Is this normal? I am feeling lonely and wished for a partner

I have the same problem. Waiting for you to get an answer si bad...

sounds like unrealistic expectations of what most people are like

something probably happened in your childhood

see a specialist

sounds like you've built it up in your head beforehand and then either finding that reality isn't delivering, i.e. she isn't what you thought she'd be, or fearing that you'll do something to fuck it up yourself at some point and so bowing out early to avoid that possibility coming to fruition. dunno about normal or abnormal but it's common enough.

>>18638862
Oh yeah I got an injury from playing sports for my school and went through two big operations. Got to be friends with a wheelchair for a good amount of time, being made fun of for a while as well. Dunno if it's a cause?

could be, how am I supposed to know though?

just look at your life and try to correlate things

>>18638864
said it right

>>18638887
Eh not really. I enjoy the time only two of us together. Hanging out having dinner or go hiking except for the whole process of seeing our family, or being too intimate. I don't feel as eas talking to someone about how I feel and what scares me, things that I only keep to myself.
I do enjoy company though, just don't get too involved with each other.

>>18638897
why the reluctance when it comes to intimacy and opening up? (herp derp question, i know, just work with me here)

>>18638934
Case in point that OP didn't reply to you anon.

>>18638934
I don't know why. I'm not comfortable to open up myself to others. Let alone sharing with them

>>18638824
It's the "Is that all there is?" syndrome. Very few things in life are as wonderful in reality as they seem in fantasy.

Part of growing up is accepting that even the imperfect reality is pretty good on its own terms

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sWTnsemkIs

>>18639542
>>why the reluctance when it comes to intimacy and opening up?
>I don't know why.
Find out why because that's where your problem lies. It stresses you to open up and the feelings of depression (everything feels dull, empty and not worth it) is what you get from the stress.

>>18638824
You need to fix yourself first. Love isn't all rainbows and sunshine, in fact relationships are hard, easy, and have ups and lows. But a healthy relationship where two individuals are both OK with themselves and have their houses in order, are generally good and rewarding. With what you described, you have some issues you need to deal with and think having a partner will fix that, but it doesn't.