GIOYC Get It Off Your Chest

>>18654276
bump

Tired and exhausted form work.. I really want to get fired so I can claim unemployment.

I need a vacation, life is heavy, and I want a break.

>>18654324
What type of job?

Want to trade places?

Feeling guilty for having attempted suicide, my parents took it really badly even though they tried to not show it in front of me.
Now it's been a few years and things have finally calmed down but i've never serious talked to them about it, the shame and embarrassment were both too much.
I'm also upset at my old, very dumb and more immature self, if that even makes any sense.

I called a branch manager to complain about an employee in the hopes that, that person gets reprimanded.

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I fell off the wagon so hard this summer. I'm so disgusted with myself and I'm so fucking fat. I put so much effort into losing weight and now it's all for nothing.
I used to be 120lbs, I used to be able to go 2 days without eating. I used to be able to run for an hour straight. I dont have the discipline anymore. I want to be 100lbs. That's all I want, and getting to 120 was hard enough. I plateaued and just stopped losing after that no matter what I did.

I'm better than your ex, I hope you realize that :^)

>>18654368

What did they do?

I'm glad I don't know where my mother's affair partner lives, I'd probably do something bad to them.

>>18654372
How tall are you?

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I am not mad that you rejected me, I am mad at myself.
I never really liked you but was just so lonely I grabbed onto the first person who showed me any kind of interest and it seems to have opened Pandora's box.


I am so lonely I wish I was dead and the only way to remedy this seems impossible.

>>18654374
Incompetent at their job.
Lacked the knowledge to give me all the necessary information.
Then gave wrong information basically telling me I couldn't be helped.
(I was absolutely able to be helped)

I got screwed and was upset.
I confronted employee about the lack of information he provided.
(That he should obviously should know after working there 7 years).
Employee became unprofessional. Gave attitude. Condescending tone.
Told me it was my own mistake in the first place.

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>>18654276
Okay, here's a proper issue since I don't really know where to ask. How do you make velvet cake red? Previously I have tried red food colouring, that just turned brown and did nothing - so then I tried beetroot juice and that didn't really do much either though the cake was poorly cooked. Going to try again tomorrow and I want it red by golly!

>>18654425

How do you know they worked in that role for 7 years? Were you speaking to the right team?

Not that I agree with unprofessionalism but you are basically hoping that they lose their job by reporting them.

Please love me. I think you know I'm a preferable option here.

>>18654447
>tfw I would be a great bf.
>She chooses the jobless had who has three different degrees in art.

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>>18654445
I asked the employee's experience directly.

Not hoping this person loses job.
Having to attend a disciplinary meeting with manager is good enough.

>>18654396
Little under 5'3

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I don't need you guys, I've been fearing loneliness and isolation for so long I've forgotten about myself. I'm done with trying to please others, I've gotten no respect in return. I'm doing great now, I feel great. I'm going to turn into the man that I want to be and maybe I'll make some real friends on my way there.

>>18654435
You have to use more than one bottle of dye and don't overdue the cocoa

>>18654453
I feel your pain so much. I was dating my best friend for years and was about to propose. I was dropped for a neet because I couldn't comfort them while at my job (working on a M.Sc degree and I currently make 78k for comparison). Now I am being told they have no money for anything, this dude cant get it up, and this guy has no vechile. I will never understand why some girls fuck themselves just because they want more attention.

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Don't you go getting hurt.

That hurricane better not try to take you away from me. Stay safe and sound. I need you, and fuck nature for being on the rag.
Of all times this bitch just comes in and puts at risk the woman I love.
If you take her, you better sure take me as well.

Fucking storms.

No one loves me and my life is rapidly becoming more stressful.

Why does he mean so much to me when I mean so little to him?

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>bfs, distant male relatives, male friends are more important
>never find fault with the males in the family no matter what they do but will hate a female for something as little as forgetting a birthday
>they get married and can't wait to discard their "old" family
>they have male children and want to keep him hidden away from everyone else

It's kind of lonely growing up as a woman in a misogynist family full of women.

>>18654479
My case is a bit different, he is a chad and her type physically.
He got tattoos, piercings, a beard and some muscles.
He pumped her and dumped hr already but she still hopes there would be something more.

Still your story is a lot more tragic, sorry to hear that anon.
That really sucks.

>>18654499
Unrequited love anon. Do not pursue it. Anything that's so all consuming, unfulfilling and one sided isn't healthy and very definitely won't provide you with what you're looking for. Move on, move upwards and learn to accept that what seems so perfect probably isn't. Learn to recognise what mutual attraction is like, experience respect and the ebb and flow of a healthy relationship. These won't exist in a one-sided obsession, your projections will spend your energy and leave you feeling worthless. The neediness you'll exhibit will repulse and repel the object of your desires. I'm sorry you've had to experience this. In time, you will let go and retrospectively experience your emotions as a learning curve that knocked you for six. Hang in there.

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>>18654276
There isn't a night where I can't shake a sense of anger. All because of you Mechelle. I thought we were friends, I truly did. I opened up to you and you skinned me alive. You go on and on about equality, but in reality you're lower than the bigots you constantly preach against. At least they speak their true emotions. You're nothing more than a whore who uses trendy labels to look worldly. You dragged my name through the mud, all because you could. You never confronted me with your complaints. I apologized twice to you, and all you did was act oblivious. I hope you rot in hell you worm. If we ever see each other again, you better find God and pray that we make amends. I once saw you taking selfies in the middle of a fucking charity event. Your beauty is as false as your smile.

>>18654276
JLB maybe someday...

I'm sick and tired of being single. I'm tired of being unable to get a fucking hug. I'm so fucking lonely and I am isolated from the rest of society.

I am utterly dysfunctional and incapable of ever forming a meaningful relationship
Kill me

>>18654517
It's just, I thought he did. From the things he said to me it seemed like he did. But his actions tell a different story. Maybe I was just reading too much into it.

How am I supposed to move on when I don't have anything else. He was the only thing holding up my confidence and now that's gone. I just feel so terrible right now and I don't know how to stop feeling this way.

>>18654569
Would you be comfortable sharing more information?

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I had to Dump my GF since she lost interest in me
Now I am blinded

I fucking hate you people and I want to go home. I honestly despise my whole family and I can't wait to finally get a job, make money, get my own place far away and wait patiently until you all die off naturally. I just seriously hate all of you fucks. I wish I was an only child and that my parents died and I inherited something so I wouldn't have to be in this shit anymore.

I just want to be in a coma, where I can think and dream on my own terms.
Life is getting pretty tough and I want to be the 'motivated' guy who overcomes challenges- but there's a nagging feeling that there's no real reward for succeeding when I would rather be in my mind, in my dreams

You know, there were several times were I could have destroyed you. I'm sure you could have too, but still.

You're the faggot throwing chairs at someone holding ice cream.

>>18654499
I relate to this so much. I wish I could be what he wanted.

>>18654603
I can't do it on my phone. There too much to say. You'll call me an idiot because it was an online relationship. And relationship is a generous word, more of an undefined dom/sub thing that's lasted for upwards of 4 years. I knew I need to break it off and move on, but I didn't expect him to just lie to me and shut me out. He knew I was attached and he fed into that. Certainly didn't do anything to discourage it. All my friends have left me or drifted away, and he's easily the closest person left to me. But now I wonder if everything was a lie. I don't even know him, maybe he made everything up from the beginning because he was horny and was saying whatever the thought he needed to. I feel used and unwanted. He was the only one that ever wanted me, but now I'm doubting even that.

>>18654713
if you're wondering when, you left your balls widddeeee open for that tackle.

I'm telling you people now, if I get in a real fight I go for the jugular. Not pushing around, letting weakspots go open.

>>18654499
I asked myself the same thing, with the sexes reversed.

>>18654632
Imagine being surrounded by people you hate, having them constantly torturing you, psycholgicially manipulating and fucking with you, and being a prisoner because the rest of the people fucking with you won't let you make any money to live on your own until some set date you don't know about.

>>18654765
I'm fucking raging, I should be mad as all fucking hell, but I'm stone cold calm.

I hate you people. I hate all of you.

also, I knew it was fake from the beginning.

What really gave it away was the knife. That spent sooooo much time putting those away, just to have one there at the time?

You people are too fucking obvious and I don't care if people hear my say it.

he's still a prick.

Who throws a fucking chair at someone with ice cream. And you can't hit someone with glasses, that's just mean (he had the glasses, just FYI)

i hate living in a society that won't let me get castrated. Suicide seems to be the only option.

and you're all still pricks for doing this to me.

you stole my life from me and you continue to do so pretending that you're innocent. I don't believe for one second that any of this is for anything but greed. Not some good that is saving the world. Pure fucking greed. You might be able to fool others but come the fuck on.

i hate it when i accidentally make a homicidal joke and people look at me funny. how do you expect me to fucking not when i'm in a class full of retards and would fucking love to have every manipulative and downright enraging person put in a gas chamber. so sick of being around people in general (apart from 1 friend who is great and the only thing keeping me going)

Silence is my answer. It's so much easier to communicate.

I guess I'm an idiot. Well, really I just wanted to step outside of my comfort zone, and see if putting blind faith in another's words really had any merit. It does not. I've learned.

I'll always do what I can for others, so in return, could you promise to not pretend to care? Ah, who am I kidding. You don't do it for me anyways. It's pride, mannerisms, learned behaviors and ideals.

I just want to sleep.

I miss her because she would embrace me and support me and tell me when I was being stupid and show me she loved me and was so sweet. I don't miss her because she was at times crazy and our personalities clashed, even though they don't as much now, and because she always had a thing for my best friend, even though he would never act upon it. I can only imagine what we would be like if we were together again, because she's living with someone else and told me she wouldn't get back with me. Even though, in the back of my mind, I know there's a little bit of hope from the way she talks to me still and how close we have been over the past few years. How do I cope?

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I'm bored of life I feel guilty saying that because I know how short it is and how it could be the only thing I ever experience. When I think about the rest of my life though I feel tired, even though time seems to pass incredibly fast the next 50-70 years seems like a long time of feeling hollow.

I don't want to kill myself because for all I know death could be very unpleasant if it's anything at all also sometimes I do love life and it's as though I wake up and realise how lucky I am but most of the time I just seem to be 'here' and that is all.

I'm not expressing how I feel properly I find it very hard to put to words but it's a thought-feeling combo I get when I have time in my head, like when I try to go to sleep, I read something that kind of works; life is like a dog tied to a cart, the dog can walk and follow the cart or it can drop and be dragged but either way it's going on.

I feel like the dog, like life is just this thing I didn't choose but it's happening anyway and here I am being dragged forward by time until my eventual death.

I don't know really what to do to make things fun again.. I kind of believe I can do anything but I am not motivated to do anything and I can't even fantasize a scenario where I'll feel better about this.

You are the boy of my dreams. Literally; I keep dreaming about you. These dreams are always very chaste and sweet and leave me longing for you in the morning. I know you wouldn't appreciate this kind of cheap romanticism because it's too emotional and too feelsy for your razor blade-sharp mind. Even I don't appreciate the mess you make in my head, but I can't stop it from happening. I really have fallen hard for you.

I told you people I am fucking done. You fill my dreams with fucking horseshit, you fill my life with horseshit, and you're all full of shit.

I have no idea how my parents sleep at night. They can look at me and be ok with it. THEY did this to me. And they did it for fucking money.

Enjoy your time in hell.

All you kids is really dark, grass roots some things better left unsaid. Like i dont mean here but there were what people write gets read, what people spout gets said and passed around like people have nothing better to say. I dont miss her I quit her, two months in when i mit that other bitch shalissa. But 2 years on now she finally dumped my asss and gone i wish i could have just done it right, Not even that just wish it didnt end so wrong and she werent gone so long. Sayonara. write words in a way that hurts your head be cryptic as you mooch around in bed kill your father fuck ur mother, just dont be ashamed if you feel like its wrong

I wanna stop falling in love

Everytime im not falling for someone i feel normal, but every single time it happens i get destroyed emotionally and mentally.

I just wanna stop, my heart can't take so much heartbreak anymore

>>18654988
Gross. Stop that.

Are you going to disappear?

>>18654723
You broke it off with him and he shut you out after? Well of course he did, you ended it anon.

>>18654988
This is a good one. Please go on.

>>18655030
I didn't break it off. What I meant is I was feeling like I was getting too emotionally invested and that I should have broken it off before I ended up hurt, since nothing good comes out of online ldrs. But I kept going along with it because It made me feel happy and now he's just shut me out after he made a bunch of promises. If he couldn't go through with them then I wish he would just tell me, but being ignored makes me feel less than human. It's like he thinks I stop existing after he logs out.

And laughter rings from above.... I shouldn't let it bother me since my whole life seems to play out like a joke gone sour, I wish I wasn't so socially inept. Funny in a room full of people I am always alone. One day I might get it right, today is not the day though. I'm mentally exhausted.

>>18655066
>since nothing good comes out of online ldrs
Depends, tell me this. Has he ever met you in person? If he hasn't after four years he cannot deliver.

That said, shutting someone out can have multiple causes. The most common of which is depression. I would have a frank talk with him and outright ask if he is depressed. If he has never made an effort to visit you even once, end it.

Mirriam

>>18655082
Get out.

I really want to see you tomorrow and I really hope I don't. I'm messed up lately and I think present me is trying to fuck over future me.

Every time I start to think I'm decent looking and skinny, someone comes around to remind me I'm a fat ugly bitch.
I don't think I'll ever be good enough

I'm so fucking bored.

The people don't want me to die. So... time to let me free faggots.

>>18655076
>Has he ever met you in person?
No. That's what I'm upset about, because he's in the area right now. He agreed to meet up months ago, but he gave me zero details. When I asked for specifics this is what he told me: "trust me [anon], when I have the details you'll be the first person I tell". After that he was offline for two week because "Charter was being a bitch" and I believed him because why would he lie? He sends me a message a week ago during a time he thought I wouldn't be online telling me he had arrived and he'd be online in a day or to to chat more. I haven't heard from him since. I check my phone every twenty minutes to see if he's signed in, I've been tied to the computer every night for a month making sure I don't go idle. He's only going to be in the area for a few more days and I'm so tired of holding on to this hope.

Here's how you really know I'm an idiot: I don't know what he looks like. He knew what I looked like before he ever contacted me, and I never asked because I didn't think then that we would ever meet. But when we started making plans to meet up and I pointed out I didn't have a picture of him he promised he'd get me a selfie because he "owed" it to me. Here we are now and guess what, still no selfie. And not for lack of reminders, either.

Like, if he didn't want to meet me why propose the idea? If he wasn't confident that I'd react well to the way he looks why make plans to meet me? And if his plans fell through why won't he spare me two fucking minutes to let me know and spare me from all of this anxieties and feelings of abandonment?

>>18655123
Man, you are really beyond pathetic
Maybe just lose weight and find some guy who will fuck you irl?

>>18655123
Seriously fuck him. He should've made the effort to visit, and should have been in the area for the sole purpose of seeing you. If other people travel internationally to visit people they want to meet whom they consider to be their partners he has zero excuse to do it within the same area.

To be true im new, to this life of boards and these threads that get lodged in your head. Pouring out verse like blood dripping, bodies full of lead. Someone tell me they heard me, some one feel me or burn me. Its all an inconsequence, all the real people i know are either crazy, here or dead. Life is a mask wear yours with glue, but what the fuck do i know remember im new. Fresh blood fresh thinking new money, threee things this world would take from me. Yet we here lurking, on that corona im slurping 1:59 is the time and i've got a train tomorrow, forget plato dude fuck that game named aristotle philosophy is a stab in the dark, like an endless place were endless minds clash this aint no art. Futility like supple legs carressing infinitly man where even is the clit, like i make that girl cum whatever i do to her, just fucking maintain eye contact and snarl she be dripping but life just another question never answered

just got called up for plagiarism at my university, fucked if I know whats gonna happen.

>didn't have the energy because of muh depression

Does anyone else just not have any ambitions? I'm bored all the time. I'm only even remotely happy and motivated when I take my medication and I feel horrible about this. I feel like a fucking addict. I feel like I’m just faking it and I shouldn't need medication to feel normal. I should just suck it up and stop being such a pussy… But I can’t. I don’t think I can function without my medication, and now I’m running out. Because I took too much. Because I couldn’t handle living without it. Because things got hard and I am a fucking coward.

>>18655128
Funny thing is this relationship has been the one thing to actually give me the confidence to work on self improvement. >>18655166
I wouldn't have asked him to if he hadn't been the one to bring it up first. I'm angry, but also confused.

>>18655198
>Funny thing is this relationship has been the one thing to actually give me the confidence to work on self improvement

So If you've been improving for 4 years you must be a bombshell now. Find yourself a normal dude to duck and really, stop being so damn pathetic and crying over some weird cybersex """friendship""". Have some self-respect...

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30 years old and dis nigga trying to shit on me for crap that happened when we were in high school? Lmfao, fucking townies

>>18655198
This >>18655202. If someone met you online and really loved you they would do everything they could in their power to see you. I have known some people who met others online, they worked hard to live with their SOs indefinitely. Some of them spend thousands on their first visits with them to really woo them. If a guy can't even drop in while others do shit like that to ease the distance, he isn't worth it. Not at all.

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i got friends and someone to love, but i still want to kill myself, except now i cant because they'd be sad

i don't know why they like me, im not particularly smart or funny or a good person or whatever. im an unfunny, insensitive asshole who used to boost cars for money. i get into alot of fights and drink and smoke too much but she still says i love you. even though she's not around right now, mind you, she's in boot camp because she joined the army. i wouldve told her to fuck off and gone our separate ways but i actually love her, and she loves me, so now im just sitting her drinking and feeling faded af.

when she comes back we're going to get married and move in and all that jazz, but i don't even know if i deserve any of it. why do i deserve to be happy? i dont is the short of it. i dont deserve anything. and even though im upset about her deciding to do the whole army thing i dont feel like i deserve to be upset about that either.

and thus i drink, and debate suicide. such is life, ill feel better tommorow

BW,

I've written a lot of letters to you here over time. Some angry and resentful, some of them I've missed you, and some of them I think I might have confessed undying love for you, and deep regret over the things that happened.

I won't lie - no matter how far behind me it becomes, I'll never not be the slightest bit resentful that you just loved her so much more than me, and you inadvertently let me know. That crushed my soul in ways you couldn't even imagine. I can never forgive you for causing me a perpetual hurt like that.

Despite those things, I think that now that we have our shit together (sort of), years down the road, we could have made really good friends. At the time, I didn't want to be "just friends" with you because you were the first person I ever truly loved, and I didn't want to see you with her. That would have killed me.

I'm MOSTLY over with what happened between us (some of those things I'll never be completely over), but I'm sad that we fucked up beyond the point of no return. I keep getting the urge to talk to you and ask how you're doing, but I know you wouldn't answer given that you didn't respond to my "Can we be friends?" last year. I'm not embarrassing myself like that again.

I guess I'm fucked up for wanting to be friends with you after everything you'd done to me, but it's been 7 years, and I still miss your company sometimes. Guess that's just something I'll have to live with.

Your first,
TH

>>18655198
This guy is clearly just stringing you along, anon. If he was going to make amy sort of commitment and love you the way you deserve to be loved, he'd have done so already no questions asked.

I know you're probably afraid of being alone and not having anyone, but being a little lonely is so much better than being treated like an option rather than a person.

Katelyn, Christine and 2 other girls I don't want to name,

I'm not stupid. I know what you guys are doing. I'm hoping that one day, you guys will suffer, severely, that one day you'll just wish you were dead. But no, you're not gonna die. You're just gonna get hit by the same depressing misfortune over and over. Every nightmare you'll have will signify all the things you have done to anger me and you'll regret having been such an annoyance to me. I hope all of you suffer.

Just why... why am I still here?
I'm so fucking sure everyone would be better if I didn't exist.
I just corrupt everything I touch. Sometimes I don't even remember what I was doing, sometimes I find myself in another spot(thanks everything to the fact I don't go outta home for anything)
Idk, I'm just tired... I fucking hope I don't bail out next tuesday... I feel like this appointment is my last shot to being normal to some point but knowing myself...

>>18655347
Graduate degree programs are probably going to want you to have some idea of what you want to do.

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Physics degree here, stuck in a shit job and trying to find a new one. what kind of jobs/field would you recommend to apply for ( I usually go for entry level engineering, but no luck so far)? but I just don't really know exactly what I can do with my current degree/where to look.

[spoiler] inb4 I know people say it all depends what you want to do with your life; some people know and some don't, and unfortunately I'm in the "don't know" camp.


Anyone have a similar background and have some tips?

Also if I go back to school, should I go for ME, EE, CompSci, etc? Thinking computer science as it seems more marketable.
I just don't fucking know anymore.

>>18655241
So that's why you don't talk to me.
I thought I just annoyed you or something.

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Look, even with all the obstacles life trows at me, all the people that has played with my emotions multiple times and even when i have accepted that this world will never be exactly the way i want, im still capable of enjoying a lot of things about my life and this world, i like being alive, even if my life it's nothing compared with the world in my imagination, i reallly enjoy a bunch of things this world offers

So please, the next time im smiling, laughing and running under the rain, could i be the onw that gets a hug and a bunch of nice words from a girl

By december i will be in really good physical condition again so i really would like to get one more chance, i don't know where else to gi from there, i love life, i love myself, helping other people makes me feel great, but for some reason i have never been number one on the list of any girl, i feel like i deserve more than just being a candidate for rebound guy, if someday i get to experience what is like to be loved i swear nothing will ever make me feel bad again and i'll do even greater things that what i already do

>>18655358

Go back to school and get an MS in FinE. Become a quant, get your MBA, make bank, retire wealthy.

Your physics background should help you out with this.

So ive been really confused about my sexuality as of late. For starters I was molested for a long period of time (about ages 6~13/14) by my brother and two other boys, who were my age at the time. I was very self-consious about my sexuality since age 9, after first finding about about them. My brother (same one) always picked on me and insinuated that I was gay. So fast forward to junior year of high school. I was attracted to two people. One was girl, who out right said she didn't want to be with me. And the other was a football player, who I had a class with. He had some of the traits of my brother. I felt guilty and conflicted about being attracted to him. Anyways after highschool I found shotacon. That opened me to gay porn (mainly twink stuff). At first it was occasional thing, but soon shotacon has become my number 1 porn type. There was a co-worker for whom i as attracted to, she had short brown hair, which was the main appeal I assume.then was other one after I moved. A femboy, who was very obviously gay. With him it slowly faded after time. The there is the guy I am talking to right now. I have not meet him in real life, but he always flirts with me and calls me cute, and it turns me on for some reason. But I dobt think I feel that strongly toward men, as. I do women, physically. Like when I look at a woman I can tell instant whether I am attracted to her ot not. That only happens rarely with guys. Idk maybe I'm just lonely and desperate

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We've been on four dates, and still haven't kissed yet. I fucking can't stop thinking about her and it's obvious that she likes me, but I just can't do it. I don't know why, but it feels like the right moment has risen yet.

>>18654276
I miss her.

I was making progress getting over her. I thought I was doing really well these past few months. But then I started smoking weed. And its like something is triggering me to start thinking of her even more than usual. And when that happens I want to forget her so I go smoke.

Idk I was just kind of reflecting on that a little bit. And I feel like a massive loser for using drugs to escape. I can't stop thinking about her. And shes already happier with someone else.

I dont know. I just feel so fucking sad.

>>18654276
I'm sorry C it was a stupid mistake to do that to you without clearly thinking of how the rest of my family would take the news,I really really thought they would understand & be amicable but no they just did the absolute worst thing they could have done & drove you away

I know you already had "massive trust issues" from your ex-husband,I'm sorry for being an idiot that couldn't see how to handle the situation before it blow up

J

2 weeks, 2 weeks since I opened up about a rough week of anxiety i was having at the time and haven't heard back since.

Maybe its 3 weeks, I cant remember.

I just want to know why? I'm not mad, upset, angry, etc. I just want to know why I was left out in the dark like that?

I know you didn't love me, you didn't have to say it all the time to make me feel good either.

Oh well, life goes on. No ill will or bad blood for you, but you have some issues you need to work on yourself as much as I do as well.

>>18655768
Yeah, about 22 days now, so just over 3 weeks.

Uh. Opps? I didn't know you actually wanted to talk about it.

>>18655778
its a shame really.

you just texted me too asking if i hated you.

I dont know how to respond to be honest, I wasn't expecting this, Kind of blindsided.

I don't, its just shitty how things burned out you know?

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Sometimes I worry about everything all at once that everything is terrible and it will never get better, often times i have that feeling of emptiness: that your life is going no where and you don't know what to do with it or what you can do, I know it's not depression because im not sick of living i'm just bored of life. Like there is nothing to do anymore, i used to get enjoyment over a lot of everything but now it's only minimal. My friends and family as well as special person are things that keep me going. Lately i have been getting into meditation, that has really helped me clear my mind over things but sometimes things get dark

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>always hear about friends getting into relationships or hooking up
>haven't been in a relationship in years
>too anxious to even talk to people, yet aware that this is what's holding me back

God fucking damn.

>>18655803
I feel like we need a sticky for this kind of stuff

The last time I felt true happiness was in 2013. I asked this girl out and she said yes, but to give it a week time to recoup. It ended up falling through and we never became a thing. I've gotten over her now but to this day, I still have not felt that same hope and true happiness, than I did that day. I used to fear cockroaches but since I'm so dead inside they don't even phase me anymore. The only emotion I have left is disappointment. I don't even get angry anymore.

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i feel sick and on edge. sometimes i feel like everything is truly beginning to crumble around me. i have a girlfriend who i love dearly but all of my friends went to another college that i was supposed to go to. it fell through two weeks before move in day due to expenses and not wanting to take out sallie mae loans. im going to school here in town but even that has hoops to jump through. i never wanted to go to college. i wanted to learn a trade and then move far far away, and write and play music and earn and honest living and maybe one day, be able to do what i love for a living. but im still here, and everyday i feel that a true judgement day is coming. im afraid to take the leap into the future and im afraid of the boredom and emptiness i feel now. im only 18 and i feel like an old old miserable man. just alone. live with my mom, and dont make enough to move out, especially with college on the way. have a little bit saved up and i have an interview at a better place tomorrow but im not hopeful. ive lived with the same bitter delusional nagging single white woman for the past 18 years and over night, our relarionship frayed and we both know it will never recover. seriously cannot stand living and being around her. i love her but i need to go and not see her or my dad or stepmom for a long time. but im stuck here. just feel empty. realize im an 18 year old guy with nobody to turn to. lowest ive felt in a while. stay with your dad, and dont take ADHD meds kid. just want to talk.

My life's in turmoil. Long story, but here goes: 5 years ago, I got a job at a new lab and fell in love with the girl on the other side of a glass door. I worked there for a month before ever talking to her, but we'd wave and smile through the glass when I dropped off samples. She was super cute, especially in a lab-coat. As the new guy I was working weird-ass hours and usually took my lunches by myself, but one day she sat down with me, and we hit it off immediately; read the same books, played the same video games, laughed at all the same jokes. After spending lunches together for a week or so, we met for drinks after work, and that's when she told me she had a boyfriend.
We kept meeting. She was the girl of my dreams. We became best friends. Over the next couple of months we got closer and closer, and after a night of drinking, we ended up having sex. After all the flirting and games we'd been playing it was fantastic. She cried afterwards, because she felt guilty for cheating. They were living together, they'd been dating for 7 years, they had future plans. This continued for a year... we'd try to just hang out as friends, but we seriously couldn't stop having sex. We tried to set rules for ourselves, like only meeting with mutual friends along.. this led to us having sex in dressing rooms, bar bathrooms, behind hedges at parks, etc. She went back and forth between guilt and joy. She never said anything to lead me to believe she'd leave her boyfriend, but I was convinced I could steal her away. She thought it was just a grass-is-greener-on-the-therside situation, felt invested in her boyfriend...
He proposed.
She said 'Yes'. I don't know why.
I told her we had to stop seeing each other altogether... and we did.
I saw her a year later. I completely lost the ability to count to 9. None of our mutual friends, including the ones who knew our story, had told me that she was pregnant. I didn't talk to her. She moved away. (cont)

>>18655803
Me

>>18655835
A year after that she texted me; she was going to be in town. For the next 3 years we met once a year for drinks, and to catch up. It was always good. I found someone else, I was engaged. She had 2 kids. She had invested in real estate, and was making 6 figures.
Three weeks ago, she and her family came to vacation in the town where I live.
We met for our usual drinks. Her husband had to leave town to go back to work. My fiance was out of town. You can probably guess where this led...
We hung out for a week straight. We convinced ourselves that if we didn't have sex, it wasn't cheating. We played house by day, then put the kids to bed, took advantage of the jaccuzi in her hotel room, and stayed up until 3am talking every night talking and cuddling and struggling not to fuck each others' brains out. It was amazing, but we agreed that after she left we'd both go back to our other relationships, lose contact again, and move one.
At this, we utterly failed. I'm on vacation with my (now ex-fiance), and spent every day texting/emailing/onthephonewith Her. We fantasized about a future together... she said it would take her a year to separate her finances from her husband, but she's hesitant because of the kids. My fiance obviously caught on. I wasn't even really trying to hide it.
My fiance just broke up with me an hour ago... and I don't even really care.
She is probably still not going to leave her husband.
I feel weird. Anyone have any words for me?

>constantly talks about wanting drugs "for the pain"
>ask if she's interested in looking into fixing the cause of her pain
>"Only stronger drugs will fix the pain. I don't want or need to do anything else. I just need drugs."
>doctor confirms she OD'd
>she says this is BS and just needs more drugs to feel better

Just wow. How far down do we have to go.

I am afraid of telling my best friend that I feel I should kill myself because I think it will annoy her

I feel like I'm going crazy I can't sleep i have work so early

I don't know if it's you that's causing me to feel insane but I feel that it is because I have good relationships with my girlfriend and family but you

Your friendship

You make me feel insane. I can't take the constant lying the constant exaggeration the constant little while lies the constant false dreams and hopes it's so bad for my brain it makes me a bad person

But you

You scare me

And you put it all on me and say I'm unbelievably petty but I'm not mad about that one thing

It's not the tree im scared of its the forest.

You are so bad for my brain I feel so fucked

I think you're a sociopath

she broke up with me, and i get it.

hurt for sure, but i get it. I dont think ill be hateful or resentful about women or dating, but its a sting for sure.

I'm fucking tired

nothing makes sense, nothings getting better

I feel like i have no control.

>>18655198
Hes doing the kind of shit I did when I was a disgusting depressed anxiety ridden alcoholic slob. Maybe he has some serious flaws he is not ready to reveal to you.

I fit an 8 inch dildo up my ass last night.

>>18654372
Two days? Without eating? Oh honey. You need to see a therapist, that's a sign of a budding eating disorder.

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>>18655895

>>18655358
>Ph
I did the same thing. Got a physics degree and couldn't figure out wtf I wanted to do with it. I didn't want to be stuck in academia, engineering was fun, but didn't really have the skills/education to do anything practical. I ended up doing temp jobs, landed in a Laboratory for awhile and discovered I loved hands-on science stuff (wet chemistry; pouring things into other things and watching them do stuff). Now I'm working in an o-chem lab and going back to school for microbiology and loving both.

how has your first week been?
are you sleeping well if no? I hope you take small naps when ever you can. how is working there?

I regret not messaging this to you.

>>18655583
It's the opposite for me. Smoking weed makes me hate her and her entire family. Starting marijuana is probably the healthiest thing I have ever done for myself.

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Fuck this shit I haven't had any friends in college last year and now the second year is going to start. I don't want to ruin my chances of getting someone to talk to by being pessimistic, but in the back of my head I kinda know I am going to spend this next year alone too.

I just want to love you, give myself to you. Accept me or turn me away.... We've been in this ambiguous non-relationship for almost a year now, I don't think I can take it for too long. My heart just hurts physically.

>>18654465
Are you future me?

>>18655921
I wish I had the tolerance for schooling like that. Paperwork just crushes me into a very nasty depressive state and I get bored beyond all reason. I need substance. Movement.

>>18654723
What what his name anon?

I went to the charlottesville rally

>>18656193
I wanted to fight everybody there like some kind of gladiator with no aide but his own. Heavy armor, built like a tank, breaking random protesters over my knee without pause. MMMMM. Random violence!

>>18655557
you are a fag, deal with it

>>18656193
Lol

It's my 2nd anniversary in October with my human (partner). I asked what he wanted to do for it n he asked what day it was. He didn't even know the date or care for it. It's been bugging me for a few days now. It should be a special day but he doesn't care at all. Our first anniversary was terrible. All I want is one day where I feel special that's all

Always in my thoughts, never in my hands, I can live with that, you know so that's good enough.

I'm very insecure

Fucking dumb bitches, learn to make decisions already. Fucking hell, we would've been together for 2 hours already, but you had to bullshit around with your dumb shit tests. Fuck off.

Which one are you going to let go?
Your pride?
Or me?

>>18654372
>120lbs
tha's a perfectly normal weight
as a dude I'd be getting worried if my gf would want to lose even more

>>18656414
You really think I'm proud of anything ?

>>18654276
You gave me so much bullshit about how you walked in on your ex fucking someone but then you fuck someone behind my back after you knew my past. You knew how much you'd fuck with my head and even after I caught you, you still lied. I hope you fucking suffer, I want someone to hurt you much worse than you hurt me. I want to fucking spit on your corpse and punch your prick of a dad in his fucking head too. God save your brother and sister, even a 10 year old has more sense of care than you, and they were the only ones I liked in your whole bloodline, you fucking bitch.

And I want you back. The old you. I write to get away and still I dream about you every night. Its like something took over. Something I cant help. The thing I hated in everyone. But you let it consume you and I'll never forgive you.

>>18654276
I'm a sub and ashamed of it. No girl will ever like me.

C,

I accept that you're gone. In my heart of hearts, I understand that there was no other possibility other than to eventually fall out of love, especially considering how straining our relationship was and how weak its future prospects were. But the reality is that you were my best friend, the only person I had found in my entire whole 26 years of life who really understood me, and who really made me feel whole as an individual. Before you, my personality was manufactured, a construct made only to deal with society and my peers, but it wasn't who I really was. Only after you came into my life I got to discover how wonderful it was to finally show myself to someone who not only accepted, but also appreciated and loved me for who I was.

Those five years have been wonderful, regardless of the fights, the arguments, and the many times we wondered if it was worth continuing, I fail to find the words to describe just how much happiness and glee I've gone through with you. All of the moments we shared together, all of the things we've done together, it all feels so special. I wish I could be more mature and emotionally savvy to be over you quickly, but the reality is that I'm suffering a lot, almost too much for me to bear. Life has regressed to what it was before I had met you: lonely, cold, and where there was planning and adventure, now there's a void I have to fill with video games.

I want to believe there will be life after you, I really do. I also want to be friends again one day, but I will only bring myself to do that once I know to myself I'm truly over you, and I've managed to find a meaning on living for myself. I'm going to start going the gym again, seeing IRL friends more, trying to overcome my fear of driving, and I'm also going to start seeing a psychiatrist to get some anti-depressants, but hopefully I won't need those for long. I wish to build true strength in order to one day be able to greet you without emotionally depending on you.

Best wishes,
I

>>18656449
It's not as common but don't lose hope.

I am a female interested in male subs but it seems hard to find one that isn't trans or at least closet trans.

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Who are you to make a piece of junk like me feel almost golden?
And what are the circumstances that brought us together? I mean holy shit, we are both pessimistic and prefer isolation.
But, you, I want to be alone with you. Maybe it is the stink of new love, or maybe something deeper.
You are so kind hearted, more than I deserve. You understand the pit like no one else that has come so close to me has. I want to say I love you, but the words, they mean a lot when said.
Like drops of water to a man with thrist, every little bit you tell me about yourself I take in. I want to know you, understand you as it seems you understand me. I want to read you as one would a book, just to know exactly what to do so I can never let you down.

Most of all little bird, I was to pet you and tell you that you almost me want to be optimistic. That because of you, I almost have hope. You have told me the same as well, and I returned the sentiment, but my words were lacking.

Maybe this world isn't so bad, and maybe the stars have given me this chance to have you in my life. You called it fate, and against all my better judgement, I want ro believe.

>>18654965
try meditating to increase the amount of time you experience lucidness and awareness
try being in the moment more

I honestly want to die. I want to make it painless but thats difficult.

dear parents

you've never once stood up for me in life. the first years of a child's life are formative and have a tremondous impact on his life. i can tell because this shit is still stuck with me 20 years later. You're terrible at parenting. You've never showed me proper affection. But that's not the bad part, the shittiest thing you've done to me is the praise you gave me for tolerating injustice

>oh he's such a good boy, he always keeps quiet
>you're so mature for your age
>you'd sleep through anything, even constant screaming of your sister talking shit about you

i remember being constantly tormented by my sister and never once did you side with me. I remember at one point she beat me with a fucking makeshift whip of sorts and my head bled but that was after the actual psychological damage had been done. I didn't want to even tell you. I must've been around 5.
you'd just listen to her and console her tantrums while I'd be sitting quietly nearby and taking all the accusations. And you'd praise me for it. And I'd be angry but I wouldn't show it because you liked me quiet. It was dumb shit but it gets to a kid. You've done me a terrible disservice and I feel like I'll be trying to manage this shit for the rest of my life. It amazes me how fucking naive you are still. Now, 20 years later you're trying to be a friend of mine. I don't like talking to you because you've never helped me through anything. I look at other families and feel jealous. I feel like most of the trouble I've had in my life stems from your incompetence. In your fucking arrogance you just had to go and make 2 kids without being able to provide a decent upbringing. it's the fact that you're pathetic incompetent human beings and you're both socially inept enough to expect me to love you. . Now you keep repeating how important family and shit on me when I don't give a fuck about it.

my only consolation is the hope to grow better not thanks to my upbringing, but in spite of it.

>>18656461
i'm a switch and I'd love a dominant girl. we could smack each other around in bed

it'd be fun

>>18654372
You stopped losing weight because you don't eat for 2 days. Your body literally thinks you're starving and stores any food it can get in case you starve again. Eat more often to keep your metabolism up.

>>18654461
Lol I bet you write in to complain about ads on tv that offend you too. Faggot.

RIP Rich Piana :'(

>>18656600
What was the cause of death? Why did he get put in a coma?

I'm pissed off at you. The last road trip I planned was your final chance. You messed it up, made me look like a fool and then blamed me for going to the effort. Knowing you was nothing but a series of disappointments and disasters, many of which were down to your dependence and laziness. I've spent the vast majority of my time since we last met working. I still think about you frequently and wonder if you have any sense of what you destroyed. You'll blame for for ruining it, in my eyes you deflected and denied to save face. And if that one particular guy is a measure of what you've been doing, I don't think you understand exactly what you're fucking with.

>>18656600
Again, flex in piece

>>18656612
Fuck off

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I tried to control her to protect myself from being hurt. All I did was ensure that I was. It was among the most important lessons I've ever learned.

Love is always a risk. There is nothing you can do to keep yourself from pain if you have the courage to love but it's so much better to let someone walk away better off than have them squirm away being relieved to be gone.

Friend is trying to convince me to quit my job and be a pro gamer.

Other friend is trying to tell me I'm an idiot and it'll never work.

>>18656480
Thanks. I had been meditating daily for over half a year and over the last month or so I've not meditated at all - I don't know why I stopped, but reading this got me to sit down and seriously meditate for 20 minutes and here I am with the feeling of calm that meditation brings wondering how I ever let it slip for so long, I know if I keep this up daily I'll be feeling a lot more with it, thank you.

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working 2 jobs to support my weed and video game habit. I hate this small town bullshit.

>be boring or be a freak

for the past 6 years I have thought I am trans, afraid to go through with it because of stigma. father will surely blame my mother and crush his spirit.

>tired of living for others

it's so easy to be a loser

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my gf and I got really drunk last night and both confessed our mutual lust over a friend of ours. I pretty much told her she could cheat on me with this girl if she ever had the chance. I hope it happens. She's moving soon and my gf likes her so much.

>>18654373
>tfw better than her ex
feels goodman

>>18654276
Changed ISP so maybe I can finally post on this board without the message not sending (I was not b&, just couldn't ever post here)

I finally thought stuff was looking up, got into the school I wanted to for the courses I want. Managed to go a while without thinking about my ex and I can even get drunk without having some breakdown about her. I'm sticking to my lifting, wasting less time on video games and finally sticking to my hobbies.

The problem is that I'm still just as sad as I have been for about 3 years now, I've been told by everyone I was friends with, even some teachers and work friends that I might be depressed but I always thought they were exaggerating.

Today I went out with some friends who are new to my group of friends, this group's been a thing since before school and I've been there since the start. They started talking about some shit they did on the weekend. To cut it short, all my friends went out and asked the fucking people they've known about 2 weeks out rather than me. They told me I wasn't asked because I'm always so fucking down.

I've always tried to be positive anons, sometimes I can make some morbid jokes and I have my days where I'm a bit gray, I'll admit but I've tried so hard to always be there for these people every time shit goes down so it fucking hurts when I'm not even told stuff's happening.

I don't know if I'm a shit person or what but I'm finally considering seeing someone to find out if there's actually something wrong with my head at this point. Maybe I'll get on some anti depressants and see if it fixes anything.

I don't fucking know anymore anons, I thought life was really starting to look up for me for the first time since I was around 5 or so but now I feel like shit and I have no idea what to do. I've had a feeling I was being left out for ages but this just takes the piss a bit. I don't even really feel sad about this, sure I'm just upset but I'm more or less accepting it as I type this out.

Turns out it was fucking adblock messing up my posting. I haven't been able to post in 2 fucking years because of adblock. Jesus.

I'm 22 tomorrow. I work full time as a software developer since about 3 years ago. Still live at home. Shy and introverted. I'm so sick of my life.

I go to work, come home, play video games / browse the internet, repeat. That is my life. That is all I do. I don't really have friends except people I play with online, I do little to nothing in the real world except go to work.

I've felt this way for a while now but it's been worse recently, but I have this overwhelming feeling of wasting my life. I don't want to sit in an office for the next 50 years and then die. This isn't because I hate my job or anything either; I always wanted to be a software developer, and I work in a good place with people I like, so my job is pretty much a best case scenario and I still hate it.

I want to do something big or interesting or impactful, I play guitar and would love to be a musician, or an actor or writer or something creative (not exactly unusual I know), but I'm too afraid to do anything, to change anything. I feel like it's too late and my life is set.

I can't make friends when I don't go out or see anyone; I don't go out becuase I don't have friends and I'm too afraid to do anything on my own. I would feel like an idiot trying to join a band since since I'm not really good enough since I only play at home as a hobby. I'd feel stupid walking into some acting class with no experience at all, plus I'd be terrified stepping onto a stage to act or play music anyway.

It mostly comes down to my lack of confidence and self esteem. I'm an adult now but I feel like I skipped the part of growing up where you learn to be confident and independent. I've ignored the issue for years thinking I'll get over it when I'm older but now I realize the years keep going by and nothings changing. I don't know what to do.

>>18656825
>Changed ISP so maybe I can finally post on this board without the message not sending (I was not b&, just couldn't ever post here)

just disable adblock dude

So I'm at a disco right now

I'm so fucking bored, what am I supposed to do?

>music too loud to hear anything or say anything
>drinks really fucking expensive
>music too shit to dance to (and I dance a lot)

>>18656831
Yep, that's exactly what I just did. Kind of annoyed that it was just adblock and I never went out to check for the root of the problem but what can you do.

>>18656826
And nothing of value was lost

>>18656839
life is about growth, anon.
better late than never

I am 24 (soon to be 25 next month) computer technician. Who is unemployed for going onto 4 months. SPENT like $3000 moving across country with my long term boyfriend. Who is now threatening ending our 5 year relationship because it turns out my autism is slowly killing him.
I am sure I just totally bombed my interview just now and I want to dive into the ocean, killing myself.

Every woman I've loved, I've waited too long to actually confess my feelings towards and now most of them are moving to different places and soon I will as well. But I just feel as if I will never find a woman like her and I feel like a piece of shit for never saying how I feel.

>>18656890
That's not true

Your feelings change, it sounds scummy, but as a man you are programmed to be able to love another woman as soon as your previous "target" doesn't exist anymore in your mind

I'm pretty sure I might sound like a cunt right now, but trust me when I say that you'll be able to find another girl and feel the same, so don't be sad about it, my man

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I don't even know what for feel for you. It's not hate, but I don't think it's love anymore. Yeah, I think it's too late. I just can't tell you directly even though you asked.

I stopped being mad, and beating myself up over the break up about a month ago. I just stopped. Didn't care for it anymore, it was months of me begging, and pleading. I became disgusted in myself.
You? You would say nothing of the matter, but in time I figured you resented me. After some more time, I figured out you were treating me like shit on purpose. I didn't want to believe it, but the annoying voice was there.

You wronged me because you felt bad, and instead of saying "no", you dragged me for months, just watching me implode into myself. You watched and did nothing to stop it.

Pride? So your pride was fault to this? This past week has been the most intimate for us in whole 11 years of calamity we shared. It taught me of your foul side, I knew you had it in you. Oh, I always knew, but you tried to hide it. And, in course of this week, you finally admitted to it. You finally apogized for the treatment and lack of understanding between us. I love you, but not that romantic type of love. Not the warm and fuzzy one. More like the way one loves a trash fire. You called me immature, and I took your words to heart. Thank you. I needed this.

I'm not happy, but I feel free. It's not a fully positive feeling, but it's like I can breathe again. Like feeling the warmth of the sun for first time in years.
Is it suppose to feel like this? I don't quite know, but it beings a smile to my face.

Maybe I should tell you. Unlike you, I'm not one to give to others false hope.

I have an assignment due next week that is worth zero points toward my final grade, and I can't decide whether we're actually expecting to upload it or not? Why should I put my time toward doing an assignment for zero credit when I could put that time toward doing the readings instead?

It's so stupid how my professor thought this crap was a good idea.

>>18656899
But she was the only person where I could be me around and she embraced who I was, this 5,4 asian nerd who can talk to women confidently but is too afraid to actually show his feelings and comes off as rude to most people and no one else outside of close family embraced me quite like her

We've spent hours and hours talking. You talked a lot, with a huge smile on face. Giggling sometimes. I talked a lot, and I did let awfully clear that I was interested on you, but hey, I thought we clicked together.

We exchanged contacts on Facebook... I sent the invite and you, seriously? blocked me???

Girl, I'm not on the mood for games. If I did something that displeased you, it's in your right to be displeased. BUT I GOT NO FUCKING CRYSTAL BALL.

Dear Max

I don't have anything specific to say. You are on my mind and it's annoying. Go away!

>Crush has mild interest in me around the time he finds out I like him
>Starts seeing some other woman because she was in the picture before me
>fair.jpg
>Don't let it bother me too much and stay his friend
>Couple weeks later he acts standoffish around other guys who like me
>Drops mild hints that his interest in me is increasing
>wtf
>He took a while to accept my friend request on Zuccbook but then he accepts it right after the strange signals
>Stalking initiates
>See the relationship status from weeks ago with other woman
>It says "single" on her profile but "in a relationship" on his but she isn't tagged
>They aren't even friends on there anymore
This probably means they aren't together anymore but I don't want to jump to conclusions..

>>18656924
She was, but she won't be the only one
You don't trust me, I understand, I'm only words on a screen to you. But life is much better than you think, you are a great man, I think you know it already

In any case

You'll find another girl and you won't even need to look for her, just have faith and stay healthy

>>18656980
Just ask him directly.
He may be retarded. Just ask him out or something. He says no, move on.

>>18656997
I think they JUST ended it, hence the signals starting last week. Even though they didn't last long, I'm still afraid of jumping the gun too fast

Also, he usually sucks at texting but he has been responsive the last 3 days. Actually got to talk to him a bit.

Only reason I post is for entertainment. On here, youtube, twitter, facebook, whatever. I know no real people are actually seeing any of these posts and I have known for about 9 months.

it's so fucking obvious. One thing that throws it off is that I can tell that the same person based on their typing style. I still play along, like on ebay but I know that they aren't going to real people

Just fucking end this shit. You get my mom to say "get your life together!" for some retarded reason when she will say things like "Yes, you do deserve answers." and shit like "Yes, they do owe you." She has acknowledged that there is a "they" but who they are I have no fucking idea.

How the fuck can I get my life together if you won't let me earn any fucking money? I don't want to play your fucking game.

You tell me I saved the world but what the fuck, this is how you treat someone that saved your fucking world?

>college just started
>hard time finding friends
>roommate preoccupied
>do a lot of shit on my own (eat, walk to get mail, ect)
>invited out to parties but too autistic to go

I think I'm starting to get lonely.

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God, you're so cute, and I can't help but be attracted to your love of life.
But alas, I'm not somebody you'd be interested in. You adore the outdoors and being outside and physical activities, I'm someone who likes to stay home with a cup of tea and watch a movie. You are simply out of my league for an average looking guy myself. At least we can be friends, though. I'm actually pretty happy with that since I don't even know if I would actually fall in love with you if we got closer.

>>18657124
Be careful, I did fall in love and now I'm miserable and stuck

>>18656709
I'm trying to get myself to meditate as well, for the same reasons I mentioned

Any tips?

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Is offering to answer any questions after a break up a dick move?
I feel like I should tell them, to offer any kind of closure to them, but if they ask none, I don't really care all too much.

>>18657153
Depends, do you still care about them as a friend or w/e and they are hurting? If so yes if they ask why, or what they did wrong.

>>18657147
Not that guy but some simple mindfulness meditation could help. Look up on the internet for tips.

What I do is anytime I want ro just refresh myself I slow down. Like when I walk into the sun, I slow down and let it hit me. I try to focus on where the sun is hitting me. To see if I can focus on the sensation of causes on my skin. Feel the breeze on you face, or the way it blows things around gently or with power.

It's about stepping outside yourself for a few minutes.
It can be done with exersice as well. Like when I ride my bike, I try to feel how certain muscles strain and tug as I push up a hill. Take in the sounds around me and see if I can focus on a certain one. Thongs like that really.

>>18657162
Hmm. I care about them, but as a friend nor lover. I guess I care about her as a person. Hurting, I think she is.

I love it when my cheating ex begging me to come back. Hunny, I'll make you suffer and sunk in the agony of being in love even more. Spoiler alert: 0% chance I will take you back.

>>18657153
It sounds like a kind thing to do.

My ex got mad at me for moving on so fast because I was done with him. Right now he's flirting with a friend of mine.
Nice to be backstabbed by 2 people at once. I knew he was trouble.

>>18657163
thank you! I do try to "take everything in" so to say, especially, as you've said, with the sun and wind, the sound of waves for example.

Also, a quote I've found somewhat useful is "do 50% less shit 50% slower". I do tend to let stuff pile up and wind me up, so I desperately need that detachment to unwind. I'm starting to look up breathing techniques (they also help with blood pressure, so I was told by a professional) and meditation. Mantras are difficult to understand for now, but I'll try to find something. Any breathing exercises/techniques that you might know?

Also, thank you for your reply.

>>18657221
How is it backstabbing when you're the one who moved on first?

>>18654324
Are you me Anon? Plus workmates are really bad too.

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Found out my ex is pregnant, probably by a guy who abused and cheated on her.
I don't know if I should be sad, angry, or in some sick way, satisfied.

>>18655557
I'm this anon, I wanted to add that sometime the prospect of gay sex is kinda disgusting to me

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You fucking asshole, we had plans and now you're picking these drug induced faggots to take out place. I hope you od on that shit

>it's the "you're black and i don't like you living your life so comfortably" episode
>"Where did you get THAT from?"
>"How/Why are you able to buy so much?"
>"How were you able to afford that?"

From working, ya dumb racist fuck. How the fuck else? My neighbors have been so bothered by me being able to live a little easier now. For years I was the poorcuck always walking, biking, riding the bus and being unable to do anything but work and go straight home. The pennypinching and working like a dog has been finally showing some payoff and now my ignorant neighbors are uncomfortable. Nobody asked me how I was able to afford my bike. But I get a car and now they got questions. Just flipping nuts.

>>18657445
And I always used to wonder why my cousin was so standoffish towards her seemingly nice neighbors. I now understand these "nice" neighbors didn't show themselves with their "innocent" small talk until she was doing something they thought was too extravagant for her. It's frustrating to work hard and then have to further prove to nobodies that you have earned the right to enjoy the fruits of your labor.

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I'm honestly considering getting into skin lightening. Not because I see a problem with my existing skin color (I get complimented on it being a "perfect" mid-tone a lot), but because I'm socially aware. Being black in a white society is a hurdle to begin with, so if I can increase my light-skin privilege, why shouldn't I?
Bleaching is a disaster waiting to happen, so I'll obviously stay away from that and stick with more natural methods. I wish there was a way to "reverse tan" other than staying indoors, though.

>>18657460
You dont have to prove shit man. You're doing absolutely fine. Dont wane for that racist shit. You are your own man.

>>18657501

White guy here.

Black and mixed girls are hot as fuck IMO.
But yeah, try to bother with a white girl and all hell opens up and swallows you whole.

And that's just with a gender divide.

Fuck me, I couldn't imagine what fucking circle of hell could open up from approaching a woman when there is also a racial divide too.

Fuck me, why can't I be gay?

what the fuck. I had a job interview, I passed it, I'll do the first 3 week of trial.

Problems are:

job is far from where I live now.

job is near to another city where I could live, I like it too.

public transports take 1.30 hour to arrive. Public transports don't reach completely the job's place: I need to walk for 1 hour on a shitty road and I'll have to work at nights too.

Other option is to rent a room in the little town where the job is. But the town is in the middle of nowere: 0 social life.

Life sucks and tortures you. I can feel the smell of a better life, but somehow this smell always becomes the big dick in my ass.

I don't know anymore. I don't feel like I'm beikg genuine, but what would that even be. Who am I? I've been so absorbed in that question,yet I've never found my answer

Me and my girlfriend of 2 years broke up like 4 months ago. She's an actual 10, like perfect body and face, she's one of the few people I've met who can actually make me laugh hard, and she has adorable mannerisms. Now she's already dating someone else, which I'm not too surprised by because I started dating her like less than a month after she split with her ex.
I don't want to get back together with her; I mean my primordial lizard brain does because once again, she's a 10, but my actual rational brain knows better than to try that shit. But every girl I've gone out with I unconsciously compare to her and they just seem boring or ugly. I've gone on like 10 dates and haven't slept with a single one of them because I immediately lose interest, then I get depressed because I haven't fucked in months.
Am I just supposed to wait until I meet someone naturally and fall in love with them like I did with her? Everyday gets harder to deal with, knowing that she's with someone else and I'm still alone.

>>18657114
You're a girl, aren't you?

I want to not care because i am not doing and cant do anything, i want to move on without her poping into my head all the fucking time it has been 3 months i know she had to leave me that i was unbearable (not abusive or anything i just focused so much on studying and trying to get good grades (which i succeded in the end) that well she felt like she was in the second plan although she never was and bcz of the way i dealt with stress by being toxic and that was why i try and go away from ppl for a little while bcz i know how i will be to them it was just that she was there and i told her to go away and looking back fuck well atl i grew as a person after this)) if only i could make things right if we could be ok again we dont need to be together just that we are ok, the way she broke me by leaving im never going to be broken like that i cant. and then after a month we were ok we were talking again and then i nailed in the final naio in the coffin got fuxking drunk at a friends party and a random girl kissed me she found out ( i only wish that i did that) she stoped talking to me and stopped wearing the braclet that i gave her that ahe wore every day and then a month after that to now we still fucking ignore eachother(we have the same group of friends and go to the same class) we are going on the last class trip 7 days tommorow and well il leave her alone but il talk to her on one of the days and just make peace wish me luck you anon who read this incoherent rant, tnx for listening( also fyi im not underage im 18)

Alex,
I'm going through a rough patch. I wouldn't bother you with the details, but you seemed like one of the only folks who helped get it off my mind last year.
Let's catch up some time. Just having someone to laugh at trannies with would be enough. Miss you, buddy.
j

All I want to do is say I love you and all I say is everything but that.

I often feel smug about being a shut-in NEET because I can ignore whatever dumb social trends are vexing people at any given moment.

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I dropped out of high school and both of my two attempts to get my diploma afterwards were unsuccessful, and it's made me even more bitter and anxious when school is mentioned (was bullied also.) My s/o is starting college and it makes me feel insanely jealous and anxious. It also made me think about how they have so much stuff I envy (loving family, pretty well off, etc) and it's made me feel very guilty to feel this way and has created what's essentially an unreciprocated distance or gap in our bond that only I really know of or acknowledge. god im pathetic no wonder I'm such a fucking failure.

>>18657816
Why don't you?

>>18657816
You and I are in the same sinking boat, I can only hope they know, my heart is heavy and my head is full of poison.

Damn it, your friend is very kind and friendly but the one I like is you. Why do you think I approached you first in class?

>>18657838
I can't. I'm sure they don't return my feelings and I'm afraid I'll lose them as a friend. It's just hard to push down the emotions.

I feel angry, but I think I'm just confused.
The state of world affairs really affects me. One of my priorities in life is how I can contribute to the world, and I'm surrounded by assholes in my immediate day to day. Thinking of the bigger picture always gave me hope. I used to think I was on the same page as the rest of the world on topics like climate change, research and development, social equality and all things that make the world move forward. It doesn't feel that way anymore.

At the end of the day I always just wanted to believe that all people want the same things - peace and happiness for everyone, independent of their backgrounds. Now it feels like people are more inclined towards petty competition and revenge, reverting to more primitive ways of thinking. Wanting peace feels out of place, but I don't want to give up on it. I want to keep thinking bigger than the petty us vs. them mentality I see everyday.

>>18657840
>>18657849
Ask them out instead.

>>18657875
One can't aquire what is already taken.

>>18657900
You can still tell them.

>girlfriend broke up a few days ago because she wanted to experiment with women
>this is after she said she wants my kids, wants to get married and wants to be with me forever.

Less than 24 hours after our break up she posts this huge gay pride speel on facebook where she gets huge attention. Everyones congradulating her and here I am feeling like a total retard.

What a fucking bitch. I get identity is tough but fuck you cunt. I did fucking everything for you. Yeah we had shit to deal with but who was the first person you called for help?

Oh and fuck you for making me help you get a job and a car and breaking up with me 3 days later. Fucking cunt.

God some people are such cunts.

>>18657685
>Am I supposed to to wait until I meet someone naturally and fall in love with them like I did her?
Well, no fucking shit, sherlock. She's riding some other dude's cock, hope off her clit.

>>18657501
Sis, black skin is beautiful in every shade. White people often envy us because our skin is usually healthy looking and flawless why into our golden years. But if you're set on skin lightening, I suggest that unless you can fully pass for white, don't bother because nobody will ever let you have it easier for being black. Don't ruin your skin for such a sad reason because the discrimination problem is not you, it's them. Instead, embrace your natural beauty. Love yourself and improve yourself from the inside instead. Make the racist idiots feel stupid for trying to put down someone great for a reason as dumb as extra melanin.

>>18657863
No one is equal. Injury demands revenge. Naivete demands betrayal. Peace and security are illusions.

>>18657528
Race mixing is disgusting. Stop advocating and showing support for it. Blacks and brown are sub-humans.

>>18657929
If you believe that then it just proves you're the one who is sub-human

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>>18657929
>race mixing
>>>/pol/

Your type is so basic with your inbreed genetics.

>>18657924
not them and I agree with your point but no white person will ever be jealous of a black person's "healthy" skin (this varies by race so that's dumb to begin with) unless they're white guilt sjws that can't stand not being opressed

>>18657924
Are black people actually this stupid and narcissistic

>>18657939
I think it's a coping mechanism because they know they're hated even by other minorities. You know, the whole fake confidence until it becomes real kind of thing

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>>18657935

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>>18657938
Yes, black skin on average tends to be healthier because the extra melanin provides protection from the sun, which in turn slows aging. Of course it depends on a person's lifestyle and diet but we have healthier skin.

No, they don't have to be some SJW to actually like black features. That shows how racist your world view is. A lot of white women desire and envy black skin because it looks smoother and healthier than their own. And there's also the fact that many, many white people don't find themselves attractive until they go out tanning themselves to a nice toasty brown.

So yeah, y'all just love black skin but don't wanna admit it.

>>18657942
Yet, it's people like you and >>18657939 who are quick to tell black people that we should hate ourselves, especially compared to you. If anyone is trying to cope, it's you guys since you feel that it's the end of the world if anyone feels even remotely better or equal to you people.

>>18657942
Because they yell and scream about how much better they are then others blacks brought that one on their selves

>>18657959
Go back and read aloud what you typed you narcissistic dumbass

>>18657959
I like looking tan, not burnt.

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>>18657939

Not the poster you were replying to but characterizing black skin as disgusting or undesirable is a very old social occurrence. People with darker skin sometimes have to put in a more concerted effort to bolster their outer appearance because any kind of disheveled look (sweatpants, dreads, wife-beaters, etc.,) immediately puts a lot of people on edge and lumps you into a very broad, generalized category of lower-class criminal. Perhaps you don't see it but as a black person in America its a very low grade paranoia you feel on a day to day basis. I'm not trying to paint it as horrific oppression but it does happen. I get people looking at my receipt a little longer at Walmart or being extra tense when I walk up in line at the bank. Its little things.

Secondly, in response to a lot of this stigma black people have perhaps, at times, gone a little overboard with the "black is beautiful" pride parade. I think its a knee-jerk effort to make sure the next generation of black men and women don't grow up feeling the same guilt and paranoia the older generation has for their big kinky hair or their super dark skin tone or big lips. We were born looking this way and even if you're not one of those people a lot of society still want to make us feel bad for simply accepting our natural characteristics. Whether or not you feel like being proud of your black skin is "reverse racism" or "just as bad" as white pride, the movement was born of hundreds of years of society telling black people their skin was disgusting and animalistic. For people like me its just a way of fighting the deep seated stigmas and helping young black kids grow up without shame.

Lastly, I don't know about white people being jealous of a black person's "healthy skin" but obviously there are biological advantages as far as sun protection and natural oils go. Less skin cancer, less wrinkles, whatever. I don't know how that plays into the social aspect but it is a thing.

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>>18657964
Why does black confidence enrage you so badly, sir?

>>18657968
Tan white people are burnt.

>>18657971
>explaining this to a poltard

They literally do not care.

>>18657971
Did not say that. Everything you just typed is void
>>18657975
Do you have the comprehension skills of a fucking two year old be honest

>>18657959
>everyone that diagrees with me is racist because I'm so fucking insecure about something I'm supposedly so confident in that I have to make sure everyone knows how confident I am and how jealous they are

also
>slows aging
>every 15+ y/o black boy almost always looks 25

good I hate coming onto the normie boards, it feels like I'm on tumblr

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>>18657986
I'm just cutting the bullshit out.

We're just going to say your white feelings were hurt and white self confidence was triggered because you didn't like people telling an insecure black woman to love herself instead of ruin her body to attain white features.

Ok, got it? Good. Great. Have a good night.

>>18657990
>uses puberty as an example

There goes that inbred intelligence. Let's just end this here so people can go back to venting.

>>18657986

>Did not say that. Everything you just typed is void

If you read the post through you'll see that I never claimed you said anything. I just explained the mindset to you. I believed the information pertinent to your misrepresentation of the black beauty mindset as narcissism. I tried to give you a pretty concise interpretation of the issue from the black perspective and your response was to just haphazardly dismiss it as a whole without making any attempt to thoughtfully address it so at this point it just seems as though you're only interested in mud slinging, not having a civilized conversation.

>>18658003
Not even white LMAO
Are all black people this insecure sis

>>18658003

Stop responding, dude. He's just baiting you. He's not even reading your posts.

>>18658005
>I just explained the mindset to you
Which you implied I have. You also typed a bunch of bullshit that has zero basis in reality so congratulations on the debt

>>18658003
sorry, maybe teach your bruthas to not steal during puberty so I can see adult mugshots on the evening news for once

>inbred
>when the most inbred country is brown

>>18658010
I am actually done and heading out somewhere right now. But before I go >>18658005 I did enjoy reading your beautiful explanation. It's a shame it was wasted on ignorant people. But I loved it.

>>18658011
>You also typed a bunch of bullshit that has zero basis in reality so congratulations on the debt
Yes, I'm sure you as a pissy non-black knows what reality is like for a black person.
Who was even talking to you to begin with? You literally jumped in on a black person talking to another black person to make a useless, analpained comment because for some reason, you get upset when other people don't hate themselves as much as you probably do. Shoo.

>>18658023
Dumb bitch was going off blaming white people for imaginary shit because she's insecure she had it coming

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>>18657924
Yeah, I guess you're right. The thing is, though
>nobody will ever let you have it easier for being black
No, but if they can temporarily pretend I'm not "that black", they'll be marginally less shitty. It's a sad truth. It's not our problem, but it's still a prevailing thing and will probably be enforced for the rest of our lives.
Though, I won't deny it's ironic when they (and like ~90% of their sex symbols) tan their skin to the point of pic related (yes, this tan was purposely done), pump their asses, get fake lips, and do everything in their power to pretty much look like us, but then say things like
>>18657968
>>18657938
>>18657939
It's a funny kind of doublethink.

>>18658051
Black people are now officially the most narcissistic, insecure dumbasses on Earth this takes the cake

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>>18658060
Why are you projecting? Nothing said was wrong. This shit is staring you in the face.

M,

A

>>18658063
Nicki Minaj dyed her hair blonde what does that tell you
>Nothing said was wrong
Are you legitimately this fucking stupid and up your own ass

>>18658011

>Which you implied I have.

I gave you my mindset, not claimed it was yours. Either you didn't read the post thoroughly or you're purposefully mischaracterizing in order to avoid addressing the things I actually said.

>You also typed a bunch of bullshit that has zero basis in reality so congratulations on the debt

It has a basis in my reality and the reality of the black people I know. Its obvious you were interpreting black pride as narcissism and I gave you perspective. You can interpret your reality any way you like but unfortunately that benefit stops just short of being able to tell other people that their realities are objectively false. That's just silly.

If you aren't willing to drop your defensiveness long enough to even consider the validity of someone else's first hand experiences then there really isn't anywhere for this conversation to go.

>>18658032

>Dumb bitch was going off blaming white people for imaginary shit because she's insecure she had it coming

1. Not a she.

2. No where in the post did I blame anybody for anything. The country has a deeply painful and racist history and it still affects a lot of people and it has nothing to do with blame.

3. I'm black and you're not. Those are simple facts. Our lives and experiences are different. You aren't qualified or justified in telling me the things I see in my life are imaginary.

>>18658069
She's had every hair color under the sun. Plus, she never got surgery to make her lips thin, shrink her ass or try to market herself as white or a part of white culture at any point in time.
Regardless, the reverse scenario wouldn't change the existence of the phenomenon. Black people haven't been calling white people ugly for centuries, then trying to copy them in 2017. In the event that they do copy them, it's an attempt to avoid being ostracized.

>>18658076
Then you all need to get those chips off your shoulders and stop being pussies because you sound like a mega pussy

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>>18658060
>>18658069

>Nicki Minaj dyed her hair blonde what does that tell you

Oh... ok. I see whats going on here.

7/10, dude. Good job.

>>18658079
>PTSD
You're a little bitch
>You aren't qualified or justified in telling me the things I see in my life are imaginary.
Yeah but a doctor could and it sounds like early onset dementia

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>>18658090
>>18658083


Eh. 6/10.

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>>18658060
>getting this buttblasted
You sound like the one who's insecure and narcissistic if you can't even accept something as small as this.

>>18658086
>>18658092
Does not take away fron the fact that I'm right

>>18658095
>A cherry picked photo
>This is the final proof
Damn

>>18658096
>gets proven wrong
>ignores posts that prove him wrong to say he's right
This is the part where I type "Are white people actually this stupid and narcissistic" in a clever turn of your original shitpost.
I won't actually do it in case some other white person sees it, doesn't understand the context and starts getting angry for no reason, though.

I'm in love w/ an Ex Machina. A living machine who cannot feel. She'll never love me back. Furthermore, she's going to die by a Flügel's hand & I can't do shit about it. Why must the world be so cruel to me?

>>18658107
>cherry picked
>not knowing who Rachel Dolezal is
>implying
This bait was just too obvious. You're either 13 years old or not putting enough effort into things. No more (You)s until you get good, friend.

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>>18657938
>no white person will ever be jealous of a black person's "healthy" skin
Sure.

>>18658109
>Saying 6/10 and crying proved it wrong bruh
Why are black people so obsessed with white people holy fuck

>>18658113
As in it was a carefully selected image to convey a specific claim. If you actually think white people go around 24/7 thinking about black people you're dumb as a shit and a narcissist

>>18658127
>implying that was me
>being so obsessed with black people you beg for their attention on anime sites

>>18658096

Right about what? All you've done is spammed insults.

>>18658132
>Contradicting yourself
At least you gave it a shot

>>18658136
How did I contradict myself?

>>18658141
>implying that was me
>Here I am initiating and asking for your attention you're so obsessed
Not that hard

>>18658146
You initiated things by yelling at random black people, not me.

/pol/: All your discussion are belong to us

>>18658150
Because they're being massive pussies

>>18658161
>being this obsessed with what black people are doing or being

>>18658167
>White People iz jealous of are skin white white white white white white white white white touch my hair white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white white
Pretty lacking in self-awareness desu

Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop you're hurting me please worry about me I just got out of the hospital and were already talking about what I'm not doing for you and how you feel neglected stop it I'm trying my best I'm physically pushing my body to its limits to meet your demands for beauty and support this is all I have please stop stop talking about proposing to me as a light affection marriage isn't something you can toss around without a thought I don't want it anymore

>>18657935
Producing people of mixed lineage means they belong to neither and are rejected by both. You'll understand when you grow up.

>>18657934
Either you yourself are brown or you have never interacted with a significant number brown people for any extended period of time. Feel free to do so if the latter is the case.

>>18658174
>he typed "white" that many times because he wanted a black person to reply to him that badly

You don't know what Love is, it's disgusting to see how you use it.

>>18658191
>he doesn't know the ctrl+c/ctrl+v function exists
A display of low iq in action, my friends.

>>18658191
It was to hammer the point home that black people are obsessed with whites, which they are

My stepsister usually had sex with me a few times throughout my childhood. You would think this is wincest, but as an adult, its fucking me up, especially after learning about all the fucked up things she has done. I haven't talked to her in years, but now she's trying to get back in touch with me. She has two kids now. I don't feel right.

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>>18654276
Grandmother was placed in an alzheimers home recently. Trying to go to see her regularly while she's still sane but between my life, work, and the 50something mile round trip to the home and back is hard on me time and gaswise. Only one other cousin and my uncle visits and thats because they lives 15 minutes away

Then theres the fact that theyre getting ready to sell the family home because nobody in my family wants it despite the history. I'd buy it in a heartbeat, but we need the money now to pay for her upkeep and i only make 43k a year and just started at my job/

>>18658205
>>18658208
>he wanted a black person to reply to him so desperately that he samefagged

>>18654276
Traps are gay

We're engaged after 2 months, Im pregnant and we live with your mother. How the fuck are we going to move out of here with enough money to raise a child.. Im going to have to get a job. I cannot do everything around the house either. Your mother is fucking depressing and is literally a waste of space, I am having heat flashes every 5 minutes, On top of boy aches, cleaning, cooking, laundry, feeding the animals that I fucking hate. Im getting extremely fat.. All for you.. This is for us.. I love you.. But We need to get our shit together..

-H

>>18658209
>especially after learning about all the fucked up things she has done
elaborate if you want to; dont mean to open up a can of worms here

I hate how hard it is for me to form relationships with people while others seem to do it so effortlessly. I feel like there's a wall of politeness that stops people from getting to know me. I'm worried I'll never find love and die friendless and alone

I am not even sure what I'm doing anymore. She doesn't seem to want to fix our sexless situation or take it seriously when I worry about her health. I love her so much that the thought of her leaving gives me literal spasms and shaking.

My life feels like a ticking bomb right now. I try to take it one day at a time but I can only handle so much. I am scared.

>>18658220
No and you've replied with that twice now

>>18658226
She fucked a lot of people, including my grandpa. He felt guilty and admitted it, but she called him a liar. After that, she ran off with some skinhead, got pregnant, and then told Social services that my mom was abusive to us. She was about to get custody, because my mom is mentally disabled, but then she got busted for credit fraud. Turns out, she really only wanted the money from welfare. Dodged a fucking bullet. After that, she kinda just disappeared for a while. Just recently, she got ahold of my number somehow and tried talking to me like nothing ever happened. She apparebtly got divorced, and has two kids. She also spread this rumor that my mom had run off with my little sisters, leaving me and my grandpa. Most of my family believed it, including my dad, who had divorced my mom years ago. I still wanted him to be apart of my life, but no matter how hard I try to contact him, either through phone, text, email, facebook, I don't hear back from him anymore. I know this might seem not that bad, but this really took a toll on my family.

What are you going to do when I start pushing back?

God you people are lucky I have infinite patience.

I don't want to hurt anyone.

But at some point it becomes a matter of survival.

And we all know that's the one thing I'm known for.

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>>18658252
Holy flippin crap

>>18658252
>She fucked a lot of people, including my grandpa.
JFC yeah I'd avoid that one like a 10ft pole for that alone. I can understand why you regret it now but definitely avoid sticking your dick in crazy again

>>18658252
My parents sold me to slavery.

People are fucking awful.

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>>18654276
I am so sick of being around women, swear I'd be gay if I found men attractive

>>18658251
>n-n-no
Ok

>>18658223
And you're gay for fapping to them in the past you dumb bitch

>>18658117
nice lightskinned cherries, freshly picked, I see

I don't know if I can make you happy because I hate myself.

>>18658359
Compare Angela Bassett to Emma Thompson, or literally any other black person in their 40s-60s to a white person the same age. The black person always looks younger.

I'm attempting to come to understand the self to alleviate my miseries, but the more I learn about meditation and self exploration the more I see that most people try this path in life because their success doesn't bring them happiness or satisfaction.

I'm meditating because I've never had success.

I wonder if I'm not even a valid enough human for spirituality.

Lights have flickered a few times. If the hurricane gets me I'll be really sad I never got to meet you ;-;

If I enter my home address as the shipping/billing address when I order something online internationally, does that mean the item will be sent directly to my house?

>>18658385
sure thing, sweetheart

I wish that God would save me

>>18658440
You sound triggered

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she broke up with me late last night and desu I don't really feel much, I was sad at first because I was really drunk but today at work I didn't really feel much, I work at a hotel and I saw lots of happy couples and all that walking around and stuff and yet didn't really feel unphased.

Its fucked up that my whole view on break-ups/moving on is skewed by this place and the countless posts of people not being able to move on.

It was a fun relationship, but it faded. I could tell the intimacy and connection was fading, plus totally knew about other guys being around when I wasn't. It stung, but I guess being ironclad about this shit is the best option.

And I already have someone that wants to hangout this weekend so that's cool I guess.

Surprised, honestly. Will it hit me later on? I got kinda bummed driving home tonight from work but blocking everything out of my mind helps.

You've lied to me about literally everything, why would I start believing you now?

My world is fake but also real. It's real as in I living in a fake world in the real world. Truman show style. Maze Runner bullshit.

Or I could be a program you're trying to make real, like a reverse Tron.

I don't fucking know. I hate all of you. The thing that sorta proves that you're just fucking with me rather than trying to help me is that you're not directly talking to me. You're just trying to do weird mind games and manipulation. Like an ARG.

if the message is "get off your computer" you're falling because I still get bombarded by fucking riddles in real life as well. Which... whatever man. Nanomachines? You mind control my fucking cat, and flies and fuuuckkk yoouuuu.

rid·dle1
ˈridl/Submit
noun
1.
a question or statement intentionally phrased so as to require ingenuity in ascertaining its answer or meaning, typically presented as a game.

>>18658509
I stopped playing the game. You fuck with my dreams, I try to forget them. You have my parents create little fucking riddles by arranging shit around the kitchen, I ignore them. I ignore the suggested videos on my youtube feed. I ignore the content uploaded to youtube or twitch or what is on TV or the shit you have been including in movies.

Are my parents really really stupid? Why do they help you? Did you threaten them or offer them a shit ton of money? Why would they trust you people? You're the kind of people that own fucking slaves. Your morals are fucked. You don't know what you're doing and you ruin and take lives like they were nothing.

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>>18658252

She seems completely psycho from what you say. Something like an unintelligent borderline or a sociopath. Just do your best to stay away form her so as to limit the damage.

Thanks for the thread OP. I don't care if no one sees, I only want to transmit my feelings to the void.
I'm so tired of being alive. I'm joyless. I haven't the energy or motivation to chase women, despite feeling lonely. I used to live to play music, but even writing new songs does nothing for me now. The discontent is overwhelming. I know I'm not the only one. I love you Anon, whoever and wherever you are.

>>18658484
Sounds like you're fine. I don't think it should be something that bothers one all that much. You're moving on, that sounds healthy to me. I'm no expert though.

God fucking dammit I miss her but I miss something else even more

Her fucking rabbits,
They were so fucking cute I miss those goddamn snapchats of them FUCK.
I hope shes doing alright.t I hope they're doing alright.

>>18658410
Never give up hope, Anon.
Maybe the hurricane got them first, and you'll meet them inside of it.

>>18658607
I think I'm way closer than them. Lots of lightning nearby now and my pupper is very frighten

>>18656871
Diving into the ocean would only kill you if you happened to miss. In which case, you technically weren't diving into the ocean, but the rocks just before the ocean.

My 21st birthday is coming soon, and I have no idea how to celebrate it.

Some people are planning to get me smashed (drunk, not laid sadly) and I really think I should take this chance. Hell, they're even paying for some of my drinks!

Still, I can't help feel more than just drinking should be involved.

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So that's the catch.
I meet someone online, sometime wonderful that I would want to be there for.
We get along, and on a pretty deep leave.
But I tread lightly because online and shit. Then again many people met like this these day.
So I shrug it off and we continue to be there for each other taking and just connecting.

Then with the slip of a comment, we take note that after this much time we didn't ask here we live and such.

The other side of the US.
The complete other side of the US.
It cpuld have been worse, but it makes things harder.

Fuck. This news almost made me cry. In an instant the distance shattered the fragile hope that we harbored.

I have to see what I can make of it. Fuck.

>>18657024
Be careful you might just be a rebound

>>18657445
So you were poor for a really long time and then you stopped being poor and you think your skin color is the reason everyone is wondering how you stopped being poor. Who is the racist one here?

>>18658651
Same thing happened to me. I want it to work out so badly, but have no clue what I can do

I still think about her. I miss her so fucking much. I still worry about her. I hope shes eating well. I hope she isnt sad again. I hope shes taking her anti-depressants. I hope her new guy is treating her like she deserves. I hope shes able to do what she wants to do.

I hope we get to meet again someday, I miss you Kristin. We have our whole lives ahead of us. And I hope that we can talk again someday.

Even if it ended ugly. Even if you said some shitty things to me and I said some back. I still wish the absolute best for you. I hope you dont hate me forever.

>>18654988
Initial?

>tornado warning and flood warning at the same time
F u g

Been with a girl i met online for 2 years(known her for 4), never met her in person and for the next 5 years atleast i wont be able to see her for more than 2 weeks per year. Been hanging out with a girl that i liked since highschool and all evidence shows that she likes me. Im so confused on what to do: It feels like im wasting my life by ignoring what i have infront of me but i just cant bring myself to leave my current girl just because i might have a chance with the girl that likes me. Obviously there would be no dilemma if me and my girl didnt live 3k kilometers away from each other but we do

Oh what a great night it was. Got to spend my night in jail while you go around and have fun.
Fuck you, bouncer!

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Why do I keep coming to this fucking site. Every time I start to feel confident and good, every time I spend months to years building up my worth, I get on this fucking hell hole and just get berated until I'm right back where I started.

I just keep folding the paper, the news spreads the sickness on what we should accept, no consequences for behavior, no consequences, no consequences for lies. Serenades with hand grenades, how hollow we became, doorways become the prison, our secrets become the chains........ Day to day actions are well rehearsed, You take me back to a time when I felt something, now I only blink to stay alive.

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Why do I even want a relationship? Why should I want a relationship? What should I look for?
Due to my inability to connect to people, I suppose I always saw relationships as a fast track to connecting with someone. When the honeymoon phase wears off, I was always back to where I started and I was stuck with someone I didn't love. I'm a little wiser now. I know how to be more picky and choosy. However, I still always fall into that trap of projecting onto girls and seeing it as my chance at connecting with a human being.

So what would I get out of a relationship that say, an idealized friendship, wouldn't give me? Physical affection? I don't really know, honestly. Friends could drive away loneliness, friends can teach, and friends can make me laugh and smile. Honestly, why should I even want a relationship?

Please God help me

>>18659125
Not God.. what's up?

Andrew, I would like to spend time with you. I want to kiss your handsome face.

>>18658691
It hurts man.
A lot more than I thought it would.
Now I have to try to act like it doesn't phase me whenever I talk to this person.
I went to bed fine, but I woke up with a burning pain in my chest.

There had to be a catch and this is it.
I'm stuck in California, and she's in Florida I believe.
In an instant, this world went from cruel hellhole, to the most wonderful place I could image because of her, back to the hellhole.

How the fuck does one manage this? I don't think it's possible, nor is it healthy.

>>18658759
My middle initial is D.

>>18659149
I can't pay the fucking rent the fucking car has broken down I've got to get a fucking food shop but I can't afford all the food is need the fucking drink is making me sick I've got a what another five years of this?

>>18659448
Déjà vu

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>>18658691
>>18659444
I gave it some thought.

Don't give up.
Willful stupidity with a dash of hope. Is what it takes.
I'm not a positive person, I never been.
But, this person makes me want to believe in things like fate, gives me a smile that I never thought I could have again. Makes me want to hope and believe that things can work out.

I have been looking for a reason to leave this place. To spread my wings and leave.

Fuck, I'm a retard, but sometimes that's what it takes. To do something so stupid and outlandish, something that people would think you could never do.

That's how much I want to be there for this person, how much I'm willing to risk.
To leave my family, my home, pretty much my life behind for one person. Just to make sure they don't have to be alone.
Not anymore.

It makes me lightheaded to think of it. Fear? Uncertainty? Fuck if I know, but it fills me with desire. And, maybe some kind of hope?

I'm not going to let her go. She can't be rid of me that easily. I have seen war, faced my fears of heights, other shit like that. I'm not giving up, not again, and not anymore.

Likely my family and friends will judge me for it, but I don't care and I'm just dumb enough to do something like this.

If there is a will, there's a way. I have to talk to her about this. She didn't take the reveal all to well as well. I think it's time to talk about it with them.

I want a taste of that strawberry cake of her's, want it enough to travel thousands of miles for just a single bite.

>>18657693
Nah senpai