVERYTHING THAT EXISTS

I AM SO FUCKING CONFUSED THAT I AM STRUGGLING TO CARE

PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD SOMEONE TELL ME NOT TO TEXT MY EX

I KNOW IT IS A BAD IDEA

I AM SO FUCKING DONE THAT I JUST DON'T FUCKING CARE ANYMORE

FUCK THIS GAY EARTH AND FUCK OUR RACE

GLOBAL WARMING 2020

>>18662147
FUCKING FUCK

FUCK

FUCK THIS

>>18662157
SOMEONE HOLY FUCK JUST TELL ME TO STOP

I just want to get out of this fucking life so bad. Not suicide, but I want to be able to make friends and go do fun things. But for some reason there's just some mental barrier there keeping me from it, which is even worse, because it makes me feel like a pussy. I'm completely and utterly alone and each day feels pointless. I just want it to end and I just want to escape this cycle but for some reason I just have such a hard time doing it.

im really worried that you're going to forget about me while you're gone. i don't know what you think of me and whether i should even ask. i don't know you very well or know much about you, hell the possibility of you not being who i think you are is still on the table. so why am i worried about you forgetting me. why do i get so jealous when i know you're with other guys. why do i have such a crush on you. what is wrong with me

>>18659198
FUCKIDY FUCK FUCK

I was coming out of my college dorm bathroom and closed the door. Little did I know the door was secretly a communist secret agent that was trained to scrape my smallest toe and leave a giant fucking gash in the skin.

AT LEAST I GOT TO PLAY MEDIC.

BUT THIS IS SOME BULLSHIT.

Spending time with you makes me so happy, but as soon as you leave I feel worse than before, knowing that we can't be together. I'd love to spend my life with you.

I want to be filled with your love, I dream of the day where we become one.

>>18662108
Get away from him and start working on yourself. Get a job and a room mate and move out. Join a gym, lurk /fit/, learn how to eat a calorie surplus (it's actually really fucking hard), take boxing or grappling lessons, get a concealed weapons permit, etc... Whatever you gotta do to feel more confident and masculine. Dont worry if anyone in your family thinks you are fucked up they know why and don't think it's your fault. Even if they didnt see the abuse they noticed things like how you flinched around him as you were growing up.

>>18662689
By the way I went through the same thing as a small guy with a big dad who kicked my ass a lot. I'm 36 and I'm only just now able to be assertive and stand up for myself. Those things I mentioned all helped me and I wish I had done them 15 years ago.

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last night when i was leaving my campus to go to a party i decided to pick up one of my friends. me and my other "friends" were waiting for her outside of her dorm, and because cellular connection was bad, she didn't get the message until 5 minutes later. i called her, and she was walking to the door for me to pick her up. i told my friends "wait here i'll be right back"

within the 30 seconds- 1min it had taken for me to get my friend, my other friends had left completely despite me saying stay here ill be right back.

i'm still extremely pissed at them, and don't even know if i should associate with them anymore.

1. who the fuck does that? who the fuck just bails on someone like that?

2. i'm a girl and my friend is a girl too... why would 3 guys and 2 girls think that it was okay to just leave us by ourselves to go to parties by ourselves?

they didn't even call me at any point in the night to see if i was okay

>>18662542
This sounds a lot like me too.

I love you

>>18662837
Those people are not your friends. Cut contact.

>>18662872
what's sad is that i've known half of them since i was 14 years old. it hurts that they'd do something like that to an old friend

It sucks being too old to go out partying, yet I've got no one to hang out with otherwise. So far this year I've not been invited to anything, gone on a date or been asked to go for drinks. Most of the time it doesn't bother me. Now, just once I'd like the universe to help.

>>18662917
what's your location anon

>>18662918
Uk

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I broke friendship with my ex, she read, but never replied. Now I feel fucking horrible. She would have been a great friend, but I just can't. Asked me how I am doing, how is my job going, asking me questions. Shit.

You know when people tell LGBTQ people that were bullied once, or pretty much anyone who suffered bullying in high school, that "IT GETS BETTER"? Well... when exactly does it get better?

I'm gonna make your life a nightmare and you will not even know.

I really don't understand what you see in me, I'm like really bad sugar, I'll rot your teeth.

>>18662932
Life isn't shit because of your sexual orientation. Life is just shit in general.

>>18662967
my life has always been a nightmare.

>>18662974
My teeth are steel.

You'll never have anyone ever love you you deserve to be miserable. Lying waste of a person

Man this board is depressing as fuck today.

>>18662987
So basically "it gets better" is a lie is what you mean

>>18663043
sundays are depressing in general, it's also raining where i live, what about over there?

>>18663051
You have to make it better yourself

>>18663055
Looking a bit overcast. Nope rain it is.

Is it bad not to care about almost anyone? I love my fiance, my brother and his wife and kids. We dont have any other family.

I don't care about his stepdaughter though. We used to be friends, friends with her friends and all that. But honestly I wouldn't care if they died. Her close friend is having surgery, I don't care if he lives. I don't care about anyone else. I know this is not very nice of me? I just can't care. Is this right? How do I become more empathetic if it isn't. I probably SHOULD care, but I just can't.

I gave in and enjoy riding face.

>>18663067
Then people should stop saying nonsense and change the meme catchphrase into "you will have to make it better" instead of "it gets better".

Tried acid for the first time yesterday, apparently a good kind too, I really liked it but I hope I will never do it again, probably will also have to cut contact with the friend that gave it to me, I can't afford to let myself go any lower, I am better than this.

I just hope I can make it to the other side.

>>18663110
More details please

>>18663129
Ok. Always been insecure about pv so I didn't let anyone go down on me. Recently I gave in and tried it with my boyfriend after a bottle of wine (and teasing him with his cage on - really gets me going). After juicing him I straddled his face and did what felt nice to me. After a few minutes I O'ed on his tongue. It was really nice and I needed the release.

>>18663187
>his cage

Lmao, how does it feel to have a pathetic bottom of the barrel beta cuck as a bf?
Just how low is your self-esteem?

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i am trying so hard to surrender, but i can't. they won't let me

Isn't the best way to say I love you through actions? You have to know how I feel about you. I try to show you everyday.

>>18663202
Hmm..it's really nice, actually. Wouldn't claim he's a cuckold just because he enjoys being teased and denied orgasms. We have noticed it makes his load thicker and more powerful which is nice. My self esteem is that of every other woman's - we have insecurities that we notice that other's don't. The dichotomy you preach about is too simple to narrow people down but if you choose to categorize people this way - you may become shocked by how many females enjoy "beta" males. They want one girl and seek to please her, after all.

>>18662845
What's your story? Or your initials?

>>18663229
I just have a crush on a girl from church who most probably doesn't like me back. I see her every saturday and those 2 hours are the only fun/enjoyable hours in my week.

It took my ex 2 days to meet a new guy after our 4+ year relationship.

I had turned down a few girls feeling like it was too soon after a long relationship and it turns out she had been texting this guy the whole time while still talking to me "as friends".

Had to cut contact now they've become more official, to her apparent displeasure, but now there's an even bigger empty space in my life being used to talking to someone constantly for so long and it sucks.

Hardly had enough time to get used to being single without thinking I'd have to deal with this maybe a month after breaking up.

Fuck her right?

>>18663229
What's yours?

>>18663240
Why, what's yours?

>>18659198
I fucking hate how easily angered and emotional i get and i seriously think it will prevent me from becoming a good parent or spouse

>>18663246
This: >>18663234
Just curious. It's okay if you don't reply, of course.

Your stupid game doesn't make any fucking sense.

You won't directly intervene but you do directly intervene. You made it so the only decisions I can make are the ones you want me to make. You cut me off from the world completely. You made it impossible for me to make money.

End this fucking shit already.

>>18663300
It feels like it should have been over already but some fucking faggot is taking advantage of some shitty loophole to make it not end.

"it has to be his choice"

How can I make a choice if I don't have free will or the ability to make any choice other than the ones you let me? Like locking me into a voting booth that has only one fucking button.

Why is it the one time a girl actually fits almost everything I find attractive in someone she ends not up wanting a relationship? What kind of shitty luck is that.

>>18663311
I think most guys just go with the girl that likes them back and then adapt their mindset to "fall in love" with her.

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I feel like a piece of shit for not wanting to sleep with him. He's only in town for 2 days. I did let him buy me drinks. He did come out of his way to see me. But I only just met him, really. It's a lot different online. He's different from how I imagined and it takes time to get used to that. I should probably at least suck his dick, but I just don't feel comfortable with him now. I'm a virgin after all, I don't want to force it just because I feel like it's expected of me.

>>18663314
It's not even that deep. I just met a girl that was interesting and after some talking and a couple dates she drops the I'm not looking for a relationship bomb on me. It's just weird. Or maybe I'm being lied to. I don't know.

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He is my Kaworu

>>18663305
Do you want to share your story ?

pls pm

like I said, you do your own thing and I'll do mine. You dont need to hate yourself over how badly you fucked me over in that relationship.

but its a pretty good feeling rebounding this quickly for myself lol.

don't ever fucking text me again, though.

>>18663327
I don't want to but that's not up to me now is it?

>>18663211
>those mental gymnastics

Lmao, just admit you're a fat ugly cunt who can't do any better so you settled for an inferior male.

>>18663360
You tell me.

>>18663358
What's the new guy like?

i've had a few strange things happen to me. i'm 100% sure that i've had contact with beings not of this planet. i have hopes that I will make it into the era of life extension technologies. i keep imagining that I will one day get to meet something intelligent that isn't of this planet. i hope the world doesn't end. i enjoy life. i don't want to die. i don't care about the bullshit. i want to witness everything. it's not fair that my dad will have to die. death isn't fucking fair. i'm sorry for every being that wasn't born as a healthy human in a first world country. most insects only live for a couple of weeks at a time. i'm sorry for anyone unfortunate. i hope the world is better in 30 years.

I'm really tired of being lonely but I don't want to let myself be unhappy just because I don't have a girlfriend.

>>18663318
Don't feel like you're expected to do something like that when you meet up with someone. As you stated, chatting online is different than meeting up and communicating face-to-face. Never do something you're uncomfortable with just because someone expects you to - because they bought you drinks (this guy doesn't seem as if he comes off this way). He's moving at your speed and you should really respect him for it. Consider not doing something you will regret because you're "should-ing" yourself. Hope that helps. <3

>>18663371
"Mental gymnastics"? How so? I'm into what I'm into and that happens to be guys who are more submissive and they're hard to find! You were quick to insult my appearance. Projection, much?

>>18663236
Thats the fucking crippling part isn't it.
You never think about the constant contact with texting, facebooking and snapchat.

Then it gone and you're lying in bed for hours glancing at your phone for new notifications when there is none.

>>18663458
Well, he invited me up to his hotel room last night and I told him I couldn't. I can't help but feel like I'm letting him down or that I've lead him on.

I'm so despondent about everything. Everything I try goes totally wrong. There's no escape from this hole here. I feel drained. So far, I still haven't found a real purpose in life. Sometimes, I'm afraid to get out of bed in the morning. There's nothing to get up for.

>>18663464
Lol, look at the landwhale having a meltdown.

You don't "prefer" a shittier man, you're simply too undesirable to get anything better.

>>18663457
I know this is just an indicator of a bigger issue, but when I'm so busy and stuck in the middle of nowhere, my chances of meeting friends is pretty low. Not to mention I'm fucking garbage at it.

I know that even if I had a steady girlfriend, there's going to be some part of me that still feels empty. Thinking about it a little bit, I wonder if volunteering would help. I love people, but I have some pretty severe social anxiety and intense agoraphobia. Perhaps my mental illness is getting in the way of things that would actually make me happy, and that I only think becoming more involved in the community would make me unhappy. Who knows.

I'll try to keep my eyes out for small opportunities to volunteer. I should get my foot in the door and see what happens.

>>18663493
Internet hugs, at least you can get up, imagine being drained on all fronts and you can't even sleep to escape the feeling.

Why do so many people constantly talk about wanting to get together but disappear the second you attempt to actually set something up? Is this just a thing now or something?

Seriously, I have so many people who will just message me out of the blue with some "It's been too long! We totally need to get together!" bullshit. But when I shoot a "Totally, are you free this week?" they just stop responding?


Like, I'm down whether you want to get together or just never see each other again. Either way is fine with me, but you have to pick one.

I want this fucking fever to go away

The purge, alright Rumplestiltskin, we can call you by your name correct? Can we also speak like adults? I really would like that. I have a lot of questions, mostly why? I'm sorry I didn't just open my mouth, I never meant to hurt you in any way shape or form. If all of this perceived weirdness was you then I really do actually love you. I realize I'm to late but I'm okay with that. I can't give you the life you deserve, I'm a train wreck, I can't even replicate my own cells for petes sake. I don't want to ruin you, I have a track record of ruining anything I touch or care for. I've never connected with anyone as I have with you, soul rooted and beautiful, sentiments that paralyze. I have no composure, Inquire as a friend at the front, I really would like to talk to you. I really needed to get that off my chest.

There's a gif posted on hm that looks like someone I used to be super close to. I know he'd be horrified if it's him. My instinct is to contact him and tell him, but we've been no contact for a while now. What do?

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Don't you love me anymore? Are you tired of me? Am I boring?

>>18663121
Acid helped me get off hard drugs, I tripped alone and realized I didn't need all that other shit. Been off of meth , opiates and all the other biggins for over a year now. All because that one trip made me have an epiphany. I smoke weed time to time but my life as a whole has improved ten fold. With lots of effort granted but I'm finally going somewhere again myself

>>18663529
Idk what I said that implied I was having some sort of meltdown. However I do find it to be both comical and pathetic how you continue to reply. It is clear that negative attention on 4chan is the only attention you can get. You're sad, much like your life. Consider getting professional help to deal with your lying and projection issues (and your masculinity crisis). Cheers!

My gf is rather small down there and says a tampon requires some effort to put in. Meanwhile my equipment is about as thick as the shaft of a shovel. She has no idea. We're going to fuck for the first time this Wednesday, so with the lights low I'm going to get her to cum and then lube up liberally before going in. Even if I don't feel anything I'm looking forward to her reaction.

>intelligent
>cynical
When does it end? When can I be happy like a full-blown retard?

Shouldn't have watched this Chad's vlog from a festival. The Chad slapped some brunette girl's ass, then was asked to write his name on a blonde girl's tits and then ended up in a tent with 3 other girls.
Is there really any reason to keep going as an average guy when you're missing out on things like that?

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>>18663493
Fourth Reich never ever fag :3

>>18663764
>When does it end?

Buddhism

Seriously, its the thinking man/scientist religion and guide to traversing the mind and ultimate happiness

>>18663764
Stop being a faggot. I'm smart by most standards and I love people.

I need a day off goddamn it.
This is a tiresome job and I need an extra day, just this once, to recuperate.

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I feel uneasy about my place in the world and my capabilities in it. No matter what I do or how hard I apply myself, I always do just enough or underperform. Any action I take will never leave me satisfied with the result or bear anything significant in the grand scheme of the world. I won't ever be remembered for anything except as wasted human potential, if that. I've been told I'm a decent writer but I lack the motor and creativity to create the worlds I envision in my head, and I can't express them vividly to others to even sell them as ideas. It feels bad man

>>18663888
The problem is that you're trying to change your own world, Anon. Nothing you ever do will fulfill your own unrealistic expectations.

If you want to change the world, try changing somebody else's world for the better. One world is great, but a hundred worlds? Not everybody can say they've done that.

>>18663684
It's definitely an experience, I'm glad I did it and that I enjoyed it but I need to cut it from my life, I hope I'm strong enough to do it.

Dear older me
I'm not writing to you in our diary as usual, fuck this, fuck us. We've fucked up so fucking much...
For fucks sake, our first memory is from a video game and the second one from The Lion King, wtf? It's like we didn't have parents when it was critical. Fuck that we completely hate mother because of it.
Fuck mother because she basically doesn't want to see that we need real help, for fucks sake we're almost 26 and we are a jobless neet with only HS! Idk how she didn't kick us outta home... like our sister fucking loves to say every christmas the last five years with that fucking smug face, oh what I would do to fucking punch her... but we are too beta to act in that thought!
Fuck the fact that we closed off into vidya and now we can't find our way out. Fuck that we don't know to socialize AT ALL because of it. Fuck that the few friends we had we lost them because of selfishness and drugs.
Fuck our latrophobia which I personally am sure will make us bail out our appointment with the doc next tuesday.
Tl;dr: Fuck us. Fuck this. I just wanna sleep forever starting this wednesday... it would be the best birthday gift forever.
>t. Younger you

I only browse these types of threads hoping to see that my internet crush will post something about me. Anything that could even remotely be about us, I make believe is true.

Eh.

>>18663748
Lmao, landwhale in full damage control mode.
Keep wasting your best years on a weak beta fuck instead if bettering yourself and getting an actual man.

>>18663754
From a femanon: tampons and dicks are way different. During your period you're cramping, feel miserable, and have to put a cotton tube (dry) up your vag. It's not fun. The size of a tampon often has to di with the flow or amount of blood - not her actual vaginal canal size.

Sex however is usually exciting. She'll be wet because she's turned on, and skin goes in much easier than cotton.

Either way good luck have fun.

>>18663966
do you think i can find happiness that way?

I want to get out and have somewhere to go after work instead of in front of the screen, but I live out in the boonies and don't have a great idea where to casually meet people. Not incredibly confident in my social skills either.

How do people work with ridiculous people often without resorting to becoming a full time curmudgeon?

>>18664066
Maybe you post something about your internet crush first.

>>18664183
Happiness can only ever be found in yourself. If you cannot see it, then you are simply looking in the wrong place. Try not to get so caught up in expectation and ideology, and try to learn to enjoy the smaller things in life. The light your bring to another's world when making them smile, or making their day. The pride of a job well done. It's far too often that these small acts are belittled and shifted under the rug, but you should never deny yourself happiness, no matter how small or insignificant you feel the act may be. This is a mistake we all make.

testing

>>18664066
I used to do that a bit. DON'T. It isn't them, and it can trick you into completely misreading your interactions with them based on things you see here that get into your head. Just talk to them instead if you want there to be any chance of things working out

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>>18659198
what you did and what you continue to do is unforgivable.

I wonder if something's wrong with my stomach. I can only eat a few things per day before starting to feel "stuffed". I maintain a stable weight in the upper end of a healthy BMI, but I'll only eat one item per meal (sandwich for lunch, chicken breast for dinner) with just a few items between. I only crap about twice a week, and it doesn't come out easily, so maybe there is something wrong.

I post in /adv/ as a self theraphy since I'm a fuckup myself. I feel by trying to help people with advice based on my fuckedup life choices and expereiences would help me coping up and moving on.

>>18664294
What happened?

I'm not sure I'll ever get the chance to tell you this, but you're the most wonderful person I've ever met.
I don't know if you'll ever be single, and even if you were I can't say for sure that our relationship would be as good as I hope.

However, the saddest thing of all is that we may never get to try. How dreadful to think that your relationship with him may not be as perfect as one with me. How twisted life is, that we may never get the chance to find out.

Despite all the walls in the way, I won't ever lose hope. I can't ever lose hope.

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>Be me
> Meet the most beautiful qt girl at work
> we talk and offers me lifts home if we clock off at the same time
> start getting attached, dream girl, see no flaws.
> Tell her i like her, says she knows
> receive the following

"so kinda put me in a bit of a situation.
i'm flattered that you like me, i really am, but i just don't think i'm ready for anything right now, i know that'll probably hurt, but i've just got so much going on.

i'm clearly not going to cut you off, i'm not like that at all,

all my last 3 relationships have been back to back; like no break what so ever, and that's what i need, i'm planning on going overseas for a while so i'm not going to lead you on.
it's not a waiting game because i don't actually know when. i can't give you a time frame.
you have gone above and beyond and i can say i've never really had that before and it was nice, i'm sorry if i have lead you on in any way and i know this isn't really the answer that you're after.

i don't need time to come up with an answer. i just don't want you waiting around for something that may not happen, right now, i can't say i have feelings for you, i'm sorry."

I told her i liked her, and this is the result, have it ruined it boys, is there no coming back? My birth was an error, i have to see her at work everyday, i still have feelings for her but i think ive ruined what i had with her, God pls.

>>18664427
Initials?

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I just remembered the times in elementary school this kid called me "ugly" to my face.
Then, I also remembered he was an alien-looking fuck with single-lid eyes, a ridiculously wide mouth and a nonexistent nose bridge. His friend called me "fat" too. I was definitely overweight (160lbs at my heaviest), but he was morbidly obese. The spitting image of the kid from Up. Couldn't fit down a slide.
Now I'm 110lbs and no one's unironically called me "ugly" in a very long time. One of the girls who used to humble brag around me about having "fat legs" (she was 87lbs) looks at least 10lbs heavier than me now, probably more. Feels good.

The plan was simple. Work at this shit busboy job for 6 months to get cash on the side and slowly build up/work on my portfolio. When they close down for 2 months, quit and collect unemployment. Search for Entry-level programming job in San Diego and use the cash to get there, room up with a buddy, and finally start my life.

So why the fuck is this busboy position causing me so much mental strain? It's been a month and I'm already fucking sick of it all. I'm sick of the understaffed situation, I'm sick of the way waiters don't give two fucks about busboys and anything that isn't their damn table, I'm sick of the boss ragging on me because I made an error on a task that I shouldn't even been fucking doing! (Because at this point I may as well be a damn waiter with the shit I gotta do for them)

It's to the point where I just came home after a double shift with the entire afternoon free. All I did was sleep, get depressed, and eat instead of hanging out to watch GoT finale with friends, program and finish my project, or anything productive. I'm an emotional wreck, but I didn't think a fucking busboy job would make reconsider the value of my life.
Fuck this job, but it took me a month to find anything...so I guess I'm just gonna work till I get fired or pull the trigger.

>>18664479
Don't sweat it. You both seem like really great people, and you didn't ruin anything. Give her time, maintain the status quo that you had before. It'll work itself out one way or another in the end.

>>18660315
Holy shit , are you me? I know that feeling of being trapped in a small desolate town, everyone knows everyone, even if you change the past will probably bite you in the ass.

I fucked a nigger and i like it.

Do you fully understand all the bullshit that comes attached to my illness? You do realize I am comparable to a ticking time bomb right? My heart is in the right place, my head is pretty fractured.

>>18664286
Thanks for the advice. I know it isn't and never will be them. I flirted hardcore with them when I wasn't happy with my current relationship. I'm ashamed but have fixed the problems I was causing for myself. We don't really talk anymore and I was just enjoying the attention.

/rant

I've cum like once in a month. I'm so bored and unsatisfied. I need to find a chick that really gets me going. This is extremely bad sex I'm having in my life.

Stop manipulating me.
You rejected me, then lured me back in, rejected me again, now you're trying to bait me into loving you again. I still do love you, but I also hate you. You've made me cry countless times. Why do I care about you, you fucking sociopathic bully? There's a reason you don't have friends. I could forgive this if I knew you actually were sorry.

I hate you. I love you.

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25 and ive felt old since I was 20.

I keep letting the prospect of death, of myself and those around me, fester in my consciousness every day. Every day I realize im less then 15 years from being middle ages, probably less then 5 years until my grndmother dies, another 30 and my mom will be gone, I could very well be the last of my friends to be around in old age. I dont like the prospect of marriage and honestly dont like dealing with women, so in all likelihood i wont even have a wife or kids to keep me preoccupied once im really an adult. The only thing that numbs the pain is wasting time playing video games and watching anime, but every once in awhile when i think of the games or anime i loved in hgihschool it reminds me that my childhood is past me, what felt like yesterday was between 7 and 12 years ago for high school, and it kills me every day that I wont see most of my bros in the same setting, or even later in life ever again. I wish i could relive high school, all 4 years of them from beggining to end all over again, make the right choices and form tighter bonds with those friends with my newfound wisdom, but alas the time is gone and I cant do a damn thing about it. All I have to look forward to is the prospect of death as sweet release and ponder what experiences take place after death, if at all. Life just...goes by way to fast damnit

Are there any beverages very similar to how Alka-Seltzer tastes?

She has every chance open to say no to to me when I invite her places, yet she continues to go with me to wherever I suggest. She could easily make up excuses, flat out tell me she doesnt want to go places or just continuously postpone any plans I make, yet she doesn't do this. In spite of all of this, I cant shake the feeling that she never wants to spend time with me, gets bored when we go out or that I'm taking her from better things to be doing/bothering her. Logically it makes no damn sense to continuously accept spending time with someone if you hated them, liek fuck I wouldnt do that, but I just cant shake the feeling that she doesnt enjoy the times we go out and stuff.

Low self esteem is a hell of a drug.
On another note, I've finally accepted the fact that I am on the cusp of having a drinking problem. I drink to get the courage to talk to friends of mine because I feel like I just bother them when I talk to them. At least the alcohol removes that feeling, but thats just unhealthy.

>>18664546
send CVs in your free time, to programming jobs or whatever, ANYTHING that you think could be good

>>18664678
What's your illness?

Why does everything have to be so ?

>>18664954
:( Bipolar

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My current girlfriend I think is sexually confused about herself, by mistake I saw that she was looking at female to male threads on /lgbt/ when she wasn't around and she's been asking me weird shit lately like...

>would I look good as a dude [implied joking but kind of serious at the time]

She's always been a tomboy, it's why I liked her but some things just seem off like her like not wanting to shave her lip hair (I find it kinda gross) and I have to nag at her to do it. I don't think I could be in a relationship with her if she wanted to become a dude, no issue with it just not what I'm looking for.

Should I invade her privacy or should I follow my moral code and just keep out of it until it comes out naturally or eventually fades away.

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I'm so fucking tired of getting ghosted by people. If you don't want anything to do with me, tell me then leave so that I won't have to go through the pain of thinking of all of the things wrong with myself. I don't even want to try to start relationships anymore, fuck this.

>>18664980
Have you done anything to upset them?

Smh desu senpai

Feels like I'm doing a time skip. 1 whole month of just chilling out. The days are starting to fly by. Just another month of this and I can leave

>>18664066
Are you a female?

I miss Cole, he's dead

>>18664983
Not anything that I know of...

I miss you, I don't know what's happening.

>>18663206
Sometimes I need to hear it just to be sure because of my insecurity.

Just got Skype blackmailed and am pretty scared. I blocked their person and made all accounts super private but I'm still worried. Can't really sleep now

>>18664980
Agreed. Have had it happen twice in one month.

I graduated highschool back in 2011. I didn't care enough about my grades so I put it the absolute minimum effort. I considered college, however I quickly realized that this wasn't tangible and dismissed it. My dream was to join the Navy and become a fighter pilot, one mistake when I was 17 cost me everything.

Fastforward to now. I've had 2 psychotic breaks in the interim, ending in a bipolar 1 diagnosis. I was already clinically depressed starting from 12 years of age. I tried every medication I could get my hands on, none of which worked. Years pass and I continue to live in my fathers basement, pondering the past and agonizing over my mistakes and lack of initiative.

2 months ago I got a job as a bouncer. People have always told me that this would make me feel better about myself. Absolutely bullshit. If anything it's only made my insecurities even worse. I'm surrounded by hundreds of people, yet I am truly alone. I think that I'm broken, a husk of my former self, a zombie going through the motions. Every night before I rest, I ask myself if tomorrow will be the day. I've thought of every possible scenario that leads to my demise, I just have to choose. Why do I continue to put myself through agony? What do I gain from being in this much pain? It's almost as if the very essence of my life is being trapped in darkness. Please God, take me in my sleep if you have any mercy.

I'm absolutely terrified. I've been paranoid and delusional for the longest time and over the past month I've been hallucinating and they've just been getting worse as time goes on. Nothing major, just things flying around with static and recently, noises and things crawling in the corner of my eye. I can't go out like this, I had so many dreams for the future and now I might be getting schizo and will never achieve anything but being a dependent NEET for the rest of my life

i was the only witness for a sexual assault and i can still hear her screams for help, the painful sounds of when she gave up fighting him.
i'm only 19 and a petite girl and i couldnt stop him alone so i called the police. i don't want him to get away and i wish there was more i could do but i dont think he will get caught.
i just need to try get it out of my head but i can still hear her when its quiet :(

I feel that my depression has devolved into a numbness due to my apathy and never putting any real effort into getting better. I'm turning 24 in 3 months and I feel as though the best years of my life are slipping through my fingers. I have all these lofty aspirations of being an artist of some kind, music was always my "passion", but in the last year or so music has not had the same emotional effect that it once had on me. I used to be addicted to finding new music but pretty much all I listen to now is Death Grips. I have dealt with depression and suicial ideation since senior year of high school and used music as a way to sublimate all that negative energy, but after getting a glimpse of what the art community is really like I have become disenchanted with the whole idea of having to network and pretend I give a shit about the narcisistic, pretentious people that make up those social circles. I'm pretty turned off by people in general these days. All the posturing, over compensation, the insecurity, the ignorance, the attention seeking behavior...I am able to identify it almost immediately in everyone I meet, but ultimately in the end I know I'm probably just projecting all that shit on them because it's something inherent in myself. I was always considered pretty sharp growing but I've dabbled in some casual drug abuse mixed with bipolar medication I was taking for several months and I'm scared I've caused some permanent damage to my brains chemical make up. I'm not as articulate and witty as I once was and my confidence in dealing with people has suffered because of it. I've read that people with acute mental illness often deal with deficiencies in their cognitive faculties and it just scares me that I'm more fucked up than I realize. I could go on but I'm typing all this on my phone and its become a bit tedious. Thanks to anyone who read.

A,

I miss you a lot. It's been about 2 years now. I've dated a few girls, but none of them have drawn me in like you drew me in. I'm just not interested in any of them like I was in you. You left me, so I'll never call or text you. But if you texted me, I'd come back to you. No hesitation.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uJnfbhshafE

-D

so I'm 5'2-5'3" and have a 4.5" penis. I have been told I should go get a gf, however I doubt I have a chance at all. also it is because of this my confidence suffers greatly. I should give up and be with this guy who likes me.

>>18665185
How old are you?

I don't know where I should complain to. The company that hired the security guard who used unnecessary brutal force to apprehend me, or the police that put me in detention without flicking an eye when I obviously have wounds on my forehead.

>>18664969
I feel you, anon. I've told acquaintances in the past about my bouts with bipolar yet still treated me like shit without even attempting to understand the illness and what comes with it.

>>18665218
18, around the age schizo can set in

>>18665231
If you're able, get help as soon as possible. see a doctor and find out what exactly you might have so you know what it is that you're dealing with. I have to deal with some pretty debilitating mental illness but you can still lead a normal, productive life if you take the initiative to get help. Best of luck, anon.

>>18665241
I keep saying I'll talk to a doc but I keep backing out of it cause I guess I'm just scared to figure out the truth (and scared that if I am diagnosed I'll be forced by my parents to take the meds, I've had very bad experiences with meds in the past) but I suppose I should just bite the bullet and get it checked out.What do you have that's so severe?

>>18665247
I was diagnosed with bipolar l last year after I had a pretty acute manic episode. I don't really care to go into the nitty-gritty details, but I was and still do experience some pretty serious paranoia, delusions, suicidal thoughts, depression. Experienced some auditory and visual hallucinations for a while but those came to pass.

I want to help you but I don't know how.

>>18665274
Hug them.

>>18665274
^
and try talking to them if you can

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I've started an endless chain of self abuse, and it carries over into all my relationships. I take the parts of them that love me, and use it to rebuild myself, and leave them broken. but I don't stay fixed so all I end up doing is hurting them and myself, while throwing away anyone who could love me.

The worst part is I push people who I haven't hurt away out of fear of hurting them. I threw away a possibly great relationship cause I'm "broken" which has intensified my already brutal self hate. I tell myself that I'm an idiot for letting him walk away even though he wanted to be my boyfriend. I told him to leave without shedding a tear. I broke his heart and I felt nothing.

Now I use him for sex, and I feel like he hopes this might change how i feel and I know I'm hurting him more but I can't stop cause all that matters is fixing myself. Right?

>>18665287
I want to but I don't know what to say and have no chance to see them in real life.

I’m out of my head
Of my heart and my mind
'Cause you can run but you can’t hide
I’m gonna make you mine

Out of my head
Of my heart and my mind
'Cause I can feel how your flesh now
Is crying out for more

Ain’t no fairytale
What I see in your eyes
Awaiting your mistake
Not too close, not too far

Sneaking in the pain
Every truth becomes lie
I won’t trust myself
Once I hear your call

>>18665304
>have no chance to see them in real life.
Why not? If you care about them that much you must know where they live and one of you could go to the other and hang out for a bit.

>>18665304
>no chance to see them in real life
fug I know that feel. As for talking to them, it's ok to not know what to say sometimes. I'm not sure what your relationship with them is like but sometimes just saying you're worried about x and would like to talk to them about it helps a lot

I'm not sure why I even bothered with you. All the bullshit you post online (I realize the irony in this adv) gets you in goddamn trouble with OTHER PEOPLE ALL THE TIME. That shit isn't me. I have better things to do then to shit on you with multiple accounts and try to stop you from looking like a cunt online. No "tall and rich" guy will want to marry you when you shit on as many people as you do. Seriously stop blaming me for all the shit people send you, dumbass.

Then you think I am obsessed with you...welll....no. I liked you at one time, tried to date/be friends/whatever with you and it's obvious you only like money. Being this materialistic will help you lose friends/family/allies. It will happen to you.

Also this past week denotes the 5th or so article you've written about that nobody bitch. Lady, come on. No one cares about her. Nearly every other thing you've ever written is higher quality then this bullshit. Why are you so weird? Stop obsessing over this weirdo.

Oh and you're the worst kind of fraud. You aren't a Republican. You aren't large breasted. The tits you do have would be a normal size for a American woman. Also all the things people donate to you you go out and sell. It's kinda obvious.

>>18665324
You smathered on about how you can get dates. Well people only want your pussy, because you have the personality of a used cum sock and I'm not sure you have a heart. Originally I thought you were a tough broad (i.e. I didn't know you had feelings) and in time it kinda showed you're just a bitch about a lot of things. I'm not sure why I stuck around when all the things I've heard about you make you sound like more of a train wreck then Monroe. You aren't that smart when you arent' willing to see things from other peoples perspectives. You aren't that nice about ANYTHING, and for whatever reason you think people can fix all their shit by getting fit. Sorry but real problems don't melt away because of a healthier body. Flaunting how you have a easy life and how everyone gives you shit for free doesn't impress anyone. It makes you look like a entitled cunt. No you don't have to be 'nice' but having the personality of a syphilis ridden dead hooker isn't going to make you any friends. I know a lot of people who REALLY don't like you. I tried to help you when I showed up at the beginning of the year, but the cons you keep pulling...well. I won't help you when you ask for it.

I feel like garbage. Just spent like 2 hours walking around my uni to clear my head. Found a spot to cry for a bit where nobody could see. I don't know what to do. I shouldn't feel this way

>>18665328
Whats Wrong?

>>18665328
Sorry to hear that anon, I know what that is like. Yesterday I spent seven hours pacing back and forth while sobbing until I passed out.

>>18665330
It's a mixture of things. Still getting used to living here with my obnoxious roommate, life smacking me in the face with all the responsibility I suddenly have, not being able to see a lot of my good friends for a while, a girl I've been talking with regularly the past couple weeks removed me on everything for no apparent reason last night, diet is all fucked up cause still getting used to making all my meals. I just feel like a mess

>>18665311
>>18665317
Sure but I don't know if they want to see me around or just talk to me about their issues.

>>18662967
Please don't!

>>18665348
Just talk to them and ask. When someone is suffering what they need most is a friend to talk to without judgements.

>>18665348
Yeah that's why I said "I'm not sure what your relationship with them is like", I can't really help without more info. But if you want to help them you should try to do something even if you aren't sure if it's welcome. Even if it turns out to be wrong it'll help resolve your feelings / the situation

If you're so anti-natalist then go find yourself someone who shares your belief. Clearly I do not.

My self-control is usually fine and has historically been O.K. I don't know what happened or what's happening. I am getting worse. Impending drug abuse, drinking and smoking marijuana daily, smoking 30 cigarettes a day, acting a fool, self harm, inability to get or hold work, etc. I will never have a cute gf at this rate. and who am I kidding, the girls I fancy are 4x out of my league haha sucks to 2b me. I've even got (or had) unrealistic expectations of self improvement

>>18665356
>>18665358
I'm always helpfull, don't judge anyone and always have to initiate painfull things.
I'm sick of it. Sick of people using me and throwing me away. It may not be deliberate but I'm exhausted.

>>18665374
You are going through depression. You should seek therapy.

>>18665384
>I want to help them but I can't see them
>I could see them but I don't know if they'd want me to
>I'm tired of trying to help and feeling used
You aren't making things clear at all. I don't think I can be any help at this point

>>18663480
Well I let him down, but on the plus side Fake Plastic Trees is excellent puking music. And "I feel sorry for myself" music.

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It's been fun trying to help but apparently I have to evacuate now. Fucking Harvey.

>>18665420
Be safe anon.

I have no willpower and need to either get a job or commit suicide. I've failed many times to secure a job, whereas I've never attempted suicide. Thus, committing suicide is probably the better bet. I need to determine what I can hang myself from that's sturdy enough.

>>18665443
thanks I'll do my best
>>18665420
BUT IT'D BE EASIER IF THESE PIECES OF SHIT HADN'T BEEN SAYING FOR DAYS I WOULDN'T HAVE TO EVACUATE AND NOW ALL THE ROUTES OUT ARE FUCKING UN-USABLE
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

>>18665229
I find it best to keep it hidden for that reason, you have to admit though we also treat people like shit, very unintentionally though it's a battle, I've gotten to see certain triggers for some of my behavior, it also helps to have those close analyze your behavior, a simple hey have I've come across as an asshole lately seems to get that conversation going lol. I try really hard to balance the cray cray.

>>18664053
>P.S
So we need a new appointment because doc won't be there so... shall we?

All I want in life right now is to see you in person. I hate being in this position of not wanting to break up because I fucking love you but also wanting to end things because we may never see each other again and you don't seem to want to talk about it. I feel like you're not taking our relationship as seriously as I am. I fear you're only staying with me out of pity at this point, and afraid of leaving me because it'd hurt me.

This is all me being presumptuous, but I don't want to assume anymore. I want to have a clear and honest talk with you. I want You to tell me how You feel, what You're thinking about, and what You want to do. Please talk with me...

>>18665521
No we don't.
Fuck off S.
And write in our diary.

Go OD and die you stupid lying whore you told me to die make your heart stop

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I think I love you, but what am I so afraid of?

Last night as we talked, I started to realize this.
I think I love you. Fuck, anything but this. We are both negative people, and I think this is what has been bothering me of late. That I am feeling this that would be best not felt. We can only ever be friends due to circumstances. Whenever we spend time together, you tell me more about yourself and your childhood, I keep stumbling in and out of love with you.
I wish I could just throw my arms around you and make things okay. I wish you never had to feel the crushing weight of loneliness.

You feel the impending dark cloud approach as well. I wish I knew what it was. Is it this? Is it me falling for someone so out of my reach?

We found comfort in each other, and it's still a foreign feeling for me. I'm not used to talking about all this shit and actually have someone understand exactly what I mean. It's a strange fearful feeling, that at any moment you may just reject me and call it quits as friends. You have hinted at this too, or maybe I have read too far into your words. I don't know.

Who are you to be so wonderful a person? Who are you to have been treated as such? Fuck this gay earth.

I think I love you. All your faults and strengths. I really think I do, but I'm afraid of either one of us getting hurt. I don't want to feel love's passionate sting, just as I don't you to deal with it too.

Fuck, there's too many variables. I want to risk lunging against all of them if just for a moment when our stars can share the same patch of sky.

My first day as a member of the 501st was hot, sandy, chaotic - nothing at all like the simulations on Kamino; of course that's pretty much how it was for all of us, wasn't it? All that breeding, all those years upon years of training... doesn't really prepare you for the screaming or the blood, does it? Frankly, I'm amazed we made it through the first hour, never mind the first day.Incredibly, the 501st survived the crucible on Geonosis and emerged battle-hardened and ready for whatever the war would throw at us. In the waning months of the Clone Wars, the 501st faced missions critical to the agenda of Chancellor Palpatine; when we arrived at the bombed-out ruins of Mygeeto, our Jedi commander had believed we had been sent to take out a droid energy collector. What Ki-Adi Mundi didn't know, however, was that our unit of the 501st was really after an experimental Mygeetan power source that the Chancellor wanted for his superlaser; keeping Mundi in the dark wasn't easy - the Jedi had become increasingly wary of the Chancellor's doings and were on the lookout for the slightest hint of treachery. But just like the rest of them though, he never caught whiff of what was really going on, until it was far too late. The success of the mission on Mygeeto was something of a revelation to the men of the 501st; suddenly, we realized that the Jedi could be fooled. And if they could be fooled, they could be killed.

I love you. I freaking' love you. You're the first person I met that made me feel these feelings, so powerful. I tried to alter my mind in every way but I can't forget anything about you. My vision of love isn't the Walt Disney bullshit don't worry.
I hope someday we can build something strong, explosive. Our bodies shall connect and shine.
Everyday, I'm ready to die for my beliefs, and now you're a part of it. But you can leave too, I would not act against your will.

I got drunk and dropped the truth about how fucked up I am lately to someone I really care about. It was out of line and it makes me look awful because they have so much of their own shit to deal with, but it has been eating me for a while and I have no one else to really talk to. I hope they aren't pissed.

You know what? It's not her, it's you bro. I'm trying to help but you are all over the fucking place. And frankly I'm beginning to think you cheated on her.

I AM SO UNBELIEVABLY HORNY AND I DON'T EVEN HAVE SOMEONE TO THINK ABOUT RN. FUCK THIS SHIT.

I'm already making my peace to living with constant depression, suicidal urges and no self esteem. I tried to change but I always end up angry and alone.

>>18665835
D?

>>18663300
A, you're going insane and it's delicious to watch.

My last ex was my best friend before we started dating and easily one of the best friends I've ever had. We were extremely close
However we had a really rough break which was mostly my fault, she wanted nothing to do with me, found herself a new boyfriend, and cut me out of her life. It fucking destroyed me for a while but after a few months and being able to look back at everything with a clear mind I realise where I fucked up and I refuse to make the same mistakes with anyone in the future.
We haven't had a friendly conversation in over a year. We haven't had anything to do with each other since October.
A couple months ago her best friend started liking every post I put on social media. I didn't think anything much of it but found it a bit weird because she had always disliked me for whatever reason and never interacted with me. A couple weeks ago she messages me out of the blue in the middle of the night asking how I'm doing. Today I find out she's split with her boyfriend.
I've moved on with my life and I'm happy. However this was my best friend and one of the most important people in my life at one point. I loved and appreciated her a ton as a person.
I have yet to respond to her message. I have no idea what she wants from me or if she even wants anything at all. And I don't know whether I should or shouldn't respond to that message. I don't even know if I want to speak to her again.

>>18665835
He might feel the same with you.

We're together for a bit over 4 months now and she's moving to a city to study, halves the distance we're apart and makes the trip a 1.5h tops.
Since she's moving away from her home town she's gone on a week long trip around the country with her closest friends, with two of them being guys which told her, a year ago, that they had feelings for her. One guy she even kissed but didn't feel anything.

What's driving me crazy and this might really just be me hear, is that she's been online every single day, every morning, afternoon and evening yet we've communicated through text maybe twice during a week if any. She reads my texts, is online a couple of times after that, reasons can be many i know and then that's it.

Tell me if i'm gone loopy or if i'm overthinking this way too much, but, i feel kinda left out, put on the back burner and ultimately not respected because no matter the reasons, she could've taken 10 seconds of her time and texted me that she was busy. But she didn't.

Now i'm aware that i have no right to demand from her any sort of text at all, because quite frankly she should enjoy this sort of "goodbye" with her friends, but still. Isn't it normal to take the time and text your SO, be couple hours later or the next day?

I will confront her with this after she's come back home, but in the meantime i can not wrap my head around this, because if i were her, i'd take every second i could to answer my SO.

Never thought i'd feel like 18 again with 25...
I wanted to tell you that i love you, deeply love you the week before you left
I couldn't, i teared up inside because i was so afraid that you didn't want to hear it

Why am i in a relationship with you?
Why have i invested 2 years into this and am so sad right now with you?

I'll be over there in a month or so

>>18666143
how long did you date

>>18665842
kekd, here's to you anon
watchout for those wrist rockets tho

>>18665655
are you me...?

>>18665835
Are you male or female?

>>18666239
What's up?

I'm crying
again
last days i have been crying
because the person who should be the closest to me doesn't even ask how i am
i feel like shit, it's like you don't care at all
you're having fun on your vacations, okay, not once have you asked how i am
not. once.

>>18666035
I'm not D.

>>18666178
>>18666233
I'm male. The person I speak of is female.

>>18666287
She in a relationship?

>>18666288
Nope. From the way she tells it, I'm the only person that she's even come close to.
I been here many times. I just don't want to end up hurting her. Regardless of what we actually are.

>>18665655
Initial

I decided to cut off ties with you and you said you'd respect that. Please don't fuck this up by making me reply to your pity messages.

>>18666340
You sound bitter, let me guess they cheated.

>>18666340
And I told you I wanted to hear your truth, for you to hear mine and to finalise what was quite a journey. As a mark or respect to the memory of what was an amazing time.

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>remember that i have some family in Texas
>don't remember exactly where they live but I message them anyway to ask if they're ok
>"yea we're alright"
>we haven't talked in years so i try to catch up
>they don't respond to me but are talking to people on their page
>well w/e
>couple of days later
>get a message from them "HELP"
>WE'RE STRANDED BY THE FLOODS CAN U SEND SOME MONEY
>lolwut
>WE'RE SLEEPING ON OUR ROOF WE NEED HELP
>see his location is on so i google it
>their location is inland and nowhere near water
>mfw i remember why I never talk to my family

I envy the people who feel happy to see their family because they can get love and affection from them instead of demands and problems.

>>18666351
Not even anything complicated like that,but yeah I guess I'm bitter. It's just someone who I was friend with for a long time,but I realized that we were both just beating ourselves up over petty shit and we were making a pity party over it. And after I realized that I started to look down on him and make jokes about him to people I barely know,I decided it was the best to not be friends anymore before I mess up his life more than it already is. But I guess he just doesn't understand and don't want to be on his own. I don't want to either,but it's better for the both of us. I want to believe that.

>>18659198

I'm tired of acne, so fucking tired. It isn't even because of the looks anymore. I'm at the end of my patience.

Everything is going to be well, in few weeks I'm going to do a laser surgery and thus, I will never use glasses again.

I got into some fashion and copped a ton of new fresh clothes

I started making smoothies, I stopped drinking alcohool, I eat better now. Also, few days ago I made a new record of six months without drinking Soda.

My parents will give me a car at the end of the vacation(I'm not that type of spoiled brat, I worked really hard to deserve it and also I payed the driving school myself with the money I received from a job, last summer)

I am also planning on picking up again swimming, I miss that.

And finally, I broke up with my GF and even though I think of her now and then, I feel better, she was way too needy and it got to the point that I was really tired of her and all, so now I feel free and even though I haven't had sex in a while, I try to forget about it
But damn, this acne is getting worse, and the thing is that I'm taking medicine. Doc prescribed me some Doxycyclinium for a month and then I will start Roaccutane for 8 months. I see all my friends with clean faces and I look like a fucking pepperoni pizza around my mouth. I can't go out, I can't pick up women, my confidence is down.

You'll pay for what you did to me

>>18660463
For the first visit just expect a lot of prodding questions, because for them to attempt to help you they have to have a pretty in-depth understanding of your situation.

As for the verbal thing I totally feel you (I get the same way), but if for some reason you start crying the best thing to do is to just let it out. Bottling up your emotions is never something that is healthy, and if your therapist verbally berates you for that or anything else you just need to leave and never come back. There are far too many bad apples in the field of psychiatry (especially in schools oh my god), and a bad counselor can do far more damage than what a good one can repair. Because if they are a shitty counselor, if you crying wont set them off something else you wont expect will.

A really important piece of advice I'd give really for anyone looking to go to counseling is that not all counselors are the same and it can be very possible that you'll have to go through a few counselors until you find one that will really be able to help you. I went through about 4 counselors till I found one that really worked for me. I know money is always an issue but its better to wait until you can afford a counselor that's good for you over a shitty one that can see you for free.

How do I stop crying every 5 minutes? I have to work and I can't keep hogging the bathroom.

anons!
I'm almost there!
I've almost stopped giving a fuck

i JUST need a different job, a good one where I can only focus on work, make money, get better, get another work, make more, and so on and so forth, until I have enough for a typical classical shallow relationship where a grill just stays with me because of convenience and money

or retire and yolo move to some fucking dark ages tier country with barely enough running water

just gotta hit ~4k euros/month by the time I hit 30 and I'm ok
just gotta focus
almost there anons
super close now

>>18659198
Im so, so depressed. Literally nothing in my life is going forward, people wont stop giving me shit for no reasons, all i want is to lay down on my bed for a week till i die of starvation.

Life's been looking up.

Can't get rash on my dick to go away though.
Can't stop masturbating long enough to give it a chance to heal up.

>>18666390
Continue doing you and drink lots of water. Also consider using ice cubes around the acne spots at night, tea tree oil during the day or Epsom salt soaks on the acne spots. Eventually it will calm down and you'll have your shit together - bitches will notice

>>18666383
Given what you said, isn't he the only one with the right to be bitter? You could still easily fix this mess you know, you sound hesitant. When you do something for what you assume is for the good of someone else it often ends up being a mistake.

I feel the right time to kill myself is near. I always felt like I would have died suicidal, since I was a 3yo. No therapy helped, I endured my parents' fight, school, job, people, but this shadow is always here and gets bigger and bigger.

>>18666590
What's in the shadow?

>>18666596
Lack of self-discipline, lack of social presentation, overall qualities of laziness, inability to achieve, and I'm sure his parents are about to throw in the towel and force him to get a job and move out, or kill himself.

>>18666383
What if he feels that you and him are good together, that you both could work through the pettiness and talk like adults. Maybe he's waiting for you to see that he doesn't perceive you as hindering him? Give the guy a chance

My father does like me.I did nothing wrong I have good grades and I don't drink,do drugs and never argued with him about anything.He is cold,never did anything with me,so I don't have any good memories of him in my childhood.He said to my mother he doesn't love her in front of me.He blames her about everything even though my mother is basically a slave in the house,she doesn't do anything else but giving him food and cleaning the house.She doesn't have any opinion about anything.When she had breast cancer my father blamed her for not wanting to tell her parents.He forbade her from visiting her dying father so she can continue doing the housework.He just makes money and I can't complain about that,we are a middle class family.I just wanted my family to be happier.He criticizes me about my appearance and about my university major and says I will fail in life.He cheated my mother a couple of times and he openly admits it.He makes sexual comments about other women in front of my mother.I don't know why he decided to have me and my sister If he is not happy.And we didn't ask for money,we are just in university and in my country,university is free.I fear for the future and feel very lonely and nervous all the time.He also implies I am not alpha and comments that I do not have a girlfriend and jokes that he will pay one for me if I want.Everytime he asks me what I will do in ,life and I tell him I will try to find work in Europe he says I will fail and return back crying to mommy.It hurts to hear him talking like that.I wanted some love in my life and I will never get it.

>>18666605
I also constantly feel like a failure because of all this.

>>18666596

fear, fear to be crushed by the evil which comes from other people. I'm oversensitive, badly oversensitive. I hindered this for all my life. A dry leaf falling from a tree would catch my attention, in the same way the shadow tells me that I cannot stand anymore what is normal for everyone. And I'm even a big guy. Seems a laughable contraddiction, but it is real. My Ego tries to mount the pieces on, together, but I inevitabily fall again, crushed, at the softest wind.

Dropped out of high school because I hate people. Been sitting around my parents house for two years. No one wants to hire a dropout when they could easily get someone better. No friends, can't go anywhere. Stuck and fucked.

>>18666602

Nah. I'm a pretty good achiever. This don't take me to the point to be proud of myself of course. But it's good to see that when you achieve something people are happy and get off of your back for a while.

Read this, maybe you never tried. I don't wish you to try:

>>18666610

>>18666626
Shit or get off the pot.

Sounds like you're still just sitting there.

I wish I would stop doing things that fill me with false hope and just kill myself already. I keep waiting for the right moment to do it but I don't even know what I'm waiting for.

I'm getting so feed up with my husband and his mother! He has become such a lazy parent and is always sending our oldest daughter off with his mom. His mother spoiled her rotten and is teaching her to be a complete brat. She buys her thousands of $ worth of stuff every month, teaches her to lie to us, teaches her that school and working hard arnt important and only looks matter. I hate it, my kid is becoming an entitled brat that's flunking out of school and no matter how much I voice my concerns nothing changes. I'm so worried about my kids future if she continues to act like this. It's hurting her as a person and something has to change.

>>18666629

I'm sitting here for now, I got a good job offer, but I'm still thinking about it. Probably I'll take it, because, you know, you got to survive. This won't change the fact that I'm an hindered crystal glass. Manning up had not the desidered effect, you know. It's only hard to find the courage to actually kys.

>>18666582
Well there's also the fact that I wanted to off myself sometime ago and he kinda found out and told some people about it and I turned it around into wanting to turn over a new leaf for me and starting over by cutting off myself from many bad habits and "friends" and working out and shit so he wouldn't have to worry. And the last discussion we had was him wishing me well and such so talking to him again after that after I basically have done nothing to improve my life while he gets his busy with his project is more than just awkward. Maybe I'm just jealous that he gets shit done and I can't. And I've lost interest in the stuff that connected us back then,so whenever he starts to talk about it,I just disregard what he just said and want to ramble on about shit in my life but then I realize it's not even remotely interesting to what he's talking about so I keep quiet.

>>18666604
Well he basically told me all that in serval ways,but I still feel like shit looking down on him and I've told him that,yet he still insisted on not minding that stuff. He says he's lonely without me but I can't really say the same. I just miss having someone to talk to,but not him. At least I believe that.

>>18666641
>gotta survive while I can, lol until it becomes a little harder and inconveniences me

>>18666662

precisely.

can you blame me?

>>18666669
Only for being a little anonymous bitch on the internet.

Stop crying about woe is me and just fucking live.

>>18666643
He clearly wants you around so stop trying to cut him out. I might be misreading with this second sentence, but is sounds like you like him in a stronger way than you are admitting.

>>18666680
>Name: Anonymous

>>18666680

I'll do my best with what has been given to me

I loved you, but now I see you never loved me or even tried to. You just wanted my affection. You never intended to return anything. I gave you everything I had. You are ruining us just because you insist on being an edgy cunt, and I've had it. You obviously never respected me or my feelings. you won't love me but you'll love some fucking piece of shit who cheated on you and fucked someone else. Fuck you

>>18666686

Nah, he's right, in his own way. When I opened up about my hypersensitiveness I knew that the "man up" and overachieving strong blessed by God anon would have appeared soon.

Thing is that I wasn't neither asking for help, I only wanted to express how I felt for all my life. I think this is a good place to do it.

>>18663320
"I'm not looking for a relationship" is code for "I'm not looking for a relationship WITH YOU"

Everyone who has ever said this to me shortly after entered a relationship with another man.

>girlfriend (ex?) makes it extremely clear that she only sees me as a friend after almost a year of really, really exhausting bullshit and constant mind games
>she has only loved once, and he cheated on her. i have given her everything, but it means nothing, because she refuses to trust anyone and thinks it's all bullshit now
>i put up with all her emotional shit, draining me entirely, but when i'm having my own shit she just tries to leave as quickly as possible and starts trying to distance herself immediately
>i can't vent to anyone because everyone has abandoned me because they were sick of how much stress she was putting me through and couldn't handle hearing about it
>all friends only treat me with sarcasm and condescending remarks
>everyone acts like i'm an incompetent fool
>i don't want to write music about it because now i feel it's exploitative to do so
>i can't distract myself
>i just want to break shit and cry and scream at her because she's absolutely ruined me and killed all the spirit i had
>she's probably going to end everything between us soon and it's all going to be because she's too cool to give me emotional support back when i've given her every fucking thing i have within me
>i want to kill myself but can't bring myself to

what the fuck do i do? i don't have any outlet anymore. i don't have any friends, i don't have a girlfriend, i don't have my hobbies, all i have is this black fucking hole in my chest that is sucking up everything i love into this bleak void. all i have is hopelessness. i wish the hurricane had killed me the other day

>>18666704
Buck the fuck up butter cup. Get moving.

And if you're referring to me, and you think I'm an overachiever or that I'm blessed by God you're wrong.

I'm a baby crazy man. I want to have a child so bad I'd be willing to impregnate someone and take full custody of the child after birth. I realize this is really off the mainstream, to say the least but I keep it to myself. When I see a fertile looking woman I wonder what kind of baby she would give me.

>>18666367
I'm so sorry for laughing at this post. I have some "ain't shit" family members too and capitalizing on a hurricane to get some money out of someone is hilariously scummy.

Fucking why... It was fun and lighthearted, it was risky, but I didnt feel bad about it. Now my heart is pounding and I constantly feel like I could cry. I want to yell at you, I want a better explanation, I want to make you feel like I do.

File: 396ba65b-51c9-4fb4-90f7-415d7385f053.png (640KB, 1021x576px) Image search: [Google]

640KB, 1021x576px

The suffering stopped weeks ago, its honestly just anger now. I'm still trying to be the better person but its hard. His cruelty went way too far, and the more I think about our recent convos the angrier I get. And the more I talk about our conversations with friends the more I realize how vicious and toxic he has been the past few months. He needs to treat this as a two way street because even though I fucked up real bad, so did he. He knew I was in a bad spot mentally and used that to turn me into his personal punching bag. He really just needs to quit crying and whining over this and just apologize for his end of things. Ive already apologized profusely for mine/been working to make things better, but its never enough. If he really still wants me around, hes gotta stop being weak by letting his own anger play him like hes a marionette and just be willing to compromise.

File: Songbird.jpg (1MB, 1996x1274px) Image search: [Google]

1MB, 1996x1274px

Well little songbird. I need to back off, slow down a bit. If it were up to me, you wouldn't have to be humanly alone anymore. Sure, shit is far from perfect for us, but this likely isn't "it". I need to slow down. We haven't known each other beyond what? A month or so? But, I know I shouldn't be falling for your beautiful songs, they can't be meant for me. I'm too old, too bitter, and too far away to be anything more than a grizzledwolf barking at a pair of graceful wings as they soar beyond my reach.

You're too wonderful a person to waste away here with me. Were it up to me, things would be better for you. You are the kind one, you call me so but no, you are. Time is all it will take.

I'm sure there will be someone else that will take the time to see inside of you. Someone that will look at you and see the beauty you have locked inside. Someone that will accept the bright yellows and pinks of your radiance, along with those deep dark blues of your soul. I wish that could be me. But fate is as cruel as it has been kind to us.

You seem to trust me and enjoy my company. I do, you. What I wouldn't give to make this moment between us permanent. But, the nagging pull of reality is always there, every waking moment, tugging and pulling me away from you.

What do I have to offer a person such as yourself? You really a hurricane, but you brush me as gentle as a breeze. Me? I'm just a cactus. Old and weathered, the closer you, the more likely you are to get hurt. You are the kind one, you really know how to treat a lump of coal as a bar of gold.

What can I offer you? I donr have much, and what I do have is pretty average. What can I offer besides my loyalty and a listening ear that is enthralled to your every word?

Fuck, I wish this really is fate, and not a temporary moment.

I don't understand jack shit.

>>18659198
Dear L,

You were the best cousin ever, a cool bean and a relaxed person. I hope we are able to contact each other one day and talk about how different our lives are.

>>18664227
Nah it's fine. I don't want to make things any worse for myself or my SO. I think of it more as a celebrity crush.

>>18664989
Yep

I tried really hard not to build preconceived conceptions of him, but when you're communicating through text I suppose it's impossible not to invent a voice. Everything he said sounded insincere to me, like he was an actor trying to play a role. He was probably just trying to act in a way that impresses me, and I hate to hold that against him, but I just felt I couldn't trust him. How am I supposed to feel comfortable with somebody when I can't tell what they are thinking? Now when I read his texts I read them in his voice, and they all sound like lies. Is this a weird or shallow thing to be hung up on?

>>18667201
Sounds very vague, more details please.

>>18667224
Just like, the intonation of his voice always sounded very calculated, like he was playing at being suave. I felt like he'd agree with me for the sake of agreeing with me so I wasn't sure how he really felt about anything. Just insincere, like he was selling me something.

>>18667231
Maybe he was insecure and scared of not being good enough for you. If you dug a bit deeper you probably would have found the real him but at the end of the day it's his job not yours to get his shit together.

>>18667201
It sounds like he just wanted to impress you because he say himself poorly as a person. It can happen to many people who don't like themselves who don't want to lose someone important.

>>18667201
Trust your gut.

>>18666939
Not to misread you, but you come across as someone whom caused massive damage to someone playing the victim because you don't like to see the hurt you inflicted.

>>18667249
>>18667254
I feel like I almost want to give him some advice about it, but maybe that's just the way he naturally talks and I'm just bad at reading his body language. I just hate for that to be the reason I can't feel attracted to him, but his demeanor really put me ill at ease. I couldn't read him at all.

>>18667283
I'd need a bit more info, but right now it sounds like you're only talking through text and suffering communication issues as a result, and avoiding resolving them. That probably won't end well. You might be onto something, or it might just be in your head. Either way it's something you shouldn't leave unresolved

>>18667283
That is a good idea, better yet meet him in person. You'll likely find the truth is he is a little akward but caring, and he was just trying to make you happy. Some people just come across poorly with text.

>>18667201
Did you ever ask him in person? The reality is that he could have been trying really hard to get your attention, and maintain a show of strength to keep it. You might know what someone is thinking by spending time with them, learning who they are and what they stand for. I think what you're actually looking for is confirmation that it's ok to get to know him on a deeper level. You've been second guessing everything he says, do yourself a favour drop the paranoid thinking and allow with reservation the relationship between you two to develop irl

>>18667293
I met up with someone I was in an online pseudo relationship with. Everything about him was fine but he gave off a bad vibe in person. I was blogging about it earlier here>>18663318. I hate for this to happen, I've been chatting with this guy for years.

>>18667319
oh. That sucks, no clue what to tell you. If he gave off a bad vibe in person there's not much you can do

>>18666684
Maybe I'm just obsessed with me being alone for all these years. I've become so weak and insecure these years I've spent with him but that just sounds like another lame excuse because I becames used to beating myself down for some reason. And lately I've been thinking that I can't see people who I talk to only to vent to only to feel less lonley as friends,meaning my whole life I didn't have any friends. God I'm making myself more miserable than I actually am,right?

>>18667342
I don't think he's a bad person though. He was probably just nervous. But I couldn't feel at ease at all. He wasn't much for joking around either. When I'd try to say something playfully he'd take it seriously. I wonder if there was anything I could have done to make him act more naturally.

>>18667269
We both hurt eachother massively, but for some reason hes thrown out his own morals to play a game of who hurt the other more and deciding that his hurt is more important than anyone elses. To the point that his only goal is to be vain and cold until the pain stops. And it wont, its childish to fight fire with fire. He did say himself that all he wants to do is to make me suffer. It all just pushes me to be more apathetic about their hurt. Cause hes proven that he doesnt care about mine

>>18667413
That is called autism anon.