Depression/Anxiety General

I have no idea what to do
all of my problems are common here on 4chan but impossible to talk with anyone else about and 4chan offers no solutions, just more misery
parents are utterly incompetent and absolutely no one can relate irl
it's gotten to the point where I just resent absolutely everyone
one time someone brought up my problems in front of everyone so after that I refused to show myself in that social circle for nearly a year
i have no clue how a therapist can possibly help me and I refuse to take drugs
like I said no idea what to do

>>18640411
have you ever seen a shrink? And why do you refuse to take drugs?

I don't know what's happening to me. All the time I feel like giving up, my life has no direction, I find everyone boring and wrong but I still feel alone. I'm hungry but the food I buy with my own money seems tasteless and worthless. The harder I try to seek meaning in life, the more I fail to do that. And just so you know, I can't afford any meds or drugs.

>tfw anxiety after a year of drinking excessively and taking drugs

I didn't even do that much in comparison with other people but I just feel so afraid and down all the time, especially after drinking. I have chest pains and difficulty swallowing and fears of people messing with my food. I constantly feel like I have a horrible disease that is slowly killing me. Just really tired and negative all the time.

Dunno just feel like a 70 year old rather than a healthy 19 year old

>>18640353
Nice idea for a thread.

I'm not really depressed or anxious, I think. Just kind of bummed out at how life and people are so boring and mundane, the irony being that my favorite way to spend a day is by doing nothing and getting high or tripping.

I have friends and stuff, I try to go on dates to get a girlfriend, but I lose interest so fast. It's just not worth it sometimes.

I'm probably graduating next month and I'm really not looking forward to getting a job though. I don't feel ready at all, and I'm 25. Money's never been a problem up to now, but I can't afford to do nothing for the rest of my life unfortunately. Ah well.

>be me, junior year of High, worried about everything.

The question is, I took meds for the second semester of last year. (For ADHD) And the reason being i thought it would help with focus which in turn would help with grades. But by the end of the semester i couldnt really tell if they were helping. So schools is starting tommorow and i need to decide if i should take them again this year. Should i do it?

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>>18640694
>I can't afford any meds or drugs.
and maybe you're off without them. I've been taking sertraline for several months now and it has helped me at various times, I'll admit that, but they still don't bar me from having extreme low days. I experienced mad side effects like extreme depersonalization.

Lately I've just lost my appetite almost completely and my thirst has increased a lot.

>>18640697
> I constantly feel like I have a horrible disease that is slowly killing me. Just really tired and negative all the time.
dude that is exactly me, what the fuck, I actually feel a bit better right now knowing I'm not the only one. Except I'm 21 and I'm not afraid of people messing with my food but just living life freelyon the outside in general.
Like for example, if I'm riding the public bus and feel the slightest* sting or pinch or whatever say, on the back of my neck, I'll automatically assume some crazy druggie stabbed me with an std infected needle or something. It's stupid, but I just can't help feeling paranoid.

>>18640694
forgot to mention though that anxiolytics on the other hand have helped me tons. I used to have anxiety attacks so bad I couldn't sleep at night, with racing heart beat and all that. One time I was so anxious, my leg muscles got so tense they hurt like fuck and I couldn't stop shaking all over. Literally thought I was dying.

>>18640675
never, I just don't see how they could help
I'm not interested in just eating pill to rearrange my mind and fuck me up in all sorts of other ways

>>18640720
Glad to hear I'm not only one either. The smallest fucking symptom, like an ache or a cough make me feel like it's game over. It keeps going through my head, the idea of me having a freak accident or rare disease that will make me suffer and die young.

I'm always afraid of choking now, I can't eat as much as I used to. I'm getting panic attacks and dissociation too now. This is ruining my life.

My mum sees me being down and tells me I have it good in life and to fight against it. Maybe she's right but just makes me feel worse

>>18640744
>I'm always afraid of choking now
I've been a slow eater for years now because of exactly that. Also, I think because of my anxiety, my throat swells up (my doc said it), which makes it harder for me to swallow normal amounts of foot at a normal pace, thus making me a slow eater.

When did this all start for you anon?

>My mum sees me being down and tells me I have it good in life and to fight against it
That sucks.
She's right in that probably all of us here right now live in a first world country with just about enough income to live a stable life, which should be enough to make us feel glad and happy, right?
Yes, in theory.

Thing is, there's an imbalancement in most of our brains somehow. Life, in the end, is what you perceive it to be, and if you can't help perceiving things in a negative way, you're gonna live a miserable life, regardless of your environment. With that said, as much as I'm grateful for living where I live, I don't think bringing that up as a means to help me get through this is going to work (not now, at least).
Life is you, it's your brain, it's what you see and feel. If you're brain isn't good, life won't be either.

Do you have anyone supporting you right now mate?

>>18640716
You may need to try a higher dose.
I say this because shit, you're literally me but 6 years ago lol. I started adderall in my junior year of high school, changed my life. I started at 15mgs of extended release, there was improvement for me at least but not much. Upped it to 20 and it was a drastic change.

Also, the adderall did more for my depression than the lexapro and zoloft ever did. All the latter did was make my physically sick.

Anyway, I would say yes, give it one more shot and talk to your doc to see if maybe you just need a different dose or type.

Reposting from another thread since this one seems more appropriate for it.
Does therapy work if you don't believe in it? To me it sounds like the greatest scam in the book, pay me thousands of dollars per session to lie to you and tell you what you want to hear.

I can't afford the drugs and I'm ready to blow my fucking brains out. Everyone keeps telling me to try therapy, implying I could afford that either, but it seems like a crock of shit to me. Anyone with a similar mindset have positive experiences with therapy or is it just like one big placebo, only works if you'll believe it'll work in the first place.
I guess if I'm just gonna kill myself anyway I shouldn't be concerned about giving a scam artist with a degree in psychology the last of my money, but I'd rather kill myself without the anger of knowing I got ripped off.

>>18640796
Thanks for the replies. After I've been broken up with, I tried kind of drowning out my sorrow (stupid, I know) and was drinking to the point of passing out and throwing up. After one session like that I started to feel fucked up and had really bad chest pain, went to the ER. They told me it was anxiety. Took me 15 days to recover mentally.

Then I took cocaine and had a bad experience with weed. Again, felt like shit but recovered. Now last month I tried weed again and after that I've been in this scared and paranoid state. Yeah it's basically all my fault, I know. I've always been a bit weird mentally, shouldn't have messed with drugs.

I don't really have anyone to support me over this. I have a friend who I told this too, so I guess that brought a little comfort.

>>18640823
maybe I'm not the best kind of person to be answering this, but I'd say it depends on what you mean by therapy.
Are we talking psychologist or psychiatrist?

I've been seeing the latter and she's helped me so far. In fact, I always look forward to my sessions with her because I get to blurt out all that's bothering me and I leave the office feeling like I can actually get better and overcome this shit.

I don't know how I feel about the former though. Have been skeptic for a while like you, but I'd give it a try nonetheless, even if it were just for a month to see how it goes and how I feel after that period of time has passed.

>>18640837
Do you practice any form of exercise anon? It probably sounds ironic for me to be giving advice about something I don't even do anymore, but I know for a fact that back when I used to run regularly in the afternoon I'd feel better about pretty much everything in life. It's like I was drugged, but in a healthy way.
All that dopamine rushing through my brain after a long run really upped my mood, and I could feel its effects carrying throughout the week. I recommend it for sure.

>>18640946
Arent they in theory the same thing, just one can prescribe drugs. If all you do is vent shit I can do that here on 4chan for the price of my internet subscription.

But if you were also a skeptic and you think it helped I'll keep that in mind. How long should I stick with it before I bail? (the real answer is probably when I no longer have any money whatsoever but pretending money's no option)

My depression got extremely bad after a shitty breakup a few months ago.
It got better for a while thanks to exercise and medication, but lately I've been feeling depressed again.

I have absolutely no friends anymore and I have no idea what to do to meet new people (work and websites like meetup.com aren't an option).
Thinking about this makes me feel like a fucking loser and I hate it.

>5 years into trying to get better
>no better off than when I started
>in the process of switching meds for the 6th time

The worst part is the crippling loneliness. Up until a few years ago I told myself that it wasn't important but now I cant leave home without feeling miserable because everywhere I go people are being happy together.

Been actively looking for cut heroin or fentanyl because opiates completely numb depression. How fucked am I?

>>18641285
how did you wound up taking heroin my negro? Also isn't it good that it numbs your depresso?

>>18641196
got any close friends (or friends at all)? Why/ why not?

>>18640704
> not looking forward to getting a job though. I don't feel ready at all
you probably never got that much of a responsibility, that's why, I'd bet. I say you'll get used to it as soon as you jump in.

>>18640731
could still try to see a shrink, just to have a professional to talk to. Tell them in advance you don't want any drugs.

>>18641372
Not that person, but same feelings.
Friends/family don't fill that specific hole in your heart. I see friends and family every day but every time I see a couple shopping for groceries together I want to kill myself because I know I'll never have that specific brand of love.

>>18641383
So you want a relationship filled with intimacy?

>>18641372
I've taken like 50 different drugs, ketamine helps the most but its basically impossible to get short of robbing a vet here. Heroin is about the only opiate left I haven't tried so might as well. I personally don't think doing hard drugs is good but hard drugs make everything better.

>>18641410
Also my pill dealer is in jail probably on his way to federal prison, I was using 30-60mg of oxy every other day to avoid bad wd/tolerance.

>>18641390
yes. The only time I was ever happy was when I was dating someone. Knowing there will always be someone to come home to is better than sex man.
Family, you move away from eventually and just visit occasionally. Friends come and go and as they get older they will always put their own families before friends and you'll get less and less time with them. A partner is much more concrete and long lasting (or at least it used to be). You can count on a romantic partner in ways you cannot expect of friends or family.

Ive gotten to the point where i cant sleep. I havent slept in two days and i keep having nightmares. I actually told my parents i may be cursed, i feel really stupid for saying that but my dreams are so frightening in nature. The only boards in 4chan that i go to are /an/ and /ck/ and those hobbies like sewing and all those things. My home life is not the best, im looking for a job right now and my ldr is in the pits.

>>18641372
>>got any close friends (or friends at all)? Why/ why not?
Nope. I've had nothing but abusive friendships in the past and its left me with some trust issues. Last time I've spoken to any of them was over a decade ago.

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I'm not really depressed or anxious or anything, I just don't have any friends and all my hobbies are starting to taste like cardboard. It's a kind of a stagnation phase I guess.
I'd love some medication though, that could spice things up

>>18640731
wellbutrin, get on it son.

>how to deal with feelings of loneliness and impending doom
>how to deal with the empty void and meaninglessness of life
Could use some advice on these. I'm quite lonely, i have a few online friends. Now i think they arent rly my friends all of a sudden they dont want to play with me or invite me to game anymore even tho they never said anything and nothing happened to my knowledge.
It's like they just don't like me anymore.
The feelings are very heavy this time around, i've been burned like this before.
Should I give up on that? Just not pursue friendships online? It all seems like some shitty high school drama, I feel they def talk behind my back and make fun of me or hate on me and they won't say why they'd just rather pretend like nothing is going on.
I want this to end, as if my depression isn't fuckinh hard enough to handle after 10 years. I cant deal with this bullshit im too old and im too tired to fight it.
It's heavily affecting my life and I can't do shit.
What do you guys think? Fuck online "friendships"?

does anyone else excessively think? Like, overthink the shit out of every single thing.

How do you not think? I don't want to think about the music I am listening to. I want to just enjoy the music for what it is , and that's it.

Meditating is extremely hard because there is always, without exception. some kind of trailing thought in my head and I cannot silence it. Anyone else been in the same predicament and found a way out?

>>18641711
yup, my brain is constantly going full speed. Years ago I would enjoy it. I'd talk to myself a lot about whatever, analyze any and every bit of my life, mundane or otherwise and make it into one long-ass mental thought. Now it can get extremely stressing.

I tried meditating the other day and I shit you not, I could not go 2 seconds without my mind starting to race into some random thought.
I also find that I usually lose track of what I was thinking after a while and jump onto other topics, only to realize it moments later.

Maybe forcing myself to meditate will help, eventually I'll get the hang of shutting my brain's cake hole.

>>18641707
I truly do not believe in online friendships. Sure, you might have fun here and there, but it does not compare to real face-to-face friendships, by a mile for sure.
Maybe look into some sort of social group you could join, maybe revolving around your hobbies or something. I'm planning to take up piano classes this upcoming semester. Although my main objective isn't to make friends, I imagine that will inevitably happen at some point.

>>18641711
I constantly overthinking excessively think over stupid things. It is possible you have OCD which is what I have but it's hard to say for sure.

Do you tend to think of unwanted thoughts? Intrusive thoughts? Also do you tend to have urges to do something when thoughts emerge?

>>18641711
>>Meditating is extremely hard because there is always, without exception. some kind of trailing thought in my head and I cannot silence it
that's not the point of meditating though
look up proper guidance if you want to meditate
if you don't want new age bullshit, go straight to the source, start with the difference between vipassana and samatha meditation

After like 13 years of fucked up sleep I developed a sleep problem. If I don't go to bed at the same time every night or sleep a consistent number of hours, I will get insane panic attacks that make me feel like I am going to die. Even after resting well, the effects of the fucked up sleep would bleed into my waking, rested life. I would be more susceptible to surprises, sounds, and overall more nervous.

I fixed my sleep pattern, got vitamin D, and started doing cardio, and that got rid of about 85% of my anxiety problems. To this day, if I don't get enough sleep, my anxiety spikes terribly. I think I fucked myself up at the actual brain/chemical level.

>>18641711
meditation is a skill that needs to be learned and trained
its okay if you find it hard initially, it's important to be consistent
don't get upset or annoyed if you find your mind wanders and recenter it on your breath

>>18641738
Well I draw but. Thats all mostly just online.. again.

>>18640353
Famsquad
I feel useless nobody needs me
I happen to be few of those who will never have sex
Because I'm mentally ill
And can't change, I live for nothing and I really don't see a future for me

>2 weeks of anxiety
>oh sweet, I'm starting to feel a little bett-
>2 weeks of depression
>rinse and repeat
I'm fucking tired of this shit.

How do you guys cope with having a job while also having anxiety?

I got my first job (in IT) about 5 months ago and I've been a wreck ever since. I'm constantly worried that I'll fuck it up and every time I get a new task I start panicking and conjuring up doom scenarios. I started thinking that this might not be the right career path for me (always need to learn new stuff, have to be adaptable, lots of stress), but how do I know if I won't be the same with any other job I get? What are some good careers for people with anxiety?

Anyone have some tips how to cram lots of info inside my head in a 2 week period ?
Anything is appreciated.

>>18641877
mnemonics, lots of stimulants

I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like all the effort I put into learning to open up to people throughout the years has been destroyed during my recent depression and I'm back to being the terrified child I used to be. Actually, I'm even worse off now.

I can no longer stand the mental torture I suffer through when I'm alone with my thoughts. My mind starts recalling each little embarrassing thing I said or did throughout my life. Each conversation I had in the past that turned awkward or bad. Picking apart recent conversations I had until it can find a tiny thing I said that might, if taken extremely out of context, have sounded weird to my conversational partner and then beat myself over the head with it. It all just keeps swarming in my head and adding up to the point where I'm in my room yelling things like "Get out of my head!” and “Please just leave me alone!" multiple times a day. I used to keep these feelings contained by pinching or hitting myself but I've reached a point where yelling out my agony is the only way to get momentary relief. There's no way my family hasn't heard those yells and I'm sure they think I'm a nutcase now.

I want to stop being haunted by stupid things from the past that nobody but me remembers. I want to be able to talk to someone again without being ‘punished’ by my own mind afterwards. I know this shit is fucking ridiculous. I know I’m beating myself up over nothing. But I can’t get it to stop.

>>18642077
get professional help anon, anything. Talk to somebody about it and if you can, exercise. You sound extremely stressed or just very neurotic.

When I really fell into depression I found myself apathetic, I honestly didn't care what people cared of me (and I still don't), and quite ironically that got me to meet people naturally, somehow they were more drawn to me.
I find that what causes me all the social stress and fright is anxiety, not depression.

I think my biggest problem is that I'm not passionate about anything. I simmer at a mild entertainment of whatever I'm up to, but I never really go all in because it just doesn't tickle me that way.
Hobbies, schooling, girlfriends. I guess part of it is apathy, but I see my friends do things and care about things and have jobs that they actually seem to care about, I just wonder why I don't feel that way.
Going to graduate at the end of the year, and I just don't have any prospects lined up.

I never realized there was a part of me that wanted to fail. I've never failed. Problems fill my mind every day I spend inside this room, they only go to sleep when my eyes can't focus and the screen gets blurry. I've never had any real problems; I must confess I've been in a safe environment since childhood. Without problems to solve, I didn't develop strength. Never been attached, always pushing off the few friends I have; I hope they don't mind. I'll say it again: I don't have the strength to do it. There is nothing nor no one for me to cling to. Where do they find the strength?

>>18642730
It's because you don't allow yourself to be bored. We live in a time of increasing instantaneous gratification. The vast majority of us carrying smart devices that allows us to literally connect to the entire world at the touch of a finger.

What is the drive to complete a project if the same level of fulfillment can be achieved by watching a video online, or playing a game? Why become intimately familiar with a subject, when it takes to long to pay off mentally?

You've got to rewire your brain, man.

I've been having a really rough go lately. Mainly with my friends. I turned 30 this year, and almost all of my friends are married or in a serious relationship. I don't feel close to anyone. It's not their fault, but I just don't feel like I'm the first person that anyone else thinks about. I've noticed over the past couple of years that my anxiety kind of has a cycle, and when it's at its worst, and I'm thinking about my friends, I can get manic and I text them and say stuff like, "hey how are you, miss you, we should all hang out soon". If they don't respond quickly, I just get more stressed and sad. I don't know how to strengthen my friendships without seeming desperate. And I don't want to be that person that pours their heart out like this to their friends, seeming weak and damaged, like they need to baby me and make me feel all better. Even just one really good friend would be nice. Like I said, my friends are good friends, I'm just weird. But it would be nice to have someone who just texts me regularly and is like, "hey man, come over". To hang out with most of my friends, we need to plan like a week in advance, and then half the people ditch anyway.

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>>18643116
>And I don't want to be that person that pours their heart out like this to their friends, seeming weak and damaged, like they need to baby me and make me feel all better.
I know this feel so fucking much. I occasionally have to leave social gatherings early because I'm having a flashback and I don't want them to see the truth in my face and think I'm weak or incapable.

my anxiety makes me do nothing out of the usual...

like I can't make a phonecall to schedule for a haircut, I should call my bank about my credit card, and see a doctor, and a shrink but I get half a panic attack when I raise the phone...

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>have diagnosed GAD and depression
>took years before I got help
>lots of awful therapists
>"get out and excersice! you'll feel better!"
>yeah sure, not with my bad knees
>started on Sertraline
>2 months of getting used to it
>nightmares every night and fucked up my apetite
>stopped the worst of my anxiety
>but everything else stopped as well
>stopped Sertraline
>still feeling anxious and depressed
>it's fucking up my academics

I just want a fucking medicine that'll take away all my anxiety, not just the worst of it. I'm tired of feeling that my illnesses are fucking up my life.

>>18643484
>I just want a fucking medicine that'll take away all my anxiety
I've been taking Unisedil for that and its helped me quite a lot, maybe loko into that instead of sertraline, which is most frequently used to help with ocd and depression.

>fucked up my apetite
how did it fuck your appetite?
I've been taking sertraline for months now but since about a month or so ago I've pretty much lost mine almost completely and have dropped nearly 6kg in weight.

>>18643493
I'll look it up.

And I didn't have an apetite or hunger feeling for months. Ended up overeating and gaining weight.

>>18643523
So for a long while you didn't have an appetite, but after a while you started to gain your appetite which led you to overeat?
I'm currently forcing myself to eat and it can be a pain in the ass. My weight as it is isn't that bad, but I'm afraid this will keep going and I'll become underweight.

>>18643484
What's wrong with your knees anon?

>>18643584
yeah, something like that. I still feel that my hunger system is broken sometimes, I can go certain days just forgetting to eat. And I know it can be hard to eat, good luck anon!

>>18643598
Old sports injury. I can't find the name in english, but it's basically an overstrain on your knee/s when you are younger and doing sport excersice. For most people it disappears when entering adulthood, but I was in that procentile where it stayed with me. I can't go running without my knees hurting. I can't stand on my knees on a hard surface either, it feel like knives.

I'm seeing a therapist and after 4 years he finally said that maybe my problems are rooted in a lack of testosterone. So I guess I'll have to get myself checked. Either way I'm afraid of taking meds, specifically for testosterone, I'm afraid of suddenly becoming super horny. I'm also afraid of having to take meds to alter my thoughts (idk if that's how it works) even though I want to stop being depressed. I'm not sure if I'm actually depressed, I mean the symptoms check out but my therapist is always vague and ambiguous about it and never confirmed I do.
I have an extremely low libido and almost zero motivation to do anything. I'm always tired. I also hate talking to people irl about my problems and being vulnerable, I don't enjoy lowering myself to others who seem to have their lives under control. I can't stand to look weak, even when people say they don't judge you, they do judge you. I open up a bit sometimes but I usually regret it afterwards. I don't think that way when people open up to me on the internet, I never judge or think less of anyone. But no one in real life ever used me as a shoulder to cry on so I don't want to do it myself. I only have one friend I trust with my problems, who's very helpful and nice, but I don't want to annoy him so much, besides I only see him like 2 or 3 times a year. I feel like I'm just using him as a scratching post since I only called him when I had some problem.
Lately I've been focusing too much on this one girl that's the first one that actually made me feel sexually attracted to someone in my 24 years of age (besides her amazing personality). I keep chasing her but I don't think I have any remote chance of ever being in a couple with her. And I'm worried that she's the only thing I currently care about and that I won't have anything to hold on to when she will eventually officially reject me and ask me to leave her alone.
/rant

>>18643623
I'm sorry to hear about the sports injury, I couldn't imagine having a permanent injury that affected my movement. Does it get in the way of other exercises that focus on the upper body?

>>18643648
not really, I suppose. I'm not much of a sports person anymore...I've sorta grown out of it. I'm mostly just tired that a lot of the therapists in the past seems to think that my anxiety and depression will just magically vanish as soon as I start to excersice.

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Perhaps our inability to see our surroundings creatively and freshly is a common weakness?

I feel like nothing matters, trying seems virtuous but boring and too painful to do, but I still try.

Maybe I'm just to hedonistic, I also believe there are higher forms of communication most people miss out on, instead they just spew obvious shell statements in an attempt to connect. And most communication is more like a ritual than any honest connection, it really gets to me.

>>18643651
I get that, exercise can help but its not some magical cure-all. From the perspective of someone who has never fell into depression but have heard things here and there, I imagine its like a disease in which you need time to recover like other diseases and that it takes attacking it from multiple angles before you can expel the sickness.

>>18643691 excersizing has helped me some as a depressed person. So I understand where the therapist is coming from.

Lmao people think about eachother for 10 seconds in passing if your a super model otherwise its all in your head and you need attention negative of positive

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I dont even know where to start
I'm very depressed and cant get over that no girl wants me , also I barely go out

past experiences just stuck with me and i cant let go of them

21yr old virgin

I started to work out but the stuff I also got to do stress me so much , i dont feel better at all.

Its just hopelessness and loneliness

>>18643701
>21yr old virgin
I lost my V when I was 21. It'll happen when it happens, anon.