Help Me.

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I'm writing this seeking some guidance or experience that I have yet to obtain, my life is currently in a freefall and I don't know why. For a few years now I've grown a disconnect with everything and have become numb inside. Constantly I don't know what to do even though from the outside my life would seem normal, I have tons of friends, a loving family, and even a girlfriend which I still have no idea how I acquired, all of this and I still feel like I'm drowning in a void.

I have a permanent fake smile that I flash around, laughter that comes from emptiness, and a warmth that people see in me that I cannot comprehend. People flock to me because from the outside they see someone that can comfort them when in secret I feel dead inside. Being intelligent in the sense that most of life is understood by me is another factor to this"Depression" that I believe I've set myself into. I thought about killing myself but I can realize the value of a human life and it stops me, seeing how fortunate I am has also deepened my depression as I don't know why someone with my life can be in such a headspace.

I have the tendency over think everything in my life, I attribute it to most if not all of my successes, but in this case, it wracks my brain and makes me toss and turn at night. The past 2 years have been a blur and weeks have been blending together in terms of time, I hardly know what day it is anymore and I just want to rot away. Despite this, I wake up every morning and repeat the cycle, the smile, the laughs, the hidden pain.

What am I doing wrong, what needs to change, can it change? Someone, Help me, Please.