My brother's gf just forced him to cut contact with his family

>>18654996
bump for halp or insight

>>18654996
This is his choice. I mean, obviously its the wrong choice, but it is still his choice to make. You already know he has an addictive personality, is this truely that surprising?

Anyways, you do the only thing you can: try to be in his life. That means you are going to have to swallow a lot of shit from the gf. Don't push her because she will just push back and apparently she has all the power (over your bro) right now. Call her up somettime after a few days, be nonchal;ant, and say you wanna talk to your bro and invite him out to get a few beers. Don't let on that its strange that you have to call her to talk to him, just be natural with it. Jump through whatever hoops she puts in front of you.

Assuming she lets him go out with you, don't just lay into him. JUst talk about mundane shit (jobs, sports, whatever) and let him come around to talking about it on his own.

>>18655080
Yea, I mean, he has done "extreme" things in the past, but it never involved cutting us out.

Honestly, my brother and I talk but we haven't actually hung out in years unless its with family. Honestly, his addictions and actions during addictions pushed us as siblings quite far away from "friend" level. He hasn't used in about 1.5 years though, but between work and everything we don't hang out often.

The closest event is my birthday and we usually all go out for dinner. I guess I'll just call to invite him when it comes closer.

>>18654996
I guess I also feel pissed that she made my mom cry. My mom is seriously the nicest woman ever and never means any harm or annoyance.

That's honestly just filling me with rage. I wanted to talk to his gf about that more than anything. But I feel like I'd just stoop to her level and emotions would get out of hand. I feel like punching her in the face for making my mom cry.

Sounds like your bro's gf has him wrapped around her finger, you gotta show him his family cares more about him than his gf does

>>18655091
>Yea, I mean, he has done "extreme" things in the past, but it never involved cutting us out.
This isn't about you. This is about him and what he wants/needs; that being her. So he'll do whatever she wants if that keeps her around.

>He hasn't used in about 1.5 years though, but between work and everything we don't hang out often.
If you really care, then its time to change that. People don't get better on their own, they need a strong support structure around them.

>The closest event is my birthday and we usually all go out for dinner.
You need to find time to get him out one on one and just be away from his destructive relationship. It can't be your mom because obviously the gf hates her.

>I guess I also feel pissed that she made my mom cry.
Kinda sounds like this is your real concern. Not that she is controlling your brother but that she hurt your mom. And that's fine. However, you got to be real with yourself about your feelings so that you aren't wasting energy on things you just aren't invested in.

>>18655103
>you gotta show him his family cares more about him than his gf does
I mean no disrespect but I'd advice against this. Making this a competition is just playing into her game and you are quite likely to lose.

>>18655109
>they need a strong support structure around them
I understand that. It wasn't that we just outright ignored him. He lived in our family home, we frequently came to visit. He became really closed off from us, stopped coming to family stuff for the last few months. He also has had a job for a while and worked a 40+ hour work week. I mean, we weren't there holding his hand, but we were all there. I think the shift to his gf had already started by then. She's manipulative as fuck looking back on it.

>Kinda sounds like this is your real concern
I am mad about both things. I guess I just feel like I have less control over what happens to bro than I do my mom. I am aware that this is my brother's choice while it's completely fucked up and will probably blow up in his face. While I fucking hate everything about this, she didn't have to strike my mom down too while she was at it.

It's hard to explain how she acts around my brother because brother doesn't talk about what she says aside from the occasional "shes acting so fucking crazy right now!!" over their relationship.

I know exactly what she said to my mom, so I know exactly what to be mad about. And that's the only behavior, I can for sure, call out.

Because honestly, I think my brother may have vented about issues within our family, and this may be where her hatred for us is coming from. Not saying that justifies this, but I think it's possibly a catalyst for her convincing him to cut us out.

>>18655130
I'm not saying you weren't supportive in the past, I'm just saying you (and whoever else cares) is going to be have to be supportive going forward.

Really, no hate, but it sounds like you have internalized a lot of this and maybe you are the one who needs to be seeking resolution. Try to go and talk to a damily therapist a few times, I think you'll be surprised how much you'll like it/feel better.

>>18654996
Something similar happened to me, it doesn't get better, I haven't talked to my bro in 5 years.

>>18654996
How are people ITT missing that this is fucking abuse? It's textbook shit.
Read into emotional abuse seriously OP.
>Controlling all aspects of his life
>Choosing his friends and family
>Reserving love as punishment
>"Everyone else treats you bad but me" when clearly she is the problem
He's in fear, not defeat. This is why he called you from a payphone FFS.

Get in physical contact with him and do your best to help him realize how toxic this relationship is. If you ask me he needs to get rid of her asap, she will make this as difficult as possible, going to any length in order to maintain control.

>>18655716
>How are people ITT missing that this is fucking abuse? It's textbook shit.

its not that they are missing it.

its that they see this as the poison he picked.

it may be that way, or it may be more vehement victimization.

but society tends to treat men differently about this. As though the guy is automatically able to leave when a girl in a similar situation is not.

but thats not a helpful point of discussion to OP right now.

depending on what he was addicted to, the lasting damage from that is probably what made him susceptible to this in the first place. I would start from there and work forward.

File: 1503483042600.jpg (27KB, 440x398px) Image search: [Google]

27KB, 440x398px

I love how people tell OP how it's somehow his problem that she is acting like a cobtrol freak, that he shouldn't really care because it's his brothers choice.
If the genders were switched people would be advising OP to call the fucking cops on the partner.
Come the fuck on /adv/, she is clearly not a good person if she does shit like this. She is not someone to spent rest of your life with.

>>18654996
From my point of view I would never sacrifice good terms with my family to some inessential matter like relationship. You should remind your brother that gfs usually come and go but real family stays for a lifetime.

>>18655757
welcome to the gynocentric lifestyle of the west anon, its always the man's fault.