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I'm sitting here at the steps of my apartment in here Mesa, AZ and it's like a hundred degrees outside. I'm unemployed because I was let go from my job. Thinking back I should've fought to keep my position. I'm currently smoking what's left of my boyfriend's Camel Turkish Royals and have earphones in my ears. Song that's playing? Yumi Zouma - December. Maybe you should listen and read this haha. Shit happens, I guess. Through all of this I've attempted to kill myself once with car antifreeze, didn't work. I have no money in my bank account ,and a high amount in credit card debt, I had a car once financed. It was a amazing car 2008 volkswagon jetta, dope ass nugget it was. At a small house party one night someone took it and crashed it while driving drunk. Just sitting here carless, cashless, about to loose the apartment I lived in for almost two years. Lost my phone as well, but my friend who has a run down life too because of Eypilypsy used his disability check to buy me a phone but can't pay for the bill... Funny how life is. I'm 22, and I guess pretty fucking stupid too. Looking to declare bankruptcy. I've done nothing to give the world, or better myself. I should be grown by now. Eh... Song change by the way new song Oncue - Your Own Supply. Why post this right? Why not run home to mom and dad. Mom's dead, dad is living in a trailer with no heat or air, or electricity, with no job out on the reservation. No family here for me, no one to help, bfs mom won't allow me shelter, and I can understand that. Community outreach is near impossible to achieve here. Everyone simply can't help, it's alot to understand. I wouldn't blame anyone else going through this shit to try and understand or explain either. I didn't have insurance on the car at the time, so no insurance check, instead the opposite. My internet is gonna be off in a couple days, my electric may go as well for non pmt. I'm planning on trying hard to reach out to community for jobs, assistance, something.
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Meanwhile I feel like the country I'm in is going to hell. Trump is just starting shit, I don't know enough to talk about that, and not knowing that much is sad in itself. At the end of the day I just want to die. Struggling with dysthymia is not helping either. My heart cant keep quite though, whatever. I just wanna be numb. Nah I'd rather go through hell for myself, for everyone I haven't yet given to yet. I'd rather try and try. Hopefully by the end of the year I'll be happy. In my own small apartment, sorrounded by people I love
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Feel like I had to get this down and put it somewhere, maybe I'm just being a little weakling about it.
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Im in AZ too. There will always ups and downs, regardless of age. Take baby steps and decide, what you want to accomplish for next week. Then the next. If you write it down, stick to it. Life isn't roses or rainbows. But things will be better, I promise.
You have to make it work, no one else is going to do it.
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>>18638757
You're dysfunctional as shit.
How was someone able to take your car drunk?
Why did you get a car way out of your monetary range?
How did you lose your phone?
I suppose you came here for pity huh, since you never left any room for a question or advice?
I know you didn't ask for any advice, but here's some: get another job, live within your means, work hard.
Enjoy the attention while it lasts.
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