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Anonymous
I am struggling with a eating disorder. 2017-08-20 08:51:29 Post No. 18641492
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I am struggling with a eating disorder. 2017-08-20 08:51:29 Post No. 18641492
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I have serious problems with myself.
I am a ballerina, I've danced for 9 years. It's come to a point where I hate it but I can't live without it. I suffered from anorexia and bulimia in secret, no one ever knew about this. It started when I was 12 lasted until a couple months ago when I felt so bad about eating at a family gathering that I locked myself up in the bathroom and threw up there, with my family eating across the hall. I started crying and decided to stop myself from doing it. I even took a break from ballet for a couple of months. I eventually gained my confidence back, from forcing myself to go out with friends and being productive. but today my dad said something harmful... he doesn't know about it so I don't blame him. but I just couldn't take it. I am locked in my room. I promised myself I wouldn't eat anything for the next few days. I need help... this isn't what I want. I just feel obligated to do it. there is something in me that doesn't want me to touch the smallest ounce of food.
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>>18641492
Anorexia and bulimia are a big deal. If you live with your parents you need to tell them so you can get proper treatment. You can dance ballet and still be (sort of) healthy, but you can't have eating disorders and be healthy, and it will damage your ability to dance in the long term.
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>>18641492
Changing a pattern is extremely tough. I know because I've struggled with a lot of poor ones up til now (27 now) - namely addiction for me. It's doable though. You're only 21 (from the sounds of it) ... people change so much during their 20s, it's definitely achievable to re-imangine the person you'd like to see yourself become .. in say 5, 10, 15yrs. If you don't want to have an unhealthy relationship with food, well, acknowledging to yourself that you have something to improve is the first step. That's actually fantastic. Self-improvement is something to be celebrated, so I applaud you for that.
Next you'll want to start introcing manageable steps that move you in the direction of your goal. Something that you know you can succeed in, and which allows you to shift you out of your old pattern and into a new one.
For me, I had a binge eating problem. I changed from binging unhealthy shit, to allowing myself to binge healthy shit. That worked for me because honestly, a person can only eat so much broccoli and drink so much water. For me it was the sensation of feeling full that I craved, so I tried to find a way to solve that. For you, maybe it's wanting to feel empty? Perhaps you could introduce calories through liquids - eg. preparing healthy smooties/shakes to get nutrients into your body. And since it's liquid, maybe it'll ease the transition?
Iunno. I'm just trying to help. I can't imagine bulimia - it must be really hard, but I know you can do it!
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>>18641909
>this is me
Follow up - what's bulimia like? I can imagine anorexia because I now live a life where I choose to fast, sometimes between 24 and 48h and the feeling is nice; however, I can not imagine throwing up a meal? What drives that behaviour? Are you able to express what it's like in words? I'm really curious.
Yours truly,
a former coke addict, food addict, mdma addict, alcohol addict .. and now, current gym, career, and healty-eating addict
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