Identity

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Ill make a quick summary first.

Been insecure in myself since i was bullied as a child until i was 14-15. I could never accept what a pathetic and weak pussy i was as a kid so i always made the effort to do things considered badass such ass starting fights when i was actually scared shitless, acting like a tough guy even though i was actually insecure as fuck, acting confident with girls. All of these things i did while i felt petrified with fear.

Eventually everyone else saw me as a 'tough' guy or a badass or whateverthefuck so i always had to keep acting as one even tho i was insecure and scared as fuck because i didn't want people to see what a weak pathetic pussy i actually was. This eventually resulted in me starting to hang around with criminals and other disliked members of society, which would lead me into a life of crime, which in turn would lead me into a life of drugs to mask my insecurities and fears and the fact that i really disliked the people i hung out with on a daily basis.

This all happened from when i was 14 to i was 19. I ended up in jail, got a prison sentance.

I am now 23 years old and i have no fucking idea of who i actually am. All the years of pretending i was someone else has erased my personality and identity. Everyone i surround myself with look at me as someone who i dont feel like, I feel like someone i dont want to be and i have no idea who i am supposed to be, no one in my life, even my family, even me, knows who i actually am.


Ill stop rambling.

What are your thoughts /adv/? Is there anything i can do so that i dont feel imprisoned in my own life?