Trust issues, compulsive lying, etc

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>>18645637
it's better to avoid people altogether. they're garbage

>>18645645
Well I wouldn't go that far, Batman McEdgeknuckle. People are chiefly selfish, and blown about by internal motivations that we can't quite understand. Sometimes it's helpful to understand what we're dealing with when it comes to others, so we know how to avoid pitfalls

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Bumple stiltskin de arimasu.

>>18645669
He can't handle how disappointing people are. I can't either, really. You seem to be distant enough from them to tolerate it.

>>18645637
My first impression, OP, is that your archiving people's conversations is bizarre. It's also concerning, because there are some conversations I just don't want archived. There's nothing necessarily negative about it, though. I would have to know you better and ask a lot of questions before coming to an opinion on these things you do.

Also, you wrote "compulsive lying," in your title, and then didn't write anything about it in the body. You sound like a bit too much of an atypical. I'd probably stay away from you, to be frank.

>>18645729
thats bad japinese

OP you would excel at a job as one of the following:

interrogator
prosecutor
psychologist/psychiatrist
politician

>>18645765
your personality type ix XYZ, the jaguar. you should eat only whole grains

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>>18645744
I lie about pretty much everything. Whatever I need to get people to trust or confide in me. I lie to pit people against each other to build camaraderie with each individual separately, etc. I guess it's wrong to call it "compulsive" I just do it a LOT.

> there are some conversations I just don't want archived.
I try to keep myself away from positions of authority or administration, because I know I don't have the self control to avoid using this. I probably wouldn't use information that I gathered against anyone unless I felt that they were a threat, but we all know how that bullshit goes.

> you should get a job as etc etc
I'm not interested in working for people of authority, or power structures of any kind. I also forgot to mention. I have an extremely low empathic response. I don't know that I would be a good psychologist.

What you're doing is what smart people do, they figure out other people. Don't know what's with your trust issues if you can predict people's behavior though.

>>18645793
I have a slight concern that I'm being spoken I'll of when I'm not around, even by "close friends" I tend to just leave my phone in the middle of a room when I walk out to have a smoke or go to the bathroom, with the recorder on, and review it later. Gives me additional useful information, in any case. I agree it's just being smart, but I do feel really anxious if my phone is dead or I otherwise can't keep tabs on people, or my family, or whatever

OP, I operate similarly, but on a temporal level. I have a photographic memory and can predict behavior with a high degree of accuracy. I'm not as manipulative as you are, in fact I'm extremely frank and forthright, I just use the information to guide who I want to invest my time in and who I don't. When I was much younger I did some psy-opp type stuff on people with great success. In my experience, trying to connect and actually getting genuinely close to someone is a lot more gratifying, but with low empathy that'll be hard. If you'd like to step over to the other side sometime, it's beautiful. I'd compare it to being blind and regaining sight. I was a sociopath until age 19, until I smoked DMT and became human again. Empathy, and love (true love, not selfish love) are the most pure and beautiful emotions- I cannot even describe to you how incredible it feels.

The reason you collect these archives is because you need to feel a sense of control over your relationships. You've been hurt before, very badly, whether you remember it or not (probably a primal wound), and you want to feel trusted. It's very important for you to be confided in, because it lets you know that you're good enough, that you made it into the inner circle, and the exercises you do make you simultaneously feel better than the person. Now why would you want to feel like that.. what happened in your life that made you feel rejected and excluded?

>>18645765
wrong

I think you're lying to satisfy your inflated ego. How do you allegedly pit people against each other you curious little Edgelord?

>>18645791
>I mean I pit people against each other and stuff

Hmm. I have trouble relating to that as well. I'm not involved enough with others to pit them against each other. I don't have a desire to see people fight, either.

What was the purpose of the thread? You're looking for someone who might be similar to you?

It would be interesting if I could understand you. Most of what you're saying here is alienating and intriguing at the same time.

>>18645836
Yeah OP could very well be an unreliable narrator, but sometimes unbelievable stuff is true.

>>18645820
>Empathy, and love (true love, not selfish love) are the most pure and beautiful emotions- I cannot even describe to you how incredible it feels.

Yeah, I've heard that dozens of times. Doesn't make sense to me. I don't doubt that you experience these emotions, I just don't find myself functioning this way on a daily basis.

> The reason you collect these archives is because you need to feel a sense of control over your relationships.

This makes sense. I don't deny it. It feels comfier to know where all the pieces fall.

> You've been hurt before, very badly, whether you remember it or not (probably a primal wound), and you want to feel trusted. It's very important for you to be confided in, because it lets you know that you're good enough, that you made it into the inner circle, and the exercises you do make you simultaneously feel better than the person. Now why would you want to feel like that.. what happened in your life that made you feel rejected and excluded?

Nothing big jumps out at me from when I was a kid. There was standard childhood drama where I was made fun of or teased, but it was pretty limited since I'm a big ol' nayger. I was never seriously bullied. I never had many romantic relationships in school, but I was at home fiddling with computers. I doubt any of experiences of isolation would cause some sort of complex.

I wish I had access to stuff like dmt. I have to admit even the first time I smoked weed, I had never felt so enthusiastic (I have pretty severe depression) and I spent like four hours introspecting and soul searching. It was pretty awesome. I'm sure a serious psychedelic would be eye opening.

>>18645852
different anon here

>Love doesn't make sense to me.
Love doesn't really occur for me unless it fits the situation.

>This makes sense as a reason for why I do things.
Don't just go with the psychoanalysis of 4chan. Try to actually figure out the reasons you do things. For most people, collecting little bits of data on people would actually be boring, because it wouldn't offer them much of a reward. It's offering some kind of reward to you, and you are completely capable of figuring out what that reward is. You'll learn more about yourself approaching things this way.

>My childhood was unremarkable. I'm a big nibba.
>I feel empty and bored.

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>>18645836
>>18645843
>>18645848
No, you're absolutely right. I could understand how that could be viewed as "look at me I'm Kevin spacey guis" I could give examples, but to be fair, you shouldn't believe those either. Just treat them as hypotheticals and resolve accordingly if you find yourself overwhelmed by skepticism.

I used it to get a management position at a restaurant, where I was romantically involved with half the servers (they all had daddy issues. It was not as fun as it sounds), and my bosses all went out and drank with me (extra incriminating info or insight into office politics is worth the price of a free drinks). I'm also working on my siblings and parents right now. Don't expect to get extra inheritance or anything crazy, but they supplement my income quite nicely, and I've convinced them that my siblings are lazy and spoiled (they are a little bit, so it helps the story along.) There are some examples. Take it with a grain of salt, of course.

>>18645870
Duly noted.

> I feel empty and bored
I actually have a life goal now, but about two months ago that would have been spot on.

>>18645637
You sound a little narcissistic. Do you feel that one would have to be of ridiculous quality in order to be worthy of being your friend? It sounds to me like you place others lower than yourself in order for you to obtain some sort of gain. You may not displaying your gains from doing this to anyone, but you're definitely displaying them to yourself with your archive of conversations. I know a guy kind of like you. He uses information on people to later use against them after he hasn't gone through the process of getting close to them. He basically throws them away after a while of being their "friend" by spewing shit about them to everyone. He probably has a similar way of finding out what makes people tick that you do and it seems like you both are using your social like for the same means (granted you said you don't always do that, but you still do). You're probably excellent with passive aggression.
Sounds to me like you have SPD

>>18645885
Fuck you. You're full of shit. Also don't hypothetically tell someone you don't know you eavesdrop on people if you want to manipulate them or preserve whatever reputation you allegedly maintain

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>>18645637
If you don't believe what people say, then what's the point of this fucking thread OP

>>18645888
is SPD even a diagnosis? you clearly just projected your entire concept of people who anger you and do injustices on to this anon you don't even know

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>>18645888
Ugh. I've wrestled with this before. I....don't think I'm that special. I don't think others are sub human or anything like that. I just think we are creatures that are driven by selfishness or ego or whatever. I don't have "standards" for being my friend. I'm just interested in spending time with people who share interests. If I'm taking pictures of a sunset, and meet another photographer, we can share pictures, talk about awesome spots, whatever, and then go our separate ways, having got what we both wanted out of the interaction. That would be the closest thing to "friendship" to me. Nothing special. So....no. I don't THINK I'm a narcissist. I'm just as vulnerable to manipulation as anyone else. And Im sure I miss out on a wealth of very human experiences because I'm always examining others from a foxhole. I just think my behavior suits my temperament.

>>18645885
what's your life goal?

yeah you sound like a reptoid alright. can you be good for anything? your lack of interest in the "structure" (not that im implying society is great or something) seems to point to the answer being no.

someone who's not interested in the social structure can be beneficial to others interpersonally, but you sound even worse in that department, downright parasitic.

>>18645899
Pls no bully. I'm sure I'm full of shit sometimes (most of time). Pls don't be mad at me, I know I'm not a great person.

>>18645901
Because I can just tell the truth as best as I can, because you guys don't know me. I mean, I'll take all the responses with a grain of salt, but you guys are less likely to have an agenda. Other than the standard 4chan fair.

>>18645913
narcissists are volatile, delusional, and dangerous

>>18645927
>forgive me
that shit doesn't work on 4chan. luckily most of us here don't really give a shit what you are

>>18645907
>is SPD even a diagnosis?
It's a personality disorder
And I wasn't trying to project any anger, I just used similarities I noticed between a guy I know and OP. And if I was projecting, why does it matter? This isn't a thread about me or my insecurities.

>do injustices on to this anon
I wouldn't be posting or even looking on /adv/ if I wasn't going to at least be productive. I offered my opinion so maybe he could do something with it

I didn't project my concept of people who anger me, I just projected my idea of what might be wrong with OP

anyway, a narcissist would have a constantly changing worldview (in order to protect their delusions), a strong desire for love and affection, and a tendency to become angry

you haven't reported any of those things here

>>18645953
no but a life spent projecting past experience on to the present is just going to be full of inaccuracies

I was saying that you're projecting your idea of an unjust person on to OP. The truth is that, even if OP is an unjust person, you hardly know anything about them.

>>18645922
I'd like to work within my community to create a group of workers that create necessities in order to avoid relying on exploitative corporations or governments. (Political bullshit incoming) What I mean by this is, I think that we can solve two of the big problems that we have in Western culture in one goal. We have problems with run away emotionless corps that none of us like working for. We don't see the results of our efforts, and we don't have any skills or hobbies any more. We don't create anything, we have no community camaraderie, and we've become divided by the very convenience and social isolation that has robbed us of our autonomy. I want to start creating local community based systems where membership is predicated on each member having a skill or craft that can provide a useful item for barter in the community. This keeps us out of Walmart, keeps us from having to work long hours to pay for shit we don't need, and helps us see the different people that we live sons as PEOPLE. Instead of big bads on social media.

I've been trying to iron out the wrinkles and learn a fuck ton of skills to contribute (knitting, farming, and woodworking currently), because like you said, my life is a bit parasitic, but results and freedom from the "wage slave or starve dichotomy" seems like a universal benefit. Sorry for the wall of text.

>>18645960
why? maybe you aren't antisocial. it's not like you skin cats or anything. maybe you are just very odd.

so you're thinking about starting a commune?

>>18645979
Mmm well, commune is a bit strong. I want the system to work for people who live in suburban and rural areas as well. Like maybe a hackerspace or something that people can go to, bring their wares, use machinery on air if they need to etc. Only price of admission is bringing something of value to regularly share with the community. No, I don't skin cats, I'm not a sadist or anything like that.

>>18645956
If by past experience you mean the guy I know did something like that to me, he didn't.
I think the only unjust thing I accused him of was him using information to put people against each other for personal gain, which he admitted to. Everything else I said such as when I mentioned he may be narcissistic or he is probably good at using passive aggression for advantages or even placing people below himself in his mind isn't making him out to be "unjust". It's just what I was saying he could be thinking based on a person I know.
He isn't unjust for thinking like that, but he is unjust for using information to fuck with people and their social lives, and even still I said that he didn't do it all the time. I wasn't projecting, I was just using similarities to give insight on what kind of person OP could be.

And if your next argument is "you're using someone else's personality traits to psychoanalyze OP, then you're projecting" then seriously just fuck off. Any and all of our opinions come from past experiences, so if anything, we're perpetually "projecting". But that's not a bad thing.

Fuck also, I meant to ask. What's spd that you guys are talking about? Sensory processing disorder? That doesn't seem applicable...

>>18645995
Sadistic personality disorder

>>18645991
that's the vaguest thing I have heard in a while. so it's like mutual charity? won't people still have to pay their own rent then, and still be slaves to the financial system?

>>18645993
I have met maybe five or ten people in my personal life who's low empathy was remarkable. All of them were different. That's my only point, that everyone is different.

>>18646005
Yeah, unfortunately. I want to start by getting peeps down to a 20 hour work week. We all have to pay rent and taxes and shit, but I want to limit the amount we have to wage slave just to live, while simultaneously giving us an incentive to develop hobbies that could enrich our lives. I think it would be great. People would have s motivation to look after one another, a day of work would feel like it mattered, rather than stocking shelves, and we all find shit we enjoy doing. Might be rocky at the start, but I see a lot of benefits. If people want to go the commune route, That's fine. I've considered converting my property into one. But.....even I could tell that would be a terrible idea. (The owner of the commune? eavesdropping on all the members? Sounds like heaven!) So I want to start small to see if I could get the ball rolling and get a community to embrace the basic idea. Then if people want to forgo any sort of attachment to the state, that's on them.

>>18646009
I understand, and I wasn't trying to be an asshole
I was just hoping that by offering the personality traits of someone else, that OP could find some consistencies and get a better understanding of himself

>>18646018
Op here. I don't think I'm above the behavior you described btw. I don't think of myself as sadistic, but I can definitely see the parallels. I've tried to set certain rules for myself, like never having a girlfriend. I can't see that working for either party. I also don't harbor any ill will or contempt toward people. But I mean, they're not me. I don't have access to their internal experience like I do to my own.

>>18646017
I think the idea of learning skills and being mutually generous with those skills could be good. too many people just do their wagey shit, drink, fuck and then fall asleep just to wake up and do the same shit over again.

It's really sad to look at, actually. I would like to see better for people.

>>18646031
Well I guess if you can self-evaluate and realize faults then you wouldn't be like that. Do you want to get better about your social anxiety or are you just looking for someone to relate to

>>18646047
Uh, well like i said I saw a therapist and I've been taking antidepressants. But I tend to drop into the same manipulation routine with my therapists, so they usually send me off with a hearty wave. One of my doctors tried to prescribe me an anti-psychotic ages ago, but I dodged that shit like the matrix. I wasn't comfortable with notion that I was THAT abnormal at the time. But yeah. I don't seem to be capable of being honest with any of them about my habits. I'd love to find people to relate to, but I know it's kinda a shot in the dark.

>>18646061
Psychotic??? Did he say you have psychosis?
Lucky you didn't listen to him

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>>18646073
I'm assuming you're being sarcastic. Should I have listened to him? I don't know what properly constitutes "psychotic behavior".

>>18646081
Kek I actually wasn't being sarcastic
Your doctor must've been confused if he considers you to be psychotic or wanted you to be treated for psychosis

>I tend to use those models to tell people what they want to hear

You find them untrustworthy, but you're being just as dishonest. You may be projecting that kind of dishonesty on peoole

>>18645637
>trust issues
>clinical analysis of relationships
>lack of empathy

Many people with aspergers do exactly this, but it's not a black/white thing
Probably the most likely

It might also be something on the antisocial spectrum, many people only understand antisocial disorders through TV dramas so the possibility doesn't occur to many people

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Op here. I've noticed recently that whenever I decide to buy alcohol, I get a fluttering excitement in my stomach, and my mood improves slightly. This....is bad news. I used to drink daily (and behave much more abusive) but I finally got it down to one a week. I feel like I might be relapsing.

>>18646265
Oh, ok. Never can be sure. I wish we could use the sarcasm punctuation mark.

>>18646276
This sounds very likely. We view things as WE are, not as they are. I would only say as a rebuttal, that I happen to have a lot of evidence to prove my judgements of other people right. People in general are not trust worthy.

>>18646595
Isn't aspergers a meme? I was under the impression that it was often over diagnosed. I had suspected antisocial personality disorder, but like anons earlier said, that smacks of "I want to be an evil mastermind look my edges have edges" also I haven't ever had problems with the law or anything

>>18647470
Your evidence could also be skewed by your preconceived bias. You keep only the data that you think makes sense in your own world

>>18645637
>"friend" of mine (I don't use the term typically. "Close acquaintance" tends to feel more appropriate)
Stopped reading there