More than a week ago I my gf of 4 nad a half years broke up with me. I could've seen it coming and it wasn't a bad breakup. It was sort of a mutual agreement, but at the time it hit me really hard. She wanted us to stay friends and and out of what I believe was subconscious desperation I agreed. We still talk daily about dumb shit, memes shows and such, but a part of me is breaking down.
I do realise I have to distance myself from her for my own good, but I was always an incredibly lonely person, and I can barely talk to anyone else. She's kind of in the same position, but we've not once talked about the breakup since. She's incredibly casual about everything while I've had a few days gone drinking too much vodka and not eating. We met to watch a show and she told me I've been dealing with my situation maturely and I was screaming inside.
I want her to hate me, I want to hate her. I want some emotional outburst because I'm going to explode inside. The problem is she gave me no reason to to be angry with her and I don't think she desreves it, perhaps she's dealing with it in her own way.
I don't know what to do with myself anymore. I don't think I've been genuinely happy in life for the last 7 years, and she helped me pick up some pieces, but now I don't have anyone to talk to and am unable to deal with my emotions in any sort of way, only through alcohol and thoughts of self harm but I'm resisiting those since my teens when I was an attention whoring edgelord.
I ask if anyone has had a similar experience and any sort of advice is welcome.
>>18644463
Most of us have similar experience. Almost everyone goes through at least one break up and your is not unusual. You can't be friends now OP and you should get away and continue your life without her.
>>18644527
The shit thing is I kindo already know that, but have immense trouble distancing myself from her. I can bear her no ill will because I can't be angry at her, but I want to be. I want her to give me a reason to hate her and tell her to go fuck herself...
>>18644547
I agree an amicable break up is harder than if one of you cheated or abused the other but in the long run you must put this behind you. The longer you drag it out the longer before you are ready to love again. If you drag it out a perfect partner may cross your path and you won't notice because you are still connected you your ex.
>>18644588
Thanks for the kind words, anon. You are right. This was my first real relationship though, and it is really hard for me.
>>18644463
Just tell her that it's hard for you and that you can't because it hurts, even though you appreciate her and everything.
And don't you want to know why she can just accept it?
>>18644605
Yep, the first is brutal and the second is a fucking killer but by the third relationship your heart has so much scar tissue built up you're only disappointed and numb. That's life OP
>>18644463
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTuDks4ogs0
>>18644704
She's a bit of a weirdo. Her whole family isn't very expressive regarding emotions. I learned not to question it at some point..
>>18644728
Right now I feel like I'd rather be alone forever, but I know I'm just going through motions. It's never going to be better, is it?
>>18644738
That was very profound, thanks.
>>18644773
It does get better, slowly and being alone is fine. One day though you'll come across another that is on the same trajectory. Might be a year or two but it will happen.