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My GF and I sat down and agreed on Relationship Boundaries that

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My GF and I sat down and agreed on Relationship Boundaries that we expect the both of us to follow, we have not been dating long but I feel it is important to establish boundaries as early as possible. Let me know what you all think.

Post 1/2

**Unacceptable**
Behavior or Situations that will end a relationship.
>Infidelity
>Chronic Lying
>Violation/Breach of Trust

**Danger**
Behaviour or Situations that could lead to being Unacceptable with high potential for mistrust and arguments which could end a relationship.
>Spending 1 on 1 alone time with ex-lovers even if you’ve remained friends.
>Spending excessive time with ex-lovers, even in a group setting.
>Excessive communication with ex-lovers.
>Same as the other Danger points but with a person/friend who you know or suspect has/had romantic intentions or feelings of desire for you or is known to be promiscuous.

**Warning**
Behavior or Situations that have the potential to make your Significant Other uncomfortable.
>Spending 1 on 1 alone time with friends of the opposite sex who fall into any of the following categories: Newly Single, Emotionally Needy, In an Open Relationship, or in a Struggling Relationship.
>Excessive communication with those mentioned above (ex: Newly Single Friend blowing up your phone when they’ve barely contacted you beforehand). Exception = providing help/advice/support, etc…(not filling a avoid or dependence)
>>
Post 2/2

**Caution**
Behavior or Situations that are fairly safe but we should be self-aware of and handle accordingly so that they do not reach the Warning or Danger Stages. Use our best judgement, common sense, and put ourselves in the perspective of our Significant Other, then ask ourselves: “Would I be upset if the situation was reversed?”
>Spending 1 on 1 alone time with friends of the opposite sex who are Single and actively searching for a relationship or intimacy.
>Red Flags for opposite sex friends: They disapprove of your significant other without getting to know them or for no reason. They are disinterested, disregarding, concerned, or have a mood drop whenever you mention your significant other. (Some women will often fake interest in a man’s Significant Other in a guise to get closer to him).
>Spending time with a group of opposite sex friends where your significant other is not welcome or invited. (the group not wanting him/her there for whatever reason not pertaining to a membership or something similar)

**Safe**
Behavior or Situations that have almost no chance of reaching the other Stages.
>Spending 1 on 1 or group time with friends of who are already in healthy active relationships, or who are single but celibate and not directly seeking opposite sex companionship.
>Spending 1 on 1 or group time with friends of the opposite sex who are homosexual (not bisexual).
>Any amount of communication with those mentioned above.

**Pertaining to all Stages**
>Inappropriate comments or actions by those mentioned above or yourself, even if regarded or intended as jokes (ex: Nude Pics or Suggestive Texts/Emails, Intimate Contact, Fondling, Groping, etc…). Intimate contact such as Hugs or Kisses could be deemed inappropriate based on a few factors.
>Kiss ex: peck on cheek = OK, peck on lips = NO.
>Hug ex: quick hello/goodbye hug = OK, prolonged hug with body pressing = NO.
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**Extra Post**

My GF told me that she has always given massages to her male friends, I expressed that I am not comfortable with that and stated these reasons as to why, she agreed that massaging her friends is not something she needs to do.

>Massages can be very intimate unless performed by a professional, neither of us are professional massage therapists and professional help is available for those who need it. Same goes for receiving a massage, we can massage each other or get professional to do it.
>>
>>18648101
At this rate you might as well make a hand book wtf.
>>
my advice would be to see a doctor because you're both autistic

fucking found yourself a good match the two of you
>>
>>18648395

It is best to be clear and comprehensive, this greatly reduces any grey areas, misunderstandings, and general ignorance.

No one will be able to say: "I didn't think you would mind or think it was a big deal"

Most relationship problems can be solved or avoided by doing this as early as possible, all while making reasonable compensations for each other. I do not feel that any of these boundaries could be seen as "Controlling".
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>>18648409

Care to explain what is strange or unreasonable about these boundaries?
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>>18648101
These frankly sound like relationship guidelines made by an insecure and needy mind. How many of these were brought up be you, vs her? I'd wager these are entirely your set of rules and not hers
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>>18648101
What does it matter what we think? Those are your boundaries. What other people think isn't going to change that. Or at least it shouldn't.
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>>18648101
This is a pre-cuck contract. Sounds like there's a lot of mistrust off the bat.
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>>18648445

Most are mine, I brought up the conversation. We discussed these, she added to them and we both came to an agreement.

It might be seen as insecure if you're into having an Open Relationship or have total blind trust in your SO, care to point out which areas you deem unreasonable?

>>18648446

True, but I always like to see some input, advice, or criticism. Might allow me to see things from a different perspective.
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>>18648425
>Spending 1 on 1 alone time with ex-lovers even if you’ve remained friends.
>Spending time with a group of opposite sex friends where your significant other is not welcome or invited.
>Spending 1 on 1 alone time with friends of the opposite sex who fall into any of the following categories: Newly Single, Emotionally Needy, In an Open Relationship, or in a Struggling Relationship.
These two rules can wind up biting you in the ass hard if such a friend has known them for a very long time and you are absolutist with these rules, if you try to push these rules too hard when a situation presents where it is clear there is no ill intentions and these rules need to be broken for a good reason you will come across as controlling and it will be you who ends up single.
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>>18648464
three rules*
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>>18648459

We have both been cheated on in the past and want to avoid it again, we know that we have trust and emotional barriers. In my opinion, what we agreed upon will reduce stress and mistrust because we know where each other stands.

It's the opposite of a cuck situation, a cuck would allow his GF to do whatever she pleases out of fear of losing her.
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>>18648118
>>18648106
>>18648101

I think this is super autistic. It is also disturbingly detailed.

I feel like there's something very wrong with the two of you and that anybody with a functioning brain stem would be able to just assume most of these relationship boundaries on their own without feeling the need to turn it into a massively intricate flow chart.

I think the only way you could of made this more autistic would be to laminate this giant list and take it with you everywhere so you can read it in public in case you forget one of the rules.
>>
>>18648470
What makes you believe the contract is binding?

Almost all of what was mentioned are automatics in relationships. A set of "rules" on paper are not going to change what someone would do otherwise in a relationship.

Without trust a relationship is really doomed.
>>
>>18648464

I agree that those could bite me in the ass, however I don't need to be with a woman who requires these options to be a part of her life. I personally never understood the need to stay in contact with ex-lovers, unless of course you have children together and have custody stuff.

As far as Opposite Sex Friends not liking me or wanting me around, well then she will have to choose between them and me if that is the case. The Newly Single, Emotionally Needy, etc.... group can either respect my relationship with her or take their business elsewhere, once again she will have to choose what is more important to her.

I have zero problem being single and I can easily find a new GF.
>>
>>18648482
>What makes you believe the contract is binding?
OP hasn't finished his autism draft, he will add a clause when a breach of the contract occurs that will have an administrative penalty, prevent changes of venues, and force arbitration.
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>>18648480
please see

>>18648422
>>18648425
>>
>>18648470

>It's the opposite of a cuck situation, a cuck would allow his GF to do whatever she pleases out of fear of losing her.

I sense that you're very young, inexperienced with women, on the autistic spectrum or some combination of the three. You are seemingly very content with your dating instructional manual you've created while simultaneously being completely unaware of just how drastically abnormal your behavior is.

I feel as though your embracing of 4chan culture and immature obsession with being 'cucked' has caused you to completely distort the concept of trust in relationships. For some reason you believe that you can dictate and maintain someone else's boundaries for them out of fear of being cheated on and still call that trust; insisting that your trust in them is completely contingent on them bending to your will and not behaving in any way that you could even interpret as untrustworthy, regardless of whether or not if actually is.

That isn't trust, anon. I'm not sure what it is but it sure isn't trust. The fact that you felt the need to write it down in such concise, harsh wording is also extremely troubling. I've never heard of any adult in a functioning relationship do such a thing.
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>>18648499
>I personally never understood the need to stay in contact with ex-lovers, unless of course you have children together and have custody stuff.
Some people date their childhood friends for a brief period and mutually break it off later. If a girl is forced to choose between helping a childhood friend in crisis, or obeying some absolutist guidelines from her neurotic boyfriend she started dating guess who is going to win? Like I said, don't be too anal about those rules. If there is a good reason a rule needs to be broken encourage communication.
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>>18648482

Nothing is ever binding, however I have no problem ending the relationship. I agree that most of this should be automatic or common sense, but everyone will have different views on what is acceptable or unacceptable behaviour.
>>
>>18648515

So where does someone draw the line? When does something violate trust or feelings in a relationship? Cheating can go beyond physical, women's greatest fear is Emotional Cheating.

Being afraid of being a cuck and standing your ground in a relationship are entirely different things.
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>>18648517
Not OP, but my gf kinda dates and had sex with her best friend, I told her to choose, either to stop talking with me or her "friend"
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>>18648531
Women will more often then not pick the long term friend, or lie that they have picked and do both. Heads up.
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>>18648517

Situations around the rules are always up for discussion, that is something we agreed on.

If an ex like you described wanted her to come over and comfort him after a break-up or something along those lines, I wouldn't be too keen on it. If I agree to let her go, I would suggest that I come as well, that way I can also provide comfort (which is bullshit, I would make sure he doesn't try anything under the guise of being compassionate). If he doesn't want me there or has never liked me, then that is a Red Flag and I would not allow her to go, that is where an ultimatum comes in.
>>
I think these are generally good things to keep in mind but it seems excessive to have to write them down. Generally it's a good gist - flirt or fuck around when you're in a relationship and [Macky] you're gonna have a bad time [/Macky]. If you both fullheartedly agree that neither of you want this to happen and you love the other one then it'll be no problem. Albeit some of those rules for hanging out with the opposite sex are a little much - it comes down to you and how you behave, not the people around you.
>>
OP here,

I need to take off for a few hours, I'll check back later to see if this thread is still alive and respond to more comments.

Thank you to everyone commenting so far, I appreciate the input.
>>
If you're actually compatible, you really shouldn't have to sit down and talk about this and write it down. It'd just go without saying.

It also means absolutely nothing if you're unable to communicate and resolve issues as and when they arise.
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>>18648524

>So where does someone draw the line?

You draw the line at making the conscious decision to date a trustworthy, reasonable adult instead of dating someone you obviously don't trust and constructing a 10 page document that instructs them how to be a trustworthy, reasonable adult. If you have to instruct your girlfriend how to use basic common sense and universally acknowledged boundaries of acceptable social behavior then either you're a paranoid fuck who is projecting your insecurities onto your girlfriend or you're dating an absolute imbecile.

What you're doing isn't "standing your ground", its exercising a disturbing amount of insecurity and nearly autistic levels of social distortion to create the illusion that you are in a functional relationship with a girl you trust when its so painfully obvious that you are not. If you truly trusted her there would be absolutely no need to explicitly tell her she couldn't kiss her exes. That is asinine, OP. Trusting someone isn't having so little faith in their behavior when they're away from you that you force them to consent to a contract comprised of literal 4th grade concepts of social boundaries.

Also, immediately stop using the term "cuck". If you're over the age of 16 you have no business using that ridiculous 4chan meme in any way pertaining to your actual real life. Being obsessively afraid of getting 'cucked' is not an adult thought. Its the thought of an insecure child who isn't capable of using their rational mind to develop confidence outside of their perceived worth as a romantic partner. You're not behaving like an adult, OP. Using this list is not acting like an adult. Do yourself a favor and shake yourself out of this behavior immediately.
>>
I can see why OP wants to do this and why it's fairly reasonable. My ex gf caressed a bunch of guys without telling me and ended up doing it with a guy in front of me. I thought wtf is she fucking doing and yelled something out loud out of instinct to make her stop. She looked at me all confused and said "what?". I asked her what is she doing touching a guy in such a way. They were basically cuddling but with flirtation. As she and I drove home she kept apologizing and told me that she has always done this but it would never go past cuddling with guys. I couldn't believe it wasn't obvious to her that it would hurt me, but she was genuinely sorry and had no idea it would effect me negatively. She said she understands kissing and having sex, but it absolutely surprised her that cuddling with others isn't a thing I'd be ok with.

I broke up with her after she told me everything event though she was sorry and didn't lie (it's s easy to tel when she lies about anything). It just hurt me so bad that I had to end it. If we would have been as percise as OP, this would have never happened.

She loved me and I loved her, but I couldn't be in the relationship anymore knowing all that. If we would have been as direct as OP, this would have never happened. It ruined a great relationship.

I see no problem with what OP is doing if OP and his gf want this.
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>>18648711
You made the right move. I don't believe that a ruleset would've stopped her from behaving that way and if she is at all experienced with relationships, she should've known better. Truthfully I've found that attempting to put any kind of boundaries on a woman's behavior just breeds resentment in her and makes her more likely to do those particular behaviors. If she isn't really into you and cognizant of the fact that she can be replaced, she just isn't going to act right. Rules or no rules, you have to work hard to maintain her respect and her attraction. The courting phase never ends.
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>>18648422
Do you have aspergers?
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>>18648773
Why are you so mentally retarded?
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>>18648773
OP is Chris chan
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>>18648101
All this shit is common sense. What the hell is wrong with you and your gf. Do you think setting down boundaries will stop her from cheating on you? Newsflash: it won't.
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>>18648763
Why should she have known better? That wouldn't bother me, and I'm not the only one.

Also, establishing boundaries isn't about controlling your partner's behavior. It's not going to stop anyone from doing anything. It's about establishing what you expect out of a relationship, and what you can and cannot accept.
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>>18648824
I agree and I'm the one who posted that cuddling story. Just like you said, setting up the "rules" is not about trying to stop someone from hurting you, it's about telling the person what sort of actions will hurt you. I wish I would have told my gf not to cuddle. It wouldn't have prevented her from doing it, but she would have known and wouldn't have done it. She told so myself. But we both realized it was a weird situation because she couldn't have expected me to tell her because I didn't know, and I couldn't have expected her not to do it because I never told her it would bother me and she wouldn't have guessed.

It's such a stupid situation and I couldn't rationalize my pain but it was there and I knew I couldn't stay with her.
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>>18648812
Agree anon. These boundary conversations are taken serious by the man only, the woman will fabricate some loophole first guy she has a crush on or call for a "break" so she can fuck him and resume the relationship as if she hadn't. For her its theater

If two people truly love each other and committed, truly committed they would do nothing that would jeopardize the relationship or hurt their partner with or without a formal agreement.
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>>18648848
wtf did I just read? Anyone with half a brain would not cuddle with someone if they are in a relationship. How in hell can someone think that is ok?
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>>18648899
Anyone who is dishonest can think that it is okay.
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>>18648905
dishonest, good word for it. I would be pissed they cuddled but it would make me super pissed for them to pretend they didn't know it would be a problem. If they gave a shit about their partner they wouldn't want to cuddle with another guy period.
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>>18648899
It depends on the circumstances, and what you mean by cuddle. Like I still watch scary movies with my best friend cuddled up on the couch. Like, not spooning, but she will hide her face in my shoulder and grab onto my arm. My wife is okay with it because it doesn't mean anything.
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>>18648932
I think you disrespect your wife and if truth be told it likely hurts your wife you do this. But then again you don't really give a shit if it bothered her or not.
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>>18648905
No, she was honest. I know for sure she wasn't lying. I was with her for a long time and I knew her extremely well. She was honest about the way she felt and what she described she felt. The last thing she wanted was to hurt me and was very surprised this hurt me.

>>18648899
It just wasnt anything to her. She didn't share the feeling of being hurt if I would have cuddled with someone either. It just wasn't something to even consider asking me because it was a meaningless action to her, like talking or laughing with someone.
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>>18648947
I'm not the guy but just because something hurts you that doesnt mean it'll hurt every other person. I know it may seem unimaginable that x couldn't hurt you, but for some people it just doesn't.
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>>18648948
Look you obviously believe her but to me that twisted, rabbit hole you just took me down to explain it away I don't buy. But then again I'm not emotionally addicted to her and willing to swallow any excuse. By this logic she could suck his dick or fuck him and not think anything of it, just a meaningless action like taking a shit or eating.
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>>18648986
I totally get how you feel and why it's unbelievable to you. I felt the same way. I thought she was lying at first and we had a conversation for hours because I wanted to know her intention and I couldn't comprehend her not realizing this. I understand the way you're thinking of this. But she wasn't lying, I'm convinced she wasn't. Sure, I could be wrong and blinded, but I'm still positive it was just the way she felt and it's been years since I got over her. To her cuddling was just a meaningless thing, but believe what you want.
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>>18648961
I don't give a shit about the hurting part as much as mutually respectful behavior between committed partners. If this behavior doesn't really mean anything then what is the purpose of doing it while you are in a relationship.

But you see it does mean something and they wanted to convey a form of intimacy with that other person not their partner. Maybe not the same intimacy with their partner but the person they were with likely interpenetrated it as more than was intended.
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>>18649000
If it means nothing they why the fuck do it and lets say she cuddles for kicks the person she cuddles with may take it way more seriously.
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>>18648947
Aw, that's so cute, assuming you know me and my wife, and our relationship.

Have you had a relationship that's lasted 12 years? Do you even have any idea how much work, and sacrifice, and communication and compromise goes into building a life long relationship? Until you do, feel free to fuck right off, and enjoy being alone.
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I always have brief cuddles with friends but like long cuddles are exclusively reserved for my partner.
If its inbuilt behaviour for her thats different but I wouldn't be happy with it.

Just before I started properly going out with my girlfriend I was also seeing an on-and-off fuckbuddy. I saw her a bit after my first date with my not-yet GF and whilst hugging it just felt wrong to me cos I'd already started to form a proper attachment to my GF.

Basically; varies from person to person but intimate hugging is weird outside of who you're sleeping with.
>>
Autism is a hell of a drug
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>>18649023
Married and been together almost 16 years and no rookie so see you don't know everything.

Your poor wife you walk all over her.
>>
>>18649011
>>18649018
I was unclear. I didn't mean it in that way. What I meant by "it was meaningless" is that it was as meaningful as having a conversation with someone, sharing the same experience such as a movie or skiing. It was simply a social thing. What I meant was she didn't have the intention of kissing him or fucking him. To her it was a social interaction just like any other.

You'd agree that conversation is meaningful, yet it wouldn't bother you if your gf was conversating with someone, right? That's all I meant. It wasn't meaningless in the sense that she was hiding something, it was meaningless in the sense that it wasn't romantic/something that she'd realize would hurt me.
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>>18648634

I was called a cuck by someone else in this thread first, that is why I used it.

I agree that most of the things in my list should be common sense and universally acknowledged, however women are not typically logical and will try and justify not complying to these boundaries. Like I've said before, I have no problem ending this relationship if I am not happy with how things are going.
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>>18648480
lmao a laminated sheet of paper
what i want to know is what would happen if one of them violated a minor rule, like would they give each other a fine or would they make up a court system?
>>18648101
what is the equivalency and punishment system OP? I'm dying to know. also how many cautions equal a danger? how many warnings does it take for it to be unacceptable?
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>>18648422
What about not making a list and talk about stuff when it feels uncomfortable. I like lists, but this seems a problem causer to me.

What if you fewl uncomfortable with an action she takes, but its not on the list?
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>>18648470
>we have both been cheated on in the past
That's no excuse. Every relationship is a new start, but acting distrustful because of a past experience is bringing old baggage into a new relationship.
I know it's hard but IMO letting go of all that fear is going to help both of you.
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>>18648480
this
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>>18648101
>>18648106
>>18648118

I'm pretty sure this is a clear sign of perverse manipulation. She should get the hell out and you should get psychological help.

You present this as if you both sat down, a happy couple sharing an activity and opening up to each other, to discuss these ideas and put them down together, but I'm pretty sure you probably sat her down, presented her with this list, and got her to agree to your terms. This is just a first step for you to own and control her, and you are manipulating her into believing this is something you did together by "allowing" her to add to this insanely detailed rule book.

What part exactly did she contribute to it? Have you shown this list to friends/family? Is she allowed to show it to her friends? What do you think their reaction would be?

Pretty soon you'll be demanding access to her phone and computer, "just to check she hasn't broken any rules", and controlling her social life "to help maintain a healthy happy relationship".
You'll present it as not being a big deal as she can do the same if she so wished, knowing full well she won't.
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>>18648542
Ultimatums are really unhealthy for relationships, it really shouldn't be your first resort when problem solving.

I mean, unless you want your gf to resent you.
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>>18649384
You're like a more autistic version of sheldon cooper from big bang theory.
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>>18649959
You're like a more autistic version of basement dweller from internet lore.
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>>18649040

OP here, I read all your replies and I agree with you that even though she saw it as meaningless, it is not acceptable behaviour. This is why that I am happy my girl and I discussed all these things and that I made it perfectly clear that I am not ok with her giving out massages to her male friends, otherwise I would find myself in your situation soon enough because to her a massage doesn't mean anything.

Funnily enough, I showed her the Pulp Fiction Foot Massage Scene and how people see things differently. She argued that she would give a female friend a massage, but I explained to her that is different because women don't have the same physical barriers as men share with each other. I told her that pretty much none of her straight male friends would give or accept a massage or foot rub from another man. Thus proving that it is not meaningless.
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>>18650105
What sort of insecure, closeted faggot wouldn't accept a massage from another man?
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>>18649413
Depending on the violation it could be instant break up, for something minor it will be a strike and we will have a discussion about it. Depending on how the discussion goes, the action could be forgiven or we will break-up. Back to back and repeated violation = break-up, I am not playing the game of 'See what you can get away with'

>>18649614
>What if you fewl uncomfortable with an action she takes, but its not on the list?
Then we will discuss it and add it to the list if needed so that it can be avoided in the future.

>>18649689
True, but this is bit of an experiment as well. I have never done this in a relationship, so lets see if it works. Doing the same thing every time and expecting a different result is not the way to make progress.

>>18649816
Everyone screaming Autism or Spectrum Disorder are just trying to invoke a response or they are women who are scared that men might start standing up to their bullshit. I and everyone other man out there does not have to indulge or entertain every little thing his GF or Wife wants to do.
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>>18650123
Sure buddy. Hey come over bro and we can drink a few beers, watch a game and give each other a foot massage.

I've had a full body massage by a man at a spa but friends laying on the couch working those arches, not on your life.
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>>18649867

True manipulation would be her demanding that I let her do whatever she wants while she accuses me of Abusive Controlling if I disapprove.

I have no interest in checking her phone or computer, but anyone who is 100% honest in a relationship would have no problem letting their SO look at their phone or computer.
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>>18650133

This.
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>>18650105
OP you missed a guy rubbing suntan lotion on her at the beach or pool. She'll exploit any thing that has not been addressed. I mention it because a week ago I get off work early and find my gf by the pool and a guy is rubbing lotion on her thighs. She was laying on her back on a chase talking to him and she pushed his hands away quick and sat up when she saw me. I had seen the guy around but never speak to my gf but he just sat there when I walked up and she was clearly nervous when she tried to fumble through an introduction. Later I asked wtf and she got defensive and told me he was just helping with the lotion in places she couldn't reach and I had a problem. Thing is there were other women around that she could have asked.
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>>18650146

I would have broken up with her on the spot, especially after her scrambling and fumbling through an introducing him.
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>>18650140
I get your rationale and its a shame you have to resort to addressing nearly every situation she will put herself into.

The larger issue is women feign ignorance of other men's advances when they know some of these situations are exactly what the man want. Women know the difference between behavior as a single and behavior in a relationship.

OP, I have boundaries but I don't tell them. They aren't unreasonable for a mature person but I want to see if they are a mature person and they don't need me to point out a good touch or a bad touch. I want to know if a woman will defend a blurry or moving boundary and that tells me the kind of person they are and actually makes it easier for me to leave. Its so funny when they finally realize and start begging then shouting at my back as I leave them.
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>>18648101
this is fine as long as she follows these guidelines as well in my opinion.
It shouldn't be a situation where she is expecting you to follow these while she is sneaking around doing the same thing(s) that she is speaking against.

>That being said i think that doing this is very healthy for a relationship. Guidelines should be set before-hand to prevent someone getting hurt because the other is doing something that they frown upon. This doesn't make her needy or insecure, this is giving both you and her the reassurance that you both need/want because you both want this relationship to last.

>Also /adv/'s opinion shouldn't matter. If you're uncomfortable with these rules or you feel attacked then you should say something about it, but at the same time no opinions or posts on this thread should make you second guess the talk that you guys had.
>>
>>18650153
I should have on the spot right in front of the guy but he stayed put trying to talk to both of us and he only left when she started to gather her things together and left the pool.

Things have been rocky since I told her defending this insults my intelligence. She's trying to be too nice and lovey dovey like a puppy after shitting on the carpet, while not offering any acknowledgement of wrong doing which would mean she would have to apologize. It tells me she is not sorry at all and it also tells me this is likely her normal behavior when I am not around she only got caught this time.

Emotionally I have detached and unknown to her made arrangements to move at months end. Tired of hearing lies. She wants the guy, she can have him.
>>
these boundaries are controlling and pathetic, but to each their own
>>
>>18650185
>>18648101
I have also been in your position before from what it sounds like so i don't think this is at all "autistic" I think that you taking the initiative to set these boundaries is showing that you're mature and willing to make sure that she doesn't get hurt by accident.

>Beware though, there is going to be a point in time that you find something out that she's been hiding that violate said guidelines or that she finds something that you've been hiding. There is no way in hell that you two are both going to abide by these rules 100%, it's just not going to happen.
>>
>>18650205
These guidelines will last until she gets a crush on some guy and he means more to her at that point than the relationship.
>>
>>18650204
t. whore
>>
>>18650170

Best comment of this thread by far, couldn't agree more. I've used this style for a few years now and it is very effective, this time I want to try the initial boundary setting to see the outcome. Also I am getting tired of jumping from relationship to relationship, I want to see if this method will give me the results that I want.

Also when I've broken up with women in the past, I've always told them to treat this as a learning experience and try their best to not repeat the same mistakes, either that or find a guy willing to put up with the stuff that I won't.
>>
>>18650185
Thank you and I agree. I do appreciate /adv/'s input, even the ones that criticize.
>>
>>18650189
Good on you my friend, no man should have to put up with that shit. I wish you the best.
>>
>>18650204

I bet your boundaries are:

>I get to do what I want, otherwise I am leaving.
>>
>>18650221
lolk
>>
Communication is good, and if these are your expectations, then I don't think it's a bad idea to put it out there. Bad things happen when you assume that two people are on the same page.

I hesitate about your insistence of avoiding opposite sex straight friends and same sex gay friends.
If someone is going to cheat, they're going to cheat. If they're faithful, they're going to be faithful. There's a bit of an implication that a friend can convince your SO to cheat without their participation. Even if a friend is actively hitting on your SO, your SO should be able to shut down those advances and recognize when to cut off contact.

I feel a little better about the fact that both of you are insecure. I would advise you to be careful about putting too much effort into enforcing these rules. You've established these rules, now you have to trust each other to follow them. Don't read through her texts or quiz her or whatever.
>>
>>18650140

>True manipulation would be her demanding that I let her do whatever she wants while she accuses me of Abusive Controlling if I disapprove.

Has she said that she wants you to let her her do what she wants? No. Meanwhile you've sprung her with a full ownership contract controlling her behaviour; because let's face it, this is not about your behaviour, it's completely about hers; complete with threats of set degrees of emotional punishment.

Once again, what part exactly did she contribute to it? Have you shown this list to friends/family? Is she allowed to show it to her friends? What do you think their reaction would be?

The fact that a majority of people are telling you that this is not normal behaviour doesn't seem to phase you at all, and you just brush it off as being " women who are scared that men might start standing up to their bullshit". Have you set up a similar contract with your friends? I'm guessing not, hopefully because you realise how this would be perceived as inappropriate and disturbing.

I think you probably don't understand how to make a healthy relationship work, and seem quite happy to validate your behaviour with testimonies of people who's relationships have failed, ignoring the fact that no one has come forward with a similar behaviour and a positive outcome. Does that not seem strange to you? have you ever heard of anyone in a happy relationship doing this? I reckon not.

If being in a relationship for you necessarily involves "standing up to women and their bullshit" and basically setting yourself up for failure from the start, then you are just going to continue failing over and over again.
>>
>>18648101
Nothing strange on those points but the fact that you had to make a list of common social agreements just speaks volumes of the amount of autism in you and degeneracy in modern society.
>>
>>18650469

My only real issue with opposite sex single friends is that at least 80% of them would be intimate with her if given the chance, also the more time they spend to together is like making deposits into an emotional connection. True that if someone is going to cheat there is not a whole lot you can do about it, but you can reduce the potential for cheating. Also emotional cheating is a thing, women will do it to men without a second thought but will lose their minds if a man even slightly emotionally cheats on her.
>>
>>18650520

1. If she doesn't like it she can leave at any time

2. She can show this list to whomever she wants.

3. She mostly just agreed to my points and used examples of things she doesn't want me to do (ex: catch up with an ex over dinner)

4. I don't have a sexual or emotionally vested relationship with my friends, therefore your point there makes no sense

5. Not everyone needs to conform to what you or the majority view as a healthy relationship, if the "standard" way is so perfect then why are divorce rates so high and most relationships total disasters?
>>
>>18650536


Society has been going down the shitter for awhile now, people justify their degrenerate behavior because mainstream media tells them it is ok to be a whore.
>>
Why the fuck are people so afraid to say "No!" in a relationship?
>>
It wont work
>>
>>18648101
Holy Mother of fuck, OP. I would laugh in your face if you gave me such an autistic set of rules. Do I need to confirm with you if I can take a shit, too? Pardon me, OP, but is it OK if I go to work since there will be males there and I'll be spending "excessive" amounts of time with members of the opposite sex (about 9 hours a day)? Fuck off lol.
>>
>>18650645

1. This is the textbook phrase that perverse manipulators use to justify their behaviour.Look it up.

2. Has she? Have you? Are other people around you two aware of these "unusual" guidelines you have between you?

3. So this isn't something you actually constructed together, you just gently led her by the hand into surrendering to your clauses, with the illusion that she was participating by providing examples of things you have already decided. Once again, textbook manipulation.

4. Generally people do have an emotionally vested relationship with their friends, that's what separates friends from acquaintances. My point makes no sense to you because the people you call friends you probably just use to maintain social appearances to allow you access to women

5. Your reference to stats should in itself show you how misguided you are. You are quite content to use "over 50% marriages end in divorce" to justify your behaviour, but completely overlook that "0% of successful relationships have a detailed behavioural guideline laminated on the fridge door".

The sad thing is that, as many people have said, these "rules" you have diligently written out are just common sense and what most happy couples abide by. It's the fact that you felt the need to actually write them down and go through them point by point, like the pre-nup of an arranged marriage, that is the main issue, and a clear sign that you are destined to fail, be miserable and make her miserable.

Anyway, seems there is no talking you out of it, so I wish you the best of luck to both of you. When this relationship fails I strongly recommend you start considering whether you are equipped to handle long term relationships with women, and start wondering what is inherently wrong with you and your approach to women.
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>>18648101
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