Best friend issues

>>18656880
Have you reached out to him at all?

OP Here: Well that's the message he sent me last night and I didn't reach out to him because I always do the reaching out. He didn't reach me out until last night but we're both leaving town for college. A lot more has happened but should I post it on here?

I did this once. The problem is this: You established yourself as the initiator. That means that when you stop, it looks intentional (because it is). He was used to you initiating, so he would wait for you to initiate. He might have even thought that you were mad at him (which you were) and thought he should give you some space until you came back to him.
Friendships can be difficult because there isn't really a set-in-stone list of expectations. If a couple didn't talk to each other for a couple months, that would be strange and often the end of the relationship. Between friends, that's rather common.


Some people are just awful at initiating. I have a couple friends who are like this, and yeah it's annoying, but after the many many years that I've been with them, I know that it's not that I'm a bad person or anything. They've opened up to me about it, and about how it's not my fault. It makes the few times that they've initiated contact all that more special.

As for hanging out with other friends, it could be habit. As an anecdote, I see my brother doing this constantly. He has a routine of going out to the bars every weekend with 2-3 friends to play pool. He complains about these friends frequently. Occasionally I have said to him, "How about instead of seeing those friends, you see This Guy or That Guy who you like a lot more, but see so little? You're always telling me stories about them and reminiscing." He stared and blinked at me, and admitted that he was so used to the routine that he didn't even consider alternatives.

Just because he's not actively hanging out with you doesn't mean that he doesn't like you or that he isn't thinking about you. Sometimes a person can get so caught up in their schedules. And when you've already seen someone, it's easier to have the conversation, "Cool, let's hang out next week too!". Whereas when you haven't seen someone, it's easier for that time to accidentally stretch out longer.

OP here: Yes, I guess I did established myself as the initiator. I don't mind that he hangs out with another friends, because that's just crazy lol. I'm just mad that he hung out with his group of friends during the weekday but told me he only has weekends to hang out with people. A lot more comes to play; but I guess I'll post what happened between us here later.

>>18657452
Well sounds like he couldn't hang out during the weekday because he was busy with the other folks.
I've also had friends who are scared of scheduling but are willing to do things last minute. If I talk to them and say, "Do you want to hang out RIGHT NOW?" they'd be all on it, but if I said, "Do you want to hang out tomorrow?" they'll say, "Oh jeez I don't think I have time."

>>18657452
>>18657452
This idea that someone establishes themselves as the initiator, and so therefore they are the one that has to continue to reach out, is bullshit. Sure, it can be difficult to initiate, but if you don't reach out at all, that's on you--you don't care as much as you think you do. I had a friend like this, hanging out with everyone else but me, never messaging me, never initiating (not to mention him treating me like shit when we did hang out). Just drop them and see how much they care. It's likely they've moved on and you no longer mean as much to them.

This guy once gave me the exact same talk--about him treating me like shit and still caring. Empty words that never had the actions to back them up. You can still be friends with him, but a relationship this lopsided never really works, as everything will be on you.

Idk, perhaps I'm getting the wrong image, but something tells me I know your friend: an arrogant prick that you just can't seem let go.