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How do you get over someone when you had no closure?
Years of emotional abuse
Denial of said abuse
>Constant lies about everything from contact with exes to random flirting
>Denial of the lies
>Pretending things didn't happen when I have clear memories of them happening
>Constantly blowing out of proportion everything I've done but laughing at the idea of me bringing up anything she did even though if I did 1/10 of what she did she'd not take it one bit
>Threatening to cheat
>Telling me she did cheat then taking it back then saying actually she did then taking it back again then laughing at me and calling me naive for ever thinking she didn't cheat
>Randomly threatening to fuck ex boyfriend who she's been holding over my head for years when we're literally in the middle of having a nice walk then denying that this is at all unusual or wrong
>Leaving me over and over again, blocking all forms of contact, then contacting me again and getting mad at me for not forcing her to get in contact with me again sooner
>Constant denial of everything bad she does
>Constant denial of the fact that anything she has ever done is bad
I honestly feel like my brain is scrambled and I don't know what the fuck has happened to me the past 4.5 years. Was she cheating on me the whole time like she said during her rages? Am I just not good enough and I should have known all along? Am I someone special to her or just another boyfriend on the list? Is she already having sex with someone else?
I want 10 seconds of omniscience so I can see into her fucking brain and see what the fuck has been going on in there the past 4.5 years of treating me this way. She'd laugh if she read this because any time I point out what she's done she just laughs, it's rare that she's actually empathetic and says sorry unless I beg her for fucking weeks to admit she did something even remotely questionable. And she'd deny that too and honestly fuck my entire life
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>>18652175
>>18652175
Any time I suggest that she's been emotionally and psychologically abusing me she doesn't take it seriously and just laughs and sometimes sarcastically asks if I'm a girl. She's deny this if she read it too but I fucking have a good memory. I'm not fucking retarded. She constantly fucking denies everything, I don't know if she's legitimately trying to convince me it didn't happen or it's some sarcastic rhetorical device she thinks she's entitled to in the moment due to her being upset or something, as if she knows that I know it's bullshit and she knows that I know she knows it's bullshit but she says it anyway because she thinks she deserves to for something I did in the past or for how I'm failing to handle the situation or something
Honestly the most I think about it she's fucking beyond psychotic but she denies it because she can in an instant stop being psychotic and start being reasonable and factual when it comes to enforcing things I'VE done against HER but NEVER the other way around. It's like sometimes she acts like she's LITERALLY an 8 year old spoiled brat arguing with her dad, and then other times she's a poor innocent little girl who I've wronged and I feel bad, and other times she's a strong independent woman who can fuck anyone she wants and she doesn't owe anyone any niceness, especially me.
What the FUCK was going on in her brain
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news flash - you will never get closure from a manipulator. you will only ever get more manipulation.
cut your losses dude and move on. any other tactic will only fuck your head up more.
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>>18652175
Closure is a myth. Its a myth our brain creates to avoid facing the reality that sometimes we will never understand the genesis of our pain. Every day people's lives are completely turned upside down with no warning or explanation and regardless of that fact our only option is to do our best to overcome it.
What you need is therapy, not closure. You need therapy to undo not only the effects of the emotional abuse but whatever happened in your life to make you attracted to someone like that. Understand her or getting and explanation is not going to get you any less closer to healing yourself. Finding out why she swung the knife won't close your wounds.
Sometimes suffering remains a mystery, anon. Focus on protecting yourself from evil, not trying to dig up the root of it. Nothing will be more disappointing then waking up one day and realizing that you never moved on with your life because you were waiting for an answer that never came to a question that never mattered.
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>>18652215
Thanks fellow anon for the long reply. I guess I should just stop trying to rationalize irrational behavior and move on. But it's hard because I love her deeply and she has lots of amazing qualities. But she doesn't want me anymore so why am I sitting here wishing for her back. Oh well.
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