Tired of the World

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Stuck in a personal rut, not sure how to shake it. I'm typically a highly focused individual, creatively inclined and business minded. I had a very poor childhood, my mother was mentally ill and my dad's physical and mental health eroded as I grew up. My mom was violent, verbally abusive and paranoid due to her schizophrenia. As a child, I was left unattended and a man tried to molest me, more top notch parenting from my crazy mom.

Since my childhood, I've tried to move past these things, I have an ok office job, I've had a few relationships and live with some roommates in a nice house. I left my sleepy hometown to pursue a career in advertising as a copywriter, working for about 5 years until it came to light that our boss was funnelling money and left the country (chick boss's, I tell ya). In spite of losing my career and moving back home, things should be ok...

I truly resent women, have dated many but can find very little in longevity with any one of them. I have a hard time with intimacy. I think this stems from my childhood. Right now I feel fatgued, not yearning for death but unable to tap into my latent ambition. The only thing that gives me real pleasure is the outdoors.

Called a psychiatrist to schedule an appointment but wanted some more input. Sorry for the blog...