24 female a 6+ year relationship with 26 male. He wants to get

My friend was with her ex from the ages of 18-23, and she found that she needed some time to be single before she wanted to get into a long term relationship again.

As for your situation specifically, can you see yourself with this guy for the rest of your life? And how important are the gripes you have with your relationship, in the grand scheme of things?

>>18638925
i dated a man for 3 years and left for the same reasons.

uneducated, got into heavy drugs, never complimented me, treated me subpar...

it was so so crushing for me but i knew i had to leave or else i would feel trapped. that was 2 years ago and now i'm dating a guy who does all the things my ex didn't do. i can't imagine life without him.

not saying you should leave it's just something to seriously seriously consider because you might just be happier with someone else

being single is good for getting to know yourself. can't exactly speak from experience here but there doesn't seem to be anything particularly beneficial to be gained from having a hoe phase. plenty of downsides but that kinda goes without saying. i hope.

(...cont)

I feel like I'm all over the place with this post, but he's coming home soon and I don't have time to organize my thoughts about this since I've been kind of in denial about it, and I don't have time to proof read.

I would like to add that I haven't cheated since we got engaged and I'd rather not cheat since he doesn't deserve that. He deserves someone who wants to settle down and isn't terrified of not being able to pull up some side dick at the push of a button.
I don't think i can talk to him about this, I've mentioned that i wish i had a ho phase a few times before, he never says anything about it. He talks about his ho phase and I'm just left wanting that experience while I'm young and cute.

4chan how do I snap out of it or tell him in a way where it will work out perfectly for us both? I wish we could just be roommates right now, but tomorrow morning when I wake up next to him and look at him I'll feel grateful that he's the one I share a bed and life with.

>>18638925
Can't wait til your thread when you're 30+ and a used-up whore and can't find a man to marry.

>>18638954
your relationship will never be perfect. you'll probably want something else sometimes, and it might not be him. what you need to remember is that love is a choice largely. you can choose to give up flirting, random sex, little relationships, etc. for him, or you can decide that he's not enough to replace that.

so, you've answered if you're ready to be dedicated to him hopefully. is he ready to be dedicated to you? relationships need both people to be willing to give 100%. for the compliment thing, i wouldn't be worried unless he actively is attracted to other women more than you. some guys just don't express emotions like that well. try and talk to him about emotional stuff and see if he really seems attracted to you. if you have problems with him being uneducated, alcoholic, etc. make sure to tell him that he needs to fix those things if you two have a relationship.

so if you're really happy with him and he's really happy with you, then i'd say it's worth it to give all that up. otherwise, either try to fix it or go live life. the hoe phase isn't that great btw, you're not missing much.

>>18638954
there is no work out perfectly in this one, hun. if this weren't a hard question you wouldn't have sought help in figuring out the answer. to me, for what it's worth, you don't sound ready to be getting married yet. i'm admittedly a bit biased and fully expecting you to end up cheating later because you can't let go of this though. but it sounds like you know what you'd be throwing away. you know yourself. if you stay, what are the chances you'll regret it? what are the chances you'll cheat later and destroy him? if you leave now, what are the chances you'll regret that? can try to help you think through it all but this isn't something we can answer

>>18638925
>Is the grass greener on the other side?
No. But, it sounds like you're more comfortable than happy with your relationship, which is not the best place to be. Maybe you're subconsciously looking for outside the relationship because you really aren't sexually fulfilled.

And if you're neither sexually fulfilled nor intellectually stimulated, if he's not really contributing monetarily and you're already second guessing marrying him, the real question is why are you with him at all?

>>18638933
>As for your situation specifically, can you see yourself with this guy for the rest of your life?
Yes, wouldn't have agreed to the engagement otherwise. So that's good.
>how important are the gripes you have with your relationship
The alcohol problem is the one that scares me like no other. The thought of "why am I wasting my time" is looming over me every time he drinks liquor (which isn't often anymore). I posted a thread here about his drinking habits and adv told me I was being an irrational bitch and that men drink and that's what they do. Then he almost died one night and had a kind of revelation. Part of the reason I'm even considering this is because of the fucking uncertainty of "will he go back to that 10-20 years into our marriage"? You know? Like. And if I do end up breaking up I don't really see myself finding the one guy on earth that doesn't drink. Or maybe I'm just used to drinkers around me since my roommate and my dad and uncle and neighbor were all alcoholics, so I just haven't seen anything different?

I swear to god every time I do a thread here I feel like nothing I put together makes any sense.

>>18639226
Would you say you're happy in this relationship? Would you be okay if his worst behaviour came out again later on down the line?

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>>18638943
>you might just be happier with someone else
Something to consider greatly. Had not thought it this way.
>>18638953
I always like to think I can get to know myself regardless.
>there doesn't seem to be anything particularly beneficial to be gained from having a hoe phase
Maybe it's a self esteem issue? And my sex drive is nudging this idea along?
>>18638973
Honey, I would get vag rejuvenation if I ever felt old or floppy. Can't not be tight. Also, I don't wanna marry.


I'm falling asleep so I'll come back to this thread tomorrow.
Thanks everyone for your replies. Pic unrelated, just a good pizza.

>>18639235
>Would you say you're happy in this relationship?
Yes.
>Would you be okay if his worst behaviour came out again later on down the line?
He's been advised that if it affects my mental state/sanity I will leave, and I did for a week after he almost died. He knows how sensitive I am about liquor now and he knows I have no problem leaving. Which is good for me. Bad in terms of a relationship.

Ok I can't keep my eyes open but I'm not done with this thread though coming back tomorrow. Night

As someone that had a (veeeery brief) hoe phase, let me just say how not worth it it is. And let me also say that being in a long term healthy relationship is one of the most gratifying things you can do in life.

Yeah, you'll feel a sense of freedom if you dump this guy and get laid by the next hot guy that wants you, and yeah you'll probably get a lot of excitement out of it, but it wont be long before that sense of freedom is replaced by lonliness, regret, shame, disgust and perhaps even unwanted pregnancy. And you'll NEVER be able to undo a decision like this if you choose to go through with it.

It sounds, to me, like you two just need a change of pace, whether that entails being more spontaneous, having more sex, or maybe even trying some freaky shit. You also, obviously, need to work on communicating with each other more about what you want.

And YOU need to work on your insecurities. You should be confident enough not to need him to tell you you're pretty.

>>18638925
I really think you would ruin his life if you married him. Also, you can go ahead and whore yourself while you think you can enjoy settling down at the "ripe" age of 30. Youll probably regret doing what you did and have trouble actually ever finding a real relationship. I dont want to be mean but its pretty truthful. I know this by experience

>>18638925
Truth is, nobody is perfect. You just gotta line up all the things you think are good about him and all the things you think are bad about him. Then it's your job to decide which side wins out. You'll never find someone perfect, just gotta weigh the two sides. This ain't a disney movie with perfect black and white, every person is grey.

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>>18639245
>Also, I don't wanna marry.
Now you don't. But once all your friends start showing off their engagement rings and baby bulges on Facebook, you'll want to. But at 30, you'll be used up. And you'll try to convince yourself you're content with your "professional career" and cats, but you're not. And you'll have to settle for some beta who you're not really attracted to. All because you fell for the "modern empowered female" meme.

>>18638925
>he's less educated so no really intellectually simulating conversation with him usually

That is an absolute no go for me.... I'd never even entered that ship.

Well sadly that's all i can say to your matter...

disgusting, hope u end being a depressed 35yo used up single bitch

>>18638978
>you can choose to give up flirting, random sex, little relationships, etc. for him, or you can decide that he's not enough to replace that.
I think those sound like all the wrong reasons to let a good thing go.
The alcoholic thing was an ongoing issue for a bit and has calmed down since last year. It just lingers in the back of my mind like is this a ticking time bomb that may never go off or may go off unexpectedly in a decade or two? Yes. Who knows. That's what I'm most fearful of. With him being a bit less educated I encourage him to read, watch videos/documentaries, gave him access to my audible account with dozens of good books already there for him to choose, bought some that will interest him, etc. Not sure where else to go with that one.
>the hoe phase isn't that great btw, you're not missing much.
Lol can't kick it til you try it, right? Someday if this all doesn't work out.
>>18638979
Yeah, I brought it up the other day how this needs to be talked about more. He did book the date for a venue the other day which we didn't talk about fully. Hasn't paid.
>what are the chances you'll cheat later and destroy him
Slim unless he's being horrible to me in which case I'm in a good position to up and leave anyway without the need to cheat (which, since leaving is something I secretly kind of long for, I wouldn't have much trouble doing).
I would hate myself if I ever hurt him that way. Or in any horrible way. I cheat well, but I haven't with him in the longest time.
>can try to help you think through it all but this isn't something we can answer
Just tell me what to do gdi
Jk
I understand. This thread is helping, so thanks.

>>18638954
>I would like to add that I haven't cheated since we got engaged
>since we got engaged

It might just be poor phrasing but if you cheated before you got engaged there probably isn't much to work with. Especially since your engagement probably hasn't been for a majority of your relationship

>>18639282
This is why I love u anon.
Communication-wise we've learned so much about each other that maybe we think we know it all.
>>18639306
I'm choosing the opposite option to hoe-ing myself out, but thanks. I know I'll regret it for a multitude of reasons that are way more important, so I won't. I just felt a need for a nudge in the right direction for some reason last night.
>>18639311
>This ain't a disney movie with perfect black and white
Lel we met at Disney
>>18639404
I already have a ring and I am content with that for now. I really want to avoid babies or children as long as I can, if that turns out to be forever then that'll be that. There's always adoption which we both highly favor.
>And you'll have to settle for some beta who you're not really attracted to
Ugh this one hit a note. That is not my future.
>>18640019
I was 18 when I entered it and had only dated one other guy before him, so that tells you pretty much everything. I've met and hung out with two other guys that I had very nice continuous conversation with and learned that there was such a thing. I now want that. Not sure what to do about it since it doesn't bother me badly right now.
>>18640042
K love u too thanx for the support.

>>18640084
>I was 18 when I entered it and had only dated one other guy before him
That's no excuse. I was 18 and dated only one guy for three months before i broke up with him and entered the relationship with my current husband. we married when i was 20 and he was 23. We're currently 31 and 34 and have 3 kids and live is just perfect.

I think you know what you really want. Do it and don't waste your and his time any more than that.

>>18638925
>Is the grass greener on the other side?
Not necessarily, but if you are already looking I suggest you go and do it now instead of when you are 40 and married. Being very serious with you OP. It doesn't mean you are going to fuck everything that moves but it will do you good to be alone and single with options. I would suggest the same to a male with the same relationship history. Being in a relationship with little time single since you were 14 isn't normal.

>>18640084
>I really want to avoid babies or children as long as I can, if that turns out to be forever then that'll be that. There's always adoption which we both highly favor.
Good. Don't spread your genes.
>inb4 HURR YOU'RE JUST AN INCEL
>Y-Y-YOU WON'T EITHER
a little too late for that, sweetheart ;^)

>>18640061
No, it's right. We were long distance for a while, we talked about the cheating. Bad habits from my past relationship. He cheated around the same time as well, it was like we cheated together. We both saw it as a learning experience, especially me. He's had his ho phase, he just got drunk did the nasty. I actually hung out with this guy, slept with him, and hung out again for a bit before I cut it off. It didn't feel like a one night stand. He was awesome and I had no regrets. Maybe that's one of the reasons I feel like bailing on this relationship? My one time that I went outside the lines was ideal and he was intelligent and gave me great sex. But would he have treated me as well as my guy? Idk. Hard to get caught up on this guy I hung out two days with vs my actual relationship.

>>18638925
Welps, you shouldn't have to worry about his dinner or clean the house alone. Sounds like you are in a shitty relationship and you think you need a hoe phase because you are scared of being trapped in this cycle for the rest of your life. If you marry him it won't work, you will begin to resent him, fight, and then he will do the same. Eventually one of you will cheat and move on. This is the best advice I can give you. You don't have to have a "hoe phase". That's just media shit and stupid friends talking. What you do need is a partner in life, not someone to run your life or expect / demand you do things. You need someone who does stuff for you because they love you and who you do stuff for because you love them. You all are so bad at relationships and understanding how they work. I hope you people can figure this stuff out someday.

>>18638925
Basically the thoughts you have are your consciousness trying to make up an excuse to dump him because you no longer love him like he loves you. Instead of painting you as the issue, you try turning it into your environmental circumstances being the issue. It's not your fault, a lot of people do it. But, it's time to break up with him.

>he's less educated so no really intellectually simulating conversation with him usually
I never understood this crap. No woman has been interested in my major and I can't really blame them. Any topic I can discuss was researched on my own free time.

>>18640122
>I actually hung out with this guy, slept with him, and hung out again for a bit before I cut it off.
I mean cheating is generally considered to be pretty slutty among other things, sounds like that was your ho phase.

Either way it sounds like you're just staying in this relationship because it's "safe". I'd definitely reconsider the marriage if I was in his position and learned what you've had to say so far anyways.