Hey guys. Before I ramble, let me give you a quick rundown of

I'm a very lonely guy in general, I have one friend who often comes out to hang out with me when I ask him, and another who does so on very rare occasions. Both of these friends sense my social anxiety which is why I can also clearly see how they purposefully leave me out of group events because of this. So basically, I get to see two people, and even then it's usually for only a moment. Well, three days ago the closer one of the friends introduced me to Xanax, as I was panicking over a thing which is now thankfully over. I took the pill and the second it kicked in, my social anxiety disappeared entirely. I had a great day, small talked more than ever before and met new people.

The next morning I woke up and it was over. I know the risks involved with Benzo drugs, but I couldn't handle the temptation to get more of this stuff. I had to get more. After using my poor social engineering skills, I got a hookup and now I had multiple pills. I popped one, and went to the grocery store to buy dinner. While I was there, I bumped into an old friend from high school. As my typical social phobia was nonexistant, I mastered our small talk. He was kind of taken aback because he surely remembered my anxiety too, which was even worse during my time in high school. But right as I was leaving, he asked me if I wanted to come to a fairly elite party as a VIP-guest. He had a bunch of those tickets, because he was working for the party managers or something like that. I told him sure, and went home after he gave me his phone number.

As I came in, I dropped the shopping bags on the floor and just stood there. "What the fuck just happened?" I thought to myself. All this time I've been an outcast loser, and now all of this happens, just because of a fucking pill? I was euphoric and confused at the same time.

CONT.

>>18643737
The party was the day after tomorrow. I put on my smart casual look and headed over there, right after taking another pill of course. It was fucking amazing, the last party I was in was in high school, and it was nothing like this. Strobe lights, loud music and tons of people. I saw the aforementioned guy with his group and I joined them. Never felt so bad ass as we walked through the dancefloor. So we decided to dance and hit up some girls, and I was so excited it felt like I was going to explode. I danced, and soon I was brave enough to go up to a girl. I danced with her for hours, in the end I was sweating like hell.

The DJ played the last song, and it was over. I then asked the girl to come over to my place, and she FUCKING SAID YES. At this point it felt like I switched universes or that I was in some video game. Did I really just manage to do this? I brought her over, and yes, we hooked up. In the morning she left, and that was that.

But in the morning, as you can guess, my old self was back again. Anxious as hell, worse than before the pill. In addition to that, my old friend asked me to come out to hang out at his place. I had to take more Xans to keep up my "newly established lifestyle". I did and left for his house. When I got there, I quickly got to know all the others and made some new friends, AGAIN. Everything was perfect.

So, here we are. My social being is suddenly expanding rapidly, and everything seems more than fantastic on the surface. But my doses are growing, and the withdrawal effects are worsening. And like I mentioned, I keep losing my memory, which is part of the drug. Some days are completely wiped out from my head.

So, two things:
1. What the fuck am I supposed to do?
2. I imagine some of you have some questions, so go on.

p.s I am on the drug right now and I couldn't have written this without it. I can do nothing without popping one, other than feel like I'm living in hell.

>>18643735
Nobody's problem is worth my reading a long story. Ask again in 2 or 3 sentences and you'll get replies.

>>18644104
Your post isn't worth my thread, so fuck off sir