How to obtain confidence?

>>18637657
Wear clothes that fit properly, get a nice haircut, say fuck it and accept who you are, keep good posture and watch videos on body language

>>18637657
Accomplishments.

If you sit on a computer all day and work you cant possibly be confident because you dont do anything that merits it.

Notice confident people also do a lot of shit. Whether theyre social masters (kind of a born and raised thing as you mentioned. Some people click well with it in their development) or theyre black belts, or athletes, or hobbyists and create art or practical things, or they volunteer for charities and give their time to the less fortunate, whatever, they have a tangible thing to which to tie their value and their self worth.

As a bonus like minded people flock to the same shit so they will have a full social circle that is similar to them to affirm them in the process.

>social confidence

If youre a nerd youre a nerd. If you try to hang with the bar and club folk you will feel awkward. End of story. Same way if any of them came to a larp meet theyd feel awkward and out of place, would have no idea how to talk to anyone, and probably make asstards of themselves and ultimately find themselves rejected from the group. Think very very hard about that.

Because honestly as i get older im noticing the most "socially retarded" people arent sociall retarded at all. They just hunger for acceptance from a group they do not and never will belong to. And thats perfectly ok. You cant please everyone.

>>18637673
Not the OP here.

I agree with almost everything you wrote except the last bit. Most "socially retarded" people are not so tone deaf that they think they can fit into the dudebro and bar/club culture - I'm sure most of them are just looking for a social circle that have the same or similar interests to them, whether that be video games, anime, or whatever and for some reason (probably awkwardness) they have trouble even finding that.

>>18637692
I see what you mean and agree.

Where im coming from is watching people who see tv pop culture and how most people are and assume they have to be that way in order to get anywhere, and maybe they arent tone deaf as you say, but theyre unaware how accessible their own community is even if they have to dig a little, then go out and attempt to emulate it, then come whine on adv when it doesnt work out.

What do you think, though? Have i overprofiled based on some examples ive seen a lot of?

>>18637723
Probably. Or maybe you actually do see that a lot. I'm only 22 and don't think I'm unique from the general population and I don't have any delusions about becoming a chad dudebro so it's strange to me that anyone else who isn't socially gifted and/or very attractive thinks they can get to that point.

>>18637764
Matter of perception. People like you though are the ones who are fine with themselves regardless. There is no blanket concept that everyone will follow.

Im more talking about the type whos posting on adv asking for how to be an alpha or what girls like and how they have to act.

I feel theyve perceived a way everyone must act and if they dont meet it theyre fucked up somehow.

Theyre striking out at bars when they should be hanging at the comic shop on D&D night.

Im also biased because im 30 now, and totally cool with myself. But at your age i was trying my goddang darndest to be like everyone else because i always felt out of place.

So im also kind of projecting. But the signs seem pretty clear in some of these people

You seem to have a skewed idea of what confidence entails. It's not thinking that you're an impressive person. Arrogant thinking is thinking that you're something special. Confident thinking is thinking that you don't have anything to prove and don't need to be special to deserve respect or to live a happy life. And that is a kind of self respect that leaves room for fucking up and human flaws, without diminishing your worth as a human being.

You develop confidence by a number of fairly simple things. One is learning. It doesn't even matter much whether you learn to play the violin or something incredibly mundane. The very experience of seeing yourself do things that you could not do before, and realizing that it's because of your time and effort, is rewarding. It also symbolizes your potential kind of - even if what you are learning is fairly meaningless, seeing yourself learn brings you in touch with your ability to change and become more than you used to be.
Another factor is setting goals for yourself and ticking them off. If you habitually tell yourself that you'll do x and y and instead you procrastinate, your confidence takes a hit every time. Being able to trust yourself that you get shit done when it needs to be done is very important. And you can achieve that in part even with simple things like cooking for yourself when you set your eyes on that.

Another big one is socializing. Superficially, small talk and flirting and the likes will make you feel more secure because it increases your social sensitivity and ability to relate to a number of different people, to trust that you know how to appraoch a bunch of different people. On a deeper level, other people loving you despite your imperfections puts people at ease and oftentimes takes the edge off self-doubt. Plus people who appreciate you will point out things about you that you considered normal and took for granted (like being honest, reliable, approachable etc).

>>18637787

That is actually a well-thought and well-put response.

Was lurking, just wanted to say the advice and the posters in this thread are fucking great. Really solid stuff