GIOYC

I can't solve your equation. I'm sorry.

Fucking Christ, just end this shit

>>18633469
Suicide is never the answer.

so I right now am questioning my sexuality and I had a odd though in the car on the way home. I though about giving a guy head and I thought "anything to please my man" and i popped a chub. not gonna lie I have one as I am writing this. the point is I think I am somewhere in the middle of the Kinsley scale. that is the end of my blogpost feel free to tell me to kill myself

>>18633482
Don't worry anon, I wasn't referring to death or suicide in any way

>>18633464
What kind of equation is it ?

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How cucked am I for worrying about "breaking up" when I'm not even in a relationship? To me, what we have is a relationship. To him, I'm just a friend (wb) cause he can't be tied down, apparently, or doesn't have a spine, so he says... and I believe that, I guess, cause I assume what we have is like a relationship to him too, considering we spend almost all our time together and act like partners, too... It's a really mixed situation, I can't do the open relationship thing, but I feel really strongly for this guy. I guess he lets it go on without feeling bad about it because it's not formally defined as a relationship, and of course, more than him, I let it go on. But it's hard to "break up" when there's nothing to break up. I'd feel like a fool for acting so dramatic over what ostensibly is nothing. I think he expects one day I'll just fall for someone else more compatible with me, and our "friendship" will just change, but that's more how he is than I am. I'm sure this will end badly, and I really don't (I think???) want that

>>18633563
Tom?

>>18633568
No, thank god you didn't say my name though, I'd have a heart attack. Are you on the other end of a situation like this or is that just a friend? What's your take on the situation? I can't really tell what it's like exactly for my "partner"

>>18633573
I recently got a connection with a dude that I met at a sharehouse, but he's young and I'm 2 years older than him.
He's active, out and about and enjoys just seshing out I guess whereas I'm a hermit NEET that really only cares about music and video games.
He kept on visiting and we went on a few movie trips, we'd also talk every day without fail, it kinda just kept developing.
I caught feelings and told him about it, we agreed to not do anything since he hasn't tried anything with guys and he's not sure he's into that, but I neglected that on his most recent visit and we kinda kissed.
He kinda seemed awkward after that, watching him walk out of my room felt really weird to me and I don't think he enjoyed it. The next couple of days I felt guilt ridden about it and after we had a chat about him telling me about his formal date, I pretty much felt really shitty about the whole situation.
Cut all contact with him and I'm scheduled to move out of this sharehouse within 24 hours. I didn't wanna get this deep because I'm pretty much useless and would offer him next to nothing. He would be better off being with some tumblr girl than me. I'm moving back in with my parents to sort out my life before I even think about contacting him or moving out again.
I'm aware I fucked up colossally but it would of gut me if I got anymore attached and it wasn't reciprocated.

You're the most beautiful girl I've ever laid eyes on, and it breaks my heart every time I think about how many chances you gave me, yet I was too cowardly to make a move. Now you're with him, but we still hang out like good friends. I don't resent you or him at all, that's not who I am. I wish I had done back then what I'm confident enough to do now. I suppose all I can do is wait, either for you or someone else.

>>18633590
Not sure how you thought I was him, cause it sounds like we're in similar positions. That sucks that you're going through that, but you're probably right to have cut it off early... the guy I'm thinking of and I have been "dating" (?????) for a year or two now. We sleep together most days of the week.. (he sleeps alone the other days, mostly at least... I think... I never know if it's my right to ask or not). I don't think I'm necessarily a jealous person, but this situation just makes me so unfairly jealous. There is NO reason he shouldn't have friends, but I find myself worrying that he's sleeping with anyone he hangs out with. Cause apparently that's the gay norm. Whatever. I shouldn't be as resentful as I am about people having sex drives either, but the mismatch drives me to.

Sorry about your situation again, but the good thing is, every failed relationship can inform your behavior and the types of relationships you seek out in the future, if you handle it correctly.

All things considered, you do not win, you do not pass go, aimlessly hit the same destination, this board is cancer.

why do I hate myself over things I cannot control? height, penis size, looks. I was born with these and I need to use the tools I am given. I guess you do have to accept somethings as out of your control in life

>tfw skeletor
>shirts are either too short length wise (medium) or too long sleeve wise (large)
Life is full of suffering.

The closure I want is for you to tell me what happened. You won't hear from me again afterwards. Please.

You've lied to me for months, turned our children into liars and almost destroyed our family. All for pride and stubbornness. Now you expect me to fix shit again all the while ignoring your own problems, just so you don't have to face your own fears. I know it's scary and hard, but you need help. I still love you but the abuse is getting to me and I hope you finally realize how important this is before it's too late.

I think I am going to delete all my anime and porn, and quit video games. None of it makes me happy any more - I hate all of it and simply use them all to run away from my shitty fucking life. I would rather have nothing than keep on coming back to this shit any more.

>>18633918
initials?

>>18633941
Middle initial C

>>18633918
What happened in regards to what?
Would you take, "I was abducted by aliens" as an acceptable response?

What's on your mind?

>>18633457
I'm becoming less defined, as days go by. Fading away, well you might say, I'm losing focus, kinda drifting into the abstract in terms of how I see myself. Sometimes I can see right through myself...

>>18633965
Yes I'm alone, but then again I always was. as far back as I can tell. Maybe because, because you were never really real.

>>18633962
I'm just sort of dead inside. I don't know how to motivate myself. I can't trust people. I think they are all looking down on me. I wish I could still find enjoyment in my hobbies. Only the adrenaline from risk of injury makes me feel anything anymore. I am bruised, scratched and sore from crashing my bike regularly (all very minor). I want to be passionate about something again, to find satisfaction in progress. Right now I am just watching time go by.

>>18633457
I want to scream at the top of my lungs. I escaped from my dark thoughts for 7 years but they're catching up to me... again.

In 2014 I was in a terrible state of constant dread which at the time I felt was caused by demons, I was also seeing shadow people and shit (schizophrenia?).

How I miss the summer of 2009 and the company of some of the nicest people I encountered... It constantly got worse and worse from there.

>>18633977
I just made you up to hurt myself

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>a $200 textbook that I need for next week is now on its way to my former address that I don't even have access to
>Apparently they couldn't be bothered to change my order like I asked even though it was on backorder for like 2 weeks and I told them I needed it changed
Yes I'm mad.

>>18634000
THERE IS NO YOU, THERE IS ONLY ME

ONLY

ONLY

ONLY

Happy Birthday, D.

I have dated a lot of girls online. They were pretty easy. What does that make me, a beta or an alpha? I am still an virgin though.

>>18634047
That's how I started. But, then I turned 17, started working, and had a car, and was getting bitches left and right from online dating sites like POF, OKCupid and Tinder IRL.

I padded my stats to about 20~ women laid by the time I was 20, then settled down with a girl for a few years.

Everyone has a more interesting life than me.
Everyone is more functioning in society than me.

>>18634059
What're you doing wrong?

Need a hair cut? Better clothes? Better body? Better hygiene? Better job? Better car?

Why are you spending time with me? The more we talk, the more I learn about you, the more I become yours. I only started helping you because you needed it. I was happy to be there to get you started, but what came as a result is the scariest and best thing to happen to me in a long time. I spurred you on? I fed your ambition? Now, I'm just sitting with a smile on my face and warmth in my heart as I see you trying so hard for my affection. See you trying to make yourself useful to me. Silly girl, you already were. You don't have to try so hard. Not for a slob like me.
Your the wonderful on here. The one that has turn my passive humdrum life into something that I actually want to live.
Your heart has more scratches and scars than mine, I tell, the way you talk and move, it screams fear and caution.

Yet, like the most beautiful flower I have encountered, I'm captive to your colors and scent. Why do you spend your time with me? Why, it's been so long since anyone has. It's been a long time since someone would smile at my arrival, or bid me good night with a hug. It's been so long since someone would happily call me "theirs". I'm scared to feel this way. I been hurt before, I know you have too, yet you have courage to hug a cactus like me.

Who are you really? And would anyone want to hurt you? I don't know, but I'm trying my best not to hurt you.
I know I'll get to spend time with you tonight.

You called it fate. Maybe, it's been such a long time since I stopped believing in such niceties as that. But, maybe, just maybe, I want to believe in it again as I am starting to believe in you.

You really are amazing. Like those rescued pups you care for, you may be doing the same to me. I can see why they love you so.

>>18634068
Better hobbies maybe or something I can be proud of. Everyone else seems to have their life under control. I'm sad all the time and don't feel proud of anything. I'm studying I.T. (I don't really like it but it's too late to change now, also my parents would hate me for it) but I have no job (which is inexcusable at my age). But I'm afraid that having a job will mean I will be even more sad since I will have even less free time than I do now. And I have no interest in buying anything.

>>18634083
A job is what jumpstarted my social life. I'd say go for it. You'll make immediate friends, and money.

>>18634084
I guess you are right

>>18634083
No-one has their life under control. Everyone feels like they could be doing more. Don't compare yourself to others but keep trying to make improvements that make sense to you.

>>18634083
>>18634087
also getting a job will make you less sad. If I'm having a bad week I dread days off and look forward to going to work. Less time to spend wallowing and I know I'm doing useful.

But try not to get to depressed if it takes awhile to get a job. Its mostly based on luck and timing. Keep trying though.

>>18634089
Thanks. Yah that makes sense, I guess I need to keep myself busy and a job will help with that.

>>18633457
I loved you J,

I really did. I cherished those conversations we would have until 2 in the morning. You were one of the first people to be a real friend to me when I came here. The only one really, that i would tell my really deep problems. You understood more than any shrink would. You were so unhappy. You hated yourself and all your anxiety and depression. I dont think you ever believed me when i told you how beautiful you were or how you were one of the smartest people i knew.

Im sorry i didn't show how i really felt enough. Maybe we could have had something, but knowing myself probably not. Guess you weren't in to me that way, any sort of hint or flirt i gave you went over your head.

I wish we still talked. I miss you, as dumb as that sounds. But i guess what happened happened right?

I hope you feel better and get over all your shit one day. Hope i do too. You are a beautiful person inside and out, what other kind of person would listen to me and all my problems? You deserve to be happy.

-L

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I can't believe what a colossal fuck up I am. Every chance I've ever gotten, I've blown it. Yesterday we finally got into contact again, and you seemed to actually enjoy talking to me and I was so happy even if it was for a moment. Then I blew it, I got too excited, got too clingy. Fuck.

D, you are the girl of my dreams, i love you, and that one first kiss with you beats every other one I will ever have

You'd think people would count their own blessings instead of getting their noses in shit that isn't their's

My manager said I should change my "vocabulary" for being too forthright.

I stood up to his harrasment. I'm being trained at the moment yet he expects me to know everything. Scolding me when I don't get things right.

I haven't received my cheque in nearly three weeks. I talked to HR and got bounced back to him. When I got to him, he said go talk to HR. He has my cheque but wasn't able to deposit it directly into my account after giving him my bank details since July. So I called it out saying it was very unprofessional. And he got mad. I'm not the best employee but I can't expect the company to pay me on time?

Needless to say, I'm not desperate to work.. I'm still with my parents and in school. I know I'm in working the shit end. I'm not going to resign but I will tell him that I cannot take anymore shifts since school is starting.

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I don't know what the fuck I am going to do. I've been acting as if all is well but its fucking not.

I've been living in the US under my dad's visa, but in 3 years I won't be a legal citizen anymore. I have no green-card and there's no way for me to get a citizenship. I lost my job this week because apparently, I should have never been given a working permit. I don't know what the fuck to do now. And I've become dulled out / non productive these past few days because of the news. I feel pissed at my parents that they didn't try to work something out sooner, (Came to this country as a bab when I was 8 months old, currently 20.) but I know shit is hard and tricky. Everything sucks right now

All of this is your fault and forever will be

>>18634109
stop contacting them

I am a shell of my former self, questions without answers have buried me alive, tossing thoughts like hand grenades, chapters left unfinished. Let's compare notes.

Now that you left me for this faggot I hope that cheating on him with his best friend was worth it. Now that I'm not there to help you keep your shit together anymore you're walking down the path to becoming a slut and my sadness about losing you is slowing but surely turning into relief for dodging a bullet.

>>18634106
Ye

>>18634173
Bright side: I applied for a programming instructor position. Less work and doing something I actually enjoy.

Here's to getting accepted!

>>18634252
You're bitter... you should wish her good luck in the wars to come

>>18634285
>It's okay for women for to monkey-branch, cheat as much as they like. Make sure she's doing good
Go die

>>18634334
I never said that lmao

I said YOU need to stop being bitter. You can't save these hoes man

Fuck you. Who the fuck chooses a friend who raped their girlfriend? Fuck you, fuck them, fuck y'all. One day I will punch his fucking face in and if you're close maybe I'll take a swing at you to.

If only you knew; What deep waters lie below the ice. What horrendous creatures swim about.

>>18634219
What happened?

>>18634408
Nothing I"m just bitching

Texas Dallas USA

I'm feeling really down today.

>>18634430
Hang in there you got it

Jesus christ, I can't do it. 5th day of university, and I'm ready to go home. Something is wrong with my head. In class, I just can't focus. I look at the symbols on the board and copy them down, but if I actually try and think about them, I realize I can't. Every day, the sun's incredibly bright and gives me a piercing headache. I'm 99% certain I have a hemorrhoid because it feels like there's something in my ass when I walk. It makes me feel like a dog. All food tastes the same now. Video games aren't fun. Conversations aren't interesting. The only thing I still enjoy is sugary coffee, but that fucks up my health and makes me stay up so I feel even worse. I desperately need to see a doctor, but it's $40 and I don't have the money. Sometimes, I fantasize about suicide.

I don't know. I honestly don't know how it got this bad. I'm so tired. My mother's moving back to her family's farm. I'm going to tell her about this. Tell her that I just can't do it right now, that it's going to have to wait. Maybe she'll let me stay with her, and I can sleep for a while. Maybe I'll get insurance, and things will eventually be different.

H,

Please call me. It was my fault.

S

>>18634375
It's me swimming around in the depths of the sea. Invading the dreams of brave sailors who are dreaming of mermaid as beautiful as me.

>>18633457
I see now that there is no light at the end of the tunnel, It just gets better for a short amount of time and then the bullshit starts again. I am tired of it, no matter what my efforts are they end in failure. My great grand parents were poor, my parents were poor, and now I'm poor. I will stop this endless cycle, I will not have children and I will most likely be dead within next ten years and I just don't care anymore.

It's been five years since we broke up and three since we talked, but every time I make a tuna sandwich I can remember my favorite girlfriend say "I know you like mustard with your tuna."

One day I hope I wake up not being in love with someone who's moved on.

I love you but I'll stop hinting at it now. You must know. Glad I didn't say it out loud...

want to kill myself because I will fail in school and will be a disappointment to my family

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I should probably get help with my anxiety.
So far I've "managed" but it always feels like I'm teetering on the edge. "Just get through this day", "only a couple more days till the weekend", "after this red light its a smooth ride home".
I still don't have any friends. I've never even had a real friend since middle school, over a decade ago. Its my second year of college, and I don't feel like I progressed. Any progress I make is replaced with a feeling that I'm slowly breaking inside. My reaction to these feelings is to be a tryhard optimistic. Everything will be fine, I'll go on to do great things, I'll make friends, I'll find love. Just be patient. It feels like I'm running away from the bad side of myself, like I'm simply just not treating it like it exists. Of course I'm not an over neurotic coward who plans his days minimizing people contact, possible panic attacks, and the path with the least anxiety.

I feel like standard therapeutic strategies to getting over anxiety just aren't strong enough for me, and that I need medication to feel like a normal person. But I also feel like if I rely on medication to get by in life, I lose.

>>18633598
Really want to believe this is for me. But I know it isn't.

How weird is it to dm a girl on social media? I have no real means of just running into her but she looks cute. Been bugging me all day since I saw her post for some reason.

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>>18633457
I think I'm at the point where I'm done with most social media. Before I used to be a pretty politically active person, volunteering for campaigns on campus, and helping out with the CPC leadership race by organising events with lead candidates. I always did used to get a sense of anxiety whenever I got on social media and discussed politics just because of the toxic environment and the risk to my personal life by even discussing conservative issues (even though I'm a lefty).

But ever since Charlottesville that seems to have crumbled to depression. Yeah obviously I disagree with the shit going on, but I'm seeing Charlottesville being used as a justification for almost everything everywhere. People aren't being given the full context of the situation and are even sprouting apologists for antifa yet condemn the alt-right. I hate them both, but the fact that a group of commies who have been physically violent in multiple countries all year is somehow given a pass boggles my mind. Yet I realise that this shit doesn't matter. That I'm not going to change anyone's mind or perspective. Everyone just has their rose tinted glasses that screams nazi every day as they spout their uninformed ignorant opinions and arguments without even being able to have a sensible conversation on why the protest happened in the first place. Worse yet, is that now Charlottesville is being used as justification every time historical monuments are being destroyed, and I write this as I'm reading through 1984.

TL;DR: Today's politics is making me grossly depressed at both the left and the right and I'm about to shut down.

I had total ED for a while. Now there is this VIP goth over 25 girl on facebook whom photos make me hard as steel. I like her posts too, and her smartness makes me hard too. I will never send her a message because I'm sure she is gonna ignore me. I just want to ask her if there is any way to capture her attention, and ask her for something to read about what she is speaking of in her posts. Life is sad if you're not a chad.

>>18634708
You have to go back...
To pol.

>>18634255
Yee

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After everything that happened you come back. Talking like shit is alright.
I will give you hope that I still love you. Still want us to be happy. Get you high on me again, and then, I'll let you find out.
I want to see that look on your face. I can already savor the taste you falling apart.
You left because of your life? Great great. I hope you eat shit, now come come. I'll make you feel good again, just like old times.
I'm no longer addicted to you. I'm simply lusting for that rush of emotions as you shatter into pieces, as I run you into the ground as you did me.

Delicious. This is going to be so much fun. I can't wait to get really started. You mistake was telling me you wanted to do things over. No fuck you, we tried that. It got us nothing. This time I will take it all from you.

>>18634708
Just take a retreat away from that toxicity. My bro's a bit like you and he genuinely gets unhappier the more involved he is in politics.

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Literally just met her. She seems amazing. And she already has a boyfriend...

This is my last semester of college. I feel like it's all been a waste. All the people I know have gone away.

I just feel like I missed out on some great experience that so many others got.

>>18634927
Let me guess, they cheated on you. If so carry on, you're doing gods work.

I've never met you, I only see your smug face on social media, but I hate you for lying and putting my Father in jail you fucking narcissistic sociopath. He has lung disease, I'm chugging another bottle of wine while you live it up on holidays in France. He ruined your ability to be close to men? Explain the fucking plenty of fish account! People like you make me hate feminism when there's legitimate victims of rape out there, girls who will never be believed because people like you cry wolf, and will eventually be caught, mark my words. Die.

>>18634965
It doesnt get better

>>18634979
Women are an irrational being. i dont know you but your spirit flows through me. All the stacys deserve their just deserts for being a scourge to men!!!

I am not angry, mad. Fuck it. I am angry at you bastards, why do you say me we will hang out just to say last minute you have "things to do"? Fuck you. I understand, sometimes things pop up, but, the same shit every time we plan to hang out. I want to keep our friendship but you faggots will only be cutting, and doing this kind of shit. You don't want to talk with me? fine. But tell me, don't leave hours wating for an answer, and then, answer something faggy. Of course I can't tell you this, faggots, you will say people have things to do. Of course, I do things too. But moral, civic, healthy people keep their meetings. You are not interested? well, fuck it. Thank you for helping me with her, and thank you for being a faggot. Both of you, dupla de pendejos, are going to end like your families, the one without anykind of social touch and the other all broke up, because you can't stand up from that sofa and breath some air, see the sun... keep masturbating, faggot, she cheats on you; keep playing videogames, no girl will like you. Fuck you faggots. Fuck everyone. Nobody in this fucking town knows friendship.

I fucking hate being average.
I've was doing fine a month or so ago, but it wrecks my shit this innr feeling, I love and I hate myself.
I have anger issues.
I hate my nose, my hair color.
My belly (otherwise my arms and legs are thin).
I fucking hate being dead average on dick and height (6 inches and 5ft 10').
I wish I was bigger.
I'm frustrated as fuck, why can't things go my way ONCE?
I have a gf, but I wish she could be hotter (I wish I COULD be better looking).
University is okay, and so it's my craft (I'm an artist, I love it with passion, I think that's the only think I'm not average).
I just, I'm having one of these days, I fucking hate when a friend om mine is like:"and so my ex was htis big, and this new guy is like that), I fucking hate it. I told her, I don't give a shit!
but still, I hate it.
I just... I'm gonna improve at everything... BUt I feel worthless, and cool at the same time.

My female friends are turning into sensitive little feminist SJW bitches who advocate promiscuity because it is "empowering".
Seriously. I can't even make a small "offensive" comment without them looking at me like I killed someone. They use the terms "POC" and "latinx" and "woke" and they hate straight white men with a passion. The worst part is they genuinely think they know it all. Last time, they stopped talking to me for a few days for making the decision to not vote this past election. It's so annoying. Is it wrong for me to not want to be friends with them? I'm a girl myself. I don't even consider myself neither conservative or liberal. It seems like every girl my age is a liberal SJW with retarded views on society.

>>18635058
OP here. I'm a girl myself. I have always related more to my dad and guys in general, so yeah :/ women can be manipulative, lying, attention seeking shits from my experience.

>>18635166
THIS. so much this.

>>18635166
Cut ties. These people only get more poisonous the more you question their new social acessories. Its a phase but not one you want to wait out. Its going to be hard but you will feel a lot better and maybe find a new group of like minded folks under this years popular trend. Meanwhile focus on you.

>>18635146
Continue
Let me tell you something about your ex and you, I'm fucking GLAD you realized that both of you and him werer fucking idiots, he was a fucking autistic idiot who treated you like dirt and hated himself, and you were a fucking idiot who was with a guy because you pitied him and yourself, I'M GLAD desu, you're a fucking idiot.
I WAS a fucking idiot, I fucking get it.
I hope you realize someday that you should love yourself, and THEN get some good guy, or not, I don't care, because you're a fucking idiot sometimes.

Dear gf's dad. YOu're a drunk mess ad a fucking idiot, I'm glad yhour wife almost left you because of your alcohol problems.
I fucking hate you for beating my gf and her brothers, you disgust me.
I don't give a rat's ass if you are christian now and go to church every day, you're still an abusive bastard. You insensitive jerk.
Oh, and guess what? your daughter is a fantastic artist, if you think she's an screw up it's because YOU ARE A HUGE FAT SCREW UP, WHY DO YOU DESTROY HER STUFF?! WHY DO I HAVE TO HAVE A SECRET RELATIONSHIP BECAUSE OF YOU?
I don't care if you're a widower now, YOU SHOULD MOVE YOUR FUCKING ASS AND GO TO WORK, NOT LIVE OFF YOUR PENSION, YOU DISGUSTING PIECE OF SHIT.
MY FATHER'S FIRST WIFE DIED WHEN MY SISTER WAS BORN, AND HE WORKED HIS ASS OFF, GIVING HER EDUCATION AND LOVE NEVER GIVE IN TO DRINK, HE HAS A SHITTY CHILDHOOD, HE WAS BEATEN UP BY HIS GRANDPA, HIS SISTER WAS RAPED, AND GUESS WHAT?! THEY'RE DOING WELL NOWADAYS, THEY'RE GOOD PEOPLE..
YOU ARE SHIT, MAN, YOU FUCKING IDIOT.
Honestly, HONESTLY, I wish your daughter just kicked you in the balls and escapes with her brother and sister, and goes to her aunts, or even my family, because EVERYWHERE ELSE is better than your house.
Book burning?! WHAT THE FUCK MAN!?
WHY DO YOU BURN BOOKS!?
WHAT'S GOING ON THROUGH YOUR HEAD?!
IT'S FUCKING RETARDED. IT'S WISDOM, KNOWLEDGE, AND EVEN FUCKING FICTION, IT'S THAT, FUCKING FICTON.

>>18635195
It is worse since we're Hispanic and they feel the need to "educate" people on how social issues need to be addressed. I see how our president is against us Latinos, but at the same time there is no reason to be shoving it down everybody's fucking throat. Not every white man hates us Latinos and not every POC is a saint. Including my race. My parents have never struggled with racism and they are Mexican as. fuck. Meanwhile, my "friends" claim that "microaggressions" are real and that people discriminate them. Mind you, these are young light skinned latinas in the southwest, WHERE WHITE PEOPLE ARE THE FUCKING MINORITY. They find just anything to feel discriminated about. Fucking retards. You're right anon, fuck that.

I've given you all of my time, my energy, and my attention for almost a year. I've given up my life entirely, and rarely get to spend time on any of the things I used to deem important because you steamroll all over them every time I ask for space...

In return...
>I can't call you my girlfriend (because you have some weird gay hangup over labels)
>We still haven't had sex, when you've had sex with people for much less before
>I can't even kiss you in public because sometimes you decide to be lame about it
>If I want to do something, you'll entertain it for about ten minutes before demanding we stop and do whatever you want to do (usually laying down doing absolutely nothing at all for hours while you just think about shit that makes you upset)
>Every night you hell me out for like 6-7 solid hours while you have a retarded mental breakdown over nothing
>You refuse to get help
>You have attempted to kill yourself in my presence before and didn't care about how I could end up having my life ruined as a result because you decided that once you're dead, the world you leave behind doesn't matter
>You're starting to create this self-fulfilling prophecy that our relationship is failing and doing all you can to help it along instead of CORRECTING YOUR SHITTY BEHAVIOR

I'm sick of it. I love you, but I'm sick of it. It is give and take, not take and take and take and take and take some more. I don't want to leave, but if this just keeps getting worse, I'm going to have to. I have more self-respect than to be with someone who seems to care so little about what they put me through. And I'm pissed, because this should have been great for both of us. All you had to do was put in a very minimal amount of effort. You will look back and regret this.

>>18634643
initials?

Dear Supergirl, Keep looking forward!!! Forgive, move forward and NEVER look back or FRY the son of a bitch, you know you want to, sweet girl!!!

>>18635491
haha, initials???

>>18635497
AMR, why hide, lol, pussy what are yours

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>>18634927

>>18635505
lol, yasssssss

i really just wish i could end it all, but im worried about how others would feel

>>18635525
Good. Don't end it. Rise above it.

You have no idea how much power you have to change your life. Everything that you hate is something you don't have to deal with. You can get it together, but only you can.

So are you?

>>18635502
scared?!

>>18635166

Find non-university-educated black women.

They're chill and as far as I've seen, at least here in the UK, the working class ones don't play that SJW identity politics bulshit.

Seriously though, every white bitch I've met has been one some step closer to the bluehair pill.

I'm put off by my own women, so yeah, jews won.
Seriously, can't think of a single ethnic girl I've met that was even close to those levels of SJWism. They probably exist, in universities and the offices of hussington post.
But they are sure as shit harder to find than a man hating white girl.

>>18635514
Was it a guy who hurt you? I'm curious to hear your story

>>18633457
I almost blew my brains out with a 12ga Shotgun, its been a couple months now and I kind of wish I did it

I go down to the cafe every single day to see you and to work up the courage to talk to you/ask you out. Every day I stand there awkwardly with the cashier guy while he talks to you instead of going for it and talking to you myself. I don't even know why I'm so afraid. Everyone's right: I'm just a beta bitch when it comes down to it. I can hire whores and convince strippers to suck me off but when it comes to talking to a woman for real I'm paralyzed with fear.

>>18635588
oh sweetie you're fishing. give me your initials and location aprox, of course and occupation and I'll give you a story

>>18635610
Are you that paranoid?

>>18635615
no, not paranoid. Just answer and I'll give you the story. what are you afraid of?

So my bf told me to my face that he rather fuck ugly women with a big chest then me.
Still says he loves me and wants to be with me. And that I'm beautiful and gorgeous, just has no sexual interest in me at all.

>>18635630
lol

I've had absolutely no luck with white girls. For whatever reason blacks and spanish girls are attracted to me.
WHY

W.
I'll be in your area within the next few weeks. It's odd to think about how I won't see you even though I wanted to for so long. We probably even could've met this time. But we're strangers now. I've seen what you're becoming and it turns out we're even more different than we used to be. You seem like a shell of who you were before. But for the better, for you at least.
I thought I'd meet you while I'm down there but our coffee and beach walk would be filled with awkward silences and some distant tension.
Anyways, this will probably be the last letter I ever write to you. And the last time I ever try to get ahold of you. I sincerely wish we could still be friends but I know it's too late now. Let me know if you ever need anything.
-M.

>school starts
>having no life begins again
Going to be in school all day since classes I needed were literally only available during the morning and night.
Want to get a job, but then I'm limited to only the weekend. I'm unsure if I want to find one, but having money is nice. Have a bit saved up from my previous job, but it's only going to go downhill from there.

aye, dumbshit your passive aggressive bullshit is noted....i laugh

>>18633563
Courtney?

>>18635669
OMG!!!!!

>>18634080
>dating a dog whisperer

Oh boy, might want to brush those feelings off, friendo.

>>18635677
What's the first initial of your fwb/bf?

If you are a right, I will shoot the last initial.

>>18635711
awe, so cute

>>18635723
Not cute, smart.

Anyone can type "omg!!!1!!1!"
dipshit

>>18635726
awe sweetie pie are you getting angry?! deep breath..bright light blah blah blah

>>18635642
Latina femanon here, most of us exclusively date within our race because we were raised to.

>>18633563
Taylor?

>>18633563
Tiffany?

Just broke up today. She was my first everything but we can't stay together anymore.

I know it's best for both of us but I still feel like garbage. We literally spent every day together, lived in a flat for 4 months and spent almost every night together for a year. She is my best friend

Love you M. Best of luck.

>>18633563
Tatiana?

>>18635765
OMG!!!!!

It sucks to feel yourself getting bored with your SO, and them getting bored with you. And you don't want to say it because you don't want to be the bad guy.
We should probably just break up.

>>18635774
Complacency is normal in relationships after the honeymoon period wears off. HHow long have you been dating?

>>18635789
Since October/September 2016.

Would you be marred as crazy if you pulled a knife on someone to defend yourself. Person was an evil jek/Hyde drunk. Previously twisted my nipples till they were bruised and bleeding, I never encountered a nipple scab before this. This particular evening he came at me with a set of those bicycle grip pliers drunk as all get out , fearing the worst I picked up the knife and told him to put down the pliers, he instantly said I was the wack job, how we react out of fear. I think New Years Eve that year was celebrated with him pissing on me in the shower, no jollys were had that year. We are a bi product of our surroundings. The blind lead the blind and medication only dulls the senses. The skeletons fall from the closet.

My birthday is tomorrow and I feel horrible. How can I celebrate it when my aunt and uncle just died within a week of each other?
My heart hurts.

>>18635854
Would they want you to sulk on your birthday if all days?

I know you like me, otherwise you wouldn't hang out with me as much as you do. It still feels like there is a glass wall between us. Why don't you ever ask me out on a date when you always show up right when I ask you out? We never really went out back then, only made out a couple of times. I had my first and biggest panic attack the day after you cut me off. I used to think for the longest time that it was because of you. I did realise in the meantime that you cutting me off was just the last straw, there were a lot of family issues piling up before that. Looking back now, might be Stockholm Syndrome talking, but I'm low-key thankful that you cut me off then and there. Otherwise I might have carried all that weight for longer. Because of that dark night, I finally had to face my issues, and start to work myself through them. I never actually told you about what happened right after... We haven't talked for long.
We seem to have parallel conversations sometimes, but still it flows nicely. I know I never want to get married, or have kids, but I somehow feel like I want to spend a considerable amount of time near you. I'm afraid you will cut me off again, like you did before. At the same time, you seem to have changed for the better. But did you, really? Or you just got unpopular? I see through nearly every single person I meet. I look into their eyes. Their gestures. I listen to how they carry their voices for a short while. People are predictable normally for me. I only know half a dozen people who can surprise me. You are one of the select few whose moves I cannot predict. I don't know if you are playing me, or if you are just that fun. Let's get drunk, just two of us.

I wanna go on dates but I don't feel like paying 30 bucks in travel expenses just to be told that they already are seeing someone or aren't right for me

>>18634109
How were you clingy?

>>18635878
Probably not, but my birthday hasn't been great these past few years. Not in the mood to put on a fake smile.

I have gone through a brutal break up recently that has robbed me of everything I have worked towards, and of all my motivation. It has however taught me how flawed I am.

When I was not with them, even when I dated other people prior to my relationship with them I was always completely detached. My whole life with the exception of the time I spent with them I have been a third party observer, I have never felt empathetic to those surrounding me or felt strongly about anything. I felt no connections to others, had no trust any anything. I simply allowed things to play out in a fatalist manner while I watched, completely disconnected. I have tried everything to correct this; I see a psychiatrist every week or two and have since I was the age of three, I have travelled to many foreign countries, I have a job that makes near six figures, I have a good education, and I have read numerous books and the works of various philosophers in an attempt to find meaning. Yet I cannot find a meaning to live, nor a desire to be alive. Only in that moment did I have anything in life, but in reality I still lacked an existance. I felt human by living through making them happy.

I am simply an observer, and to others a cold robot. I do not exist as a person, and I have no purpose or value. I wish for these things but I do not know how to obtain them.

>>18635901
I know it doesn't make you feel any better, but like, me and my friends hate our birthdays, and wish each other happy birthday on days when we are actually happy. (Like it would be random days not even close to our actual birthdays.)

...I'm sorry to hear either way. Give yourself time to go through the negative emotions, too.

>>18635908
this sucks. the more you know, the less you want to live.

and then you might learn even more about it all, and realise you have to make the best out of what you have.

>>18634646
Me again.
I've calmed down a bit, and I feel like I can handle things now, but I know its a matter of time before I start to feel this way again and its troubling. I really don't know how to prevent it, or to calm myself down faster. It feels like the anxiety just stays in my system for a few hours until I exhaust myself out.

>>18633457
Alright i like this girl a bit as she is cute and pretty smart and very nice. Been talking to her for sometime getting fairly close.

But I have an issue with her and my family

I been wanting to disappear away from my family and start a new life. To never stay in touch with them again. I have grown to very much dislike all of them for specific reasons.

But with this girl I been meeting and chatting with and been growing close too could cause some difficulties with starting a new life. Her and my family know eachother fairly well and we go to the same church. This could be something that could make things a bit difficult in breaking a linked chain in my life with my family when I want to start a new life.

For one if I am to get married to her my family would have to be invited to the wedding to avoid any sort of suspicion.

Second is they could easily get in contact with me through her family at ease, even if I were to move away and try to start a new life.

With all this it would make things very difficult for me to change my name and make them loose trace of me.

I might just avoid her and find a new girl.

>>18635917
>the more you know, the less you want to live.
This is the biggest issue with it honestly. I am too smart to hang around most people unless I feign interest in what they enjoy, yet conversely I am not intelligent enough (or credentialed enough) to hang out with geniuses.

Not that, that matters much anyway as I get no joy out of the company of others with the exception of the person I lost. For them I did, "dumb it down" as it were and took interest in their hobbies and life. My career and hobbies were dictated by what the people around me pushed me into or took interest in, so they stuck.

Speaking of my career; it may pay high and require a certain skillset to perform, but I find it as unchallenging and dreadful as most people would find being locking in a room pushing a giant red button every ten minutes.

I suppose I could talk to the person I broke up with as they desire to be my friend still, but they honestly are not capable of being a friend at the moment plus I will always desire more so that will only result in me falling more into this disconnected void.

I fear I reached that point where I fell for a guy I'll never meet.What is wrong with me?Yes I met him online and I can't get him out of my head and I've tried really hard...

>>18635946
Why won't you ever meet him? Too far or something? If you get him interested enough he might go to you someday

L,

There was a time long ago in my life where I had done many stupid things. A time when I was alone, when I was confused, and when I was constantly at a war with my own feelings. You don't know much about me, and you probably don't want to. I understand that. Nothing can make this right, and nothing will ever curb the regret I hold for my actions that day. I don't expect you to be able to forgive my weakness, I only hope that you are able to understand it some day, and put it all behind you. I am deeply sorry, and I hope that you are able to find peace.

J.

I think I mighta blown it lads

>>18635952
>LDRs
anon stop it don't get anon's hope up

Kind of /x/ related but ehh I think its fine here for now. I fucking hate those damn meds I took so long back, been clean for 4 years now. But it all still haunts me just a little, not heavily, just lightly.

Messed up my life and now I always have thoughts that I may have some kind of psychic abilities, ability of traveling back in time into my own younger self (mostly around 2010 for some reason) and memory fragments of events in my life that played out in different scenarios.

Yet as long as I been clean. Something does ponder in my mind that wishes me to get back on those meds again, to try it all over again.

>>18635980
Not who you replied to, but LDRs can work

>>18635942
if you would write a short story, i would be very interested in reading it.

i don't want to disrupt your trail of thought more than i did already, hence this brief and seemingly random response. (it's actually not random, i meant it.)

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FUCK FEMALES WHY CAN'T I GET MY DICK SUCKED I'M 6'1 AND 200 lbs PEOPLE TELL ME I SHOULDN'T HAVE A PROBLEM GODDAMMIT LOOK OUT SOME CUNTS ARE GONNA DIE

>>18636029
You look like jake paul.
That's why.

>>18636029
get your dick sucked by a faggot. you already look like a twink

I'm at the end of my rope now
Things are not good.
I don't know what to do

>>18636034
What's wrong?

>>18636032
jake paul gets pussy, don't matter, females boutta get fucked by my bullets

>>18636029
put yourself out there

>>18636036
I lost my job a year and a half a go.
I decided to join the military like my dad did.
I signed up, did the paper work, and they told me that they'd contact me back.
That was 16 months ago.
I keep asking and they keep saying they're processing.

I ran out of unemployment. I can't get a job. I'm leeching off my family.
The military was supposed to be my last resort give up option.
Now they aren't even responding. Why the fuck not? I don't know.

I'm too fucking old not to have a career. All I have left is drink to make me happy. And that isn't even working any more.

I just don't know what to do.

>>18636042
i'm on tinder faggot, i've tried everything. Oh btw if u have a girlfriend enjoy being shot dead too

>>18636045
How old are you?

>>18636050
29

I have a university degree. I graduated with honours.
I was salutatorian at highschool too.

My entire life has been applying for things and getting rejected for reasons I don't fucking know

>>18636054
I know the feeling. I have a college degree as well. After graduating, I sent over 60 job applications in a little less than a month, and only 3 of those wanted an interview. The only offer I got was for an unpaid internship in a city an hour away, but there was always traffic going back so the drive home usually took about two hours

>>18636057
I've been doing this for 7 years.
It just doesn't get better.

>>18636064
What is your degree in? What sort of jobs have you been applying to?

>>18636046
i don't have a penis, i'm kind of a female who's straight and was simply giving you advice because this is an advice board..

!!!

>>18636073
!!!

>>18636066
A faggy one
Don't get me wrong, I kind of deserve this.
But I'd take a second rate job. I mean shit, I can manage fucking high school dropouts at Walmart. But no, I need a BA in economics to do that.
I even had a good biology job once based on my minor. My position got "phased out" a month in. My bud still works at that place. He says they're having staffing problems every week.
I want to feel bad for him having to work 16 hour shifts to cover for the short-staffing, then I remember they let me go to cut costs. So fuck them.

I just want to have a regular as fucking career. Like they used to in the 80s. Where you go to work for 8 hours and come home to a fucking house you own and you can support a wife and a 3 kids on that same salarie. Where the fuck did that go?

>>18636074
oof

>>18636078
oooooooof <3

>>18636079
oh my (gay)

>>18636068
oh cool so you're just gonna get shot period, rest in piss cunt

>>18636083
cool

>>18635958
sorry to bug you friend but is yours related to the post above?>>18634106
if its not ignore it.

if it is and you are who i pray you are not please just say something that i would know for sure its you.

L.

>>18636081
For you? YES <3

>>18636090
You are the best ilysm

>>18636075
You don't have to have a house or a big salary to feel happy or satisfied with your life. There's more than one way to live life. You may not end up with the life you imagined you would have, but that doesn't mean you'll be left feeling disappointed. For a while, I was so certain I'd be a vet with a nice house and lots of animals. My life is definitely not like that! And it never will be, and that's okay. I'm never going to make a lot of money, and I'm okay with that. As long as I've got food, some place to sleep, and a place to shower and clean my clothes, I'm good, and there are places where you can volunteer and they'll cover that stuff. I mean I'm currently working at a place where they only provide you with enough money to break even, I'm not going to make any money from this job, and that's okay too

>>18636097
Well sucks for you... I love you mostest

ERP belongs in
>>>/trash/

>>18636101
>As long as I've got food, some place to sleep, and a place to shower and clean my clothes,
I'd settle for that

I don't have anything. I'm staying at family until I can get "back on my feet" but every attempt is fucking failing
The only work I can get is is moving furniture and that's sporadic as fuck.

I'm GOOD at things. I have VALUE. But all I'm used for now is basic labour and not even regularly.

this year i was not looking for lovew, i remember i was here on a GIOYC post and i was ranting as to how i was in a super toxic friendship/relationship,.recently (2months ago) i stood for myself as people on here told me to, i did and i actually fell in love with a guy named Robin, i actually am happier and i guess all it took was simple patience since i haven't dated in 3 years until now- i hope everyone on here has a gr8 future ahead even if it is way far ahead..

I just want a nice fuckbuddy that meets me halfway on my hobbies.

Started that job I thought I'd fuck up on and actually it's working out better than I hoped, thank you for bitchsmacking. I'm just longing for a nice slice of cherry pie at the end of my week that isn't a hambeast or ratchet ass two-faced hoe.

>>18636138
>I just want a nice fuckbuddy that meets me halfway on my hobbies.
That sounds like a perfect wife

>send risky text
>hours later still no response
Surely this is the worst feel

This year I met the love of my life, I couldn't be any happier right now. She's the definition of perfection, she's as beautiful as the stars in the night sky, she fills my heart with love and joy, she makes me the happiest guy alive without even trying and I couldn't have asked for anyone better. I love you mostest Giovana <3

>>18633457
A lot of my depression is caused by completely avoidable decisions (esp. alcohol and not sleeping properly) and I need to change that first before anything is going to get better in the long-run.

You know as weird as it is, I wish I could find a GF that did furry art or at least would be alright for me liking furries.

No I don't like the idea of dressing up as them to go to conventions or sexualizing them. I just enjoy them.

>>18636153
I also have similar problems
Reading books every night I can helps me
I can't read when I'm drunk and having a book to read makes me go to bed earlier

>>18636156
same but i am a female

Will you clean up your fucking kitchen you lazy asshole? It keeps growing larger and larger because you won't touch it. Pick that shit up already.

Really? I pour my heart out and you say, "I don't really think you like me. It's probably just that you miss me."

I thought we had something, B. I guess I'm just a fucking idiot who doesn't know anything about love since I haven't slept with as many people.

I wish my boyfriend wouldn't be too tired to fuck me and I wish he could be dominant in bed without saying "I feel like I'm faking it"

My best friend blew me off 3 times this week
And it's making me mad.
I'm in an especially bad place too
I had to drink a lot to get by

I'm angry and I have no one or reason to let it out against.
I just drink to make me feel less

I have these really bad hemorrhoids that flare up all around my entire anus to the point I can't really make out the entrance but I don't know how to bring it up because it's so embarrassing

At least they don't really hurt. Just gross and mildly uncomfortable.

>>18635610
EG, shit leaf poster, I am in customer service answering phones all day. Idk how any of that matters but I'm curious to hear your story.

>>18635630
Your boyfriend sounds like an asshole. We all have things that we're into but it seems to me like he's implying he wants to be with someone with bigger assets long term because that's what gets his rocks off. He also informed you he'd cheat on you with an ugly bitch just because she has degenerate uuge cow tats. Gross.

You're hot so break up with him and do better.

>>18636104
>>18636097
I hate you both mostest toastest. Stfu

>>18635800
Yeah sounds pretty normal, new relationship buzz lasts anywhere from a few months to a couple years.

This is when you start seeing your partner in a different light. Their flaws are more obvious and other people are more enticing. If you're otherwise happy in your relationship (no big red flags), you need to spice things up or spend more time with your SO. If not, probably best to rethink things and maybe move on to greener pastures.

P,
I should of asked for you to sleep with me but I know this will complicate things again. I know you are trying to get 'better'. So I'm just gonna root for you in the sidelines. Good vibes baby!

>>18635630
sounds like a closet faggot to me.

I need to break up with my girlfriend. Her family is weird, she's weird, and her existence unsettles me. This is a human being I never would have met in 1,000 years if my cousin didn't kick over a rock and show her to me. Lesson learned about meeting people through others. Something I never do. I ignored all the red flags early on because she was cute and she's a "nice girl" and we're all taught how much of a catch the nice girl is.

I now know through the lens of experience comparing this girl to all previous ones that the nice girl is nice in the way that a cemetery is nice: peaceful, quiet, reliable. But the nice girl like the cemetery is not a state of being for living things. It's a place you go when you're dead. A week or so before I met this girl I was in Manhattan hanging out with some buddies in different branches of finance and some struggling actresses/models, our paths even crossed with some successful ones.

Drinking, laughing, telling jokes, busting balls, and waking up the next day smiling having no clue what the next adventure would be. Now, I'm sitting here typing this shit since my "nice" girlfriend decided to watch a video that made her cry and then went to bed at ~10:00 EST marking off another day of another weekend where I've had to deal with something varying from eye-roll inducing to full fledged "what...the...fuck..."

I've never met someone with so little content and lately I actually can't help but think she's retarded and that her whole family is retarded. They're just like cave people to me. I try to pull something out of them and it's like they've been lobotomized or something. Imagine everyone around you is going in slow motion, that's how it feels around them. I have tried going out and just leaving her at my place, but it gets old having really attractive women who are having a good time ask you flirtatiously "why are you even dating her?" Feels like I'm in a fucking simulation.

All I do is go to work, go home and sleep. I don't go out to socialise with friends any more, I don't even talk to my friends through messaging any more. I just feel like I'm bothering them and we're gotten so distant it's like talking to strangers.

I'm fine with being alone but sometimes that loneliness and feeling like nobody would give a fuck if you died just hurts, and the realisation that you've drifted so far away from your friends they've left you behind, just makes life feel empty.
I've tried joining random online chats just to talk to people but I'm so awkward the conversation dies as soon as I talk or I get ignored.

I feel so guilty, my parents don't deserve me being miserable. I shouldn't be this sad all the time. I've had a good life, so why does this shit keep happening? Why can't I connect with other people? I have a loving family, siblings, and friends but I feel so isolated. For a while I thought it was my intrusive thoughts, but even when they're not trying to force sickening images in my head I feel so alone. I know I make my own problems, this is more than likely a result of the fucked up shit I looked at on the internet as a kid. Sometimes I feel really happy and sometimes really sad, I would really like to feel the happiness and contentment from when I was a child, but I would also feel guilty if I got that because then my life would be too perfect. Much, much better people than me have been born into much shittier situations.

>>18636433
Go back to your old friends
They'll appreciate it

I'm not fucking happy.

>>18636451
I hope so... It honesty feels like theres a wall between us now.

>>18636479
There is. One created by distance

But you can destroy it in a word. You control the seperation

I've been working on my thesis all day every day for a month, I'm so tired and it seems endless. I want to finish coding tomorrow but I've been saying that for a week now. This time I made a list of what I need to do, it's only 5 things. But they might be complex. Please please please end tomorrow. I'm exhausted.

I feel so miserable... I just want to make you happy.

>>18636496
A thesis is meant to push all of human knowledge one step further
You are adding one more step to all of human history.
You can last one more day

I've predicted my future course iin life for the last number of years, and as much as I might, it seems that I cannot will myself to change it. Hopefully I can change it, but god do I feel so alone.

I was supposed to be fucking someone
Every day in highschool, every told me that I was going to succeed
I had the top grades, ever class.
I graduated salutatorian.
I was going to be someone.

Now I'm nothing. I'm a drunk. I work a minimum wage job. I'm nearly 30.

What the fuck is this. I have a college degree. I'm better than this. I don't deserve this. I've done nothing but study and work hard.

I used to be so strong. I have no idea what happened to me, but I've become a physical and emotional wreck.

I've had ailments spring up outta nowhere that've rendered me worthless. No energy, pain, even broke my dick. I can't get a job. I'm a waste of a human being.

No love, all my friends are long distance and superficial and seeing all their success just makes me feel like more of a piece of shit. I've fallen into a depression so severe I can't ignore it anymore.

Every day I want to kill myself but I don't think I'd ever actually do it. I just wonder how long until that mindset fails me.

>>18636483
Thanks anon I'll try talk to them today.

>>18636592
I feel you
I only exist by ignoring my problems. I'm good at that. So I'm still here

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I feel completely undesirable, like I'm going to be scraping the bottom of the barrel as far as women go for the rest of my meager yet underrated existence. The girls I'm able to get are a far cry from the ones I spend my time wishing I had. Perhaps it's my fault. For not getting a degree or a diploma for that matter. For not taking care of my teeth and my skin, for developing a personality that lacks acuity and insight like hers.

I'm afraid I'll never recover, forever a retarded beta with little to look forward to. I'll probably lag behind my peers for the foreseeable future and then I don't know what. I would say an hero but I'm not sure I have what it takes.

>>18633918
It doesn't matter what happened anon, what matters is that whatever it was it's over and there's a reason for that. Time to turn the page and keep moving forward with your life.

is it possible to be attracted to sexual attention, regardless of the other persons gender?

I'm watching my friend's dog at his house whole he and his wife are going on vacation. I showed up too early so they were here a while still before they had to go. I witnessed them arguing and I got so uncomfortable because it made me think of my parents when they fought over the smallest things. So it was like I was holding my breath because I thought they would blow up like my parents would: yelling and screaming and slamming things. But they didn't.

But it was still uncomfortable. She would give him commands in this weirdly sweet tone like you couldn't tell she was bossy at first. And she would state something or ask something over and over even though he said his answer to her.

He in turn would be very short with her and didn't hide his frustration. He clearly didn't like being told what to do, or rather being told to do something that he was already in the middle of doing. She would just ignore his attitude and keep repeating commands or questions, which would make him more angry.

But once he was away from her, he seemed much less tense. He was instantly calm when it was just me and him. He took me outside to show me the yard and what plants needed to be watered, and he stopped and asked softly "Are you okay?"

I was too scared to tell him that the fighting upset me even though I'm sure he would've liked to know. I was scared of the answer. That he would say something like "Oh, it's always like that." I hoped it was just travel stress.

But I've heard them fight before in the background when he forgets to mute his mic. And I can't imagine why two people who have been together for that long just be okay with being that way to each other. I don't see why two people with such clashing personalities can just live with each other every day. Who don't realize they're being terrible to each other, with company as a witness, and not apologize to each other.

>>18636245
Actually, I think it'll be OK. You'll get back in a few days and we'll sort this out. Maybe you're just trying to save the friendship. Well, I'm gonna tell you just how much you mean to me. You're one of my best friends. You're the only one for me.

I like candy and chocolate milk.
I also like lifting weights.

It's aaaaall about moderation. (and lots of exercise)

>>18636651
Maybe they're different most of the time. I've only been around her at length maybe two other times since he usually just likes to hang out with me solo.

His calmness confuses me. How one moment he can be so abrasive about something so trivial that she's pestering him about. And the next, when she's out of the room and not talking in his ear, he relaxes and he can smile at me and laugh and have a good conversation. His mood is noticeably better for that split second of peace we can share.

Maybe they're okay with being this way. Maybe they both don't think it's a big deal. But I'd never treat my loved one like that. I can get angry and short tempered but at least I can realize when I'm being a bitch about something and take some time to cool off.

It's not my place to sat anything. Couples fight but this is a bit too toxic for me. They need to realize how they're reacting to each other and work on ways to stop letting small things bother them to the point of bickering so much.

I'm addicted to furry porn and I'm having the hardest time trying to stop.

>>18636089
It sounds quite familiar, but I doubt it.

You're all shitty friends who never return the effort I give to make sure you're all okay.

God I'm burned the fuck out, I have no one and nothing to look for, I have fucked my life with own hands and there is no time machine to unfuck my life, so should i just continue on hating the living shit out of myself? or accept this as my fate?

A,

Did you have feelings for me? If so, do you still?
I don't like drama--as a matter of fact, I hate it--but as time has gone by I've realized that living life to the fullest requires participation in drama of some kind. I've got to engage with life, however stressful that may be.

Yes, you have a boyfriend, but hindsight is 20/20 and I'm now seeing some of the things you said in a different light. For example--when you said he was better than all the other guys you'd tried to date because he was like me, was that an indication of how good a friend I've been to you, or an indication of something different? When, on that one drunken Friday night, you turned to me and asked "Why aren't we dating?" after you saw the text my friend jokingly sent to my phone, was that a genuine question, or a hint at something more? When you told me that your friend had suspected me of having a crush on you, was that simply something to make me laugh, or an attempt at getting me to admit to feelings you hoped I may have?

Either I'm seeing something that I was terribly blind to, or I'm seeing something that was never there in the first place--I can't quite tell. I've never been good at this sort of thing. I hope these uncertainties in my head sort themselves out over the course of this year. And if you do still have feelings for me (if you ever did in the first place), I'm here. Ready and waiting.

And whatever happens--let's stay friends. For your sanity and for mine.

S

>>18636871
accepting and letting go is the first step to progress. holding a grudge, especially towards yourself, creates a downward spiral.

admitting that you fucked yourself tells me you are a self conscious person and that you actually want to do something. i sometimes wish i was like you.

>>18636880

But really, it's more for my sanity than for yours. You'd do fine without me!

>>18633515
I'm straight and I'm engaged to a girl but I jacked off to gay porn earlier so I'm with you there anon

23 years old, supposed to be studying in med college but i failed for like 2 years or 3, and i know deep in my heart that i will be expelled soon, i don't know what to do or where to go, or if there ever is a chance to study at all, and even that i don't know what i am supposed to go for any field, i am afraid of failing and not advancing in my life, i feel i messed up big time but i can't cure my severe depression and fear of going outside and talking with people because i am such an inroverted nerd who can't talk properly or express himself even in the most crucial moments, thoughts of disappearing from the world is appealing to me since surly i don't want to kill myself, even if i did that i will just make life miserable for my family even though i hate them partially because i blame them for making me this way

>>18636907
I'm attracted to girls myself, but then there's femboys that I witness on pornhub.

Let's be honest, it's okay to be quietly gay. To be open about it is bad. Quiet bisexuality, in spite of how degenerately thirsty such a practice it is, is quite an alright thing to practice so long as no one cares to watch.

One day, most of us are going to die. Might as well live it up by quenching our thirsts now.

>>18636919
Couldn't have worded it any better myself anon

I love my friends--I'd take a bullet for any of them--but I cannot for the life of me understand how they can waste away as they do, getting high and playing video games 24 hours a day, always without a second thought.

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Just for once in my life I want to be admired by the opposite sex, I don't think I'm ugly but I've never had girls dying to get with me either. I like to think I have decent personality and I'm fairly talented, yet I've just never had that certain spark I guess that makes me desirable. (pic related, feel free to roast me, nothing you say could be anything worse than what I've told myself)

>>18635774
Initials?

I'm losing some friends because i can't keep my mouth shut (I guess).
Its a strange predicament, but long story short, one girl in my circle of friends has a lot of influence on everyone else (fucking queen of making decisions) and frankly, i don't know what think. I'm worried my friends, who have been friends with me for a long time now, are gonna turn their backs on me over some petty bullshit. I don't know what to think or feel.
Also, I'm seeing a girl and I don't know how long i can keep this up. The worst part is, I'm in too deep now and I sort of have feelings for her
What is a man to do, /adv/?

Maybe it's unfounded by anything but an aching fear and painful memories, but I can't help but think even now, your too good for this to stay how it is. No way am I so lucky, but I can't show you how this fear still resides in the corner of my mind far too much. I can't show you because I want to deny its existence in the hopes that for once, It would be the most unfounded of all my fears and that if I can ignore it, I won't get so depressed and anxious when I'm alone. It's been working so far.

i tried to enjoy life but i dont anymore
as i got older and learned more i started to see that there really isnt much out there for me in this world. a person like me just has shit luck largely thanks to genetics and enviroment.

i shouldnt be alive, eugenics shouldve been a thing a long time ago, its literally the only way forward for humanity

but i get to enjoy suffering for a lifetime feels fucking amazing

>>18636141
Not saying it has to be a perfect wife, but fuck most of the looks I'm getting are from women with too much baggage, old enough to have kids in college or just have nothing in common but want me for my body or whatever their idealized version of me is.

I hate being objectified by women whom I have little if at all in common with.

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>>18633457
why the fuck i cant get laid?
I started to work out to be social and shit but still no girl checks me out
im so fucking bored of being a virgin in my twenties
why the fuck everything is crumbling around me

i jsut cant do anything from all this stress the tomorrow is unsure

I just want to fuckin die, why my enemies havea good life why i ahve a horrible shit for a life

why the fuck i cant get any pleasure in this fucking life
whywhyhwy

>>18637158
perhaps you are ugly. consider lowering your standards or hiring a prostitute.

>>18637191
fuck this im looking good

always the ur ugly , get a prostitute

u guys are hopeless
just giving me reasons to kms

>>18637195
well if you were good looking the sex would come to you, even if you were horrible socially

its either that or youre pretty but with extremely bad hygiene and a touch of crazy, its reality, accept it.

I don't know if it's me but I've kinda have this problem with some NEETs.
I've been a NEET myself for i dunno 2 to 3 years and well it wasn't fun anymore so I got a job and moved out.
Of course in that time I've made some "friends" online, you know guys you could always share problems with.
But ever since I'm working they all turned to dicksheads
Be it in a discussion or be it anything I say, they always try to outsmart me.
I mean it's a laughing matter, but yeah they changed. I changed! For the better.

I've also got a lot luckier with the ladies and yeah I don't know, maybe they are jealous
Maybe they think I'm a normie now

But I kinda miss them..?
What do I do?

>>18637211
fuck reality
aint notin to accept about that

>>18637158
Most guys will never get checked out by girls. You actually have to make the first move, some ugly motherfuckers can catch cuties as long as they are confident in their approach.
Also stop thinking of people as your enemies, that's not healthy.

Me and my bf were doing doggy style and I got a bit uncomfortable and said 'can you stop' but my voice was muffled and I think he didn't hear me cause he just kept going.
I liked it when he just kept going, it was pretty hot.
I guess I enjoyed the fact that he was really into it.
But I don't know if I want to explore that feeling. Its a bit dark (call me vanilla, whatever.)
Saying 'no' when I mean 'yes' seems risky and irresponsible.

I even feel a bit irresponsible making this post and confusing the issue of what a women means when she says no.

>>18637304
Just set aside a safe word, that way you can say "no" and "stop" all you want.

>>18637238
>yeah its perfectly fine to accept that youve been bullied , treated like a subhuman slave , its your fault after all
and what is confidence anyways
how can someone who barely talks to girls or anyone have confidence

its like a downward spiral
but what is the ultimate way out?

LOL if you had the capability of taking a hint you would have been gone a long time ago. Manipulative hag

I met a guy recently and we really hit it off very fast. It's only been a couple weeks but we moved pretty quickly and I think it kind of freaked him out...

It seems like he is looking for a more serious relationship and I really wasn't looking for anything in particular - i was just really enjoying being with him without any goal in mind. Anyway, we had a really good night together, texted all throughout the following day, and then by the end of the day he just kind of shut off and wasn't being very receptive. I'm going to give him space and let him come back to me if/when he's ready, but it just seemed so sudden (like everything else in this "relationship" i guess) that it caught me off guard, and now I guess i'm finally reflecting on the whole thing.

We've just been giving each other very mixed singles the whole time because I think we both don't really know what we're doing or what we want. I still like him a lot though.

>>18635686
To be honest I think i love this girl.
I know there will always be times she'll be busy with dogs, and it's actually good because I have always wanted dogs. So this good for me.

All I can say is that I'm actually happy, and may be some of things she learned from taking care of her pups, she may be doing on me. Because damn if I don't feel like I'm being rescued by her.

>>18633457
My boyfriend almost drove me to suicide, and I don't think he even realized it. Long story short, I have bipolar disorder and grew up in a highly emotionally abusive household. Sometimes I have meltdowns and just require someone to be there for me. In the past year, this has happened twice. Once, about four months ago and once last night. The first time, he was hesitant because he didn't really understand bipolar disorder and what it can do. Last night, he flat out said that he didn't care about my insecurities, to suck it up and deal with it because life is a bitch. Yes, I do agree. In my normal state of mind, I can absolutely deal. When I'm having an episode, everything that I've pushed down and rationalized just spills over and I just break. How do I explain this, so he'll understand? Should I even try to?

>>18636930
It's probably because you're very thin. Many girls that I'm familiar with only go for thin guys if he's over 6' (meme, ik). My other girl friends like guys with a bit of meat on their bones and/or muscle. Have you thought about joining a gym? It'll boost your confidence

Is e-cheating real cheating?

I might've lost my forever relationship over this.

>>18637499
Yes, but that depends on what happened. Keeping in touch with online friend is for example not cheating on

>>18637512
Sending nudes, cyber sex, webcam skyping..?

>>18637515
Yeah, that does seem like a bit much man.
You fucked up.

>>18637531
It was her. :/

>>18637535
Leave her. She will do it again.

>>18637535
Sorry man. She's a ho and it's best to let go.

It's tiring to always hear people's grievances & complaints while they never take my advice. Her boyfriend has the obvious signs of herpes but won't tell the truth about it because he doesn't want to stop having sex. He arranges "an orgy" (read: gangrape, because she isn't into that) behind her back and after calling her all kinds of slut, whore and cheater for not sleeping with his diseased dick, he finally admits he just wanted to get back at her for "depriving" him of sex.

I met him once and he just rubs me the wrong way. He seems to think he can charm people into doing what he wants and is justified to "punish" them if they don't fall for his snake words. He's an obvious sociopath and I get to hear and see all about it but my advice for her to get away from and protect herself just goes right past her ears.

It's tiring because I never know what people expect me to do when they tell me about their shitty lives and then refuse to do anything to change it.

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Fuck we've been on two dates and I'm not sure if shes feeling anything for me. I managed to not come up with completely dogshit date ideas for our first two dates, and I've got a good idea of what to do for our third one. We had really great conversation, and it flowed pretty well, but there were some periods of just silence that worried me. There were also periods were she was kind of just rambling, but I'm not sure if it's because she was nervous or just was trying to think of something to say. We haven't even kissed, but I'm not sure if its because she doesn't feel that way for me or the right moment hasn't come up yet. I could tell that she put effort into the second date because she was wearing contacts (always wears glasses) and she was wearing a lot of makeup, but FUCK. I've been stressing so much about this because I've really enjoyed talking to her and shes so cute it hurts.

I know I'm a fucking idiot. I'm sorry.
What was I supposed to think? You totally shut down, and it's highly unlikely that there wasn't at least a modicum of truth in what I said.
Either way, just know that I'd love to see you, have some drinks and actually talk. There's so much I'd like to say, even more I'd like to hear.

>>18637377
Initials ?

>>18633457
Having massive waves of panic attacks today. Got a lot of heavy legal shit going on. Gonna have to testify and i have crippling anxiety/ptsd. When I panic I think I'm dying and the courtroom is going to be packed. My support system was bullshit, my lawyer is meh, my family lives 8 hours away, and the rest of my friends have so much going on. fuckkkkkkkkkkk. I'm supposed to be collecting evidence together this weekend and getting an outfit together. I couldn't even make breakfast.

I'm sorry to be distant, I don't know what I'm going through. Maybe I need time, maybe I'm just a complete moron I don't know. I feel so undesirable. No one ever cared about me outside my family.

>>18637741
>I'm sorry to be distant
>No one ever cared about me outside my family.
Then who are you apologizing to?

My SO has gone on holiday for a week, and I'm keeping up with a big project we're both working on.

I'm really struggling. I'm stressed, my dentist diagnosed me bruxism, I've been neglecting a lot of things including feeding myself.

I know he's not to blame and I'm not mad at him for going on holiday. But I do feel abandoned and overwhelmed. I was pretty vocal about how I was struggling with this project in the past.

I kind of want to tell him now but that won't solve anything and just make him worry while he's on holiday.
I've just got to hold on for a few more days.

>>18637745
New friends and friends that actually seem to care about me although I didn't realize it.

>>18637769
That is the problem I find, friends may care but they rarely will show they do.

theres still time,is there?

>>18637741
You're lucky your family shows they care.

Half the time I'm either seen as a liability by because I was poorly socialized by my parents or seen as a piggy bank because I don't waste my money as frequently when I'm working and that's just my siblings. My grandparents are regretful I'm still just getting by rather than living up to a lucrative potential no one fostered but was very expectant of because "lol gifted child don't need help" and both my parents while living are either distant or estranged -- not that either of them were saints much less adults when I needed them.

It's not impossible to rebuild, but I'm still fucking salty I didn't know I needed help until much, much later.

All the best support I ever had was from people outside my home or blood, rarely anyone in it.

>>18637812
>
Only if you have a broken watch :)

Romance is dead. The world is bullshit. It's just medieval survival. Everyone just gets into a relationship without really even trying, and it never really happens to me. I think there are alright people out there, but a lot of women and men are such gigantic fucking cunts and the men are not likable at all, I hate society, I hate life and I hate that I will be single forever because the world is shit. Some people are just extra, and some people's fates are just better and easier than others.

>>18637812
Rookie mistake

It's always a good day when you can count all your fingers and toes while the brain is in relaxed mode. I can't recall the last time I slept so well. Not a stir.

>>18637641
Mine? Why?
If you think this is about you, you should just text me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

>>18637895
I wish I could help you anon. Thank you for reminding me how great my family is, I should be more thankful to them.

>>18637928
Well oh they might wear classic Reeboks
Or knackered Converse
Or tracky bottoms tucked in socks
But all of that's what the point is not
The point's that there ain't no romance around there
And there's the truth that they can't see
They'd probably like to throw a punch at me
And if you could only see them, then you would agree
Agree that there ain't no romance around there
You know, oh it's a funny thing you know
We'll tell 'em if you like
We'll tell 'em all tonight
They'll never listen
Because their minds are made up
And 'course it's all okay to carry on that way
And over there, there's broken bones
There's only music, so that there's new ringtones
And it don't take no Sherlock Holmes
To see it's a little different around here
Don't get me wrong, oh there's boys in bands
And kids who like to scrap with pool cues in their hands
And just 'cause he's had a couple o' cans
He thinks it's all right to act like a dickhead
Don't you know, oh it's a funny thing you know
We'll tell em if you like
We'll tell em all tonight
They'll never listen
Because their minds are made up
And 'course it's all okay to carry on that way

>>18636506
Ah thank you, I read this last night and it motivated me. I think I've finished the hardest part. There's still a lot to do but it should be easier from now on.

>>18637951
I want to but everything is foggy. We should see each other again and make it clear.

>>18637953
Don't sweat it, anon. If I didn't build my coping mechanisms, I'd be in a much worse state. My peace is made by offering reasonable moral support.

It's so ridiculous when people say "The KKK haven't done anything in 50 years, it doesn't matter if they're having rallies and marches. It's freedom of speech".
Let ISIS chill for a couple of years. If in those years they haven't been caught killing anyone (that we know of), is it really absolutely no cause for fear or alarm if they suddenly regroup, have a huge resurgence in pride and conviction in their extremist cause, and go marching through neighborhoods full of innocent people? Should no one be worried if the police are protecting ISIS in the streets? No. They're still an extremist hate group whose entire basis is on terrorism. The same applies to the KKK.
Your response to "This confirmed terrorist group marching through civilian spaces being protected by law enforcement is horrifying" should never be "Okay but they have the right to speak their mind, stop being so close-minded baka you're the real bigot they dindu nuffin in [x] amount of years it's okay :///". I wish those people would just admit "I don't care if the KKK is making a resurgence because the KKK aren't specifically targeting *me*. They aren't a threat to *my* life", because that's what they actually mean.

Nervous energy but it's okay ,? Shunning all of medicines modern marvels to see if the body will heal itself. It's a yo-yo effect. I want to fall apart with a smile on my face, the head is heavy and the heart is poisoned.

I am banned

No idea what's right or wrong with me
No idea what's my good and bad points are
No idea if I want to move on or just stay here
Been thinking and I've got
No idea so far

So I've been chatting with this guy via discord, who I met through /lgbt/. The only problem is a am bot exactly sure I am Bi or what. He has been hitting on me and we even RP'd a bit, and. Both times I got erected by that he was telling me. its really confuisng, because there is this part of me that is reluctant.

>>18638174
>>18638174
The point being I don't know if it is the attention or the actually desire i like

I want every goddamn femboy to be purged from this world as painfully as possibly.

>>18638207
*possible
I wish I could proofread better when I'm upset...

>>18638219
>>18638207
You secretly want the boipussy

>>18638304
I should've expected this kind of response, but what the hell's wrong with you, anon?

>>18638341
He simply said what we saw

>>18638347
He was wrong.

>>18638341
Look at the Romans. Conqest og the inferior male is natural

I hate my life where i am i want to leave and live in Russia should i?
Also how would i go about disapearing if i did?

>>18638163 same man

test

>>18638207
it's okay to be gay anon
you don't have to deny it any longer

Whenever I hype something good up to myself and I get hyped about it, it never fucking works out for me. Good job prospect? Nope fuck that, already got filled. Grad school? Nope, that got filled too loser. Work at ESPN? yeah sorry, you don't have the background.

Spent 4 1/2 tears getting my piece of shit degree at a piece of shit school and I'm going to be stuck in this shit fuck town with no God damn job prospects.

Fuck, man. Just, wears you down..

I'm confused. I know you are busy. It's weird that you said you still love me but haven't talked to me for a bit.

I want a job so fucking bad but just the thought of interacting with random people day in day out or failing at even the most menial task because I don't know how to do anything that a normal adult should be able to.

Everyone around me probably just thinks I'm a lazy bum who doesn't want to interrupt his video game time but in reality I'm actually just terrified of things that would probably never happen.

your silence IS hurting me

/vent
I had to help this girl I really like with organizing some games for little kids. Some semi horny 14 or so year old showed up and after playing for a while he started hugging her for minutes and getting way more physical with her than I ever have myself. I feel pretty awkward and beta right now.
Also coming to terms with how she probably will never like me the way I like her and she's just being nice to me because that's the way she is. I can't focus on anything else.

>>18638446
If it is someone you are expecting to talk to you why not send them a text or give them a call?

>>18638446 :( that feels......

We've known each other since childhood, even though we haven't seen each other since forever. You were one of my earliest friends, you always liked me, defended me from bullies, and you were one of my first crushes. We've been planning for so long to have dinner one of these nights and catch up. So why...

WHY THE FUCK WON'T YOU RESPOND ME? Are you busy with work?! Are you dating someone, else afraid that the context of two old friends going out together will brew up awkward feelings of affection?! Even a simple response like "I'm too busy" or "Now's not a good time" would be better than stone cold silence! For God's sake, JUST SAY SOMETHING!

>>18638415
I feel like I have the same problem. I try to make myself always have bad thoughts but then some good thought suddenly pops up in my mind and it means I'm fucked. That things will go wrong.
Anyway good luck, I hope life will get better for you, you deserve it because you are trying so hard.

https://youtu.be/Rekyv7L-h6o

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It's all about the thrill of the chase. Lose interest once we got it. Everything else after is annoying and boring. Fuck being attached to someone and settling down.

>>18638507
Lmaooo

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Mathew
I remember in middle school you moved to California. I haven't heard or seen you since. You probably don't know me anymore. I miss you and I'm jealous that you can buy legal weed. I know that during that time you also had mental health issues. I hope that things have been better for you after moving to California.

>>18638504
LOL

>>18638563
Country Billy made a couple milly

Why do the guys who bully me so often seem to have the best life advice? (not told directly to me but I over hear it)

>>18638571
Beware of dem fem bitches and hoez and candy for your nose.

>>18638432
every job has a 2 week- month grace period while you're learning what to do. you're employer won't expect you to know what to do, it's their job to train you.
you can do it anon. it's better than everyone thinking you're a lazy bum.

I hate you and I can't stand being around you. You make me miserable and feel so alone, even if you're right there. You make me question my self worth and whether or not I deserve the life I've been given. But, at the same time, I love you and cling to any hope of you being the person you once were, again.

I don't know how this happened to me but I think I love you. I wasn't expecting something like that at all, and here you were... I'll never forget your smile that night. Let's do something great, I want the best for us.

>>18633457
You lead me on!! You called me things like "cute" and when we talked online, we talked for hours. Now you just disappeared! You never talk to me anymore and you ignore me online when I message you. I guess you used me. I guess you only talked to me when you were sad and needed something.

Well fuck you. I see you hitting up some other chick at work. Fine, go be with her then. Just at least tell me to my face you dont like me in that way instead of playing all these hurtful mindgames with me :(.

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The only girl I've ever truly loved is with someone else who neither loves her nor deserves her. In the past, the timing for she and I was always bad...and I didn't believe in love at first sight when I first met her, and in hindsight I wish I'd have been mature enough to understand it for what it was. I also wish I could stop thinking about her, but she's the perfect goddamn girl, and there's no one like her anywhere. My day is instantly brightened when I get the odd text from her or the usual like or comment on my Facebook status from her.

No one else comes anywhere close, and while I do go on dates with other women, I quickly lose interest as it becomes evident that they fall short of her. I've been through maybe sixty or seventy of them, and they're all inferior in personality, and most in physical attractiveness. I'd rather die alone than settle just to have someone, but most unfortunately, this means I'll either be sitting here on my ass until I find someone just as perfect that's also into me, or I'll be waiting for her. The only consolation is that I know she feels similarly about me, and that her current situation is largely pragmatic. There's still hope for us, and in the meantime, the best thing to do is to improve on myself so that she either gets the best version of me possible, or I'll be ready to move on if that time comes.

I love you, Chrissy. I'll be waiting...

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I'm worried about the workload I may have this semester. My very first semester barely had any, mostly classes that I had to memorize shit before a test and a paper every now and then. Second semester I had a tough English class but the rest were just lectures. But this semester I have a philosophy class that demands 2 hours of work outside of class per class period (I have it three times a week), a statistics class that I need to do homework for every period (twice a week), Calc 3 that's going to take some consistent studying to understand. I have no idea what my Uni physics and Public Speaking class's work load is going to be like, other than my Public Speaking professor says that I'll need to put in 8 hours a week to get a B. I carpool two hours a day to get to campus so I don't get home till 6, and I got to bed at 9:30 every night so I get enough sleep for the next day.

I like to structure my studies/homework within the time I'm on campus because I can't concentrate at home (as I don't have my own room and live in the middle of nowhere). But I'm worried the work load my be too much. I have class all day Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday, with class till noon on Wednesday and Friday. I have to fit in as much homework on those two days and I'm going to start having to do it during the weekend too as much as I can. I'm worried that I won't be able to handle it.

>>18638699
And I also study Japanese on my time. Its my primary hobby and I don't want to have to shelve it for awhile because of homework.

I'm resolute in the fact that I'll never not love you and you'll never know.

Sorry for stepping out of line with you when we were supposedly friends to share my feelings with you, but I couldn't control what was going on do to what that medication was doing to me.

You know I backed away, learned my lesson and to dealt with it, you blocked me and I blocked you which is fine probably all for the best. But for fuck sakes stop spreading slander to my friends and within the community about me. You like to play innocent so everyone to side with you. I lost some good friends cause of you and sick of it.

Let people make their own decission about someone. Just let it god damn go, I shut up about it and I never said a thing about the incident for 4 years now. I likely won't persue it cause cases like this are easily a loss but damit just stop or I will see if I can take legal action in hiring a lawyer/attorney.

I am mostly venting so yeah.

>>18638769
You should tell them, I bet they already know.

Wish I would have not been a patsy and told you how I felt, it's too late and it kills me, no body is equal to the thrashing you set up in my soul,I thought for a long time I was losing it completely , I am poison, I am the anchor that will slay you down, you deserved better, I am hollow and a fixture now, you deserve the best and I am wretched and deplorable, I do love you with all the life force left in me, I would of only let you down,I destroy everything I touch with my bare hands, I never wanted to destroy yoU, there's nothing left here in this shell, you inspire You just destroy and pussy out when trying to speak to you, forgive me I am weak.

>>18638638
Initials?

>>18638854
<3

>>18638992
holy shit anon just fucking tell them how you feel. No matter what happens it can't be worse than how you feel right now

I hate the idea that I'm not sure I'll ever be able to love someone sexually and existentially at the same time.

>>18639427
>love someone existentially
what does that MEAN

I've never masturbated before , i don't know why i haven't , i just never felt like doing it , don't get me wrong i see beautiful naked women i get hard , I've just never had a reason to masturbate , is this bad ?

>>18639427
The sex is a bonus. Not a goal.
Break it down. Not as the physical satisfaction of fucking, but as you spending time with the person you care and love. It's just that. You exsistentially fuck them with your heart.