It never gets better

>>18654172
I know those feels, anon. My ex divorced me 3 years ago also. She was the best thing that ever happened to me.

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As someone on the 7th year, can confirm, it will never get better.

>>18654172
have you tried to date another person in that time?

>>18654200
Yea I've gone on dates and slept with other people since. It was never worth it.
I never found a similar connection with another human, never felt something even remotely similar to what i felt for my ex. i guess it's a once in a lifetime kind of thing, I lucked out and now it's over.
I will still try to keep dating but i'm really bad at it, i'm not good socially and didnt have success on dating sites, I guess i just lucked out with my ex.
Now my life is pointless, i'm too much of a pussy to kill myself, but ill just drift around until i die.

Feels like I'm about to be on day 1 of this curse. We already broke up but I'm still in her city for a few remaining days, then I don't know where to or what to do.

What helps you? So far I feel like my days are just working so I can pay my bills and then sleep so I can work again.

>>18654195
>>18654192
>>18654172
I'm in a similar position. What to do with life now, fellas? What's the worth of it now? It makes me sick to my stomach, but I really can't do nothing but about it. This world is fucked and I feel like I no longer want to be part of it but also don't want to kill myself. Is this life going to be just a worthless meandering for atleast fifty years more? What the fuck is this shit.

>>18654200
I've tried, I really did, but every girl I meet just seems really shallow and uninteresting even after multiple dates

>>18655437
This

I knew I liked my ex after just 2 dates and I just dont feel that same buzz in my stomach with anyone else I've met since

I'm sorry about the pain you're going through OP. I had my feelings toyed with by my best friend who I'm so head over heels for. He does his best to make up what he does, and even tells me I'm the closest person he's ever had. But I know he'll always put his gf first. He and I share so much wonderful memories and have so much in common. He's helped me with my insecurities and I can always be myself with him. It hurts to love somone you never had. I sincerely hope you can move on.

at least she wasn't cheating on you for the last year of the relationship.

>>18654172
Ten years here, thought it got better.

Then today I woke up in a cold sweat from a dream I had about her. Haven't even thought about her in months, then...

I thought I'd moved on. I googled her name and found out she moved back to our hometown.

>>18655465
I dont think I would mind that. I would at least dislike her and not be thinking about still being with her anymore.

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>>18654172

been almost a year for me and I am still fighting the pain. two years of saying you love each other and planning the future going up in flames.

in fact this is the anniversary of when shit started to go south. October is the month she broke it off.

But my plan is to be healthy for once to prove to that fucker that I am better and I will succeed over this shit she threw at me. Make her look back at me and think she fucked up for dropping me as I have improved to someone far better than before. That's all I really can do is look at myself and fix the problems that arose from that fucked relationship and become a better person.

>>18655490
This doesn't happen, man. She'll remember you rationally, but you are NOTHING and NOBODY to her, especially if she initiated the break-up. The pain for woman is like bee sting. Really hurts, but for a short period of time. Improve for yourself.

You, also, never expect any future with women. She can change her mind immediately.

>>18654172
Stop being a pussy. Best advice you'll ever get.

t. Someone who's left tens of women and never given a fuck about a single one of them.

Also: tough guy.

>>18654172
>>18654192
>>18654195
What are they doing now?

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Please don't do this to me fellas. I've lost my girlfriend of five years last Wednesday, and she was the most special person to ever grace my life. Everyone tells me I'm going to get over her, but I know it's bullshit. Why do we have to go through this?

5 years here too, broke up 2 months ago. We're all in the same fucking boat man. How do they move on so fucking fast after all those years

>>18656492
Women are truly our downfall. Just thinking that while I'm here crying my eyes out every day she might be already choosing a new partner makes my gut wrench with the feeling that I'm about to die. Why.

Golden rule: if you're not over them after a year, seek therapy.

>>18656507
Fuck this shit, I'm not even a week in and I'm already going to see a psychiatrist. I know I'm gonna get fucked over by this shit beyond repair.

I decided not to give my own experience on this or even my advice on how to move on.

Instead I will tell everyone here one thing. The journey you are all taking, or about to take after this heartbreak is extremely important to developing you as a person. Do not fight it, do not worry how long the process will take, feel shit, feel miserable, understand it and come to terms with it, express it.

Eventually you will learn that controlling your emotions and thoughts will not work. The moment you finally realise that it is okay to feel hurt and that you are not your feelings, you will move on.

This can take as long as it takes for you. Don't fight growth. This is such a wonderful opportunity to become a better person and have a better and more meaningful life.

You will learn to love yourself. Then you will learn to love another and it will be incredible, far greater than any previous relationship.

>>18656521
Equally. Do not hate yourself for fighting your feeling. Do not feel bad for doing the exact opposite as I said. It is natural. We all wish we could control our feelings and thoughts. No one wants to surrender themselves.

Things will take time. Eventually you will stop fighting. Not because you are surrendering. But because you realise how silly you were to try and control what makes you you.

What happened in all of your relationships to lose this person who was so special to you?

>>18657433
In my case i think it was her depression which got bad, and she stopped "feeling", and said she didnt feel like being in a relationship. It was pretty sudden, things were going well before. It's like all her feelings suddenly shut down and she became a different cold person.

>>18656521
i honestly believe that some people's brains are just not well equipped to handle certain traumatic experiences. it doesn't matter what the magnitude of the crisis appears to be to an onlooker, because the onlooker can only speak from their own personal feelings on the subject. so these recommendations are well intentioned, but ultimately useless to someone who gets hit with something they can't deal with.

>>18657778
Interesting... I was asking because I'm about to leave my husband who I've been with for 5 years. I don't want to hurt him like this, but he has been physically and mentally abusive to the point where he could have killed me. Just wondering if anyone else dealt with this. We're separated right now, but I want to make sure I don't hurt him too bad when I tell him I want to split up for good...

>>18657778
Also, I'm sorry. That's really shitty. Did you really enjoy living with a depressed person though? I've heard that it's hard on both people in the relationship. Hopefully you can find your peace

>>18654192
Well except for that whole divorcing you and breaking your heart thing.

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>>18654220
I am reading this and it is making me happy to think that my ex is probably the one who is thinking these things about me. Why? Because i gave her my everything. It was her fault that we didnt work out. She will not find someone like me.
Anon, tell me why your ex gf is not the one who is regretting not being with you?

>>18654172
it gets better immediately after you find someone better. there are millions of choices. do some volenteer work or take a music or cooking or class, Do some work doing something for children charity. you will make some contacts with quality people and will be too busy to obsess over one replaceable person. Then when you least expect it, some woman will come along way better than that one that would have only made you miserable again. move on bro.

>>18654671
right there with you brother. just sleep until it's time to get out of the city.

>>18656475
because Nature made it so. pair bonding increases likelihood of offspring and improves survival odds. most important for the female as she needs a male to protect and nourish during pregnancy, nursing and rearing. doesn't matter which male but it's better if one sticks around. thus men are punished emotionally for breaking a pair bond, we are wired that way. women are optimized towards having a male at all times and a severe emotional penalty for breaking a pair bond would be disadvantageous from a survival perspective.

My girl left me four weeks ago and no amount of analgesics can kill this pain

Going on eight years since she left. Just now getting better.

I'm there with you brothers. It's been five months for me after a six year relationship and at first I thought that I was doing fine and thought it was for the better. I seem to be getting worse and worse as time progresses. I can barely function as a human being and the thought of being happy is now so foreign to me. I've isolated myself from everyone and feel like I'm losing my mind. The worst part is feeling guilt over things I could have done better and knowing I won't have the opportunity to go back in time and fix those problems.

I'm seeing a therapist next week because I developed many problems that I never had before.

>>18654172
No it does get better you're just holding on. Let go. You won't feel better over night of course.

I'm married with another girl and really love her but there are nights when I remember my ex and the pain never stops

Gf of 2 years dumped me yesterday to do volunteering work in fucking Africa after being brainwashed by catholic monks
Makes my blood boil and my heart ache. I wish I was never born.

Trust issues that I've built because of her eventually caused the downfall of our relationship. I became clingier because I was constantly worried about her whoring herself around and eventually told her I wanted to break up. I inmediately regretted it and told her the day after that I didn't mean it, but alas it was too late. Found out a few weeks later that she was now with someone else. It's been two months since then. Feels bad man.

>>18658893
Good luck. Therapy changed me and now even though I have old feelings about my ex that I still remember how much I felt about her, I know now that I am a completely different person and would never be able to connect with her in the same way. I value something else in a potential partner now. I wish you and others here the same change.

Your perception is what makes the difference. If you insist on telling yourself your ex was the best and the one who got away and the love of your life, then of course you're never going to get over it.

>>18657433
I made lots of fatal mistakes. Basically with her help I realized what I should do. I understood why did she leave, she wanted to be friends and I would, she'd be a really great friend, but I just can't. She was in love with me and I fucked ruined EVERYTHING.

>>18655067
Idk, I'm the same way. No will to live but no courage to die.
I just kinda go through the motions of life, live each day for the sake of getting through it.

>>18656342
Idk, haven't spoken in those 7 years. Last time I facebook stalked him he was in college, probably doing music like he always wanted, and probably fucking a billion girls at once because he can.

>>18655067
"A worthless meandering" only if that's how you want it to be. You can always redefine what it means for something to have worth.

I'm not trying to be condescending either. I'm in love with someone I lost 4 years ago too.

How the fuck do you deal with the fact that she used to love you with a force of a thousand suns and then she didn't anymore?
How can I trust love anymore?

>>18661914
tell me if you find out. I hate women.

>>18661914
at least she loved you. my ex never loved me, just played me. i'm such a fool but alas i was young and naive.

>>18661957
at least she played you and never loved you

>>18661957
Sure it hurts in your case but at least you still have faith left in the concept of love. Your thing happened twice to me and even though I hated women afterwards I found the one who actually loved me. She used to love me a lot. And then she stopped. That's what hurts, the fact that it felt like real love and even now she claims she really loved me. It makes me think that there's no winning in this life, because even love can die.

>>18657778
Wow, are you me? My story is pretty much exactly the same. Makes it worse for me that my mother is still in contact with her, whenever i visit her she likes to update me on my ex's life. Every time, it physically hurts me.

>>18661966
This bro
How can I trust another woman who says "I love you" and maybe two months later she don't love me anymore

>>18661959
Underooted (sic) post.

>>18654192
>She was the best thing that ever happened to me.
Sounds like your life was, and still is, shit then

Grow some nuts and be better

>ITT, people who've spent years feeling sorry for themselves and don't realise they're the ones perpetuating their situations

>>18656521
So true
9 years relationship, ended 2 years ago.
Still fucked up, met a girl I've been seeing but I can't feel the same for her as I did for my ex.

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>>18662500
>>18662530

>>18661017
Are you me?

>>18662609

No man, fuck off. there's a massive difference between telling someone to ignore the problem (eg. that comic strip) and telling someone their problem is being perpetuated by their own actions.

"Why are you showing me your crushed hand again? Why haven't you taken it to the doctor already?"

"I know you've lost your hand, but people without hands can still enjoy life. You have to find your own meaning and purpose and stop dwelling on the fact you dont have a hand"

>>18658697
I really like this theory. Do you have any sources or anything to back this up?

>>18661966
Stop pretending love is magic you dipshit. It's an emotion. A really powerful emotion, possibly the most powerful emotion even, but that's it. It has no mystical power, it doesn't give meaning to life, it isn't eternal and unchanging, and it doesn't overcome every obstacle.

Fucking fairy tales and Disney movies have ruined everyone.

>>18661914
If she loved you there's hope that someone else (who may be better for you than her) will love you in the future. Learn what you can from the experience and keep moving forward. It's all you can really do.

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I have felt the feels. I was going on 7 years. I lost weight, moved, had tons of shallow relationships. Then, one day, I met someone else. she made me forget my first. She made me happy to be away from the first.
Dumped me too. I wasn't that fun or talented. suicide thought sometimes.

But at least I know that I could feel even better than the best I've ever felt, if I met the right person.
I also learned that if/when I meet that person, we will start by dating for fun, not like the clingy all-or-nothing goodboy that I naturally tend to be.

>>18663047
That's my hope but girls like her a really a dime a dozen. She loved cooking and cleaning, was intelligent, not pretentious, not materialistic, didn't go clubbing, was always ready to try new positions with me, showered me and people close to her with love, loved working hard etc.

>>18663165
No,no,no,no. She had tons of qualities, I'm sure. But that specialness is in your eyes,not in her.
You saw and understood her,with time. But the image you love deeply is a construction in your head. That construct was unique, but you can make others.
Fooling yourself that she's objectively an unique specimen is a fucking cruel lie to tell yourself.

>>18654172

Stop thinking about her. There are so many other women out there. She's getting porked by some other dude now. Move on.

>>18663165
Continued.
I'm sure she's hot. But I assure you that if I saw her, I would think she's dull and retarded, not like my oneitis. She had the raw material, but the crazy beauty? That's in your eyes.

>>18663192
This. Oneitis is a cancerous way of thinking. This is coming from someone who used to have it really bad. There are millions of other women out there that are better than her. You have to move on, she definitely did. You will find someone else if you let yourself and you will realize the flaws of your old relationship and be glad you're in a new one.

>>18663179
I'm not thinking she's unique. I mean all people are unique but I think there are other girls like her it's just that they're so fucking few. And those qualities are objective, not just my interpretation of her.

Im sorry youre going through this. I still think about my ex every single day too, its been 2 years. I cant help but feel like Im cheating on him whenever I try to move on and date other people. I have to remind myself of him telling me "I dont want you". The first year and a half I cried multiple times a day every day. Feels like your heart is hit by a train. I think unless people go through this they cant understand. Hang in there, youre not alone at least

>>18662500
Some days it's simply easier to drink scotch, shitpost, and realize it's better to be a middle aged neet than keep pulling that cart like a good goy.

>>18654172
It will get better, trust me, it'll just take you longer than most. I give you another 2 years, tops.

>>18655467
>Ten years
She probably looks like shit right now. At least that's what happened in my case.

>>18662684
nope, just a theory in my head

>>18657817
you missed his point. Yes you don't know how to deal with it when you get hit with it. living through it is how you learn to deal with it, grow and gain the ability to deal with it in the future

>>18662592
Man every relationship is unique. You're definitely going to run the relationship you have now if you constantly compare it to your last one or your "good one". Try to put the other girl behind you and let this new one be its own unique story. If you're not ready to date you should let her go gracefully. It's not fair to someone to be constantly compared to an ex.