Ex of 3 years is still adamant about staying friends to this

>>18656098
She's either not that into you
She just sees you as a casual friend
She just like the attention on HER terms
She is ensuring that she has a backup after she fucks every chad in town

>>18656098
She just wants your attention.

I don't understand how people can have someone in their life who hurts them (causes you anxiety) and not just walk away. If someone isn't good for me, they're gone. Piece of cake.

Move on. Meet someone better.

Sometimes when I fap I still think about doing the stuff I look at with her. Which is ironic because we rarely had sex, it was a main reason why I left. The second main reason why I left was to stop being a pest to her though.

I'm thoroughly self hating. I have for my lifetime almost never seen anything positive about myself. I can't like myself so why should I pretend to love someone else?
I was a leech who couldn't motivate myself to get a job, I myself did nothing particular, mosly sat in our apartment and felt bad for several years straight. I still blame myself for being the cause of her triggering OCD and depression, but she refuses to agree with that.

Aside from that our first years were the best times of my entire life. I was worthless but mostly happy. We planned a future and everything was getting better. And she was always positive and loving amd pushing me to get better.
When she started losing motivation, losing that joyful personality, is where we started going apart. A year later I left.

>>18656104
No idea.
Probably.
Seems that way.
Very unlikely, >>18656109

>>18656106
She really doesn't seem to care about attention. Doesn't even attempt to bait me into any. It's more like she is aware that I am around but doesn't have the energy to try any more.

But yeah. I try to figure out moving on. I think about it almost every day. But I might cause her to consider suicide, unless I kill myself first, idk.

>>18656109

Do something to stop hating yourself man. If you love her then tell her, if she rejects you then move the fuck on. No matter how it might seem, she is not the best person in the world and you can always get somebody better.

.. just make a move out of your situation, whatever it may be.

>>18656110
Well >>18656109 pretty much.
I left because we were getting unhappy, and I was worthless, so I pretty much decided for us both that she's better off without me, that she'll find a way better guy in no time. I am convinced that she has candidates by now, I know that she actively plays online with some friends that were mutual until I deleted them too out of anxiety. But she keeps insisting that I'm the ome she talks the most with, is the only one she's personal with, cares most about, yada yada. And then she neglects me for weeks on end.

She's actually mentioned wanting to play with me this weekend. This is how my anxiety started today. I'm stressed and shaky and sad and confused.

>>18656098
OP she's not doing this for you at all but for herself. It makes her feel better and she doesn't give two shits about you. How about doing something for you, like cutting all contact and moving on.

>>18656121
If I say that I still love her, she just agrees, sometimes says she loves me back. But she seems incapable of showing it, she's chamged personality almost completely from the girl I got interested in. I don't know why I still care about her.

>>18656116
Don't be silly with the suicide nonsense, bro. Lots more to life. Shit, she's not your responsibility anyway, if she kills herself it's her own fault. You do you and be happy however you can.

>>18656129
I sometimes want to. To just delete her from contacts and forget.
But I won't forget, and I have noone else to replace her, not by a long shot. I'll just depress us both further.

>>18656133
>us

kek, don't make the same mistake i did
think only about yourself

>>18656132
>>18656139

I read this everywhere. Caring about myself first etc.
I don't know how. I don't even know what that feels like. I've been raised to put myself last. I don't know anything else. Everyone else is a better existance, so mine depends on being useful to someone else.

>>18656140
pure hell of a mindset

read no more mr nice guy

>>18656098
You cant be friends with exes. At least until youre totally over them.

Look man, theres chemicals involved with relationships. Theyre highly addictive. Thats why we pair the way we do.

Breakups are essentially heroine withdrawal.

If youve maintained contact with her all this time, youre basically getting your fix from her in small doses.

Ask a heavy smoker how quitting goes when they go from a pack a day to one cigarette every few days. They essentially spend their lives wanting to flip tables until they stop for good.

Citations needed of course...

http://observer.com/2016/03/neuroscience-is-proving-that-love-is-a-drug/

https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/me-we/201306/how-mourn-breakup-move-past-grief-and-withdrawal

Tl;dr OP. You must end that friendship. Shes moved on. You will never get passed it otherwise.

>>18656148
I'll look it up

>>18656150
>heroine addiction withdrawals
That sounds.. surprisingly spot-on

>>18656155
Yup. Also because its chemical, chemicals can counteract.

Advil actually helps when youre feeling anxious and its related to her. Keep that factoid in your pocket. It helps.

>>18656159
Okay but then what do I describe these moments of pure comfort and ease when we talk? We make each other laugh so easily that it's like nothing ever changed. Those moments are probably what I still haven't removed her for.

>>18656160

If were talking along the same guidelines, thats your fix. Youre getting exactly what you miss. Contact with her.

Likening again to the smoker. (also im a heavy smoker so im talking from experience too) when quitting its fucking terrible.

All it takes is one puff of one cigarette. And even though the nicotine levels are nothing like they were before, that moment is pure bliss respite and comfort.

And breaking away from that, youre still the same people. If you dated and ended on good terms (as it seems because she wants to be friends) you still have common interests and can get along.

So it would reasonably be just like it always was, and you wouldnt feel the same pain you do without her or when youre thinking about her with other dudes (your brains telling you thats your fuckin mate so other men cant have her.) but what youre really doing is getting them chemicals pumping that youre addicted to and have associated to her.

Which is why, sucks as it does, but we dont live in a disney film, you must avoid all contact until youre all clean.


Having other girls around also helps. Especially sex. Hugging also produces the same stuff. Even a romance free bro hug will ease and break the connections.

>>18656173
So I should just try to actually do it this time around, is what we're both thinking, right?
My stress is up in my throat about this. I expect myself to be dysfunctional from work next week if I do it. It'll backfire so hard. I might get yelled at or even fired. And on top if it all I'll feel even more lonely (despite already very rarely having contact with her). I'll KNOW how lonely I am. And she'll obviously want to ask how and why and try to tell me to stop. And then I'll be miserable about having to be the one to finally say it.
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck....

>>18656180
And what do I do about playing the same games we've played together? WoW for instance we played A LOT together years back, and I believe she still plays that. I don't want to just never ever touch that again just because I'll think of her. But it's inevitable?

>>18656180

You can be honest with her and if she doesnt it fuck her then.

Tell her you never really got passed her, and you need to be away from her.

>ill.be a mess at work

Probably. Advil and bro hugs man.

>>18656186
You do what you have to do.

Can you not block her on WoW? Sorry i havent played in 10 years.

>>18656188
Ain't got bro hugs in my life. I'm a loner, I've given up on every friend I used to have, and she's literally my second to last one. The literal last friend is only still there because he still visits without mention once a month, I have no idea why, and it's 90% a bother every time he does.

>>18656190
We wouldn't even play on the same servers anymore either way, but yeah. I don't even think she'd try to contact me, but IF she did...

You're dick in a glass
She hasn't found a better situation in her eyes so she keeps you around
You're an idiot, cut her off cold turkey

Final bump. Haven't done it yet. Trying to tell myself to do it. 9 hours left of the day and work ends in the next hour, then home. Guess I should save it for tonight.

>>18656098
>I still think about her a lot. I think about if she's fucking another guy now, but she always says something like how she's not looking for someone else.

Dont tell me you actually buy that shit op, most women just manipulate people to their own needs and your ex seems like a textbook example. Get the fuck away from her.

>>18656140
Fuck all that man. Me before anybody. Sure, I'll help someone in need, but if that means putting me in a bad way, forget it.
You need to change your mindset and out yourself first otherwise when you get to the end of the road, you'll look back and realise how many people you helped and they did nothing back for you.

>>18656202
This guy gets it. Once she finds a better dick to bounce on, you'll be nothing more than a mere nuisance to her. Cut her out of your life and don't look back no matter how much she tries to drag you back in, because she WILL try to drag you back in.

I'm trying to get myself to just open up the chat and tell her, but it makes me hyperventilate. I didn't know I could be this weak.

>>18656652
I have a text message one button press away and it feels like I'm stabbing myself with a claymore.

>>18656718
I didn't send it. But I invited her to actually talk about it tonight. I'm now trying to prep for inevitable suicidal tendencies.

>>18656781
Final report. It is, uh, finally done I guess.

Now I feel... Nothing.