I feel like I've sexually assaulted my girlfriend?

Move past it and don't do it again.

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>she okays it.
That is all.

Remember to make her feel loved and never violate her.

Clearly she trusts you and she knows you didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. She even acknowledged that you didn't do anything wrong. You will just have to continue living with the fact that her past traumatic experience will come up every now and then and cause her to have these brief moments. Kind of like PTSD.

My gf went through sexual abuse when she was young, too, and the trigger for her is if someone takes her hand and tries to lead it somewhere, especially anywhere near someone's lower body. I accidentally triggered it when we were first dating, and she snapped and closed herself off for a minute. I was angry at myself too for being so careless, but she reassured me that it wasn't my fault and that she trusted me and knew I wouldn't harm her. It was just an automatic reflex for her. I'm a bit more careful about it now, and when it does happen she reacts less now.

Continue being caring and sensitive toward her, but don't beat yourself up over this one incident or any future incidents. As long as you continue communicating together about it, and reassuring each other, it will be ok.

It was a mistake but you had no way to know.

Be nice to her from now on. Make her feel loved.

Dude, don't dwell on it. If she said it was fine, then it was fine. I know your heart is in the right place, but if you constantly seem worried and make her soothe YOU, you're basically making it about yourself even if it's her trauma to begin with. I trust that you don't wanna do that.

>>18647344
I told her that I'm not trying to pity party myself, when I feel like I'm the "aggressor" here, but she means a lot to me, and it feels awful to be associated with it in any way, even if she can't help it. She tells me how happy I make it her and it bothers the shit out of me to have that "tarnished" I suppose. Her lack of responses (She told me she's working on communicating) made me feel like she had some thought hanging in the back of her head that she wouldn't tell me, but she assured me last night that wasn't the case. To me, it would have made more sense if she was mad, and angry with me. But her showing me patience and willing to talk to me about this, makes me feel worse. It makes me feel worse because I DON'T intend to make this about me when she's the one with the traumatic past.


I assured her it won't strain our relationship. Because I don't think it will, but I just hate feeling like I've taken advantage of her and wronged her, even unintentionally.

>>18647426
You didn't do anything wrong. Don't read too much into it or you'll be the one straining the relationship. Shes been coping with this longer than you've been dating her

>>18647438
I've only brought it up twice. When it happened, and once today. So hopefully I haven't breached that "Fucking drop it, jesus" point yet.

I've never had to handle a situation like that before, so honestly, being told that having sex with me reminded her of her childhood sexual abuse, I felt like the biggest monster on the planet for somehow causing that to happen. I might not have handled it the best this time around, but I will if it happens again.

Thank you guys.

>>18647324

Here's your mistake Op:

You made it about you. I know you THINK you're trying to be thoughtful and considerate because you are guilty, but think about what you're really asking for:

"What should I do (because I want to feel better)?"

The reality is that she probably had something like an anxiety attack and felt a wave of emotions that she didn't have any control over. Now think about how she underwent trauma where she literally lost control over what was happening to her body because of other people.

In fact, the important thing is to not overreact because then she's going to feel anxiety about telling you anything because she doesn't want to cause any more waves or bring any pressure to the relationship. The best thing you can do is to assure her that she can tell you what's running through her mind and how she feels and you'll be there to listen (and not make any judgments).

>>18647572
I've come to understand that. I knew that in the back of my head, but I understand the severity of it now.

Question is, should I let her know that? Apologize "I'm sorry that while not my intent, I ended up making it about me, when I should have been there for you. I got scared. This is something I've never experienced before, so I know I didn't handle it well in a moment of slight panic. I need to be there for you if you ever need me."