Friend is getting a divorce from a beater, needs advice

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Please guys. I am actually asking for a friend and want to help him. Bump for him.

>>18632413
First, you are looking for a quick and easy way to make serious money fast... That is what everyone wants. The whole of humanity has thus far been unable to come up with one. We'll call you when we do.

Second, what the hell is a "retainer on a place?" I have heard of a retainer for a lwayer or other such professional but never on housing. Also, why would the father-in-law be willing to rent/sell the place he just malicious kicked them out of?

>>18632531

Ok. Right on me messing up on both accounts. I suppose I should ask if anyone has advice for making money on the side while already having a job, like uber.

Second, I think he meant he made the retainer on the lawyer, but needs rent money for him and the kids. And the rent would be for another place he had lined up to replace the home the father kicked him out of.

>>18632413
>>18632541
He's going to have a much easier time financially if he doesn't have the kids with him. If she doesn't hit the kids, the best place for them right now is with her, she can provide them with a level of stability that he can't.

>>18632548
I REALLY hate to agree with this...but, he's right.

>>18632541
Where does he live? Making money depends on where you are. For example, being an Uber driver in rural Idaho is not a good idea.

>>18632413
Sure would be nice if he could goto an abuse shelter. Shame they all turn men away.

>>18632541
>Second, I think he meant he made the retainer on the lawyer, but needs rent money for him and the kids. And the rent would be for another place he had lined up to replace the home the father kicked him out of.
You could always offer him and his kids to crash at yours for a while, saving him rent for a bit

>>18632548
>>18632552

Since she beats him I cannot support that line of thinking. I understand it, but cannot allow it. His resting heart rate is already rising and this is the best long term solution for him. And I know I cannot get him to let someone else hold on to the kids.

Also I can't give out the location besides saying something like urban Iowa.

>>18632561

He has the kids with him, do you think I should suggest that?

>>18632565

He keeps giving me this line of: "I have to prove I can take care of them myself so I can win the custody case."

I REALLY get the idea the wife is a POS that the kids SHOULD NOT be around.

>>18632575
>Since she beats him I cannot support that line of thinking. I understand it, but cannot allow it. His resting heart rate is already rising and this is the best long term solution for him. And I know I cannot get him to let someone else hold on to the kids.
He's thinking selfishly then and putting his own wants above the kids' needs. Kids need stability and they need someone who can look after them. Your friend cannot do either of these things properly right now and the best place for them is with her. You might not like it, he might not like it, but it's the reality.

>He keeps giving me this line of: "I have to prove I can take care of them myself so I can win the custody case."
That's not how custody works. In most cases, both parents get shared custody to some degree unless one parent is clearly unfit, such as if they're a drug user or abusive towards the children. Even then, the other parent will probably get some supervised contact with the children. It is very rare for one parent to get sole custody.

>I REALLY get the idea the wife is a POS that the kids SHOULD NOT be around.
So you don't know her personally? Then you're not in a good position to know whether she's an okay mother or not. Everything you've heard about her is from him, and he's objectively a biased source. It's also not up to you to decide whether she should or should not have a place in their lives.

>>18632583

I honestly cannot see how taking the kids back to someone with a history of abuse that has just broken up a relationship is a good idea. I honestly cannot see how stability wins out on safety. I can't see how this 1+1=2.

I talked to him and he seems to want to win the majority of custody. Which makes sense considering what women do on average if they lose custody,

You know... You're right. It's not like my entire foundation of the few times I did get to meet and know her where flipped on her head when I learned and saw she was beating my friend. It's fair to say he's biased, but so are the bruises i saw.

Everybody knows him to be trustworthy and to never lie. And even considering he helped me when I was in a dark place I have no reason not to trust him either. If the genders where reversed I don't even think that would matter either. I see your detached logic on this, but I blame myself for not presenting the evidence in a clear and accurate case.

>>18632603
You're not listening. If she doesn't hurt the children, then they are much better off with her than with him. She has a place for them to stay, she has family who are clearly supporting her. They need a roof over their heads, they need food in their bellies, they need an education. Your friend's ability to provide them with these things are very limited right now.
Are you seriously suggesting that they're better off homeless just because she has hurt your friend, even though she's never laid a hand on them?

>>18632607

But I am listening anon, I am saying I cannot give that advice if she's beaten him before. I have NO IDEA if she's beaten them because I only learned he was beaten. And if I cannot trust a person with a grown human, then I cannot trust them with kids.

you see what I'm saying?
I understand having a place to stay with a bed, warm showers, and stable food, but you also don't have evidence she never beat the kids. Your argument has less weight because safety cannot be assured with a person with a history of violence.

>>18632635
Of course I don't know whether she hits the kids, that's what I started with 'if'. I'm not even advising you, I'm advising your friend. You're not the one calling the shots here, the entire point of this thread is for you to pass on what we tell you and make suggestions to him. I'm not asking you to make decisions for him.

OPP - other people's problems

I suggest not being around people who have drama in their lives. A person's situation doesn't happen overnight; there are many factors that play a part in a circumstance.

The dude should have learned who his woman was before he had kids with her.

I suggest the man be civil, hire a very reputable attorney, and bide his time. Don't put the kids through more than they have to. Money is key in this game, so sell shit off and seek loans to make sure this all goes right. Any evidence of being a bad mother (drugs, unstable residence, lack of income, mental health) can sway a judge.

>>18632643

Right. Again I understand you are advising him though me, and as such I am trying to argue as him with the info I have. I am ready to relay the info, but I expect the same results with your advice.

>>18632647

Right. I guess I am getting involved because he's a friend. I see what options I have and I will relay what he and I can do.

Thanks for the advice everyone. I will delete this thread now if possible.