Social Anxiety

>>18641444
I dealt with similar problems by simp,y accepting it and being alone.
I tried dating a girl recently but after a couple of dates I just ended it unilaterally.

We liked each other well enough, but having any sort of conversation with her would leave me absolutely exhausted. I am incapable of relaxing and have a constant inner dialogue with myself playing out every single scenario at any given time and how I should respond should it arise. Rationally I know she just wants me to ask about her day and empathize, but that that isn't how I am wired.

The same happens in pretty much any social setting or human interaction. I avoided public transport for years because I couldn't handle the idea of having to deal with the ticket people and bus drivers etc.

>>18641444
I know what ya mean man. I go through this shit a lot actually. couple months from 30, it still happens. I used to be much better, but anxiety seem to be spiraling out of my control.

My experience, and whats helps me get out of it in the moment, even just for an evening, is to remember that usually they are making fun of you being in-authentic, and are low-key waiting for someone to slap you in the face and say "get the fuck out of your depression and come have fun I see you want to".

Trust me mate, folks pick up on that vibe. They pick up on the "oh, hes waiting for us to save him. I remember being like that once. Hopefully he will figure it out". They are too busy fighting the same urges you are to deal with your shit for you.

Definately projecting, but that feeling you experience of everyone judging you and making fun of you is exactly right, you feel it because they are. You know why they are and you are unhappy about it BUT STILL NOT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT. Thats why it is a negative and painful feeling, feels like judgement and not "What the fuck ever, who gives a damn if I like GTA V". You aren't proud of yourself and parties are picking up on it. Use this shit as fuel, instead of waiting for someone else to do it for you.

I was just at a wedding last night, and I spent time with my cousins. They both were like this, you could tell that they wanted to leave for anxiety reasons, which only compounded the longer I tried to get them to stick around. I'd ask why they want to leave and theyd give some BS like "Oh Ive gotta do X and I want to be prepared" and then 2 minutes later Id lean in close, in secret ask "Yo really, whats up why we leaving" "Oh, you know I dont really know..." Then on the car ride home its full of: "Oh man! Remember when X did Y at the wedding? Wouldn't it have been funny if I did Z? Everyone would be like AHAHAHAH"

Stop waiting for peoples validations, I think.

I spent three years scarcely leaving my room

Discovered after that time that I wanted to have one close friend at any given time. I find other people stifling, even if I haven't been socializing at all that day, I just don't want to be spoken to or even messaged by anyone else. But no matter how many people you do or don't want to interact with, you will need to make them understand that you need space and alone time very regularly, and that your patience for conversations may be less than most people.

>>18641489
Yeah, I do tend to do that. I feel like they notice that and get kind of fed up with it. The problem is, I do fine with small groups, but as soon as theres more than ten people, I start getting that feeling again. Especially when theres women around, because even if I'm not ugly or rude, I feel like they just think I'm a loser.

>>18641500
Yeah dude, you teach people how to treat you. Soon as theres a group of 10+ with women around, you start telling everyone to look at you as the loser of the bunch.

Also, I think you need to stop running from those thoughts when you are alone. It feels like you are going into environments that will have groups of people, and THATS when you start thinking about all the things you could be doing to get better, but as soon as you go home you rinse-repeat your same unproductive lifestyle. You are limiting yourself by not letting yourself feel the pain of "maybe my hobbies/attitudes/behavior is the problem". I mean no insult here, friend. I know i'm guilty of this, mostly around DANCE parties.

>> Go to party, dance floor is empty, feel real comfortable and ancy to dancy.
>> Dance floor starts to fill, think "Oh man, theyre so janky, nobody knows what the fuck theyre doing. This is borderline embarassing, i'll wait till it picks up
>>Picks up
>>Oh damn, people here really suck. I want to be the one that impresses all of them, because I've seen how little it takes to impress basic fools that have never heard of dance music. Hell I've impressed them with no effort!
>>Think about how I will practice and get in shape for "next time".
>>Anxiety mounting as every sees me as the guy off on the side judging everyones dancing - clearly wanting to dance - but not stepping on to the floor like everyone else.
>>Eventually break "Not feeling it, gonna go"

>>18641621

>>Get home, open up Youtbe/facebook/Reddit/4chins
>>Think to myself "Man, I had a lot of opportunity there, next time I wont squander it.
>> Look up literally anybody else's life through this media about how THEY would have handled it
>> Seee proof that I could have done that to good success
>>put no effort into my own actions
>>two months later, rinse repeat.

>>8641629
>Man, I had a lot of opportunity there, next time I wont squander it
That right there. i was chatting up some girl, but once the dancing started I kind of backed off and one of my friends made it with her instead

>>18641640
Yup. Go home, and do what needs to be done.

Dota 2 and slapping your dick around is not what needs to be done.

Something tells me you are not the most self-aware person. Again, no insult friend. The same thing tells me you see a successful verion of yourself, can envision it and dream it, but are unsure how to make it happen - this drives your anxiety. What you need is to REALLY look at yourself. REALLY learn you you are. You will never fully learn as you are an ever changing entity, but in order to make those changes you have to know what you are changing from.
>>Wants big giant healthy Tomato plants
>> Done research, been to greenhouses, you see what a Tomato plant should be
>>Bring home a bunch of Tomato seeds
>>Put a blindfold on
>>Plant seeds wherever you think your garden is.

If you want to be who you want to be, you gotta work towards it. Look at what you are, without filters, and look at what you need in order to actually change. Fuck, I don't know how to say it without saying "Look at yourself with out your Ego" but most people have a hard time conceptualizing that. You feelin me so far or have I gone fulll derail?

>>18641709
Na, I get it. Guess I just need to grow up a little